In Love with Ezra (Love Unaccounted Book 2) (29 page)

“She mentioned that and I guess…it caused me to stumble, so to speak. I was learning something about you from a stranger that I felt like should’ve come directly from you. You told me you’d scaled back on all but two of your clients. It was just weird enjoying a woman until I learned from her my husband is her therapist.”

“I wouldn’t consider what I do with Elle as therapy. It isn’t that intense. Counseling is more appropriate as I provide a trained listening ear and give feedback on her logic. Moreover, if you would like the names of my remaining roster, I wouldn’t mind sharing it with you. I can’t disclose the content of our exchanges, but can certainly share the nature of our relationship. Would you like that, beloved?”

Would I?
Yea—no
. I didn’t know. All I knew was that I needed to not feel like I didn’t have a handle on the man I shared a bed with each night. I needed to feel like I knew him beyond his facial expressions that told me when the beast was about to make an appearance.

I dropped my fork in the plate and grabbed my glass, taking a big gulp. As soon as the silky potent juice went down I realized I should slow up on this rich shit. It wasn’t my usual
Barefoot
. I’d already started feeling the loosening of my filter. 

“I just want to feel like there’s more to this than just...”

“Just what, Alexis?” Ezra asked with full on authority.

I couldn’t. I could not show my cards. He wouldn’t accept it. He wouldn’t allow me to feel more than what he’d offered. This was simple covenant. Ezra’s needs were being fulfilled. I’d just have to regroup on my own and make it work. I didn’t want to lose at this point in the game. Now that I had a job, all would be just fine and I could explore this thing with him with a new perspective.

But why didn’t that
feel
as logical as I’d thought it?

Damn it, Lex!

“Today…” my eyes danced again. I needed to gather the balls to just express myself; I damn sure couldn’t find the words. “With Elle, after I’d gotten past the diva appearance and saw she was actually good peoples, I really enjoyed her. We were sitting at a boutique and my guard was down…and then she brings up her relationship with you and how she sees you alone. I don’t believe it’s anything more, but Elle…” I bit my lip, waiting for the right words again. “I know it’s wrong to feel some kind of way about a harmless relationship, but… She’s beautiful and smart and…I know I’m those things, too, but it just felt wrong, is all.” I failed at expressing myself.

“You’re asking my permission to be jealous,” he stated, rather than asked.

I took a sip of my wine and sat back in my seat as I rolled my eyes. Then I shrugged, ungraciously, feeling like a client of his.

“Well, should I?” My eyes rolled inquisitively over to him. “Be jealous?”

I saw the amusement in his eyes and wanted to rip the damn things out. This was no laughing matter!

I watched as our plates were collected and the next course was put before us. A fish dish for me and chicken for Ezra. A vegetable and starch were placed in the center along with hot bread. When we were alone again our eyes met.

Ezra gave an agreeable nod and peaked his brows, as if to say he didn’t know. “
I
have feelings of territorialism concerning you.”

“Yeah, but it seems ‘one way.’ You say I belong to you, but I don’t feel the reciprocity.”

“I
do
belong to you, Alexis, exclusively.”

“But it feels different. I feel I belong to you in an ownership sense.”

“Is that the claim you want to lay on me? I’m perfectly okay with that, beloved.”

I grew quiet. The more I considered it, I didn’t want him to belong to me as though he was property; I wanted him to connect with me in a way that made us…one, in the emotional sense.

I found my head shaking. “You wear so many masks, Ezra. I just want to know what’s behind the one closest to your essence. I want to know that man and experience that being that no one else knows. Isn’t that what marriage is all about?”

Our eyes immediately locked. I’d slipped and admitted my desire for a traditional relationship. That was against the original terms of our agreement. Ezra sat arrested until he began to cut into his food.

“Our marriage is what we make it, beloved. What we want it to be. And right now I’m trying to discern what you need from it. You’re making it difficult, withholding your desires. You’re holding back on me. I know it.”

