In Too Deep (6 page)

Josh ran across the road without looking, skipping around a car that had to brake to avoid hitting him. The driver swore loudly but Josh ignored him, racing off through the dunes and onto the beach. His vision blurred - he was crying. He rubbed the tears away angrily.

Lion Rock loomed above him. Splashing through the water he mounted the steps that were cut into the rock’s base, and within seconds he was climbing the wooden steps, rising rapidly away from the beach, past the slip and then up the final steps to the grassy knoll above. He halted here, his breathing laboured and his head spinning; he’d ascended too rapidly and his lungs were deprived of oxygen. He sat down on the seat next to the pou and tried to catch his breath.

He could hear sounds from below as someone made their way up the slope, but for the time being he was alone. He rested his head in his hands, his breath searing his lungs and his muscles protesting their exertion. He wanted to cry, but he had no breath to do it. He could only gulp air into his parched mouth and try to ease the tightness in his chest.

The approaching climber was making their way up the last few steps before the grass knoll. Josh jumped down from the seat and made his way along a faint path in the grass to the left of the knoll where he couldn’t be seen. He sat down on the grass, put his chin on his knees and closed his eyes.

His thoughts were jumbled. For the last few days he’d been able to believe that this was just another holiday like many others before, but the arrival of the sign on the verge had changed all that. It brought home to him the reality of the situation, that they were going to lose the bach, just like they were going to lose the house. It wasn’t fair. His life was out of his control and there was nothing he could do about it.

Josh heard a movement beside him and opened his eyes. Hayden stood next to him.

“I suppose my dad sent you,” he said.

“No, he was helping the agent pick up the bits of the sign,” Hayden said, and sat down beside him. “Man, you should have seen that guy’s face when you kicked that sign down.”

“Have they put it back up?”

“No, your dad said it was better to leave it. The agent complained that it wouldn’t attract buyers, but your dad insisted. Doesn’t want a repeat, I guess.”

“So it’s still on the market?”

“I think so. What’s up anyway?”

“My dad’s bankrupt. His business failed.”

“And you have to sell the bach?”

“Apparently.”

“And you don’t want him to?”

“Obviously. Look, will you cut the questions? I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“Sure.”

Josh lay back on the grass, his hands behind his head, and closed his eyes. He expected Hayden to move on, but the boy stayed, even though Josh was ignoring him. For a while they didn’t speak. Voices drifted to them from the knoll to their right, but the cicadas drowned out most of the words. A question formed on his lips and he wondered whether he should ask it. Josh was curious, but uncertain what Hayden’s reaction would be. In the end he just asked.

“How did your dad die?”

Hayden was silent and Josh thought he wasn’t going to answer. It was so quiet for so long that Josh thought that Hayden had gone after all and he hadn’t heard him. He opened one eye, but Hayden was still beside him, staring into the distance. Josh closed the eye again. He was obviously not going to get an answer.

“Heart attack,” Hayden said, surprising Josh.

“Yeah?”

“I was waiting for him to pick me up from training but he never arrived.”

“Training?”

“Yes, I play water polo; I’m in my school’s team”

Josh cringed; he’d made a fool of himself the previous day, asking if Hayden could swim. This guy could probably swim circles around him and throw a ball while doing it. No wonder he’d had such strength in his arm when he had stopped him from hitting his father.

“There was no warning – he didn’t have any symptoms” Hayden continued. “He was at work when it happened. They tried CPR but he was gone - just like that. I waited for ages for him to pick me up. Then my uncle came in the end. He was upset and wouldn’t tell me anything. Mum told me when I got home. That’s when it all fell apart. I haven’t been to training since. I think I failed all my exams, too. Nothing seems to have any point. They tell me it’ll get better in time, but I want it to be better now. I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

Hayden became silent. Josh sat up, but didn’t know what to say. He’d never had this kind of conversation with anyone before. He thought Hayden had finished, but the boy started talking again.

“I saw him at the funeral home. He looked like he was asleep in the coffin, but when I touched him he was hard and cold. I didn’t want to go to the funeral, but Mum said I had to, said I had to have closure, like I could close a door and never have to think about it again. I had no control over anything.”

Hayden stopped. Josh looked over at him and noticed tears running down his cheeks. Hayden appeared to be unaware that he was crying.

“School was worse,” Hayden said. “No one knew what to say to me so they said nothing. They’d avoid me. Perhaps they were scared I’d burst into tears or something. Everyone had gone back to their own lives and they expected us to do the same, but it wasn’t ever going to go back to the way it was before. Dad had gone and he wasn’t coming back.” He paused. “Some days it was so bad I’d feel like killing myself.”

