In the Silks (25 page)

“Oh please.”

“Yeah, well.” Ryan said before disappearing into the bathroom to brush his teeth and take a piss. When he came out, Rena was sitting on a bar stool, texting. Henry had to still be in the bedroom, unless he took off shoeless. Ryan could see one of his boots resting up against the corner of the sofa. 

“So what are you doing here, did we make plans and I forgot?”

“No, are you not happy to see us?” She said looking up from her phone.

“Shut the hell up, you know I am.”

“The twins aren’t feeling well, nothing serious, just head colds. The hubby is home with them and Coop was so bored. He said that he wanted to see Uncle Ryan, so here we are! I did try to call you but it went straight to voice mail. Now I know why. Anyway, I figured if you weren't here we could still find some fun things to do.”

“Well, I’m glad to see you guys.”

“So who is your friend?”

“Henry Hayes, we went to college together.”

“Hmmm, yeahhh, you know I want more than that, right?”

“Yeah, but you’re not going to get it, at least not right now,” Ryan looked to Cooper and then over toward his bedroom. He was trying to keep his voice low. Henry was probably listening to every word they said.

“Yeah, yeah, okay. We wouldn’t want him to catch us talking about him. You might be in the dog house.”

“Yes and if he does, I’m going to have to kill you,” he smiled at her.

“Oh it’s like, that is it?”

Ryan just nodded.

“Have coffee?”

“Of course.”

Ryan made coffee and poured some juice for his nephew.

“Want some breakfast?”

“Ryan love, it’s after eleven. How about lunch? My treat. You think Henry will join us?”

“I’ll ask him.” Ryan didn’t think he would go for it.

He finished making the coffee and poured three cups. He passed Rena hers, to prepare the way she liked. Ryan put his together and then prepared Henry’s the way he knew he liked to drink it.

Rena watched, raising an eyebrow.

Ryan sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes, “What now?”

“Nothing,” she said over the rim of her cup.

She was very observant.

“Let me go try and lure him out with this,” Ryan said raising the mug up in front of himself.

Rena nodded, sipping her coffee.

Cooper came over to get his juice and managed to drink most of it down without ever looking away from the game.

When Ryan rounded the corner cup in hand, Henry was dressed and the bed was made. It looked pristine, any evidence of the dirty things they had done on it the night before were now gone. Some of it lying rolled up in a ball in the corner apparently. Ryan chuckled.

“You changed the sheets?”

Henry stopped biting his nail long enough to answer, “There’s no door on the bedroom.”

“Oh, my God, you are so cute,” he laughed, walking over to hand Henry the cup.

Henry took it and Ryan sat down on the edge of the bed, picking Henry’s feet up and onto his lap.

“You do realize that whether the bed is made or not, she knows we were having sex.”

Henry shot him a death glare, as he sipped his coffee.

“Rena wants us to go to lunch with her.”

Henry scoffed, “You go, and I’ll leave after you guys.”

“Henry, you’re being a bit dramatic. You can’t hide in here and you don’t know her but I’m warning you now, she will come in looking for you.”

Henry took another sip and then rested his head back against the headboard.

“Babe, I promise its fine. Don’t make me call her in here” Ryan said, squeezing Henry’s calve.

“Don’t you dare!” Henry glared at him.

Ryan laughed, “I won’t, but you are coming.”

“Well maybe I should go home and-”

“Nope,” Ryan cut him, “just take a shower, you have clothes here.”

“I do?”

“Yeah you do, from a while back,” all of the sudden Ryan’s mood became somber. “I washed them and put them in that bottom drawer,” he motioned toward it and shrugged. Ryan couldn’t look at him, he felt like he was about to cry and that seemed so ridiculous.

“Okay, thanks,” Henry told him. If Ryan wasn’t mistaken he sounded a bit off himself. It was like they both knew something important, but weren’t willing to say it out loud.

“Cool, so get your things. I’ll introduce you and then you can go get ready. I’ll jump in after you.”

“And leave me alone with them?”

Ryan leaned over and patted his cheek, laughing. “You’re too much.”

