In the Heart of Forever (23 page)

My eyes widened. She was a patient?

Abigail laughed. “I think you need to explain, Ren. He’s looking at me like I have two heads.” She leaned forward. A hint of flowery perfume invaded my nostrils. “I’m not a patient here, hun.”

I frowned. “But I thought—”

She giggled and grabbed my hand, a look of sympathy washed over her face. “But first, I just want to tell you that it’s so nice to meet you. I’ve heard great things about you. You truly are inspiring.”

My jaw dropped. I was inspiring? Me? “You sure you’re not a patient here?”

Ren smacked me on the arm but Abigail burst out laughing. “Some days I think so. Now Ren, go take your brother to Emilia.” She turned and headed down the hall, still laughing at what I had said.

“Way to play it cool.” Ren smacked me again.

“Ow, what? She’s obviously losing it. I’m inspiring?” I said, rubbing my arm.

Ren shook his head and walked down the hall in the opposite direction. “Follow me.”

I sighed and shoved my hands in my pockets, following him. I didn’t know where we were going but panic and anxiety flared in my stomach. So many questions ran through my head. I didn’t know how she would react to seeing me but I knew it wouldn’t be good. “Ren, maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

He grabbed the back of my neck and squeezed it reassuringly. “Rave, we’re here now. No turning back.”

“But what if she doesn’t want to see me? It’s been awhile, you know…” All I could think about was Jesse being back at Allan’s. What if he showed up? My nerves were shot and I was terrified that if I walked in on him attacking her again, I wouldn’t be able to control myself even if Jesse tried stopping me.

“Oh, I know, but whose fault is that?” he asked me.

Biting my inner cheek, I looked out the large floor to ceiling window that covered the whole wall. It gave a beautiful view of the hospital grounds. This really was a nice place.

God, I hope she’s happy.

***

As we walked down the long hallway, Ren would greet people every so often. I frowned. “How many times do you come here?”

His eyes quickly flicked to mine and away, looking straight ahead of him. “Often enough.”

“Why…?” A lump formed in my throat.

“Why didn’t I tell you or bring you?”

I nodded.

His eyes widened. “Seriously?”

Sighing, I stuck my hands back in my pocket, trudging along beside him. “Dumb question.”

Clapping a hand on my shoulder, he led me to a large room. People milled about, all wearing casual clothes. No white coats on doctors or hideous patient gowns. At the back of the large room, several bookshelves lined the walls making my heart jump.
Jesse.

I stood inside the door and hesitated. I didn’t know why I was here or that it would do any good.

Ren noticed my hesitation and grabbed my arm. “Come on.”

People sat at tables, some reading, other drawing, some were chatting. It wasn’t what I expected at all. “Ren.”

He turned to me as we walked to a door at the back of the room.

I looked at him. “These people…”

“What about them?”

“They look…normal.”

He laughed, amusement filling his gaze. “They are normal.”

“But I thought…” Confusion and ran through me. “I don’t understand.”

“You will.” He said and pulled me along to the back door. Knocking lightly, we waited. The door opened a minute later revealing a beautiful woman who was a couple years older than me…my eyes widened. “Emilia?”

Her deep green eyes flicked to mine and bored into them. Her long dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, showcasing her perfect skin, smooth chin and little nose. “Rave?” She gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth.

I stood there. Frozen. It had been seven years. Seven years of guilt and regret. Seven years of hiding from her. Tears filled her eyes and she took an unsteady step towards me.

My mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out.

She stood about a foot away, tears now streaming down her face. “I never expected you to show up.” Her voice cracked.

I looked at Ren. “You told her?”

He nodded. “I told her I was going to drag your ass here even if you were kicking and screaming.”

“You didn’t come willingly, did you?” she asked quietly.

I looked down at her, reached out and wiped a tear from her cheek. “No. I’m sorry…”

She threw her arms around my middle, throwing me off guard. “It’s ok. You’re here now. That’s all that counts.”

My hands hovered over her back, not knowing exactly where to put them.
She’s your sister, dumbass.
Sighing, I wrapped my arms around her. It felt good to hug her again. To comfort her. To hold her.

She sniffed and cried against my chest. “Oh Rave. I’ve missed you terribly.”

Tears filled my eyes and I blinked them away, forcing them back. I would not cry. “Emilia, I—”

She released me and grabbed my hand. “Come.”

I followed behind her and looked back at Ren. He nodded encouragingly, before joining us in the small office. Emilia pulled me to a black leather couch that sat against the wall. The office was small but modern. One wall had pictures of…us. The three of us. Siblings.
Oh God.

We sat down beside each other but I couldn’t take my eyes away from the collage of pictures. They were from when we were young. When we were happy. Before…before Jim came into our lives.

A lump formed in my throat and I turned to Emilia. She wore a smile and her cheeks were wet with tears but she looked happy. How could she be happy? Why wasn’t she yelling and screaming at me? I didn’t protect her. Everything was my fault. My eyes widened. Jesse blamed herself for everything and I snapped at her, telling her not to and here I was, doing the exact same thing. God, I was such a hypocrite.

“Rave, I’ve missed you so much,” Emilia said, her voice small.

“Why?” I asked, before I could stop myself. I didn’t understand how she could be so calm and why she wasn’t furious with me.

“Rave,” Ren admonished.

Emilia looked at Ren and then back at me. She frowned. “What do you mean,
why
? You’re my little brother. Why wouldn’t I miss you?”

I swallowed hard. “Because…because I didn’t protect you.”

She didn’t respond right away. Her eyes bored into mine, searching my face. “What are you talking about?” She finally asked.