“I’ve shared my feelings with you on a number of occasions. I told you about how you’re so quiet around the house—”

“Something I am working on,” he nodded submissively. “I’m an introvert, Alexis. That may never change, but I can make adjustments for your comfort. I’d like to do that.”

“I’ve shared about how you get right out of bed as though we hadn’t shared an emotional—I’ll use that word loosely—experience the night before.”

“And I’ve improved on that, have I not?”

I continued. I had to make an argument. Ezra sure as hell was never without them.

“I’ve expressed your lack of sense of humor. You don’t make me…” My hands flew in the air as I searched for a word. “…giddy.”

I knew instantly when I’d lost him. Ezra froze in his seat. His eyes shooting spears through my face.

Uh-oh!

“Oh. So is that what this is all about? Giddy?” He snorted his usual arrogance. “Here I thought you were presenting a plausible argument for a battle, all to learn you’re unarmed, hinting around at mythical symptoms of love.” He quieted the storm brewing inside and returned to his plate. I used the time to consider my argument now that he’d pulled my card.

The tasty fish grazed my palate as I considered his cold response. How could I turn this around?
I should have kept my damn mouth shut!

Then Ezra spoke again.

“I may not make you feel ‘giddy,’ but I do provide countless acts to make you deliquesce.” I swallowed hard at that claim.

I snorted. “We know you could teach a class on that; in fact, if I’m not mistaken, you already have—”

“Now, I’m not sure what’s circling that boundless head of yours, but I won’t entertain your accusations of my Neanderthal neglect. If there’s a need I’m not meeting, please let me know, Alexis. It’s a matter of my welfare as much as it is your comfort. I need your contentment with me.”

My nostrils flared as I fought down a budding explosion of relief.

Damn it!
“Ezra, I want to feel…like I know you. Like really know you. I want to feel like your partner—and not an opponent on a chess board. I want to know
you
, and I’m sorry this is becoming an issue late in the game, but shit happens.”

There.
I’d kind of sort of put it out there without exposing too much. The too much I couldn’t quite grasp myself.

“Very well, beloved.” Ezra nodded then went for his fork. “I will make that my goal moving forward. It would do you well to just be upfront with your needs. I’m not a mind…reader,” he’d stumbled at that, uncharacteristically.    

I didn’t speak. Didn’t necessarily know what to say, but I was happy he’d heard me out no matter how weak my argument was. I’d buckled and he still agreed to change. That small gesture of acquiescence boosted my spirits.

Ezra and I finished dinner and by the time we’d declined dessert, I was nice and tipsy. I’m sure that’s not what he had in mind when he arranged for the quality wine, but damn it, I was loose and horny as hell when we headed for the elevator.

As soon as we arrived, a man in a black suit called for the elevator. Ezra and I caught eyes as we waited. He once again studied my face, fixedly. He was unabashed with it, blinking his eyes softly, exposing those incredible curled lashes. They were the only indicator I had of his good moods. When he smiled through his eyes, Ezra’s lashes would appear. I couldn’t help my silly grin when he smiled with them while we waited.

He took two steps toward me and leaned in, hiking my breath at his impossible manly scent. “Who’s giddy now?” he whispered arrogantly.

I sputtered until a cry of laughter burst from my lips.

Bastard!

He stood back then observed me coolly with heavy eyes. I knew that expression, too. How could he arouse me without his hands?

The elevator sounded. “Mr. and Mrs. Carmichael?” The man gave the same polite nod his colleagues practiced earlier.

We stepped onto the elevator and Ezra stood inches in front of me. His head up, observing the floor’s ascension on the number panel. That’s when it hit me: we were going up and not down to Carlos and the truck, and we weren’t in the same elevator I came up in. Just when I was about to ask about it, the door chimed and Ezra was directing me off onto a quiet floor unlike the restaurant. We walked down a short hall and passed two doors resembling hotel rooms. When we stopped at the end of the hall, Ezra pulled out a key card and let us in.