As he turned to walk away, Ryan heard him let out a trembling breath.

~~~~~

“So?”

“So…he’s going to come with us,” Ryan told his sister, scratching at his beard.

“Good. You know you could stand a trim.” Rena said, pointing at Ryan’s face.

“Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing.” Ryan looked back at the entry way to his room.

“He’s really embarrassed huh?”

“Yep, just don’t scare him off, all right?”

Rena gave Ryan a look of astonishment and put her hand to her chest. “Me? How could I possibly scare him off? Has he heard you snore or tasted your cooking?”

“Smart ass. Just don’t go get all nosy, seriously.”

“Scout’s honor,” she told him holding her hand up as if she wore swearing on a Bible.

“You weren’t a sco-” Ryan cut himself off when he noticed that Henry had finally chosen to come out of the bedroom. He was holding his clothes to his middle with his head down.

Ryan smirked, it really was so endearing. If his sister and nephew hadn’t been there he would have pounced already. When Henry approached, Ryan put a hand to his lower back.

“Henry this is my sister Rena, Rena, this is Henry.”

“Nice to meet you, sorry about before,” Henry said.

Rena waved him off, “Pfft please you have nothing to be sorry about.”

Ryan called to Cooper.

“And this is my oldest nephew Cooper.”

“Nice to meet you, Cooper,” Henry said reaching out to shake his hand.

“Nice to meet you, too. Are you going to have lunch with us?”

Rena and Ryan both looked at Henry waiting for him to answer.

“Yes, I think I am.”

“Cool,” was all Cooper said before going back over to the pillows. He really loved sitting in that spot. The few times that he had been here, that was where he chose to go. Come to think of it, so did the twins. It gave Ryan a warm feeling to know that they were comfortable here. He had two roommates in New York and the space was small. For all intents and purposes, this loft was the first home Ryan had that was all his own. It was home.

He really did love it here.  That was one reason he hated the idea of leaving Boston. He had a much bigger reason to want to stay; but that was something else entirely.

Henry excused himself and went to the bathroom.

“He’s funny. To be honest, I’m surprised at you.” Rena’s voice brought Ryan back from his thoughts.

“What do you mean?” He asked her.

“Nothing bad, just you usually go for people more like you - outgoing, you know. The last one you had would never have reacted the way Henry did.”

“And that’s a bad thing? His name was Cameron, by the way.” He hated that they were discussing this right now.

“No, I just said it wasn’t a bad thing, dumb ass. I like it; and he’s very modest.”

“And I’m not?”

Rena gave him that
are you serious
look.

“Yeah, yeah, okay I get it, yes, he really is modest. I really like him.” Ryan felt sad, he knew it showed.

“What about New York?”

He didn’t respond, rather just clenched his jaw in an effort to keep his mouth shut. Rena wasn’t having it. She cocked her head sideways and stared at him; clearly waiting for an answer. Ryan shrugged his shoulders, not sure what he could say without becoming emotional. He had been twisted up for so long now; it wouldn’t take much to unravel him.

“Wow,” Rena said nodding her head, as if she has just figured something out.

“What?”

“You’re a smitten kitten.”

Ryan couldn’t deny it. “Maybe I am.” Ryan smiled sadly.

Henry came out just then. Trying to shake off the conversation with his sister, Ryan downed the rest of his coffee quickly. After he finished, he told them, “Okay, so I’m going to go get ready and then we can go.” Ryan tapped his hands against the counter top looking between his sister and Henry. He was a little nervous about leaving them alone. 

“Henry, sit relax. She won’t bite.” He said, not feeling too confident in his words.

“You think,” Rena countered, winking.

“Married woman! Back off!”

She laughed and Henry blushed.

Ryan went back to his room, got some clothes and headed into the bathroom. When he walked back through the kitchen Rena was asking Henry about his work.

They would be fine for ten minutes.

Ryan had hurried his shower. Despite reassuring himself that they’d be okay, he was still in a rush to be a buffer between his sister and Henry. When he rejoined them, he was dressed but his hair was still dripping a bit.

Cooper hadn’t moved but Henry and Rena were sitting in the stools looking a bit somber and awkward.

What could have brought that on?

He knew Rena had enough tact not to ask Henry anything that would make him uncomfortable; even though she teased Ryan about it. She might have asked him some things about himself but nothing that would never cross the line.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Rena gave him a forced smile, “you almost ready?”

“Yeah,” he answered her but looking at Henry. “Let me get my shoes on and we can get out of here.”

Henry already had his on and Ryan noticed that he had his had his keys in hand.

“We going to ride in your car, sis?”

“Sure.”

“Actually, I just remembered something I was supposed to do today.” Henry said not making eye contact with him.

Ryan walked closer to him and bent his head so that he could see his face.

“What?” Ryan knew he was lying. He looked at Rena and she turned to face Cooper

“What the fuck?” Ryan said under his breath. “Henry, come with me while I get my shoes on.” Ryan turned and started toward the bedroom. When he looked back he watched as Henry hesitated before following him. When they were both in the room Ryan grabbed him by the front of his jeans, pulling him close.

“What’s going on and don’t tell me nothing because that’s bullshit.”

“I forgot I had something to do, I’m sorry.”

“You lie for shit Henry, has anyone ever told you that?”

Henry had his head turned to the side.

“Hello, could you look at me, please?”

Henry did.

“What. Is. Going. On?” Ryan asked, punctuating every word.

“Nothing Ryan, I just need to go.”

At this point, Ryan was feeling panicked, he needed to know what had happened in the few minutes he had been out of the room.  His mind was racing about what could have possibly been said.

