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Authors: Shuvom Ghose

Tags: #humor, #army, #clone, #war, #scifi, #Military, #aliens, #catch 22

Infinity Squad (19 page)

BOOK: Infinity Squad
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Well. That was certainly progress. Wasn't it?

 

 

"Women are horniest in the morning, right?" I asked Zazlu as he jogged besides me.

"I am unsure. My grandfather's harem had a schedule, so a selection of women would be available at all times." He smiled. "The hours didn't seem to affect their enthusiasm."

We jumped a small stream and kept running through the field. "And you know this how?"

He smiled larger. "I greatly enjoyed spending summers at my grandfather's compound. But this is not why you're asking."

The farmhouses were in view now. "I think I've got a date tonight. Which is morning for her. And the way Doc grabbed my arm, I was wondering if I should get my hopes up."

Zazlu frowned. "It is best not to trust Doctor Murphy until we find out what she knows about Lieutenant Ridley."

"Zaz, she's not like that. She's professional and honest and-"

"Then why would you change that with a romantic adventure? I wish Red-Stripe could send you the metaphor I'm picturing right now. It involves a man squatting in the cafeteri-"

"Don't shit where you eat? Yeah, Zaz, I've heard that one before."

"Then imagine how much more it applies to the woman who makes sure you return from the dead correctly," he said, frowning and pulling up to a walk.

I did too, because we where here. Jogging in a rational straight line, it had taken us ten minutes to cover what Hughes usually made us run flat-out for twenty minutes to reach. Worse than that, I had actually enjoyed the exertion. These bodies
were
made to run. I hoped that's the only bit of Hughes' wisdom I would adopt.

We caught our breath, which was easy, as we walked up to the first farmhand we saw, smiling and waving.

"Take me to your leader," I said.

 

 

Which turned out to be the guy who had been operating the backhoe the day Hughes had made us dig the ditch. And the one who had embarrassed Oakley in the cafeteria. His name was Franz Tornier, and he already had the hard, penetrating squint that frontier farmers get from a long life of working outdoors.

"Yep, I certainly appreciate all Infinity Squad is doing to keep us safe," he said, then spat over his shoulder so it wouldn't hit our boots or those of the other family leaders gathered around us. "It seems like you're the only boys that are doing anything out there. And it's a shame how hard the brass is riding you." He spat again. "But I still can't trade you five head of sheep."

Zazlu had offered of whiskey, beer, or even hinted of having 'stronger stuff'. But nothing caught the farmer's interest.

"Like I told you," Tornier continued, "we'll be stilling our own potato vodka in a few months, so we can wait for that. I understand your need for spider bait, but we could only bring 200 head through the gate so I can't see parting with these sheep. I just don't think you boys have
anything
we need."

Zazlu looked at me. We hadn't wanted to go this far, but times were times. I gave him a tired nod.

"There is one thing that all farmers want," Zazlu began. "But we'll need your word that you'll never let any other soldier know about it..."

 

 

Tornier was grinning as we unloaded the crate of rifles from Jinx's running helo. Juan and Zaz ducked low under the spinning blades as they muscled the crate to the ground and opened it. I grabbed Tornier's shoulder.

"Now, you promise- this is off the record," I yelled over the engine noise. "You can't let any other soldiers see you with these!"

"What if they hear us plinking at practice targets?" he yelled as he drew back the bolt on a black .308 caliber Advanced Infantry Rifle/Grenade launcher and aimed down the sights. "We'll have to practice if we're going to defend our homes from everything this planet's got on it."

"That's why I want your group to have them. But we'll have to work out a practice schedule. Maybe we fly some of your guys deep out to the desert with us. Just dry fire until then!"

He pulled the trigger on an empty chamber, dry firing at a spot on the horizon, then lowered the rifle from his shoulder and grinned at me. "You have a deal."

 

 

Tornier took us out to the sheep pens and waved his hand. "The males are on this side of the fence. Take your pick."

I opened the gate and the flock of males drew back from me and Zaz. Which is why I had stuffed my pockets in the cafeteria. I crouched to make myself smaller and less threatening, then held my palm out, full of carrots and cut apples, and didn't move.

Neither did the sheep.

"They ain't horses," Tornier laughed. "That ain't gonna work!"

I tossed the food on the ground and stood up. "Well, how are we supposed to get them on the helo and keep them still during the flight?"

 

 

Ten minutes later, Zazlu and I each dumped an unconscious male sheep onto the back of the chopper where Juan sat, then went back for another. This time was easier, because now we knew exactly where to club their heads with our rifle butts. Tornier even helped us carry one back, and we took off with five sleeping sheep towards the valley.

 

 

Ann-Marie was still limping, we didn't need a medic or a tech, or need any of the privates knowing about our deal with the farmers, which is why I only took Zaz and Juan with me. And we needed space for the sheep. Which started waking up as Jinx lowered us into the valley. Zazlu moved to knock them out again, but I stopped him.

"Spiders like the hunt," I said.

He nodded and lowered his rifle.

We landed and Red-Stripe and his ring of hunters ghosted out of the brush to meet us again.

We have bought you a tribute to replace your losses
, I thought, shooing one sluggish sheep off the chopper. It sobered up quickly as it noticed the shiny black Hell-Spiders all around. It bolted, looking for a break in the ring and one of Red-Stripe's companions galloped after it.

Then I realized I had never seen a Hell-Spider at full speed, until now.

The horse-sized hunter closed the distance with the sprinting sheep as fast and as nimble as any border collie. He always turned at just the correct direction and time to get closer, as if he knew which way the panicked sheep was going to zig-zag next. Which I realized he did. It paid to be psychic when you were a hunter.

