Incredible Beauty (12 page)

More than anything that's what I want, to see our little baby and for the first time, I pray to a god that I’m not even sure exists.

Please get me through this.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Simon

Standing outside the surgery, I watched anxiously as they wheeled her into the room. The doctor had talked me through the procedure. A small catheter would be passed through her groin and guided into the blood vessels and up to the clot in the brain where a small balloon will be inflated to ‘catch’ the clot.

The operation itself would not take long, all going according to plan, but it could take weeks to see if the clot or the operation has had any long term effects on Em. Things not going according to plan was something I didn’t want to think about, but I couldn’t get it out of my mind. There was such a high risk of something going wrong because of the location of the clot and the earlier bleed.

I threw some change into the vending machine that sat opposite me. After staring at it for the last half hour, I decided I needed a coke and a chocolate. Who said passive advertising didn’t work?

The Hershey bar had no taste and neither did the coke. I could’ve been eating cardboard and drinking shampoo and it would’ve tasted the same. Still, I knew I needed to eat, otherwise I’d end up in no condition to care for Em and the baby.

The waiting bay had an array of magazines the most recent being from two years ago. I picked it up, a copy of New Today and flicked through it, not actually taking anything in. It just gave me something to do. Reaching the end, I tossed it aside and stood up.

The operating rooms were on the fourth floor and the waiting area was down the end of the hallway. From my seat I had a perfect view of the entry doors. Every person that exited those doors I stared at with my heart in my throat until they passed me. Only then could I breathe again.

What were they up to now? Had the operation even started yet? God I hoped things went well. I glanced around the room to survey the other people waiting, just like me. To my left, an older woman sat clutching a sweater. Just down from her was a man about my own age. Over the other side a couple sat, the woman entwined in the man’s arms. Every now and then he would lean down and kiss her head tenderly. I used to do that to Em all the time.

My mind raced back to every kiss we’d shared, every moment we’d spent together and to all the times I found myself amazed by this wonderful, loving woman.

Get a grip, Simon, be strong, be a man for fucks sake.
I swatted at my eyes, stopping the tears before they trickled down my cheeks.

Think about your beautiful girls. Think about how badly they need you to be strong right now.

The doors opened and a figure began the trek down the hall toward the waiting room. My heart thumped as he neared, his expression grim. As he entered the area, he took his hat off, walking toward the couple huddled in the corner. I turned my attention away from them, not wanting to invade privacy of this moment, but I couldn’t ignore the woman’s screams as she collapsed into the arms her companion.

“Mr. Anderson?”

I jumped. I literally shat myself (well, not literally). I had been so focused on not paying attention to the couple, that I hadn’t noticed another doctor had approached me. I stood up, my heart racing.

“Yes? Is she okay?”

“The operation went well. She’s in recovery now,” he smiled, as I fell back down into the seat and sighed with relief. The woman opposite me was sobbing loudly and though I felt for her, I couldn’t stop the happiness that was coursing through my body.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Emma

God my head hurt. I hadn’t woken up with a headache this bad in ages, where every part of my body ached. I tried to reposition myself without opening my eyes.

“She moved!”

Simon? That was definitely Simon. I opened one eye half an inch, my head screaming in response as the light burned my eyes. I groaned and lifted my arm to cover my face. My arms felt so heavy, like they were made of cement.

I felt drugged, or extremely hung-over. Or maybe both. I tried to think back to before my sleep, but my mind was cloudy and I just could reach my memory.

What the hell had happened? Maybe I had some kind of bug?

“Em? Can you hear me?” Simon asked, clenching his hand over mine. God he was so warm and I was so cold.

“I…” One word was all I managed, trying to say anymore was near impossible with the tube shoved down my throat. I tried not to retch as the hard plastic rubbed against the back of my throat.

Shit. I gasped as it all came flooding back. That Derek being released, then killed.

Saving the girl. Thank god Simon and the police had arrived when they did.

I relaxed, the reality of remembering, calming me down. I was okay. Safe. I never had to worry about Derek hurting me ever again.

