Indulgence (152 page)

Without warning, he clutches me to him like he’s afraid
he’ll lose me and cries into my hair. So softly that I can barely hear him he
whispers, “All my life. All my life I prayed I’d find someone who’d love me,
someone who understood me. It took me so long, but it was worth the wait.
You
were worth the wait.” Pressing me back, his tear-filled eyes catch mine, and
his voice is weak but clear when he says, “If all of my dreams are going to
come true, I’m glad they’re coming true with you. You’re the woman I’ve been
searching for all these years, and I don’t have to look anymore. You’re really
here.”

“I’m really here,” I nod through my own tears. “I’m really
here and I love you. I want this dream to come true too, baby. It started out
to be your dream, but now it’s mine too. It’s
ours
. Jaz, the guys are
there working on the house right now. Mr. Jennings says it’ll be liveable in
three weeks. Let’s do it. Let’s go.”

The smile he gives me is brilliant. It’s the smile of a man
who knows his life is exactly where it needs to be, and he nods as the last
tear rolls down those perfect cheeks. “Let’s go. Tomorrow. Let’s just pack up
and go, Kimmie. We’ll take Candy and Pet with us if they want to go.”

I have to chuckle. “Let’s wait until we can at least live in
it! And that gives us time to get everything together.”

“Okay.” Then he adds, “And I want to marry you in front of
our new home. Please say yes, please?”

My heart is bursting with joy. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you in
front of our new home. Nothing would make me happier.”

“Good. Now, let’s go down the hall to our bedroom and let me
show you how much I love you, future Mrs. Givens.”

Yeah. That’s all the repayment I need.

“What the hell is this about?” Jeffrey’s looking at me like
I’m insane.

“Private joke.”

“But this is very public.”

“I wouldn’t call this
very
public,” I say, looking in
the mirror. “I’d call this
somewhat
public.”

“Are people other than you and him going to see you and
him?”

“Yes.”

Jeffrey shakes his head. “Then it’s public.”

“Oh, get over it. We’re just trying to have some fun. And
Jaz is going to love this.”

He leads me down the stairs and helps me. I’m afraid I’m
going to fall and kill myself. But the look on Jaz’s face when I step through
the front door and glide, er, almost tumble across the porch and down the front
steps, is priceless. I can see him shaking with the effort to keep quiet, but
when I step off the last step, turn my ankle, and almost go down, he loses the
battle and starts to howl with laughter. I’m laughing too, and everyone is
looking at us like we’re crazy – well, everyone except Candy. She’s laughing
too because she gets it.

After Jeffrey passes me off to Jaz, the groom leans in to me
and whispers, “Girl, you drive me crazy.” He reaches up to straighten the
tiara, and I take a look down at the necklace and rearrange it. “You could’ve killed
yourself in those shoes!”

“It would’ve been worth it just to see the look on your
face!” I whisper back, trying hard not to laugh right out loud.

“Tawdry little slut,” he growls out under his breath.

“Kinky bastard,” I shoot back in a whisper.

“You guys getting this out of your system?” the minister
asks us.

“Uh, yeah, reverend. Inside joke,” a red-faced Jaz stammers.

“I don’t want to know, do I?” We both shake our heads.
“Okay, then, ready?”

I nod. “Yup. Let’s do this thing.”

Three hours later I’m standing, barefoot and exhausted,
listening to thunder. “Oh good lord. What a mess.” I look around at the house
and the porch and wonder how in the world I’ll ever get it all cleaned up.

“You don’t worry about that. We’ll all take care of it. You
two just go sit down and relax,” Candy says as she shoos me away. “Go on now.
Git.”

“What she said,” Greta echoes. “You shouldn’t be messing
with this stuff. Hey, Melissa, can you throw me that box of zippered storage
bags?” Melissa tosses them toward my daughter-in-law, and Greta catches them
with ease. I finally take a deep breath and head back into the living room.

Jeffrey and Jaz are sitting in there, chattering away, and
when I walk in I hear Jaz saying, “. . . and I’m going to build a little pier
out over the water. Of course, we’ll stock it, probably with catfish.” He looks
up when I walk in. “Hey, wifey! Come sit down with us!”

“I like that. Wifey,” I say with a smile so big that it
hurts my cheeks.

“You guys make me sick, all mushy-mushy,” Jeffrey whines,
but he’s grinning like a jack-o-lantern.

