Impulses (18 page)

Gathering the comforter around my body, I sit myself up and turn on the bedside light. The soft glow is enough to eradicate the shadows that form against the walls in my room but not bright enough to blind me for my just awoken upheaval, nor free me of the demons in my mind. I sip at the water that lay on my nightstand for most of the night, upturning my lip and pushing past the sealing of my throat that halts the warm, disgusting tasting liquid from making its descent. Placing the tumbler back on to the white wooden stand, I substitute the stagnant water for the photograph perched beside it.

The silver frame is cold between my fingers.
‘Our first weekend away’
is engraved in italics at the bottom of the frame. Unconsciously grazing my fingertips down the glass of the photo, a warm, fuzzy feeling tingles through me at the memory of last weekend. My eyes sting with unshed happy tears as I remember how apprehensive and unsettled I was with going away with Hayden to a secret place, but how special, and how perfect he made it…

***

“So, where is he taking you?” Jessie beams, as she sits on the edge on my bed, watching me pack.

“I have no idea, Jess. All he said was: it’s a four hour drive, to pack one dress, warm clothing that can be layered, and sensible footwear.” Folding a sweater, I place it in the case. My face falls as I stare into the half full, scarlet, wheeled luggage carrier.

“What’s the matter, sweetie?”

I shake my head gingerly, and sigh. “I don’t know, Jess. This just doesn’t feel right.” I glance at my best friend who is holding my black laced, peep-toe stilettos pointing downward, her fingers wrapped around the heel. “I have no idea where we are going. What if something happens and I need to get back, it’s a four hour drive, and I have no way of––”

“Hang on, let us reassure one point at a time––” she interrupts, smirking at my overwhelming panic with unconcealed amusement. “Firstly, you will have your cell on you, and you’re in Hayden’s car. So if anything happens and you need to get back, just call me. I will bring your car and pick you up.”

I nod my acquiescence as my panic wanes. “Thank you, Jess.”

“Secondly, this is what couples do––”

“But after three weeks? Isn’t that a little,
too soon
?”

“Nope,” she shakes her head. Jessie places my heeled shoes into the containment of the case and stands. Placing her warming hands on my shoulders, she twists my body around to face her. “This is the best time in a new relationship, Sammy; the dirty weekends away, learning new and exciting things about each other, spending time together where you can bask in the undivided attention of your partner.” Her mouth curls into a vibrant smile, and I feel myself beginning to cave into the eagerness and enthusiasm.

“Partner?” I question her choice of wording with obvious uncertainty.

“Well, I would have said boyfriend, but I think at twenty-four, we maybe a little too mature for that word.” I giggle at her lighthearted honesty and observe the pile of clothing in its containment on my bed. “Just remember…”

I turn my focus onto her pale features, her dark hair pulled over her left shoulder and braided. “He wanted to surprise you, so it must have taken a lot of thought on his behalf to take you wherever it is that he has planned.” She brushes the hair from my face, drapes it behind my shoulders, and enfolds me into one of her famously tight embraces.

I sense his nearness, like my body is finely attuned to his presence. My adrenaline takes a mind of its own as it causing uproar through my body as I hear a faint knock on the apartment door.

“I’ll get it,” Jessie skips out of my room to answer the door and I resume packing for our first weekend away, finally fully succumbing to the excitement of what the next few days will uphold.

“Hey there, beautiful,” Hayden’s deep and husky voice sounds from the doorway of my bedroom. I turn and beam at him.

“Hey there, you,” I reply through my ridiculously enormous grin.

He prowls towards me. His pungent gaze ousts all oxygen from my lungs. His dark, chocolate floppy hair slicked back. He wears a deep brown leather jacket on top of a black tight fitted T-shirt, and very dark blue jeans. I gasp as I feel the tightness and throbbing from deep within––the result of my combination of desire, hunger and need for him––for us––to ravage each other in the way that demonstrates how much we want to bring and absorb the pleasure that we long for at each other’s hand.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I whine, my body tingling, preparing for the shudder that will prompt my skin to explode into goose bumps.

Hayden gazes down at me; our proximity is enough to trigger my internal shudder. Clasping my hands between his, our fingers locking, he pulls them around to the small of my back, restraining me…subduing me. Towering overhead, he leans down and kisses me with undiluted passion, taking me to another level as desperation and desire floods through us both.