“Would you?” Josh asked, alarmed now.

“What, kill myself?” Hayden asked.

Josh nodded.

“No, I couldn’t do that to my mum. I know she’s trying to be strong, but she’s like an ice cream cone. One bit of pressure and she’ll crumble. Nah, it’s bad enough Dad’s gone. It’s just her and me now. We have to be strong for each other.”

“Why does she want you to surf?”

“She wants me to get back in the water - to start playing again. I stopped when dad died and I haven’t been able to return to it. She thinks it would be good for me – to go back to doing what I did before, take my mind off it, but the trouble is it’s always there. Nothing is going to take it away.”

“Surfing might help,” Josh said, thinking how surfing made him forget all his problems. “I’ll show you a few things tomorrow,” he added.

“You will?” Hayden asked. “For sure, not like today when you buggered off?”

“If you really want to.”

“I’d like to give it a go, as long as you’re not doing it because you feel sorry for me.”

“No,” Josh said with a laugh, although he knew there was some truth in what Hayden said. “Someone has to teach you. It might as well be me.”

“Deal,” Hayden said.

Suddenly Josh felt better, although he had no idea why.

“Go. Now!” Josh shouted as the wave moved towards the surfboard. “Paddle, paddle, hands on the rails, feet under … no!”

Once again Hayden fell off the surfboard into the shallow water. The day before, after having come down from Lion Rock, they had practised this movement while the board was on the front lawn at the bach. But attempting it on a static board was different to doing it on a board carried along by the fluid motion of the sea. Josh was frustrated. He couldn’t understand why Hayden couldn’t do something that came so naturally to him.

“Let’s do it again,” he said with a sigh.

“Why can’t I do it,” Hayden cried, equally frustrated. “Is it because I’m goofy-footed?”

“No, it’s got nothing to do with it,” Josh said. “You’ll get it in the end.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Then give up,” Josh said grimly.

“I’m not ready to do that yet,” Hayden said as he took his board from Josh and prepared to get on again. For the interminable time he fell off. Grabbing the board before it was swept away, Josh looked out to where the waves were rolling in. The swell was rising on the outgoing tide. The tide was due to turn soon and he yearned to go out before it did. If only Hayden would stand on his board.

“Go,” said Hayden.

Josh turned and saw that Hayden was close beside him.

“I can see you’d rather be out there,” Hayden continued. “Go on, I’ll carry on trying by myself.”

“Sure?” Josh asked.

“Yeah, there’s nothing more you can help me with. It’s all up to me now. I’ll catch you later.”

“If you say so,” Josh said with a smile.

Josh ran out of the water and grabbed his own board. Paddling into the rip, he could feel the strength of the water beneath him as he swept past Camel Rock and the small domed rock called the Beehive. Already there were a large number of surfers in the water, but he didn’t mind. His turn would come. It was enough to be in the surf with a large stretch of churning water between him and the shore. Out here his problems receded. It was only when he set foot on land that the trouble started.

He was wrong. One of his problems came out to him in the form of Bevan, paddling out on his surfboard. Josh straddled his board and watched him come closer.

“So you think you can ride, eh?” Bevan sneered as he approached.

Josh didn’t bother to reply.

“Gone dumb, eh? Water on the brain,” Bevan taunted.

Josh ignored him.

“Mind if I park here?” Bevan asked.

“Please yourself,” Josh replied.

“No, I’ll go over there, where the good waves are.”

Josh stared after him as he moved to the inside where the surfers in the take-off zone. They arrived there before Josh and Bevan, so it was their right to ride the next good wave. They frowned as Bevan intruded into their space. Josh knew it wouldn’t be long before he started to make trouble.

He was right. Within a few minutes of Bevan’s arrival, one of the guys on the inside took off on a good wave and was well into riding it when Bevan dropped in on him. He had to flick out to avoid hitting him. Bevan continued his ride, seemingly unaware of the mistake he’d made. Josh knew that it was no mistake, just Bevan’s arrogance. He heard the surfer curse as he paddled past and Josh thought that if Bevan was looking for a fight, he was going to get one.

“Piss off,” one of the surfers shouted as Bevan paddled out.

“Piss off yourself,” Bevan shouted back and continued to push his way to the inside.

