Incredible Beauty (11 page)

Gran stays for a while longer, until mom and dad finally came back into the room. They all left shortly after, not before mom bursts into tears again (and gran tells her off again).

I close my eyes and drift off.

I rouse from whatever state or place I’m in. Simon is holding my hand, telling me about our little girl.

“She is a beauty, Em. She will be breaking boys,’ hearts before we know it,” he jokes. “Her little fingers are so tiny and she's just...amazing.” he finishes. His voice is coated with happiness, sadness and I think I can hear anger. “You need to come back to me. I need you, our baby needs you,” he growls, gripping my hand.

And I need you. God how I need you.

Chapter Twenty

Simon

Moving my empty coffee cup to the side of the table, I wiped my hand on my jeans to remove the sticky chocolaty froth that covered my fingers. I stare at the stain it forms, which is barely noticeable against the darkness of the fabric. I notice it though, I can see the ugly mark it leaves in its wake as it seeps through to my skin.

God I was a mess. Literally. I hadn’t showered in days and I was in a need of a good shave. I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to ease the dull ache that had been in my head for most of the day.

I’d texted Cass and Tom to come in and now all that was left was to call mom.

“Mom, hey, how are you?”

“Simon? I’m good, how are you, how’s Emma?” mom sounded pleased to hear from me and as always, she asked about Em right away.

“Mom, she’s not too good. They had to deliver the baby early and Em is in a coma. They’re not sure if she’ll make it,” I swallowed the massive lump blocking my throat as it suddenly became really difficult to breathe. I grabbed hold of my collar to try and loosen it.

“Oh god Simon, I’m so sorry. The baby…”

“She’s fine, mom,” I cut in.

“A girl? I have a granddaughter? Oh Simon, I’m so…” her voice trailed off as she fought whether to grieve for Em or celebrate our daughter, “I wish I could get down there for you honey,” mom wept.

“I know, its okay. I will call you as soon as there’s any news. Love you mom,” I added.

Her tiny hand twitched as she slept. There was no feeling, more amazing than just sitting here and watching her sleep. When I wasn’t with Em, I was with our baby. For three days straight I had been at the hospital, wearing the same clothes I’d been wearing that day.

“She’s going really well.”

I looked up and smiled at the nurse as she checked the fluid bag connected to bean’s lung tube. There was less in there today again.

“If she keeps this up she might be home in a few weeks,” she added.

A few weeks? I thought of all the things I still needed to do to be ready for her at home, which was everything. I couldn’t take her home, not without Em.

“Really?” I asked, feeling sick. “Surely she’s better off in here until Em gets better…” my words faded as I caught the expression on her face.

No. I
refused
to give up hope

Chapter Twenty-One

Simon

I checked in on Em before I left. Yes, I was actually going home to have a real meal, a shower and get some sleep. I was no good to anyone like this.

Em was the same, no change which was good I suppose. The few moments before I entered her room every single time, I hoped I’d find her sitting up, smiling and talking, miraculously recovered. It broke my heart when that never happened.

The cab driver was the same one that had taken me to the hospital two days earlier. When we reached home, he handed me his card before I got out, telling me to call him anytime I needed a lift.

Inside, the house was so quiet. I turned on the TV and the stereo just to drown out the silence. My head was a mess, a combination of severe lack of sleep and stress. After ordering a pizza (my idea of a ‘proper’ meal), I ran the shower, disposing of my dirty clothes on the floor.

Standing with one hand propped up against the white wall tiles, I let the near scalding water run down my body.

Fuck it felt good.

I couldn’t drag myself out from under the shower, only the ringing of the doorbell enough to spur me into action. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I ran to the door, calling out that I was on my way. I opened the door, shoved a twenty into the hand of the surprised delivery guy, grabbed my pizza and slammed the door.

I grabbed a can of soda from the fridge, undeterred by the towel falling to the floor as I juggled the pizza box and can into the living room. Sinking into the couch, the smell of the pizza was making my stomach grumble. I lifted the box and grabbed a slice, regardless of the soggy bottom and the cheap sparse ingredients, it was the best damn thing I’d ever eaten.

