Indelible Love - Emily's Story (27 page)

“Max. Not to make you feel any worse,
but I wish you had told me and shown me these feelings when we were
in college. I would have been a lot less paranoid.” Max gave me a
regretful smile. I accepted this as an apology.

“I don’t think you love me anymore
either, not in that way. Jake brought out a jealous side of you. I
was jealous too when I first saw you with Jennifer. It’s only
natural.”

Max tried to argue with me, but I
didn’t let him continue.

“I think both of us couldn’t let go of
the thought of being in love with each other. And I’m happy I got
to share such a special bond with you. I can’t marry you, but I’d
still like for us to stay good friends. Would you be OK with that?
I really missed you, and I need your friendship more than anything
right now.”

I moved over and hugged
him.

“I don’t know, Em. You might have
moved on, but I’m still where we left off two years ago. I guess
your friendship will do for now. It feels weird to finally have
this all out in the open.”

“I know, I feel weird too. We finally
have closure. We should have done this a long time ago.” I
sighed.

“Wait, so tell me about Jake. You two
aren’t together anymore? Why did he leave you stranded in
Arizona?”

I didn’t really want to relive me and
Jake. My head felt battered, and my heart felt bruised.

“I think he got tired of my crazy
life. If only I had known sooner he was the only man I loved, I
wouldn’t be in such a predicament. Only after he left me did I
realize this. As for Arizona, he thought I was with you so he
didn’t come back for me.” I didn’t know if I truly believed this
explanation, but it was the lesser of the two evils—that he didn’t
return because he didn’t care anymore.

“
So you haven’t spoken
with him at all?”

“
Well, I actually ran into
him in New York this morning. Jane sent me a ticket to come see
her, and I left yesterday planning to stay till Monday, until Jake
and Nick surprised Jane and showed up at her apartment. We were all
in shock. I left, obviously, but got a chance to end everything
with Jake in person. He was in a state of shock when I told him
that I had waited all day for him. I think he felt really
guilty.”

“Well, what did he say when you
explained everything?”

“I don’t know. I got into a cab and
left.”

“What did you do that for? Weren’t you
curious to know what was going on in Jake’s mind?”

“No, I figured he had moved on with
his life. I felt like a stalker with all my texts. A big part of me
didn’t want to know what he was thinking. It was better not to get
hurt again. I’m so done being hurt by you men,” I said pointing my
finger at Max.

“Oh, Em. Why do I keep doing this to
you? I guess I owe you another apology. Not only did I break your
heart the first time, I broke it again by making Jake go away. I’m
sorry.” Max leaned in to hug me, but his hug did little to console
me.

“It’s not your fault. I created this
mess. One good thing came out of this fiasco. Jake’s absence forced
me to look at my feelings objectively. My head is clear, even if my
heart is mangled. I’ll be OK.”

“Em. I wish I could make everything
better for you.”

“I know. I know you care and want to
help.” I forced a smile.

The phone rang, relieving my heart of
this awkward conversation. It was Sarah. She sounded
ecstatic.

“Emily! You’re home! Can Charlie and I
come over?”

“Sure. What’s going on?”

“We have exciting news. See you soon.”
She hung up immediately.

“What was that all about?”

“Not quite sure. Sarah is excited
about who knows what, and she and Charlie are coming over. Maybe
they’re finally engaged. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”

That really would be wonderful. Sarah
had been looking forward to this day since high school. I hoped
this was true for her. I couldn’t wish marriage on a better
person.

It took no more than ten minutes for
Sarah and Charlie to knock on my door. She was bouncing up and
down, elated about her engagement to Charlie. She showed me her
diamond ring and couldn’t wipe the bliss off her face. Her ring
reminded me of the engagement ring Jake bought for me in Hawaii. My
heart ached, but my faced glowed with joy. My best friend deserved
many blessings.

“I’m thrilled for you, Sarah! And
Charlie, good job on the ring. How did you keep this from all of
us? I surely thought you would need my help pulling off a proposal.
So how did you propose?” I asked Charlie.

“Well, we were up in Napa this
weekend,” said Charlie.

The word Napa made me wince, as I
remembered my time up there with Jake. We had made so many
indelible memories during our two months together.

Sarah continued the story. “We got on
a hot air balloon. The scenery was breathtaking, though I feared we
might fall off and die. I also got a bit airsick. I was about to
throw up over the balloon when Charlie got down on one knee and
proposed. What timing. My body was practically convulsing trying to
keep down the upchuck, and he’s on his knee asking me to spend the
rest of my life with him.”

“Oh, Sarah. Ew. It’s romantic and
gross at the same time. But I’m happy for you. You deserve it.” I
hugged Sarah and Charlie at the same time. My best friend was
getting married.

“Of course, I want you to be my maid
of honor.”

“I would be honored. So when’s the
wedding?”

“Memorial Day weekend…this
year.”

“What? That’s four and a half months
away. Why so soon?”

“Charlie got a job up north and we’ll
be separated as of June. I didn’t want to plan this wedding without
him. We’ve booked the wedding and reception already. I just need to
find a dress, and the rest is easy.” Sarah beamed with joy. I felt
terrible having to rain on her parade.

“I have some bad news, Sarah.” Ugh,
what terrible timing. “I’m leaving for Japan in ten days and I
don’t come back till mid-June. Of course, I’ll be back for the
wedding, but I can’t help you with much of the planning. I’m so
sorry. I’d understand if you wanted to ask someone else to take my
place in the wedding.”

“Why are you going to Japan, and for
five months?”

“I applied for a job teaching English
last year, and they called me to tell me that there’s an opening.
I’m going to take a leave of absence at my current school and go
abroad for a few months.”