Josh caught a few waves and was lucky not to have to share them with Bevan. The surf became erratic as low tide passed. Josh noticed that sets of small waves were being followed by a large solitary one that pushed towards the shore with great force - a sort of freak waves. He knew that when those waves stopped then the surf would die.

Josh was on the inside when one of the freak waves built up and he began to paddle. He heard one of the surfers shout encouragement as he prepared to take off. Then he was up and riding, dropping down the face of a three metre wave.

Suddenly Bevan appeared from nowhere, just in front of him. Josh was riding too fast to avoid him. He cut back sharply, too sharply, and wiped out in a big way. As he crashed backwards onto the water, he saw his board fly up into the air before it was jerked back down by the leash attached to his ankle and the tug flipped him sideways in the water. He flailed around as the wave closed over him, knowing his board would be travelling back down towards him at speed and he couldn’t swim out of the way. Now surrounded by water, he raised his hands in defense as the board swooped down and hit his right arm on a glancing blow, it instantly went numb. He grabbed the board with his good arm as it bobbed in the water beside him then used it to keep him afloat while he cradled his arm close to his body. The numbness faded, leaving his nerve ends jangling, shoulder to fingertips alive with a thousand pins and needles.

“Are you alright?” someone shouted to him.

“Yeah,” Josh shouted back. “I think I’ll go in.”

“Someone needs to teach that prick a lesson,” someone else called out as Josh pulled himself onto his board.

Josh silently agreed with him. He paddled forward, using only his left arm, while lying on his stomach on the board. His right arm was useless. He wondered if it was broken. When he reached the mid-break, the waves tossed him off his board and he walked the rest of the way in, holding his board in one arm.

He was surprised to see Gina sitting next to Hayden on the beach. Josh walked up to them, and then knelt down so that he could put his board down on the sand.

“What’s wrong with your arm?” Hayden asked.

“My board hit it.” He sat on the sand alongside his board and tried not to look at Gina. He wondered why she was sitting with Hayden. Did she like him? Josh felt a pang of jealousy then dismissed it. She was Bevan’s girlfriend. There was no chance for either of them.

“Bevan dropped in on you,” Gina said.

“Yes, he did.” He looked over at her. Her deep blue eyes looked back at him.

“Is it broken?” she asked.

“I don’t think so.”

“Let me check,” she said as she got up from the sand and knelt beside him. She wrapped her fingers around his biceps and squeezed gently. His skin tingled where she touched him. She moved slowly down his arm, testing each area.

The world receded. He was no longer aware of the sea, the beach, Hayden or any of the people on the beach. There was only him and Gina and her hands moving slowly over his skin. He shivered although he was not cold.

“No,” she said as she rocked back on her heels. “I don’t think it’s broken.”

She stood up and pulled him to his feet while she laughed. “Come on, let’s go for a walk,” she said. “Hayden can watch our stuff.”

Josh looked over his shoulder at Hayden, who looked disappointed as he sat back down amongst the towels and surfboards.

She led him towards the south end of the beach, to the track that led to the Tasman Lookout. He followed her silently, watching her body move in front of him as she ascended the steps. It was cool amongst the overhanging bushes and trees, but he felt hot.

They broke out into the sunshine at the top and Gina veered right to the lookout. When they reached the wooden platform he was surprised to see that there was no one there as it was usually very busy, especially at that time of year. They stepped onto the deck, walked to the rails and leant against them, side by side, looking down at the foaming sea below them. Camel Rock was in front of them, a huge mass of rock sheltering the stretch of sand behind it. The few surfers out were just black dots on the backline and the bathers a dark mass in the tumbling waves. There was a light breeze in his face and he closed his eyes and breathed deeply. The wind carried with it the salty tang of the sea that he could taste in the back of his throat. He could smell Gina’s perfume.

“Josh,” she said in his ear.

He opened his eyes and found her face close, then her lips were on his and he turned to put his arms around her, his right arm now restored. She pulled him closer, her hand on the back of his neck as she forced his lips apart and poked her tongue in his mouth. He’d kissed girls before, but not like this. His head began to spin and he forgot where he was. All that existed was Gina, her perfume in his nose and her tongue in his mouth. The muscles in his lower stomach tightened and his breathing quickened.

Voices announced that someone was approaching and Gina stepped back.

“You taste salty,” she said.

“So would Bevan after surfing,” Josh replied, wondering what Gina was doing with him besides messing with his head.

“Don’t talk about him,” she said as she drew him to the other side of the lookout as another couple came up the path between the flax. She walked to the grassy area in front of the deck and pulled him down beside her.

