In Love with Ezra (Love Unaccounted Book 2) (51 page)

Alexis was up when I reached our bedroom. She was in the walk-in closet, standing at the rack, presumably deciding on the garments Elle prescribed. She wore her black silk robe that exposed those mahogany thighs. I could use a morning release, but wouldn’t dare attempt it considering this recent ordeal. My cock stirred in protest. Every inch of Alexis, including her filthy mouth enticed me.

I sidled up behind her and planted a kiss on her shoulder.

“You riding in with me, or should I call in a car for you?” Alexis had been attending both services for months, but most times she’d go alone saying I arrived there too early, which was reasonable.

“Ms. Remah’s coming with me today, because…you know.” She couldn’t articulate it. I understood. “So, I’ll drive. You know how funny she is about being driven by strangers.”

As outlandish as that sounded, I knew it to be true. Ms. Remah had strange social behaviors and practices. She didn’t like the idea of being waited on, reminding me that my decision to let go of my housekeeper was the right call.

“Okay,” I murmured, tracing the shell of her ear with my nose. I could feel her shiver against me. That made my dick leap. “I’m going to shower and go. Carlos should be here in twenty minutes.”

“Okay,” she whispered with closed eyes, clearly as affected as I was. But I still wouldn’t touch her. That could wait until after our address to the church.

I sauntered off to the shower. When I finished dressing, I found Alexis downstairs, preparing coffee. I approached her with my satchel and coat in one arm. Being this close to her and not allowing the beast just a few moments with her tortured me. I couldn’t wait to put this behind us so I could bury my desire deep inside her quivering walls. It was Valentine’s Day after all. I’d give her the small acts of romance and then I’d devour her to my pleasure…and hers.

With my left hand I grabbed her at the front of the neck and pushed my tongue into her mouth. Alexis struggled for balance, though I had her secured in my palm. Her small hands brushed against my erection attempting to reach my waist. She hooked me at my belt and moaned into my mouth. My tongue swiped wide and brutishly all over her palate. Not only did I know I could be rough with Alexis when I wanted, I understood she enjoyed it. She confirmed it by clawing at my back underneath my vest.

She’s mine to desire.

Mine to seduce.

Mine to debauch.

Mine to rebuild anew. 

My gift. My covenant.

I groaned at the heady reminder. No matter what her past, I still desired her and would do whatever necessary to give her the confidence of her necessity of presence in my world.

I pulled from her intoxicating mouth, but positioned her face in mine by now holding her at the back of the neck. We both breathed wildly against each other.

Christ!

I wanted her so badly it hurt.

“We’re going to be fine,” I whispered into her mouth. “Let’s just do as prescribed and I will reward you later. Is that clear?”

Alexis nodded faintly, lips trembling, enraptured herself. “Ye-yessss, sir,” she breathed.

“Very well,” I returned, my chest expanding. “I will see you shortly.”

For the first time since accepting my calling, I didn’t want to leave to carry out my duty. I wanted to stay home, ensconced in Alexis and the sheets of our bed. I wanted to talk
to
her about a number of things such as her past and what she had been wrestling with since the first of the fall. On my way to the church, I fantasized about being what Alexis had been trying to say she needed from me, or at least opening myself to understand. But as she said in Scottsdale,
life isn’t always customized for your preferences no matter how simple you perceive your wishes to be
. I finally caught the revelation.

When I arrived at the church, I was surprised to see Elle and Jackson waiting, manned with cups of coffee. I tried to open up with a joke about having to tip them twenty-five percent of their fee for this. Jackson chuckled at it, but Elle remained all business. They stayed outside of the Bishop’s office to wait on Alexis while I was inside preparing for morning worship, praying with my praise and worship team and ushers.

I took serving seriously, understanding the uncompromised importance of a team to orchestrate a welcoming atmosphere for the spirit of God to dwell. I also advised them of the small deviation in service to address the issue concerning the viral email. I could read the perceived alert in Precious’ eyes as well as Dwayne’s, who I was sure had heard of the email by now along with the rest of ministry.

We were down to twenty minutes before service when there was still no Alexis. Elle appeared at the door with Shannon wearing a frustrated glower she attempted to mask. This was irresponsible of Alexis, not to mention out of character. She was never late for work or service.