“How are you going to be away from all
of us for so long? You’ll be so lonely. You hate being
alone.”

“I know. I’m really going to miss you
all.” I glanced and saw the guilt in Max’s eyes. “This isn’t your
fault. I applied for this position awhile ago, and it’s finally
happened. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while,” I
explained while putting my arms around him.

Without a word, he left the house.
Charlie went after him.

“Emily, does Jake know you’re
leaving?”

“I just got the call today. You guys
are the first to know. I doubt Jake will care that I’m leaving. I
don’t think he would cut off all ties with me if he still
cared.”

Another apology was in order for the
bride to be. “I’m really sorry I can’t be there to help you plan
your dream wedding. I feel selfish and guilty for leaving
you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’ve been
nothing but a dear friend. I’m glad you know what you want. Go and
get away for a while. Go clear your head and come back rejuvenated.
Jake’s an idiot for treating you this poorly. How he could ask you
to marry him, and then disregard you so easily, is beyond
me.”

“It hurts to think of it that way, but
I don’t blame him. I hurt him badly. I was greedy and wanted both
men to love me. That wasn’t acceptable and I agree with him. I
deserve it. I never thought he would cut me off so coldly…he
promised me that he wouldn’t let me be alone anymore…let’s not talk
about this.”

Sarah agreed. We both said at the same
time, “Let’s talk wedding.”

We talked endlessly about dresses and
themes and flowers. As soon as the sun rose, we were going to hit
every bridal shop. Sarah was going to be the most beautiful bride.
With only one week to help Sarah create her dream wedding, we were
determined to get as much of it done as possible.

My principal graciously gave me the
second semester off and there was no issue getting a visa on such
short notice. I bought my plane ticket and to my good fortune, a
businesswoman from India wanted to rent my house immediately till
the end of summer. That took care of my worries about having to pay
my mortgage out of my savings account. Everything fell into place
for me to leave. I was also glad that I got a chance to go visit my
parents before leaving for my extended trip. I hoped they weren’t
too sad at how life turned out for me. I would be OK.

Since all of Jane’s messages went
unanswered, this was a loose end I needed to tie up before leaving.
I knew I was hurting her the same way her brother hurt me, but I
couldn’t call her. If I called and she asked me not to leave for
Japan, there was a good chance I’d listen to her and stay. She was
not only my dear friend, but also my closest link to Jake. But, she
was not Jake, and I couldn’t deviate from my plan. More than
anything, I needed to get away and heal myself. Peace became a
necessity. Japan would be my place of respite.

It made me sad to leave Jane without a
proper explanation, but this was for the best. She would be fine
with or without me. She might even be better off if I weren’t
around. There was no telling what kind of strife I was causing
between the siblings. Tomorrow morning, I would tie up the last
loose end and leave for my new life.

Unable to get a good night’s rest, I
rose before the sun, packed the rest of my clothes, and sat down to
write Jake’s letter. Even though he probably didn’t want to hear
from me, I wanted to say good-bye.

January 27

Dear Jake,

I’m sorry we had such an abrupt ending
in New York, but it makes me happy to know I saw you one last time.
You’re probably wondering why I’m writing you a letter all of a
sudden. With much hesitation, I thought it’d only be proper to say
good-bye. Since you don’t answer any of my calls, I decided to send
you a letter instead.

By the time you get this, I’ll be on
my way to Japan. I got a wonderful job teaching English in a small
village. My principal was kind enough to let me take off the rest
of the year.

Please accept my apologies one last
time. You were truly the one person who understood me like my mom
and dad. I will miss that sense of belonging. Please thank your
family for their kindness toward me. For the first time in a very
long time, I felt like I was part of a family. I will miss that as
well. I hope you found the eternity band. I’m sorry I threw it at
you in New York. I’m also sorry I kept it so long. That ring made
me feel like I was still a part of your life. I know now it was
inappropriate to think this way. Although the band couldn’t hold
true to its name for us, I hope you will find someone who will wear
the ring with confidence, knowing that you two can love each other
eternally.

Thank you for loving me. You’ve
touched my heart deeply. I take many beautiful memories of us to a
foreign place. Be well.

Fondly,

Emi

With the letter sealed in an envelope,
Sarah drove me to the hospital so I could drop it off before
leaving for LAX. On the way, I also called Max to say good-bye, and
I told him that I would write.

Chief Reid’s grin greeted me in the
foyer of the hospital. “Emily. What a wonderful surprise!” The
chief hugged me.

“Hi, Chief. How have you been?” I
asked politely.

“I’m great, now that I see you. Where
have you been hiding yourself? I keep asking Jake about you, but he
won’t give me a straight answer.”

“Oh, I’ve been around, here and there,
but nowhere in particular. Could I ask you for a favor,
Chief?”

“Sure, anything.”

“Could you give this to Jake for me?”
I asked handing him the envelope.

“Why don’t you come up to OR and hand
it to him yourself? He should be out of surgery soon.”

“I’m actually going out of town and
have a plane to catch. If you could give this to him, I’d be
grateful.”

“Emily, come on up. Jake has been
really upset with me for keeping you two apart, he says. You’d help
me get back in favor with him if I brought you up to see him. He
will be out any minute now.”

Desired. Craved. Longed.

That’s what I’d felt since breaking up
with Jake. I followed Chief Reid up to OR like a helpless sheep
looking for her shepherd. My mind yelled at me to get out of the
elevator and to head straight for the airport, but my heart hoped
for another chance with Jake. We got off the third floor and the
chief had me wait with one of the nurses while he went to find
Jake.