I switched on the TV, only now looking at the time. At just after seven, it was still early enough for me to call Maddie. The plan was to stop off around there tomorrow on the way to the hospital and tell her what was going on.

It took me all of two minutes to polish off the pizza and wash it down with the coke and I think I could have quite comfortably eaten another. I considered checking out the fridge for something else to eat, but when it came down to it, I couldn’t be bothered even moving. Reaching for the phone, I dialed Claire.

“Simon? Is everything okay?” Claire was straight into worry mode.

“Yeah, I’m at home. No change, I just needed to shower and rest,” I yawned.

“Okay,” Claire sounded relieved, “let me know if you need anything. Do you want me to bring some food over for you?” I was so tempted to say yes, but glancing down at my naked body, I didn’t want to even move to get dressed.

“Uh, nah, I’ll probably just go to bed after this. I just wanted to talk to Maddie. I’ll drop by tomorrow on my way to the hospital and talk to her.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. She’s been asking questions.”

“Is she around?” I asked.

“Hold on.” She called out to Maddie.

“Daddy?” Maddie asked excitedly.

“Hey baby, how’s my little girl?” I said, sounding much chirpier than I actually felt.

“I haven’t seen you in ages!” she sang, “we were s'posed to go fishing!”

“I know honey, I’ll make it up to you. How about I come and see you tomorrow?” 

“Oooh yeah!” she cried, giggling, “Will you bring me a present?”

I chuckled, “sure honey, I’ll bring you a present.”

Kicking the sheets off in frustration, I picked up my cell for the thousandth time. No messages, no calls and it had just clicked passed midnight. I tossed it on the floor and rolled onto my back. I was so fucking past tired it was a joke.

All I wanted was a few hours’ sleep so I could get back to the hospital, but apparently that was too much to ask.

Every time I closed my eyes I thought about Em. All I wanted was the image of her lying there, lifeless, out of my head. Forcing it out of my head, I thought back to when Em had made me laugh. I’ll never forget the time her mother interrupted us during sex. Em had been so embarrassed that I couldn’t help but find the whole situation hilarious. And that wasn’t the last time we were caught either. You’d have thought we would have learnt our lesson, but weeks later on the balcony…I mean who sits there with a telescope spying on their neighbors anyway?

Em had been horrified and the more I laughed the angrier she had become.

This wasn’t helping. All this was doing was making me miss her more. Rolling over to Em’s side of the bed, I opened her bedside table and retrieved her bottle of sleeping tablets. I popped one, swallowing it with a mouthful of water. In the back of my mind the little voice was back, telling me I was on the verge of cracking.

Fuck off
, I told the voice, not willing to give it to its taunts. Gradually, the voice faded, along with every other thought swimming around in my head.

My eyes woke up before my brain did and for those few seconds I had no idea what was going on. Slowly, everything began to filter back. I fumbled for my cell on the nightstand. When I couldn’t find it, I sat up, feeling confused and slightly drug fucked. Spotting it lying on top of a pile of dirty clothes, I leaned down and scooped it up.

My eye bugged as I read the time.

Holy shit, I’d slept for twelve hours. It was nearly one in the afternoon.

I had missed calls from Maria, Cass, Claire and the hospital. Blood pulsated through my veins as I threw on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, at the same time I called the hospital.

“ICU please.”

“Hi, this is Simon Anderson, Emma Mancelli’s fiancé. I have a missed call from the hospital. It will either be about Emma or the baby,” I added.

“Simon, yes the surgeon needs to speak to you about Emma’s surgery. Can you come down?”

“Yes, I’m leaving now,” I replied, already out the front door. I jumped in my car and sent Claire a text.

Sorry, have to get to hospital, tell Maddie I love her and will see her soon.

The reply was instant.