“My calls go straight to voicemail. You think she left it home?” Elle asked five minutes before I was due to take the stage.

Thaddeus and security were there, prepared to escort me up.

“Ms. Remah is supposed to be riding in with her. We can try her phone.” I went to my desk for my phone.

“Thaddeus, could you ask the singers to extend their time by at least two songs?” Jackson requested.

This was spinning out of order: the one thing I thrived on. I was now growing agitated, something I didn’t need before speaking. I asked everyone to give me some time alone and closed my door to pray. When my time was up, I went up to the sanctuary and went about service without the mention of my wife.

When we were five minutes out of the second service and still no one had heard from Alexis, including Lily, I didn’t ask that praise and worship be extended. I grabbed my beads, headed for the sanctuary, and again mounted the stage to impart without a word about the scandal. I left immediately after I dismissed service and demanded to be taken home. Something felt incredibly off. My stomach toiled with the possibilities. I agreed to contact Elle after speaking with Alexis this afternoon. She agreed to come by later today to re-strategize for Bible study on Thursday. I needed to just get my hands on my wife to be sure she was safe. I’d never felt the ominous fear I had on my commute back to Jersey.

I couldn’t get out of the truck fast enough when we pulled up, and hardly said goodbye to Carlos. I sprinted to the side door and inside the house in search of her. The first thing I realized was the absence of the aroma of food. Ms. Remah always had dinner prepared by the time we arrived home on Sundays. I ambled through the house alarmed, and passed the kitchen and then down the main corridor.

There, I almost choked on my breath.

Alexis was there, standing haphazardly with her coat unsuited on her shoulders. Her eyes were red, dark circles around them, mouth sealed with force. Luggage bags sprawled at her feet and keys fiercely gripped in her shaking hand. The picture was vividly painted for me.

“Trinity,” she whispered breathlessly with trembling lips and splayed nostrils.

Christ, no
...

She safeworded.

“You knew about my attack,” she murmured, hardly above a whisper. I held her gaze, feeling a searing burn from my throat to the bottom of my belly. “You never reacted. The whole time Elle was here, walking us through the game plan,
you
never winced
,” she whispered those last words, swallowing back a cry.

I took a deep breath, deciding my response. “Yes. I knew about the attack. But it didn’t matter—it doesn’t matter.”

“You once asked me if I ever lent my mind to the possibility of stepping out of the world as I knew it and into something new. You said those things that confuse me—hurt me—would become void and nonexistent. That I could step out of who I knew Alexis to be, along with all of her stressors and tap into a new advent of myself.” She quoted my proposal almost to the tee. I swallowed in amazement and angst at what was to come. “Well, maybe I don’t. I’ve tried for months to mold my patterns to fit into your world and it hasn’t worked for me. I need to be that old Lex again. It’s safer that way. It’s easier to be just a regular girl from Harlem. I tried it your way and failed. Maybe I’m a part of that group of society who still believes in ancient mystic love. My life here has made it difficult to ignore.”

My heart beat painfully hard at my chest. I knew what was coming, no matter how delayed the final call, but I fought for time on the clock.

I took a step closer, my shoulders extended over to meet her eye level. “What are you talking about, beloved? Whatever it is, we can work through it. You and I... we’ll fix it together. It’s our path, baby, our way.” I wasn’t above groveling. My livelihood was once again on the line.

“No.” She shook her head, her shoulders shaking with palpable grief. “The game is over. I’ve played and got burned. It’s always been on your terms: the wedding, our home, your sandbox.
God!
” she scoffed bitterly. “They say you can fool the whole world, but you can’t fool yourself.
I did, Ezra!
” she declared through gritted teeth. “Every time you tied me up, I begged myself not to freak out or freeze up. I promised myself it would be okay; you’d never hurt me like they did. Do you know how hard that’s been?” Her voice trembled with pain. Her face glossed in tears.

“Have…” My throat closed up involuntarily. “…I ever hurt you? Have I given you reason to not trust me when you’re bound, Alexis?” I asked, deathly cognizant of my tone.

“Do you even know my birthday?” she circumvented my question. “I didn’t know yours. Do you know my favorite song? Foods, color?” She shook her head again. “No! But you know my favorite sex position and how to make me come seconds apart!”