“Honey, I’m just going to get the doctor. I will be right back.” I watched, helpless as he raced from the room. Trying to gather my thoughts, I couldn’t seem to focus. It was like each thought was a piece of popping candy and they were all exploding randomly in my head. Simon came back in with a doctor and a nurse. The nurse smiled at me, I smiled back hesitantly.

“Emma,” the doctor smiled, “how are you feeling? Sore?”

I nodded. Ouch. Bad idea. My head was still throbbing and I’d given up trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

“Stay still, I’m going to take the tube out of your mouth, okay?” He gently reached into my mouth and loosened the tube before pulling it out. Pain ripped through my throat as it dislodged and slid out. “How’s the pain, Emma? Out of ten, ten being the worst.”

“A nine,” I rasped, not wanting to say ten in case it got worse. Not that I could imagine this getting any worse.

I felt as though my scalp had been ripped off my head. The pain was so intense, unlike any pain I had ever felt before. For me, that said a lot. I had experienced pain at its worst, or at least I thought I had. Reaching up, I tried to touch my head where the throbbing was at its worst. Simon reached out and grabbed my hand.

“Just relax Em,” he soothed. I let him guide my hand back down, his touch automatically making me feel better. The doctor and the nurse kept prodding at me, taking my temperature, checking my pupils.

“How long was I out?” I asked Simon, the words catching in my throat like splinters.

“Over three weeks. Shit Em, I was so scared, I thought we were going to lose you,” he said, his eyes glistening with tears.

We? My parents? I glanced around the room, but only saw Simon.

“We?” I repeated.

“Mirabella and I,’” he smiled at me. “I can’t wait for you to meet her. She’s amazing, just like her mother.”

I struggled to sit up. Mirabella? What was he talking about? Who was Mirabella?

“Who?” I asked, panicked. Simon glanced at the doctor, who shook his head slightly.

“Shh, don’t worry Em,” Simon whispered, trying to hide the obvious concern on his face. Panic rose inside of me, as I desperately tried to piece together what the fuck was going on. I couldn’t remember past Derek’s death. How long ago was that?  I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.

“Emma, I’ll be back in later to check on you. For now, the nurse will stay with you so just try to relax. Don’t try and remember, your memory should come back on its own.”

I nodded, knowing that I wouldn’t relax and that I
would
be trying to remember. He didn’t need to know that though.

After he had gone and the nurse had taken my obs, I was left alone with Simon.

“What happened? Please tell me,” I begged. He hesitated, but I could see him relenting. “If you know me at all you’ll know this will be eating away at me. Relax? No way in hell,” I added. I swear I saw a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“What do you remember?” he asked me. I strained, trying to grasp at the vague memories floating around in my mind.

“Derek being killed. I don’t remember being hurt, I don’t remember much after Derek being shot. How long have I been out?”

“Em, Derek died nearly eight months ago,” Simon said quietly. “You’ve only been out just over three weeks.”

Holy shit!

If I’d only been out for three weeks, then why couldn’t I remember the six or seven months before that? I swatted away at the tears forming in my eyes, not wanting him to see that I was crying. Simon reached for my hand, wrapping his fingers around mine. I tried to concentrate on the feel of his hand in mine, the warmth of his skin against mine. I was exhausted. I’d opened my eyes less than half hour ago and I was ready to sleep for another three weeks.

“Em, rest. Please just try and relax.”

I faced away from him and closed my eyes. Maybe if I went to sleep I’d wake up and this would’ve all been some weird nightmare.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Simon

Two days since Em had woken and her memory had not improved at all. The doctors were constantly trying to reassure me it was normal for this to take some time, but honestly, there was nothing normal about this whole situation. We had a daughter, I couldn’t even introduce to my fiancé, because she had no knowledge of her. Hell, she didn’t even know we were engaged.

As I did every morning, I went straight to the nursery to see my little girl. She was nothing like the tiny thing Em had given birth to. In the four weeks since she was born she had put on weight and she was no longer reliant on machines to regulate her breathing. She looked like a normal happy newborn baby, albeit a little small.