Then like a backhand to the face it hit him, hard. So hard he gasped to catch his breath.

“What did she say to you?” Ryan already knew the answer, but he had to hear Henry say it.

How could he have been so stupid? This whole situation had played out a little too nicely. In spite of Henry's embarrassment; Ryan knew he should not have felt as confident about them meeting as he had. Now that he’d had some coffee and his mind was a bit clearer he realized his mistake. Rena had information that Henry didn’t, and information that Ryan wasn’t sure he was planning to share with Henry now, if ever.

He’d hated lying to Henry but the more time that they spent together, the more he felt ashamed of who he was; what he had let himself become. Ryan believed that Henry was good, too good for him.

An ideal situation would have been Ryan leaving to go back to New York and Henry never the wiser, despite the bad decisions that Henry had unfortunately witnessed and cleaned up. The thought made Ryan grimace. However, the more time he spent with Henry the more he realized that wasn’t his ideal situation anymore and he hated deceiving him.

Henry didn’t answer his question. They just stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Henry broke the stand-off first, he turned and walked out of the room. Ryan nodded and followed him out. He knew that right now wasn’t the time to hash this out with Henry; he needed to let him go. He was terrified that letting him walk away now, was letting him walk away for good. Ryan wanted to throttle Rena, God she was lucky to have Cooper for protection.

Chapter 26

H
ENRY walked through the kitchen and stopped in front of Rena. “It was nice meeting you and your son.”

That was all he said before picking up his helmet and walking out the door. He never looked back to see if Ryan was watching. And as he rode home, Henry replayed the conversation with Rena over again in his mind.

“So Henry, what do you do?”

“I’m a juvenile probation officer.”

“Oh wow, what’s that like?”

“It can be tough, but I really enjoy it.”

“That’s good. Are you from the area?”

“Yes, born and raised.”

“I should have known by your accent. So…Ryan seems to like you a lot.”

“Ahh, yeah, I really like him.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to embarrass you more but it’s nice to see him smile. The past few months have been so bad for him.”

“It’s okay I understand. He seems to be doing much better now.”

“Does he? Good, I admit part of the reason I’m here is to check on him. We worry, my parents and I, I mean.”

“Understandable, he seems good. He doesn’t complain about it.”

“Well, that’s good. He wasn’t too happy with my parents when all this started.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just you know he didn’t want rehab to begin with, leaving the show and New York. My brother was not a happy camper.”

“I can understand him being upset about leaving the show and all but he knows he can’t get back to the show until he fully rehabs his knee.”

“His knee? Oh, well yeah, but he needs to be healthy before he goes back.”

“He seems healthy to me.”

“I’m so glad you feel that way. You know considering what you do for a living you’re very open-minded about Ryan’s situation. I appreciate that.”

“Situation?”

“Well, what would you call it? A probation officer dating someone with a substance abuse problem. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother and I’m glad you see him for who he truly is. Am I missing something, you looked confused?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Oh shit, did you not know?”

“I- wait… so, rehab wasn’t for his knee?”

“Yes, he was having therapy for his knee but…Oh my God, Ryan is going to kill me.”

“Is Ryan in treatment?”

“I shouldn’t say anything else, I screwed up.”

“Just tell me, please.”

“Yes.”

That was when Ryan had come back out of the bathroom. It wasn’t so much Rena’s revelation as the fact that he had known there was cause for concern, but he didn’t want to take the chance, how weak was that? He’d been so foolish. He couldn’t even blame it all on Ryan. Ryan may have lied to him but Henry was lying to himself as well.

He
chose
to look the other way so many times. He knew Ryan was having issues with drugs, you’d have to be blind not to see it. It wasn’t so much that as the fact that Ryan had lied to him. This whole time, Henry had been in the dark about the seriousness of Ryan’s drug problems. But who was he? Ryan didn’t owe him anything, really.

Henry was also no innocent; he was keeping people in the dark too; including Ryan. In that moment however, Henry wanted to focus on his own pain. So many conversations they had had, that he now replayed in his mind trying to find those moments where Ryan straight out lied to his face. Why lie though? Henry would have been glad to know that Ryan was seeking help.

When Henry got home he changed into a pair of basketball shorts, grabbed a beer and went over to lie down on the sofa. He picked up his phone from the coffee table, no one had called him or messaged him. Usually he didn’t mind that, but now he wanted, no, he
needed
the distraction. With a frustrated sigh, he dropped the phone beside him on the sofa; as angry as he was, he was hurt as well.

There was no message from Ryan but it had only been about a half an hour since he’d left the loft Ryan also had company, too. He hoped that they weren’t fighting because of him. He was sure that Ryan knew why he had taken off the way he did. Henry scoffed, shaking his head as he sat up long enough to drain most of his beer.  He dropped back onto the sofa and covered his eyes with his arm. Just a few hours before he had been so content…even with the uncertainty of their relationship, last night had been bliss. It seemed like they had both forgotten that there was anything else in the world that mattered, they were consumed with each other all night. Now here he was in his apartment alone; feeling hollow, like a chunk of him had been taken and it wasn’t going to grow back.