I was confused, my head spinning and chest pounding.
The dream!
The one where I was on stage, holding a microphone, preaching in front of thousands and the spirit was high before me, but behind me, Alexis was running from me with a bag in her hands that she didn’t want me to see. I stood with one foot in front of the other: one facing the crowd and the other, itching to chase after my beloved. That was the interpretation. It was a warning.

She was leaving me. 

My head began to ring an alarming sound. “Beloved, I know I’m not the most romantic. We discussed that, and I beg you to believe I’ve been trying to improve on being more companionable. I want to appease your requirements. I need this agreement—”

“
I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, YOU STUPID, CONTROLLING, SOCIOPATHIC SON OF A BITCH!
” she screamed at the top of her lungs. 

The painful screech caused me to wince. But the weight of her words fired into my core so forcefully I backed into the wall, my knees nearly gave out on me. That revelation—explanation of her bizarre behavior as of late—winded me, bruised me. Out of the countless grievances she could have thrown at me, it was this was entirely abrupt and unforeseen. My eyes stretched painfully and my mouth hung agape. How had I missed this?

Her requests for time at the movies, which I could now see were dates. Her lingering touches before I was due to leave town. The way she’d want to hold me after sex. The random texts saying nothing of importance when I’d been away for days at a time had been reminiscent of a romantic gesture. Her eagerness down in the sandbox wasn’t due to being broken in, it was to appeal to me. Her attending each service I governed and timidly asking follow up questions was with reason. The fights about Thaddeus and Lillian’s affair came from a place of her own longing. The constant references to my masks and mentions of the real me.

My kitten hadn’t acclimated to my world; she’d fallen in love with the beast. With me.

With hoarse vocals she whispered, I can’t do this anymore, Ezra. All my life, I’ve worked overtime at trying to please everyone around me, everyone who gave anything that resembled love. My mother, my father, my friends, my job”—she could barely utter—“you. If no one else does before I leave this earth, I have to account for my own love. I have to do what’s best for me. I’m going home.”

She shifted and, in slow motion, Alexis walked down the corridor and made a left for the side door.

I heard the garage door rolling up. And as it closed, my knees gave out on me and I fell to the floor. My arms lay above my head as I lay prostrate on my face.

My shoulders trembled uncontrollably.

“
Äbbä
…”

####

Ezra and Lex’s story concludes in
Bonded with Ezra
, available Spring 2016.

~Love Acknowledges~

Researcher:
Shumethia Seal
—
Thanks so much for your time, creativity, and wild imagination. I appreciate everything you do, every joke you share, and humorous—to me—life experience you endure (insider). #DontLeaveMe 

Love’s Betas
—Sabrina S. Scott, thanks for the quick turnaround and your honest feedback. I appreciate you more than you know! Yorubia McNeil, you’re the best example of a dichotomy. You’ve harassed me about this series more than I want publicized. It was a gift and curse. The belittling texts messages, late night call attempts—all kept me on my toes. Thanks for your enthusiasm, Scoot. You’re good for something. You owe me a bottle of red on our next sibling adventure.

Love Belvin Therapy Room
— All my #woes! Thanks for sticking in there with me, always affirming my gift. You’ve been blessings to my crazy world.
Jemeka
&
Rita
, thanks for tolerating my bossiness. I appreciate you leading the troops. You two have held me down more than you realize.

Christina C. Jones aka CCJ
— Err’day you hear from me about the activity of my overactive brain. Thanks for being that sounding board and a wonderful resource. #AuthorBae

Interior Artist:
Cedeara Ardell McCollum
—
Thanks, baby girl, for the imagery you’ve designed for my books! Love you always!

Proof Reader:
Tina V. Young — Thanks for your #petty eye and encouragement. So fortunate to have my own personal geek!

Editor:
Karen Rogers-McCollum of
Critique Editing Services
— So, I took two steps forward just to take two back. LOL!! But you put your foot in this, and that doesn’t un-spoil me. Thanks so much for your magic eraser. Whew! Where would I be without your clean up?

MDT:
I’m still around after all your verbal lashings. We’re still hanging in there. Thanks for your patience. Just remember who’s the producer versus the director, sir. 

To my
Master
, my
Jireh
, my
Rohi
,
2 Corinthians 4:3-4.
Nehemiah 8:6
. Thanks for showing Your hand in this installment. The further I go in this venture, the more You reveal about me and my existence. I will forever worship You.