Hope all is okay xx

The doctor led me into a small room. I’d seen enough shows on TV to know that when they spoke to you privately, it was never good. I sat down and waited for him to do the same.

“I’m going to get right to the point, Simon. We need to operate today. Emma’s condition is deteriorating and the clot has increased in size. If we don’t try to remove it soon we are concerned it may burst.”

“Okay, so remove it,” I said, not understanding why he was wasting time in here with me when he could’ve been getting this surgery happening sooner.

“There are risks we need to make you aware of,” he looked down at his desk briefly before his eyes reconnected with mine. “The chance of a successful outcome is about sixty percent.”

“What do you classify as successful?” I asked hoarsely.

“That she survives,” he replied simply. “If she does survive, there is a further fifty-fifty chance she will have some form of brain damage. The location of the clot makes it very tricky to reach.”

Fuck. I drew in a breath, knowing there was no other option but to agree to the surgery. At least then she would have a chance.

“When will it be done?”

“Today,” he replied, “We need to do some scans, the operation is scheduled for this afternoon.” he hesitated, not meeting my gaze. “You might want to spend some time with your fiancé, Simon.”

Before I went to see Emma, I stopped past to check on bean. She was going well, every day she was getting bigger and stronger, the only thing she lacked was a name.

 If there was one thing Em and I had not been able to agree on, it was the name of our child. She hated every name I put forth and I equally disliked every name she offered.

I reached her crib to pick her up and smiled as she gazed back up at me with her big blue eyes. All my apprehension and pain melted away when she looked at me with those eyes because I knew no matter what happened I needed to be strong for my daughter.

As I cradled my week old baby girl in my arms, I realized something. If I lose Em today, I wanted her to at least know her daughter’s name. I have to believe she can hear me when I talk to her and I have to believe she knows how much we both love her.

I held Mirabella for a few minutes longer, before laying her down in her crib.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Emma

Apparently I can't be left alone.

At least that’s the impression I get from the influx of visitors to my room, one after the other almost like a procession of people coming to say goodbye. I’d picked up enough from listening to the nurses to know I was having surgery today, though exactly what the problem was, or how serious I wasn’t sure. Judging by the visitors and the feeling in the room, things weren’t looking good and that scared me.

Cass and Tom arrive just as my parents are leaving, gran with them. Mom had managed to get through most of the visit without bursting into tears, which is progress, but also disappointing that gran didn’t get the chance to tell her off again.

“Hey Em.” Cass says, kissing my forehead as either she or Tom squeeze my hand.

“You're looking better today,” Tom says from the other side of the bed. Okay, so it is Cass holding my hand, not Tom.

“I brought you something,” he says. He places something over my ears that feel like headphones. “I know how much you like your crappy soppy movies, so I thought I'd put some on your IPod,” he explains, as sound filled the speakers and Pretty Woman begins to play.

Thank you! Thank you, thank you fucking thank you!

I can't express enough (or at all) how much this means to me. It was the next best thing to waking up. Every movie he would have out on this thing I'd know by heart anyway and in my mind the footage of Pretty Woman begins to roll.

My movie is interrupted when Cass and Tom leave. They both kiss me goodbye and exit the room. I can faintly hear them talking outside, but because of the noise from the headphones, I can't make anything out.

Suddenly I feel the headphones slide off as lips brush past my mouth.

Simon.

“Hey baby.” he says, his voice strained as he reaches for my hand. He’s been crying. “The doctors told me they think you're strong enough for the surgery now, so they're going to take you down and fix you. I've made them promise to bring you back to me,” his voice breaks. God this must be so hard for him.

“I had to give bean a name. I hope you're going to like it,” he adds.

I silently groan. He named her? If there was one thing we hadn’t agreed on during the course of this pregnancy it was what to name the baby, so I dread hearing what he's come up with.

“I named her Mirabella,” he says and I can almost hear the smile in his voice. “In French it means 'Incredible beauty'. When you see her, you'll understand that it’s exactly what she is.”

Mirabella. I like it. I like it a lot.