Indelible Love - Emily's Story (20 page)

“Did you get to relax at all?” Sarah
asked.

“Yeah. On Wednesday, his parents had
to go to a meeting, so Jane and I relaxed at the spa for half a
day. We wanted to go the whole day, but Jake wouldn’t have it, so
we compromised on a half day. We also hung out in the cabana a
couple of afternoons. That was a nice respite from all the
activities.”

“Was it nice being away with Jake?”
Sarah continued to press. It was almost like the two of us were
having our own private conversation even though everyone else was
listening. I knew Max heard every detail, and I felt bad, but I
reveled in the fun I’d had in Hawaii.

“I’ll fill you in on all the details
later, Sarah. I have so much to tell you,” I whispered.

Just then my phone buzzed. It was a
text from Jake. Reading it made me blush.

Last night was even more
amazing than our first night in Hawaii. Miss you. Love
you.

Charlie saw my red cheeks and stole
the phone from my hand.

He read the text aloud. “Emily! Did
you have sex with Jake?”

“Charlie!” Sarah and I both yelled at
him. I kept quiet till we got to lunch.

Vegas was no different from the last
time I’d come—big buildings filled with lights and giant
advertisements of half-naked women. I supposed that could be
exciting for some, but the in-your-face advertisement was quite a
turnoff for me. We pulled into the Venetian Palazzo Hotel and Peter
checked in for us.

Peter, being Peter, got one giant
suite for all of us to share. It had three bedrooms and three
bathrooms and was luxurious. Sarah and I took one room; Peter,
Charlie, James, and Max took the other; and Will, Scott, Dave, and
John took the third room. We all unpacked and relaxed. Some of the
guys went out to gamble and some stayed to watch an MMA fight on
TV. Sarah and I didn’t leave our room. Charlie knocked on our door
to make sure we were OK as I started to fill Sarah in on all the
details of Hawaii.

Sarah began by asking about the text.
“OK, so what happened? What’s with the Christmas present and the
text? Did you actually sleep with Jake? He could not have lured you
into bed with him already when Max wasn’t able to the entire four
years.”

“Well…” I had a guilty
look.

“Emily!” Sarah begged. “The suspense
is killing me!”

“You know how the first day we got to
Maui we took the five-mile hike, had scuba lessons, did yoga, and
went to a luau, right? So I was really tired! Jake walked me back
to my room and he too was tired because he went surfing with Nick
while I was at yoga. He fell asleep on my bed while I was
showering. I tried to send him away, but he pulled me down on the
bed and wouldn’t let go of me. Eventually, I was too tired to fight
him off. I fell asleep in his arms but nothing happened. We just
slept,” I confessed.

“Anything else happen?” Sarah
pressed.

“Well, I kind of fell asleep on him up
in San Francisco as well. I don’t know why I keep doing this with
Jake. My guard is down and I feel very safe.”

“You didn’t tell me about this before.
What else are you keeping from me?” Sarah eyes squinted. She knew
this story was nowhere near being over.

“Well…” I had that same guilty
tone.

“You didn’t! Does this have something
to do with last night?”

“Let me explain yesterday morning
first. On the way home from LAX, Jake suddenly pulled out another
Christmas present and I about had a heart attack. There was a
diamond engagement ring in the box and he proposed to me in the car
on the side of the road.”

“No!” Sarah gasped. “So what did you
say?”

“I told him it was way too early.
Sarah, we’ve only been together for two months.”

“Emily, you’ve been awfully intimate
for someone who’s been dating such a short time. You’ve been
emotionally, mentally, and physically bewitched.”

“I know. But, it’s still too early. He
is too perfect and I’m scared, Sarah. After four years, Max
realized one day he didn’t love me anymore. What if Jake thinks the
same way a few months down the road?”

This was my a-ha moment. I had told
myself and Jake it was too soon and that I wasn’t ready for a
lifelong commitment with him. In actuality, I would marry him in a
heartbeat if I trusted he would love me the rest of my life, like
he loves me now. I was scared to let this happen to me again—too
scared to be hurt by the man I trusted. Jake was right. I did doubt
his love for me.

“But, Emily, you can’t fear today
because of what happened yesterday. Jake is not Max. If you live
your life wondering if every man you love will wake up and leave
you one day you’ll never be happy. If all that’s stopping you from
accepting Jake’s proposal is your paranoid past, you need to
rethink your answer.” Sarah was right on all accounts. Maybe during
this time away from Jake I would carefully rethink us.

“So what did Jake say when you said
no?”

“He accused me of doubting his love
and asked me if my answer had anything to do with Max. He was mad
because I turned him down without even considering his proposal. I
thought he was going to break up with me. Sarah, the thought of
letting go of Jake was so difficult. It killed me to think it was
over. I do really love him, don’t I?”

“Honestly, Charlie and I thought you
were a goner from the first weekend we saw you together with him.
We have never ever seen you so enamored with anyone—not even
Max.”

I sighed. Perhaps I had made the wrong
choice.

“How did you resolve this
mess?”

“When I asked him if he was breaking
up with me he thought I was crazy. He patiently listened to me, and
answered all my questions. He then reassured me that he loved me
and that we were not breaking up. Then, I told him that I, too,
loved him and we ended our crazy morning.”

“So what happened last night?” Sarah
wondered.

After an explanation of last night
Sarah’s face never looked more surprised.

“I don’t know whether to be more
shocked by your concession or by Jake’s self-control. What a
Christmas you two had.”

“Tell me about it.”

Everyone started coming back to the
suite, and I noticed that our door had been open the entire time. I
didn’t know if Max might have heard anything, as he was sitting on
a chair near our room. We walked out of our room and I searched
Max’s face but couldn’t read his expression.