“Have you not finished packing yet?” he hums in disbelief, resting his forehead against mine.

I pull away, and look him square in the eyes. “Hayden…I’m a woman,” I counter. I arch my brow and smile tightlipped as though the combination of my words and my expression should be enough to answer his question and shed light on the matter.

“What…is…this?” He holds up my tiny black and red bikini bottoms and matching strappy halter top.

I laugh out loud, tipping my head back. My ribs ache with the gasps of air that I fight to retrieve for as tears stream down my face.

“That would be a bikini, Hayden.”

“I tell you to pack warm clothing that can be layered, and you pack…” he glances at the small pieces of material that he possesses in his left hand as though it’s an enigma.

I catch my bottom lip between my teeth, striving to halt my uncontrollable fit of giggles.

“Samantha…honey––please do not tell me you were planning on layering up on bikinis, because that type of layering was not what I meant.”

“Are you seriously telling me, there is no pool where you’re taking me?” I ask, my corners of my eyes creasing as I feign displeasure.

He glances back to the tiny pieces of material that are only connected together by spaghetti straps, which he holds in his possession.

I giggle as he attempts to straighten the top out. The bewildered look etched upon his face as he tries to determine to which way is up, and which is down is hilarious. Finally, I snatch the black material with a crimson edge away from him, adjust it, and hold it at my breasts, pouting playfully.

Hayden’s eyes glimmer as he nods his head with profuse enthusiasm.

“I approve, Miss Kennedy that most definitely needs to be in”––he recovers the bikini top ––“this pile,” and he drops the two-piece into the case.

“So, you got your cell just in case you need to contact me, right, Sammy.” She flashes a discreet, knowing smile and I reciprocate her warmth as Hayden and I prepare to leave for the four hour journey ahead of us.

Four hours…
I am never going to survive four hours in his car. Surely there is a quicker way; he just wants to make me suffer.

“Actually, the reception can be a nightmare where we are going…” Hayden interjects. The excited expression on my face vanishes, to be replaced by wide and wary eyes that burn into Jessie. Hayden glances at me, obviously aware of my uncertainty. “But they have phones at the hotel,” he smiles and I immediately sag with relief.
Thank God.
I have contact with the outside world if need be.

Hayden punches the ‘call’ button of the elevator behind us. I give Jessie one last, final hug before our departure. A whole seventy-two hours of not seeing my best friend, that has got to be the longest time we’ve spent away from each other since college.
But it will be worth it,
my subconscious whispers in her sing-song, I-know-what-you-are-going-to-be-doing-for-those-seventy-two-long-hours voice.

“Both of you have fun. And remember, Sammy, this is an exciting time,” Jessie whispers before pulling away from our embrace.

“You ready, beautiful?” Hayden mutters, as the elevator doors glide open. Inhaling profoundly, I flash an all-teeth-showing smile at Jessie, butterflies of anticipation owning my stomach, thoughts racing through my mind––positive and negative, but most of all…appreciation and gratitude to Hayden, for taking his time and arranging this.

“I swear you’re doing this to make me suffer,” I grumble with mischievous intent, locking my seat belt into place.

Hayden slips into the driver’s seat after placing my case in the back.

“Me…? Make, you suffer?”

“A four hour drive, Hayden?” I grimace. “Surely there’s a quicker way to get to this secret location to which, by the travel time, might as well be in on a different continent.” I lose battle of maintaining my exasperated, deadpan expression while Hayden beams with merriment at my over exaggerated demeanor. I shake my head, catching my lip between my teeth in a hope to stop my face cracking into a face-splitting grin, but fail miserably.

Hayden laughs, his eyes filled with excitement and eagerness.

“Think of it this way––” he places his right hand just above my knee and squeezes gently. I can feel the warmth of his touch through the thin, faded denim of my jeans. “We have four hours’ worth of twenty questions, or any other game you propose.” He sniggers when my eyes widen and my mouth falls open.
He has got to be kidding me.
But his carefree, playful attitude is infectious, and before long I am matching his mood.

