Indulgence (68 page)

“Because she wanted a son, asshole.”

Hunter’s eyes drift to us, making me freeze. Gray’s hands
are on my thighs, my fingers twisting his hair absentmindedly. “Well, looks
like Landon shares his toys with his brother,” he says with a wink at me.
Jumping off Gray, I stumble back in my heels, nearly falling on my ass. Calmly,
Gray stands, grabs my waist, pulling me into his side.

“What am I sharing with Gray?” Landon says from the door,
making us all jump.

“Nothing. We’ve got a show to do,” Aiden says, interrupting;
we all head toward the stage doors.

Gray leans in to whisper in my ear. “Song’s for you, babe.
See you, stage left.” Then Cam and I walk to Henry so he can take us up.

It’s different watching them tonight. Watching Gray’s
fingers move across the strings is magical. It’s unbelievably sexual, the way
they caress every chord. I noticed before, but now that I know what they feel
like on my flesh, touching me, playing me like he does his instrument, it makes
me blush. “That good, huh?” Cam laughs, nudging me with her elbow all I can do
is nod.

“I had a feeling.” Leaning in closer, she continues, “Aiden…
Oh, every time I watch his leg slam down on the pedal, his hips jumping with
the beat, I get all heated. I’m tearin’ his clothes off as soon as he gets over
here.” I turn, looking at her in shock.

“Cam!”

“What?” she shrugs. “The man is sex with sticks. He can
thump his beat on me anytime. He knows it too. He’s ruined me. No one will ever
measure up.”

“Have you told him?” I ask, knowing Aiden hasn’t said they
are in a relationship any more than she has. They haven’t defined it but they
are fucking crazy about each other.

Her eyes widen and she blushes. “No. I won’t do that. He’s
the drummer for Shaft. There’s no way in hell he wants to settle down right
now. When I leave, he will be right back to fuckin’ groupie pussy with Hunter.
I’m fine with that, I guess. It’s the lifestyle you sign on to when you take on
guys like them. I’ll take whatever he’ll give me while it lasts. It’s all about
having fun, you know? So, right now, it works for me. I’m not about rockin’ the
boat.”

As I turn my attention back to the stage, I nod. We watch
Shaft rock the shit out of the rest of their performance. Hunter, Gray and
Aiden come together as one, completely blowing everyone away. People are
screaming for Shaft. The guys are absorbing every ounce, giving it all back as
they play. Landon and Tad have made no move to join us in the wing. As usual,
Henry stands a few feet away against the wall, observing everything. His black
shades covering his face so that he is expressionless. His gaze drifting
between the stage, the crowd, and Cam and me, taking it all in like a robot.

Just like before, after Aiden flings his sticks to the crowd
he walks off stage with Hunter. This time, though, they walk toward us. Cam
leaps off of her stool, right into Aiden’s arms. “Whoa, babe. Let’s at least
make it to the bus,” he purrs, as she sucks a patch of skin on his neck. “Fuck
Cam!” he moans. “Staging room it is. Henry, we’re out man. Meet ya on the bus
in an hour or so, this is gonna take a while,” he growls, as Cam wraps her legs
around his waist. Turning, he walks down the ramp toward the hall with Cam
wrapped around him like a pretzel.

Hunter hops up on the stool Cam left. I turn my head back to
the stage as Gray pulls a stool for himself over to the mic. “So Kansas City, I
like to think that I can carry a tune so don’t boo me off alright?” he says
with a chuckle.

As his fingers strum his guitar, those shimmering steel eyes
meet mine. Gray’s eyes are burning making me squirm as he watches me. He starts
singing, mesmerizing the audience from the start. It’s a song about being with
someone that you know is with someone else. A one night stand that gripped you
by the balls so hard you can’t let go of how it made you feel. Gray sings about
knowing it was wrong, but it’s not over. Wanting to know how he compares to
him.

I sit completely frozen. Gray watches me as each word pours
from his lips. Sex and sin. It’s what he is. It’s what he brings in everything
he does. Is Landon listening? I wonder if he’s put two and two together… The
guilt creeps in. I realize that I am no better than Landon even if he went
there first. I am not innocent in this, not anymore. I want Gray. I can’t deny
it. It doesn’t feel wrong. When we are together it feels amazing and, right now
nothing about Landon feels right. I remember Cam mentioning before the show
that it says something if my heart is broken. Well it isn’t. Does that mean
that Landon isn’t it for me? If I can be angry but not heartbroken…am I not as
in love with Landon as I thought?