We drove to the UNLV stadium to watch
our football team. During the ride, my phone went off and my heart
raced. It was Jake.

“Hi, Jake. We’re on our way to the
stadium. Are you done with work already? How did morning surgery
go?”

Jake sounded tired. He had ended up
assisting with two more surgeries. We weren’t at the stadium yet so
we continued to talk.

“Where are you off to?”

“My house in the Valley. I’m moving my
stuff out tonight.”

“You’re moving already?”

“When will you be back? I miss you.”
The feeling was mutual.

“We’re here till Monday. I’ll be home
by the afternoon. Come over after work. I’ll make you dinner.” I
could tell he wasn’t thrilled with me being with Max. He really
wanted to come join me. I encouraged him to rest and said
good-bye.

“What was that all about?” Sarah was
always the curious one. “Where is Jake moving tonight?”

“Jake is leasing out his house in the
Valley and moving back into his mom’s house. He wants to be closer
to work and to me, I suppose. She lives about five minutes from me.
His room at his mom’s is amazing. I don’t know why anyone would
want to live elsewhere. His room has to be about a thousand square
feet, and it has everything.”

When we got to the stadium we weren’t
surprised to discover that Peter got ten tickets all separate from
one another. We were separated into groups of three, three, two,
and two. Before I could say a word, Peter gave tickets to each of
us, and “coincidentally” Max and I got the two seats together quite
far from everyone else. I tried to switch seats with Peter, but he
ran off with Jeff and Dan before I could finish my sentence. I
silently waved good-bye to Sarah and Charlie.

“Em, I guess it’s you and me. Let’s
go,” Max said.

I hesitantly followed. What else could
I do? On our way to our seats, we stopped by the concession stand
and picked up dinner. Fans started packing into the stadium, and
Max and I almost lost each other in the rush. He had the tickets so
I would’ve been in big trouble if Max hadn’t backtracked and found
me. He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me along toward our
seats.

Once the game started, we cheered for
our team, but couldn’t get a conversation going. I could feel the
uncomfortable current between us and tried to replace it with
excitement for the football team, but it didn’t work. About twenty
minutes into the game, I attempted to have a normal conversation
but my first question didn’t come out as casually as
expected.

“Hey, Max? Sarah tells me that you and
Jennifer broke up. What happened? Was it a mutual parting?” I tried
to sound nonchalant. Nonchalant, it wasn’t.

Max appeared uncomfortable and stayed
silent for a few minutes. I waited patiently for an
answer.

“Jennifer wanted more out of the
relationship than I was willing to give her. She wanted to get
married and I didn’t. We both thought it would be best if we went
our separate ways,” he finally explained.

“Oh,” was all I could say. I felt an
odd sense of empathy for Jennifer.

Max stared at me. “What? Why are you
making that face? You’re making me feel very defensive.”

“What face?”

“That sad look you have. It’s making
me feel like I’m the bad guy.”

I shook my head and chuckled a bit.
“I’m empathizing from one ex-girlfriend to another
ex-girlfriend.”

This made him mad. “What do you mean,
Em?”

Uh-oh. I was in trouble now. I knew he
would badger me till I gave him an answer.

“Max, forget I said anything. I’m
sorry. Let’s get back to the game.” I tried to divert his
anger.

“No, I think we need to talk. Em, I
need you to explain yourself to me,” he demanded.

I sighed, regretting having said
anything. “OK, I’ll explain myself, but can we do it after the
game? I don’t want to bother anyone else around us.”

“You promise? After the game?” Three
hours coupled with an exciting football game would hopefully get
his mind off this topic.

When we got back to the hotel, Max
immediately forced me to go with him to nearest coffee shop for an
explanation. His face turned a bright hue like it always did before
he exploded. I decided to start talking without any
coercion.

“Max, when did you become so
sensitive?” Laughing at him didn’t lighten the situation. “I only
said what I said because I know how Jennifer is feeling right
now.”

“What do you mean?” he asked so
innocently.

“What do I mean? Have you forgotten
that you dumped me a year and a half ago?”

He lamely defended himself. “We didn’t
break up because you wanted to get married and I
didn’t!”

“Really?” I asked, dumbfounded. “Then
why did we break up? Didn’t you give me some lame excuse about not
wanting to be tied down and needing your freedom?” I accused. It
felt good to hash out our breakup.

“You never mentioned wanting to get
married,” he retorted.

“Max, are you blind or stupid?” It was
me who started with the tirade. “You were the only boy I ever
loved. After four years of dating, did you think there’d be any
other boy I wanted to marry but you? Of course I thought we were
getting married. After graduation…never mind…”

Emotions overwhelmed us both at the
memory of graduation night. Tears glistened in our eyes, but I
quickly laughed them off and poked fun at myself
instead.

“Boy, was I ever wrong—so much for
woman’s intuition. I went from being married in my head to being
single in reality.” Max looked away so I wouldn’t notice the pain
in his eyes…though I did.

“
Max, it’s late and I’m
tired. Let’s go to sleep.” He obliged and we went up to our room
and got ready for bed.

It was 5:00 a.m. when the phone buzzed
with an early greeting from Jake. In agony, I weighed the wisdom of
calling him and needing to hear his comforting voice versus having
to explain why I was up at this hour and why I felt so down.
Against my better judgment, the phone call was placed.

“Hi, Jake. Are you off to work
already?” I asked.

“Emi. Why are you up so early? Are you
all right?”

“I’m all right.” I lied, hoping he
wouldn’t catch the sadness in my voice. “My back was hurting on
this couch so I couldn’t get a good night’s sleep.”

“Why are you sleeping on a couch?” I
probably shouldn’t have explained that one either. I knew what he
would say.