“Twenty questions it is then. Who’s going first?” he murmurs as we set off, pulling out into the traffic.

Three and a half hours…and seven different car games later, Hayden enlightens me with the news that we only have another twenty-five minutes left of our journey. And I am sure that my cramping legs are as just as thrilled with that news as I am. Who knew that sitting around for three hours could be such a burden on your body. My legs ache, my back aches, my head aches from the new information that I have managed to extract out of Hayden with his car games.

He’s an only child and attended Harvard Law. He was very forward with his education. Turns out that Hayden is actually the third generation in the Wentworth family to become a lawyer––so obviously––law is in his blood. His mother, Dana, lives in San Rafael and like any virtuous mother, is very proud of the success her son has achieved in such little time. I wonder idly why he didn’t mention anything about his father. Testing the waters, I did probe somewhat, but you don’t need to be the brightest spark to sense the disconcertment that was radiating off him…he just offered a pained grin. With no further words to speak, I dropped the topic in an instant. I know that feeling all, too, well. When it comes to talking about your family, I would travel to the moon and back if it meant me not uncovering anything about mine.

As promised, twenty-five or so minutes later, we pull up in the parking lot of the Ahwahnee Hotel in Yosemite Falls. Hayden breathes in deeply and exhales just as loud through his nose. I don’t even attempt to quash a chuckle as I peek at him from over the console. His face occupying the biggest, widest, most earnest smile I have ever had the pleasure to witness.

“What?” he whispers, his mouth forming the word perfectly, his smile seizing his voice before he has time to pronounce the ‘T’.

I smile gloriously back at him and an overwhelming combination of emotions flood through me. How gorgeous he is, honest, and generous…how lucky I am to have him pick
me
to play a part in his life…a fallen woman to whom is surmounting still, over such problematic outlooks. But he is guiding me away from all of that, encircling me with a new hope and dreams––dreams to which I never thought could become a reality…until I threw myself off the precipice, praying that he would catch me.

“What?” he repeats.

I shift in the luxurious leather seat and the material cracks under the weight of my adjustment. I set my right hand upon the side of his face, his designer stubble prickling against the smoothness of my palm.

“You could give the Cheshire cat a run for his money,” I tease, shaking my head in utter adoration…that’s it…I absolutely adore this man, and the revelation is overpowering. “Thank you,” I whisper, feeling my eyes pooling, my vision becoming blurred as they show every emotion that I am not ready to give a voice and pass my lips.

Hayden’s actions mirror mine. He shifts in his seat, leans towards me and frames my features with his masculine, yet soft, manicured hands. He trails the tip of his noes down the length of mine.

“For what, beautiful? Treating you the way you should be…?” his mystification is evident. Planting a soft kiss on the tip of my nose, he then melds his lips upon mine, kissing me chastely, with meaning, and I kiss him back with the same amount of emotion that I want to express to him, but don’t yet know how. “Come on…you ready?” he asks as he pulls away.

I nod, while the nerves in my gut flutter again.

Pushing myself up from the red leather of my seat, my legs hum as I stretch my muscles and shake the numbing sensation. I gape in awe at the scenery in front of me. Different breeds of trees scattered with red and bronzing leaves, which slowly spiral their way through the air to meet their fate. Cliffs and rock faces soaring high into the clear blue sky, offering as a backdrop to the wide, eight-storey building made up of rough-cut pale granite and redwood. There is a modicum of scattered turquoise along selected parts of the framework that leads onto a shared balcony on an upper level. The building is huge and picturesque. The rocky exterior reminds me of an ancient Mayan structure. The entranceway in the center of the widespread combination of stone, wood, steel and glass, and the remainder of the building divided to each side.

“What do you think?” Hayden snakes his left arm around my waist, joining me as I gape at the spectacular construction before me.

“Hayden, it’s…” my voice is barely audible, my head shaking in disbelief. I am speechless…and it takes an awful lot to render me to that. Pulling my stare from the magnificence of the hotel, I whip myself around to meet Hayden’s gaze. Catching him off-guard, I push myself up to the balls of my feet and wrap my arms tightly around his neck. “It’s beautiful, Hayden. Thank you.” I force past the growth in my throat. He kisses the top of my head, and breathes me in deeply before pulling away.