“Morning Simon,” Nancy smiled at me. I smiled back. Nancy worked most mornings so she was used to seeing me in here before nine. Nancy was one of those people you couldn’t help but love, always ready for a chat, always smiling. Today she seemed extra excited.

“I’ve got some news for you. You can take Mirabella home tomorrow.”

What? Holy shit, I was nowhere near ready for that. All my time had been spent here with Mirabella and Em, I hadn’t even put up her nursery. My head ached as I thought of everything I needed to get.

“Hey.” Nancy placed her hand on my arm, sensing I was overwhelmed. “You’ll be fine. I’ve seen you with her.” Forcing a smile, I nodded. Sure. I’d be fine. Looking after a premature baby by myself? Piece of cake.

I walked over to Mirabella’s crib, her big eyes stared up at me. It was as if she recognized who I was and I swear I saw her smile. As I picked her up and rocked her in my arms, I began to feel something I hadn’t felt in ages. I was excited. I was looking forward to getting my daughter home, Em getting better and our lives finally getting back on track.

Apparently memory issues were common after the type of operation she’d had. It was unlikely for her memory not to return at all, but it was a possibility and something I didn’t want to think about. I so badly wanted to take Mirabella to meet her mother. I was sure when Em saw our little girl, she’d fall in love just as I had, but the doctors had insisted we not rush it and the last thing I wanted to do was prolong her recovery.

Staying with Mirabella for another hour, I left to see Em. I needed to call in a huge favor and Claire was the only one who could help me on this. I headed to the cafeteria, where the staff now knew me by name.

“Hi Simon,” Ellie smiled at me as I approached the counter. “Coffee and muffin?” she asked. I nodded, grinning. Yes, I was that transparent. Every day for the last three weeks I’d ordered a coffee and a muffin for morning tea, followed by a sandwich for lunch.

 “How’s Emma?” Ellie, just like the rest of the staff had become heavily invested in Emma’s recovery.

“She’s getting there,” I smiled, reaching for my coffee. Handing her the $5 in my hand, I grabbed the muffin and headed for my usual table in the corner. It was the quietest spot and the best for making phone calls.

“Claire,” I began, “I need a favor.”

“Okay,” Claire laughed, “do I get to know what it is before I say yes?”

“Mirabella is coming home tomorrow,” I chuckled, “and I’m about as underprepared as I could be.”

“And you want me to…”

“Maybe go shopping for me? Just the necessities. We have a crib, a change table and that’s about it,” I said hopefully, knowing Claire would say yes. She laughed.

“Of course I will. I told you anything you need just to let me know. Are you excited? To bring her home?” she asked.

“The more appropriate phrasing would be I am shitting myself,” I chuckled.

“Yeah, well, that’s normal and you’re alone until Em gets better which makes it doubly hard. How is she today?” she asked.

“She’s good, but her memory hasn’t improved yet,” I explained. Something just hit me. How was I supposed to look after Mirabella and be here for Em when I wasn’t allowed to tell Em about our daughter yet?

“You still there?” Claire asked, confused by the sudden silence.

“Yes, sorry. Just trying to work out the logistics in my mind,” I mumbled. “Looking after Em and Mirabella, but not telling Em
about
Mirabella...” God it sounded like a mess.

“Let me help, Simon,” Claire sighed, “come stay with us for a few days at least. I can look after Mirabella while you’re in with Emma. I know Maddie would love having you around,” she added, trying to sway me.

I hesitated. I hadn’t told Claire about my argument with Em, over our relationship. In the back of my mind, I knew us staying with Claire would probably upset Em, but what choice did I have? Besides, I’d neglected Maddie so much these last few weeks, I knew she would love having me there.

“Okay,” I relented, “thanks Claire.”

Even I had to admit knowing I had some support with Mirabella gave me a huge sense of relief. After I ended the call, I dialed mom. I hadn’t been in touch for over a week now, even though I’d promised to call her.

“Hey mom. How are you?” I asked, rubbing the back of my neck which was stiff from yet another poor sleep. God I could only dream of my next real sleep, which wouldn’t be until Mirabella turned thirty.