~~~~~

Ryan lay in his bed that night, spinning his phone around in his hand. He wanted to call Henry but he was hoping that Henry would call him first. After he had seen Rena and Cooper, he sat on his front stoop long enough to smoke several cigarettes. He was so angry at his sister, he knew she didn’t mean any harm but she knew she had fucked up royally. In the end, it was Rena that called him out, telling Ryan that if he felt like Henry was special then he should have told him the truth. That was a bold move on her part, because he still wanted to ring her neck. Rena had apologized like crazy and even offered to go talk to Henry, but Ryan was absolutely positive that that would not go over well; Henry was such a private person.

Ryan had gone back upstairs and immediately went to his stash. Staring at the joint in his hand, he kept thinking about everything that had happened. He’d come to Boston with a plan and Henry Hayes came along and now Ryan had no idea what he was doing. He knew what he wanted, just not how to make all those pieces fit together. Now as he lay here he was going over it all in his head … back and forth like a ping-pong game. He felt like such an asshole and he was hoping that Henry would find a way to see past that; to at least hear him out. If he could plead his case and try to explain, maybe it would make a difference. Honest with himself, he believed that he had gotten what he deserved, for most part. Henry should have walked away and he would be better off without Ryan and all his weakness. Ryan had never intended to mislead Henry. When he’d first contacted him, Ryan never thought it would become anything, at least not anything that would necessitate him telling all of his business.

Even after that first night; after the party. Ryan hadn’t believed that he would see Henry again after he had taken off. But Henry had come back and things started to change. When Ryan realized that he was developing feelings for Henry, that it wasn’t just lust and loneliness, it became harder to work up the nerve to tell him. It wasn’t logical; Henry had seen him a hot mess on more than one occasion. Yet, he still came around, Ryan wasn’t sure if it was because he truly had feelings for him or something else. Henry had been so closed off, Ryan was afraid that he was just convenient for Henry and that made him feel like shit. Ryan had wanted to ask him but he figured it was a dumb move anyway, considering he never planned to stay in Boston. Through it all though, not even when his family had their intervention for him; or when he had to walk away from performing, never had felt the way he did when he thought about Henry knowing the truth. Ryan couldn’t blame him for reacting the way he did. 

How had he let himself get to this place? He was a kid from a strong, supportive family. He went to a great school, had his dream job. Yet he had let himself become a junkie. If someone had said that to him before he would have hit them, probably several times. To Ryan, a junkie was someone that smoked crack, or did meth, had track marks and no teeth. What Ryan had come to learn was that just because his drug, or rather drugs, of choice were different, it didn’t mean that he was. He hadn’t hit rock bottom, he knew that from going to meetings and therapy. He didn’t want to, after seeing it and hearing the stories.

He thought about something that he’d put aside the past week. Shay’s visit had shown Ryan that there were other roads he could travel. Once you’ve reached your goal, sometimes it was okay to find a new one and pursue new dreams. Opening up to other possibilities was a step in the right direction.

Ryan rolled over and punched the pillow several times. He put the phone on the pillow next to him, he wasn’t sure how long he lay there awake but finally sleep took him.