“What’s with you and Bevan?” he asked.

“I’m just staying with him.”

“You said you were staying with friends.”

“So you remember me saying that when I met you on the beach,” she said, and laughed.

“But why are you staying with him?”

“His sister, Katie, invited me down. We were best friends.”

“Were?”

“She went on some exchange programme to America. Now she’s back for a holiday and thought it would a good idea for us to hang out. But she’s changed.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, nothing’s good enough for her now, not even me.” She tugged at the blades of glass beside her. “Anyway, she’s got herself this boyfriend here and so we don’t spend any time together now.” Gina threw the ripped strands of grass into the air where the wind carried them away.

“So is Bevan your boyfriend?” Josh wanted to get things straight between them.

“I let him think he is.” She turned to him and smiled. “But you can be my boyfriend now.”

A line from a song ran through his mind, something about girls liking cars and money.

“But I don’t have a fancy car like Bevan.”

“What car?” Gina asked, looking at him.

“The black convertible.” He couldn’t even think about it without a shudder going down his spine.

Gina burst out laughing.

“What?” Josh said. “What did I say?”

“That’s not Bevan’s car. That belongs to Rhys.”

“But Bevan was driving it, with Mitch and Scott in it.”

“Rhys lets him use it sometimes,” she said and frowned. “But he’s not allowed to have passengers. He only has his restricted licence. You’d better not tell Rhys.”

Josh smiled then lowered his head down to kiss her again. She ran her fingers through his salt-stiffened hair and her touch made his shiver. He was prepared to take his chances with Bevan if the reward was the company of this girl.

When they returned to the beach they found Bevan standing over Hayden and demanding, “Where are they?” His back was towards them and he didn’t see them approach.

Hayden got to his feet and stood facing Bevan. “I don’t know.”

“We’re here,” Josh said as he walked up. “What’s the problem?”

“She is,” Bevan said, flicking a finger at Gina. He directed his question at her. “What are you doing with these losers?”

“You don’t own me, Bevan,” Gina said. “I can do what I want.”

Bevan grabbed her by the arm. “You’re coming with me.”

“Leave her alone,” Josh said as he stepped forward to block him.

“Surfer boy to the rescue,” Bevan jeered.

“You leave her alone, Bevan, or I’ll tell Rhys that you had Mitch and Scott in the car the day you borrowed it to beat me up.”

Bevan looked at Gina. “You bitch!”

“Bugger off, Bevan.” Gina hissed.

“You’ll come running back.”

“Never.”

Bevan turned and stalked off.

“Well, that was interesting,” Hayden said as he reached for his towel. Josh noticed his hair was wet and there were droplets of water on his board.

“You’ve been out?” Josh asked him.

“Yep.”

“Catch any waves?"

“No.”

“You’ll get it in the end.”

“With no help from you,” Hayden muttered as he picked up his board. “I’m going home.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Gina said as she watched him walk off.

“Maybe he’s jealous.”

“Jealous of who?”

“Me. He must have thought you were interested in him.”

“I think he’s more interested in you.”

“What?” Josh exclaimed.

“I think he likes you.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Josh said, although it made him wonder. Would it explain why Hayden stuck with him even when he was rude? Was he gay? Josh decided he would play it cool around Hayden from now on.

“You want to come to my place?” he asked as he picked up his board.

“Yeah, sure.” She picked up her towel and slung it around her neck.

His mother was the only one in the house when he got back and he introduced Gina to her. His mother smiled warmly at her and then raised her eyebrows at him when Gina wasn’t looking. He’d never brought a girl home with him before.

After lunch they walked to the caves at North Piha, where they kissed again while leaning against the cool rock wall. This girl turned him on like no girl had before and he couldn’t get enough of her.

It was late afternoon when they walked back along the road, hand in hand. Josh wanted the day to last forever, but Gina stopped outside a bach. The black convertible was parked in the drive with a late-model Holden beside it.

“This is my stop,” Gina said.

“This is where Bevan lives?”

“And his parents, don’t forget. I share a room with Katie. Not that I see much of her.”

“What about Bevan?”

“He shares a room with his brother Rhys. Why? Are you jealous?”

Josh could feel his cheeks burning.

“I just … you’re living in the same house as him.”

“You are jealous.” She put her hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes. “You’re just all over too cute, Josh.” She pulled him close and kissed him.

A movement in the house caught his eye as he glanced past her shoulder. For a moment he could have sworn he saw Bevan at the window watching them.