Jaz shrugs. “Get used to it. There’ll be a lot of that mushy
stuff going on around here.”

“I just can’t believe you redid the house but put a metal
roof back on it.” Jeffrey’s shaking his head. “I don’t know how we’ll ever get
any sleep with all that racket going on overhead.”

Candy picks that moment to pass through the room with Pet.
“We like the sound. It’s soothing when you get used to it. Right, baby?” She
tickles Pet’s belly to make the little blond cherub giggle. “She actually
sleeps better when it’s raining.” Candy laughs and gives her a peck on the
cheek as she carts her down the hall for a diaper change.

Jeffrey’s shaking his head again. “You’ve even brainwashed
the little one. If you’d told me my mom would be a farm wife, I would’ve called
you crazy.”

“Crazy mad in love,” Jaz corrects.

“Oh good lord.” Jeffrey stands and points toward the
kitchen. “Want anything? Because I sure as hell need a drink.”

“Oh, like you and Greta never acted like that?” I mock.

“Acted like what?” Greta asks as she strolls in.

“All lovey-dovey and silly and goofy,” Jaz offers.

Greta grins and pinches Jeffrey on the cheek. “What? Me and
my pookie-wookie here? Oh, no, never.” Jeffrey rolls his eyes and makes a face.
“We would never ever act like that, now would we, babycakes?”

“No, we would not.” I watch with delight as my big son bends
down and gives the curvy little blond an enormous, lingering, sloppy, wet kiss
on the cheek and she shrieks in disgust. “Never ever. Beer?” he asks as he heads
out of the room.

“Me!” Jaz calls back.

“Me too!” I yell out.

“Whatever it is, I want one!” Candy yells back up the hall.

“Beer,” I call down to her.

“Yuck! No!” she yells back to our laughter.

Thirty minutes later, Candy and Greta sit at the table while
Melissa tells them about her new girlfriend, Rebecca, and they laugh and talk
and giggle. Jeffrey, oddly, is entertaining Pet, and I wonder if that’s a sign
I’m going to eventually have a grandchild. I hear a
psssttttt
and look
up to see Jaz standing on the stairs. He motions for me to follow him, and I
dart that direction and bound up the risers in record time. At the top, he
grabs my hand and leads me through our bedroom and to the door on the far wall.

It opens out onto the balcony, which is really the old roof
of the back porch, and the balcony roof is covered with the same metal roofing
as the rest of the house. Rain is pouring down and falling in sheets from the
edge of the overhang, and when I rest my hands on the railing and look out
across the property, Jaz steps in behind me and wraps his arms around my waist.
“Happy, Mrs. Givens?”

“No.” I turn to face him and see the surprised look on his
face, but it dissolves into joy when I add, “Beyond happy. There are no words
for what I feel right now.” I stare into those soft, chocolate eyes and draw a
finger down his cheek. “I love you. I have everything I’ve ever wanted right
here with you.”

The kiss he gives me unfurls itself like a wide, colorful
ribbon and wraps around us in its beauty. I’m lost in it, lost in him, and I
don’t ever want to be found. He breaks it and stares down at me. “Kimmie, how
did this happen? How did you do this? I still don’t understand, but I have to
tell you, not only am I eternally grateful, but I’m really fucking impressed. You’re
quite the woman, baby girl.”

“But this isn’t about me. It’s about you. I wanted all your
dreams to come true. Have they?”

He just shakes his head at me and snorts. “This isn’t about
me. This is about
us
. And yes, all my dreams came true about three hours
ago right out there in front of this house. Baby, I don’t need this farm to be
happy, or a new car, or a job, or anything else. I only need you.” He takes my
hand and runs a finger over that leather bracelet, the one he brought back from
Topeka. “And just think – I’m a lot closer to Bixby’s now! I can get you
another one of these any time you want.”

“I don’t want another one. I want this one. When it gets too
ragged to wear, I’ll put it back in the little Bixby’s box and put it away. I
don’t ever want to be without it. It’s the first gift you ever gave me, and
every time I look at it, I remember everything we’ve gone through and how hard
we’ve had to fight to be here. When I look at this bracelet . . .” I have to
stop and swallow hard before I start again. “When I look at this bracelet, I
see two scarred, scared hearts trying to find their way to each other. I think
about all the fun and all the wrong turns, and all the stupid things we did
trying to figure out how to have a relationship that would work. And I see all
the sweet nights we spent together back when we were first realizing that if
our hearts would just follow our bodies, everything would be fine. Because let
me tell you something, Sir,” I say, my tone growing serious as I try to stifle
a laugh, “I’ve never wanted any man the way I want you.”