Hunter leans over pulling me from the thoughts inside my
head as he whispers, “
Thing For You
by Hinder
. Great shit. He has
the ladies creamin’. I’m gonna see if he wants to hit the bar after. Time to
cash in on all that pussy.”

Once Gray finishes, he thanks the crowd before introducing
No Approval. Grabbing his stool, he exits the stage heading straight for me.
“Let’s hit the bar, Gray. Not much time before we’re stuck on the bus with
unavailable pussy again,” Hunter says clapping him on the back.

Gray shakes his head. “I’m not in tonight, man. Gonna go
work on some music. Maybe grab some food.”

“Fuckin’ hell! You guys all suck!” he shouts. Walking over,
he pats Henry’s shoulder. “Yo, Big Man, you wanna be my wing man?”

Henry just laughs, “I’ll go with ya, fucker, but only so
someone don’t beat your ass bloody.”

Gray wraps an arm around me as Hunter and Henry walk with us
down the ramp. Walking down the hallway, we pass the staging room door. Hunter
laughs as we hear the muffled moans and groans coming through the door. Running
up he jiggles the knob. “Housekeeping... You want me fluff your pillow?” Hunter
shouts through the door in a horrible female voice.

“Um, nah. We’re good in here. Thank you,” Aiden pants and I
hear Cam groan.

Hunter bites his fist so that Aiden doesn’t hear him
laughing. Henry pounds on the door, joining in on the shenanigans.
“Housekeeping… You want me suck your dick like yesterday?”

“What the fu-“Aiden flings the door open. His face is blood
red, his pants nearly down his legs. “You assholes can fuck right off,” he
yells then slams the door. I can hear Cam roaring in a fit of giggles. “Cam,
I’ll spank that ass if you laugh at them again. Shit isn’t funny. On your knees
now. That’s it, gimmie that mouth babe,” Aiden’s muffled voice carries through
the door. My eyes jerk to Gray who shakes his head as we head out the door
toward the bus.

“Lucky Bastard,” Hunter groans, leaning against the side of
the bus. “Big man, let’s go find us some bitches.”

“That’s why no one wants to fuck you twice, Cunter. You
don’t call ladies bitches,” Henry says, winking at me.

“Don’t need a bitch to fuck me twice,” he huffs. “The last
thing I want is a boomerang pussy. All the time comin’ back for more of this.”
Thrusting his hips, Hunter rubs his cock through his jeans. “Gimmie a hot
little slut that I can get what I want, then toss her like a fuckin’ Frisbee.
Fuckin’ beautiful.”

“You throw away condoms, you bastard, not women,” I snap.

“To each their own, Daisy. You get tired of Cole cock you
come ride the Hunter train. I’ll show you whatcha been missin’,” he says,
walking toward the SUV with Henry.

Gray takes my hand leading me to the steps. “I’ll take a
shower. Meet me in the bedroom when you’re done with Landon. Then we can talk.”
He kisses my cheek when I nod then opens the door. Landon sits alone on the
couch with his head in his hands waiting for me.

Lust, Lies and Denial

“Daisy?” Landon says as Gray walks past him headed toward
the bathroom.

Standing slowly, as if gauging my reaction, Landon starts
toward me. “Don’t Landon,” I whisper making him stop cold.

Stepping into the kitchen, I open the fridge and pull out a
beer. His eyes watch my every movement as I twist the cap, tossing it to the
bar. I take a long pull from the bottle, he doesn’t speak a word. I walk over
to the chair, so that he won’t be able to sit next to me. I even go so far as
to cross my legs away from him so that he knows without a doubt that I am
closed off to him.

“Daisy, you have to let me explain,” Landon pleads kneeling
in front of me.

A laugh erupts from my chest surprising us both. “Landon,
I’m right here. It’s not going to be a pleasant conversation so get to it. I
plan to drink until I pass out,” I snap venomously.

“I wish you wouldn’t drink,” he mutters.

I throw the bottle across the room, spilling the liquid all
over the kitchen floor. Shoving him back, I stand to pace the living area only
to stop at the fridge for vodka this time. “You wish, huh? Well…” I laugh again
as I pour a glass. “I sure wish that my fiancé loved me enough not to get
groped by his boss! I wish the plan for my life was not totally fucked up!” I
shout, then down the entire contents of my glass. Turning to Landon, I pour
another. I lift my glass to him as a tear slips down my face. “What I wish the
most, Landon, is that I never trusted you because I’ve never been so angry in
my life and that’s your fault; but, I have to accept my blame in it too. There
really is nothing you can say to me that will make this right.” I down the
glass then toss it into the sink.