Now locked just feet behind the scrambling prey, the spider started toying with it, nipping at its flanks with short strikes of his razor claws. The sheep cried out in pain at each poke, and after the first five, I just wanted it done already. Especially when the wool over the sheep's flanks turned pink, then red and the chase still went on.

Why doesn't he just kill it already?
I thought to Red-Stripe.

"Does it bite with poison when attacked? Does it explode?"

What? No!

"Then what are its defenses?"

It has no defenses! It is made to be eaten!

"Oh."

Red-Stripe must have given a command because then the hunter brought the running sheep down with one precise thrust of his razor claw into its spine. The hunter and two other spiders cautiously approached the dying beast, investigating it. After a minute, they were satisfied and started cutting it into thirds. Red-Stripe approached me.

"These will do," he said, clear and audible even over the noise of the blades. "The scales have balanced."

I nodded and pushed the other four sheep out of the helo. Spiders came to surround the terrified beasts.

Thank you. And we promise, patrols will not visit your valley again. We will give you as much notice as possible for patrols in other areas.

"Please do. We are still uneasy about sharing our hunting grounds with your clan."

As are some of us. But we are working to change that. If we go investigate your river snake problem in the western swamps right now, could you have four spider skulls ready when we return?

Red-Stripe bowed, which I had come to learn as gratitude. "Gladly."

"Let's go," I told Jinx through our mikes, and the helo took off again.

 

 

The jungle valley extended for another fifteen miles to the west before the river running down its middle emptied into a boggy marsh. Which turned into a full blown swamp in just another few miles. Islands of trees and vines mixed with long stretches of green, stagnant water. In some places you could see a few feet through the algae to the bottom of the swamp. But there were other large areas the size of ponds where the water went black and very deep. The place even smelled like an Earth swamp, the moist air heavy and full of decay.

Jinx started the helo on slow, lazy loops at a low altitude to see if we could spot any evidence of the river snakes which had been giving the spiders so much trouble. We saw carrion birds, a few fish and frogs making ripples in the water, but not much else. Juan started getting bored. And cocky.

"See, that's the reason you two are clones and I'm not," he continued as we went around for a third pass. "You just don't have the reflexes, see? I may be tall, but I'm quick, like a mongoose!"

Zazlu was gripping the handhold as we banked, turning sharp and low. "Now look, young'un-"

"No, hear me out, old man," Juan laughed. "The bees got you, but I dodged them. Like this-bam- step- bam! And the snakes got the Lieutenant when he sacrificed himself for us, but I would have just hopped them and kept going, like this- hup- bam!-hup-done!" He grinned his cocky smile at us. "That's why I'm going make it back to Earth with my above average Mexican cock and all my other parts right where they-"

That was when a snake the size of a skyscraper burst out of the water and bit the back of the helicopter off.

 

 

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!" cloned Juan screamed as he fired the mounted chain gun out the side of our new helicopter. Two hundred feet below us the wreck of our first helo still smoldered, nose down in the swamp. "I can hear you two still laughing back there!"

On the other side of the helicopter, Zazlu reloaded my rocket launcher as Jinx corkscrewed us around for another shot. "Your hearing must be as good as your reflexes," Zazlu said, pushing the round home. He ducked then slapped my shoulder and I fired again.

As soon as he saw the missile plume, Jinx turned us hard so Juan's chain gun was facing the river snake while Zaz reloaded me. Post-resurrection dizziness didn't seem to be affecting Jinx's piloting skills any.

"Fuck you, Zazlu!" Juan yelled, then went full auto into the snake's side. "AND FUCK YOU TOO!" He drew an unbroken line across the snake's flesh as he put one thousand rounds a second into it. Chunks of muscle and blood flew from the monster's side as it waved like a building about to topple. And then it did, diving headfirst back into the deep black water, the tidal wave washing over nearby islands. Juan chased it with more bullets and then the water was still.

After ten seconds, I said, "Looks like it's not coming up again. Three dances with Juan's cannon were enough." Juan didn't look away from the swamp. Sweat dripped from his brow and he was gripping the handles on the chain gun so hard that the veins on his cloned arms were popping out.

"Load all four rocket launchers, safeties off," I told Zaz. "Jinx, go lower. We have to lure it out again."

"Aye-aye," the pilot growled through his teeth. "I don't care if I lose
five
choppers today- we're killing this mother fucker!"

Zazlu and I each put on rocket launcher on our shoulder and one at our feet, and took up station on either side of Juan, all facing out the same side of the chopper. Jinx started high, then dove low and fast over the black surface. When the garage-sized mouth burst out of the water Jinx pulled us into a crash climb, the G's plastering us against the floor, but the snake rose almost as fast as we did. A hundred feet, then two hundred, then its jaws snapped shut behind us right before the helo almost stalled.

"FIRE!" I yelled as Jinx turned our broadside towards the snake.

Juan did, concentrating his hot red line on one spot, and Zaz and I hit that spot with our rockets too. Huge parts of the beast flew away, and I saw something that looked like a big, white bone as I was dropping my spent launcher for the loaded one at my feet. Juan saw it too, and he raked it back and forth with a line of solid bullets until the bone exploded into dust.

The snake gave a roar that shook the helo and echoed off the hills, then started diving back towards the swamp.

"Follow it!" I said even as Jinx was already tipping us nose down. Juan kept firing through the dive, Zaz shot his second rocket wide left of the hole, but I put my ten pounds of high explosive right into the fleshy tissue behind that exploded bone. The snake twitched as it dove and this time, instead of finding deep black water, it landed on half of a muddy island. Hard. The crunch was like thunder.

BOOK: Infinity Squad
8.71Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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