The space was dark but for the city lights raining in, creating a festive glow in the room. The windows were floor-to-ceiling just as they’d been in the restaurant. I could see a bedroom area and a sitting room. There were other objects I couldn’t make out, but some seemed eerily familiar.

The sound of a lighter flicking snapped my attention. I turned to find Ezra lighting tea lights hanging from the wall. I kept turning to make out all around me. The more he lit, the more the room illuminated. The room was separated into two segments: high poster bed against one wall, a kneeling bench that scorched my skin at sight, and a St. Andrew’s cross. We had one in the sandbox so I recognized it, but we hadn’t used it up to this point. My eyes and body flew in the direction I last saw Ezra only to find him gone. He was on to the next area, lighting the wall.

“Where are we?” I whispered cagily.    

Ezra chuckled. “We’re at a club, beloved. No need to whisper.” His eyes met mine intermittently while he focused on the candles. “We have complete privacy.”

“What kind of club?” I lost the whisper, but hadn’t regained my full voice.

“An exclusive one I wanted to bring you to, to celebrate your new employment and ensure that you don’t exchange unholy favors with Bradley West down at
Neighborhood Defender Service
.”

How did he know Bradley worked for NDS?

He paused at a lower candle near the floor and peered up at me. “You didn’t think I’d forget that insert, did you?”

I opened my mouth, but nothing would come out, so I shut it again and spun to face the open room. I hadn’t exactly fucked Bradley. He wanted to, and I did, too. But when it came time to rip loose at a hotel room he’d gotten for the event, I clammed up. I had a panic attack and ran from the room a heaving mess. I emailed him a few days later with an apology and some bogus excuse of an allergic reaction, promising to try again. That was a year ago.

“Remove your coat, beloved,” his throat rasped directly into my ear.

The warming sounds of Mint Condition’s
So Fine
filled the air. At the same time it dawned on me that I hadn’t learned why he asked me to come out dressed this way. In that moment it couldn’t be clearer. My chest leaped, but I didn’t move. I didn’t want to. Ezra smelled so damn good and his body heat had me spellbound in no time. With shaky hands, I unraveled the belt and let the straps drop.

“Turn around. I want to see you.”

I turned on the base of my feet until our eyes met. Slowly, I released the buttons, watching Ezra’s eyes tracking my every movement. He reached over my shoulders and pushed the coat down, causing it to pool at my feet. His eyes swept down my body, heating me all over. He took me at the back of my head, covering my mouth with his own. I moaned helplessly, disappointed at how quickly my mood could change at the reception of his touch. His wide tongue moving in my mouth, caressing my own. My flexing hands moved to touch him only to be thrust against the wall just like the other day in the living room, minus the bestial handling.

Ezra stretched my arms astride my head, my palms meeting the coolness of the wall between the candles. I felt the heat of his tongue stroke my shoulders and my bra was unclasped. The whiskers of his beard traced my spine, stopping at the small of my back as he peeled it from my torso. It was so tender yet manipulating, just like the man himself. The sensations drove me crazy. My head swung to the other side, my right cheek hitting the wall, and I could see our images in a tall mirror ahead.

Fuck!

My temperature spiked at the sight of my ass puffing through the tiny string it swallowed and Ezra, now with his jacket and vest off and shirt unbuttoned, pulling my thong down with his damn teeth. My shoulders flapped and my lids closed in torture. Then I felt his face at the seam of my cheeks. When I forced my eyes open, half of it disappeared inside of me. His tongue swiped from my rear to the top of my labia. I wanted to cry from the pleasure, but struggled with letting it all go in this strange place. That’s when I realized the surroundings of the sandbox made me feel comfortable. Safe. In spite of the crazy shit he did to me down there—we did—I felt safe with letting go. But Ezra was a force. He licked, sucked, and sparred, unfurling pleasure deep in my groin. My thighs misted in their leather holdings, my nails scraped against the wall. And just when I was prepared to let it go, he pulled back.