Landon hasn’t moved from his knees on the floor. He looks up
at me in complete disbelief at my outburst. I can’t help but laugh at him. “I
have things I need to say, Daisy.”

Knowing that I need to let him say whatever it is that he
needs to say, I perch up on the counter. “Go on then, Landon. I don’t have all
night. I should’ve gone to the bar with Hunter,” I mumble the last part under
my breath, making him jump to his feet.

“You would punish me like that, Daisy?” he asks as if I just
said that the sky was pink.

“Why would you care if I did, Landon? You don’t want me. You
push me away then you run to Tad. He gives you what you need, so go on,” I shout
flinging my arm toward the door.

“Daisy, you don’t understand. I never wanted to break your
heart,” he says, dragging his hand through his shaggy hair. “I…”

“You what?” I scream loudly. “I’m tired of the secrets, the
games. I’m sick to fuckin’ death of you not talking to me, Landon. This is not
what I signed on for,” I say pulling my ring off. I let the light catch it as I
hold it between my fingers for a second then toss it at his feet. “For some
reason, Landon, I didn’t feel heartbroken when I saw Tad with his hand down
your pants,” I start and he winces. “I felt betrayed, lied to, angry as hell
because I figured out some of what you couldn’t tell me, but my heart never
cracked. That says something, doesn’t it?”

Bending down, Landon picks it up from the floor. He stares
at the ring between his fingers obviously understanding the finality of what
I’ve just done. When his eyes finally meet mine they are full of tears. For a
minute I feel bad because this is Landon, and he is hurt. It must be the alcohol
making me brave because I hop to my feet, push past him going down the aisle
then slam the door behind me. “Daisy! Daisy, please don’t do this,” Landon sobs
as he bangs on the door. “Just let me in, please. We can fix this. I love you,
please.” Tears stream down my face because I love him too. I really do. Don’t
I? I mean, he is everything that I wanted for my list to be executed perfectly.
I just don’t know that we can fix this. I don’t know if I want to anymore
either. I feel the struggle inside myself pulling me in all directions but I
know it is so far beyond repair that it’s useless to pretend. I love Landon but
does it compare to anything like I am starting to feel for Gray? I do know that
I don’t feel enough for Landon to put forth the effort to make this work after
all this. Not now, maybe not ever. Too much has happened…so much has changed.

Turning I open the door, meeting Landon’s tear stained face.
I lose it. I walk into his arms and cry. “Baby, I promise it will be okay. We
will fix this. It’s all going to be just fine,” he coos as he nuzzles my hair.

I sob into his shirt. I am crying for all the things that I
wanted. Those things on my damn list. All the things that don’t seem reachable
anymore because of what Landon has done, what I have done. Pulling away, I look
at his face. He is smiling. He looks relieved, like a huge weight has been
lifted off of his shoulders. “Landon, listen to me. I’m not taking you back
tonight. You aren’t welcome in our bed right now. I don’t know if you ever will
be again. You need to be honest with me, but, most importantly, with yourself
about what you need then we can talk. There is a lot we both need to work
through, Landon.
Us
may not be what either of us wants, let alone needs.
Until then, there’s nothing more to say,” I say, knocking the wind out of him.

He nods sadly and leaves. Then I watch from the window as he
walks from the bus. Landon goes back into the building, I assume to find Tad.
Less than a week ago I felt so close to Landon that I thought nothing could
hurt us. I thought we were impenetrable. Now, it feels like there is a canyon
growing between us getting bigger by the minute with no way to stop it.

The door closes behind me then I feel Gray’s warm arms
surrounding me. I turn in his embrace, meeting his eyes. “You did good, baby,”
he whispers.

“Of all the things that he said or tried to say, he never
once said he was sorry Gray. That was why I couldn’t even talk to him. He isn’t
sorry for what he did; though, he may be sorry he got caught. Maybe he’s sorry
because he didn’t want to hurt me but he isn’t sorry for what he feels for Tad.
Why should he be? If he loves Tad then great, love doesn’t need excuses. That’s
why I said he needs to figure his shit out. I won’t share. I don’t want to
spend my life being afraid that I’ll walk in on my husband being unfaithful to
me. I can’t.”