“Never mind, I should go.” I released myself from her grip.

“No, I don’t think so. I finally see you after all these years and you’re wanting to leave. What is wrong with you, Rave? Why haven’t you called me? Why have you ignored all of my letters?” She threw question after question and I didn’t know how to answer them. My throat closed up. I rose from the couch and she followed suit, grabbing my arm. “We need to get this sorted. Whatever is going on with you, we need to fix it.”

I spun on her. “You can’t fix it. It’s all me. I didn’t protect you. You told me the truth and I didn’t believe you. I could have stopped it. But I didn’t and look where you are,” I yelled.

Her eyes widened. “Is that what this is about?”

Ren stepped up beside us.

“You thought this was all your fault?” she asked quietly.

I didn’t answer. My chest rose and fell with ragged breathing, my heart pounding hard in my chest.

“Oh Rave.” She took a step towards me but I held my hands up.

“Why aren’t you yelling at me? Why don’t you hate me?”

“What the hell are you talking about? I could never hate you. You’re my brother. My baby brother,” she cried.

Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. “You didn’t do this, Rave. All of this was on Jim.”

Opening my mouth to deny that, I realized that I did. For the past seven years, I blamed myself for what was done to her by our stepfather. That’s why I had ignored her attempts at contacting me. I didn’t deserve her love or anyone else’s for that matter. I was punishing myself.

Emilia looked at Ren and then back at me. “How could you blame yourself? It had nothing to do with you. Why, Rave? Why would you put yourself through that torture?”

“Because it’s true. It’s all my fault. If I would have believed you, then…then…” I stuttered, my voice cracking. My stomach churned at the memories of her running into my bedroom, her frightened big green eyes begging for help.

I crumpled to my knees as the guilt swallowed me. Placing my head in my hands, I rocked back and forth.

Warm arms wrapped around me as Emilia sobbed against my shoulder. “I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with this guilt all of this time. Why didn’t you come to me? We could have worked through this together.”

Ren didn’t comment or interject at all in our conversation. He knew this had to be done. He brought me to our sister to help me. If I could help myself then maybe I could help Jesse…Oh God, Jesse. What if Allan attacked her again? “Jesse,” I whispered.

“Jesse?” Emilia asked.

“His girlfriend.” He answered. But she was no longer my girlfriend was she? Placing a large hand on the back of my neck, he squeezed reassuringly. “Rave, lets deal with this first and then we can talk about Jesse and fill Emilia in on that.”

I took a deep breath, tears leaking from my eyes. “I was scared to come to you. After…after what I did to Jim. I thought you’d hate me,” I said softly.

“I could never hate you. Because of what you did, it saved me. He couldn’t hurt me anymore.” She sighed. “I actually blamed myself for you being sent away.”

My head snapped up to hers. “Why?”

She smiled lightly. Reaching out, she placed a hand on my cheek. “Because you’re my baby brother.
I’m
supposed to protect you.”

I shook my head. “No, I—”

“Don’t start that macho crap,
I’m a boy and I’m bigger than you
. Older sisters are supposed to protect. Did you ever stop and think that maybe I blamed myself for what happened to
you
?” Tears rolled down her cheeks as guilt flashed in her eyes. She blamed herself? No, that wasn’t possible. That wasn’t right.

“What? Why? How could you possibly blame yourself? It’s all my…”

“No. Stop right there.” Her eyes darkened. “Just stop. We both need to stop blaming ourselves. The only difference between you and I is, I didn’t hide from you. You shut yourself out from everyone.”

“I wasn’t allowed to contact anyone in juvie.”

“Don’t lie to me. I called them. I tried to set up meetings with you. Yes, I know it would’ve only been once or twice a year but that would have been better than you shutting me out of your life completely.”

I glared at Ren. Only he could’ve told her that supervised meetings were allowed.

“Don’t blame him. I called them myself. They told me
you
didn’t want to see me.” She pointed at me.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to see you, Emilia. I felt…I blamed…” I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

“Oh, I know. Now I know that you blamed yourself but how do you think I felt? I even sent you letters but did you respond? No.”

I looked away, shame ripping whatever shred of dignity I had left.

“I thought you hated me for what happened. I thought you felt that it was my fault that you got sent away, Rave. When you didn’t respond to my calls or letters, I went to Ren. He wouldn’t tell my anything. Because he promised you. He was loyal to you, Rave. He only told me things recently because it’s happening again.”

I frowned and looked up at her. “What—?”

“No details, just that your temper is going to get the best of you again if you don’t smarten your ass up,” Ren interjected.

“No it won’t. I’ve learned my lesson.” I countered, glaring at Ren. “The police are going to deal with it.”

“Seriously? Why don’t you tell Emilia what happened last night?” Ren sat back on his hunches and crossed his arms under his chest, challenging me.

“What happened?” Emilia asked.

Biting my inner cheek, I turned to her. “I walked in on Jesse’s stepfather trying to…” I swallowed hard. “…rape her and I almost strangled him.”

Emilia gasped, her eyes widening. “Rave, you can’t do that again.”

“I know, alright?” I snapped. I had learned my lesson. If something happened now, I wouldn’t be sent to juvie. I would be sent to prison and even though I could fight, I wasn’t sure if I could survive there.

She shook her head. “Ok, first off. What’s this issue with Jesse?”

“She’s my girlfriend or was, anyways,” I mumbled.

“Was?” she asked.

“She left this morning. Her stepfather has been raping her but I stopped it last night before he could do it again and I called the police.” God I missed her. I really wanted to see her and make sure everything was alright.