“And I feel the same way about you, girl.” He kisses the tip
of my nose, then nips my earlobe as he says, “You set me on fire.”

“Be careful, Farmer Givens,” I say with a giggle. “All we
have is a volunteer fire department.”

“It would take Chicago’s finest to put this out, and I don’t
think even
they
could handle it. It’s roaring!”

“Roaring, huh?” I laugh out.

“Yeah. RAWRRRRR!!!!” he growls and laughs at the same time,
and we both wind up in a fit of giggles. “Kimmie, just promise me one thing.”

I nod into his shoulder. “Of course.”

“If you’re unhappy, tell me. I promise, if I am, I’ll tell
you.”

“Deal. I want everyone in this house to be happy. Giddy with
happiness. So happy they shit rainbows and piss glitter.” Now he’s laughing at
me. “I want them to sound like they’re on laughing gas all the time, and I want
clown suits in every closet. Every. Damn. One. And big shoes. Really big clown
shoes.”

His grin is mischievous. “How about blue stilettos?”

“Only with big necklaces, wide bracelets, and tiaras.”

He throws his head back and laughs. “And now I know what I’m
getting you for your birthday.”

“Hey!” He wanders into the kitchen smelling of dirt and
diesel fumes. His hair’s gotten long enough that he’s taken to tying it back. I
should cut it some evening, but he’s just been so busy that I haven’t had a
chance, not to mention that, for some reason, I actually like it. “Got
something for lunch?”

“Sure do. Your sandwich and chips are on the table, and a big
bottle of water, Sir.”

“Rather have a beer.”

“Nope. You’ll dehydrate if you don’t keep pushing the water.
You know what your doctor would say.”

“Quack.”

“He is not! Mind your manners, Sir.”

“Is it finally finished?”

I nod. “Yep. Last room is done, the guest room. Looks nice
too. Now all we’ve got to do is buy some furniture and the renovations will be
finished. Oh, and get them to come and pick up the construction dumpster.”

“I never thought it could really be put back together after
all the years it sat here neglected, but it looks great. I mean, I know we’ve
had to do more work to it than you originally thought, but it’s totally worth
it.” He’s thanked me so many times for making this house a home that I finally
told him to stop. The giant, old-fashioned gas range in the kitchen is thanks
enough. He says it looks so much like his grandma’s kitchen in here that he
feels like a kid again. Truth is, he sort of acts like one too, and I love it.
Especially certain aspects of it.

There’s a squeal and a grapefruit-sized ball comes flying
into the dining room. “Oooo-weeeeee!” a little voice yells out, followed by the
sound of tiny sandals slapping on the floor.

I call out, “Pet, baby, watch out throwing that thing in the
house, you hear? You’ll break something.”

“Pop-pop, pway baww?”

Jaz laughs. “No, sweetie. Pop-pop doesn’t have time to play
ball. Nana here will play with you after I leave, okay?”

“Nana?”

I nod at her. “Yes, baby, I will.”

“I hab pottickle?”

“No, ma’am. No popsicle for you right now. You’ve got to eat
your lunch first.”

Her eyes go round. “Cawwots?”

“Yes. There’ll be carrots. And Mommy’s bringing you some
celery when she comes home.” Candy’s job at the grocery has meant that I have
to watch Pet, but I really don’t mind. Life here is so much more relaxed than
before.

“Otay. I wub cawwots. Mom-meee, Mom-meee, Mom-meee,” she
sings as she stomps around and dances to a song neither of us can hear. I don’t
think I’ve ever seen a happier child, and Candy has turned out to be an amazing
mom.

I turn to watch him eating as I wash the last of the
breakfast dishes. “So how’s it going?”

He swallows the bite he’s got in his mouth and answers,
“I’ve got the first hundred and fifty acres plowed, and the rest will be done
by day after tomorrow. Bruce Travelstead is coming with his planter as soon as
they get the seed corn here. And the soybeans will be here next week. I’ll be
glad when I can buy my own equipment, but they’ve been great about helping
out.”