Impulse Control (21 page)

The other woman’s eyes shot wide, and she nodded. Susannah sank down on the stairs, keeping Billy in sight.

Sorry for what?

The response was instant.

For being an idiot.

Her eyes blurred, and her hand shook so hard she couldn’t type. She watched the bubbles on the screen.

As soon as I talk to my family, I’ll be on a plane back to NY. Wait for me. Please? Give me another chance. I don’t want to tell you I love you in a text.

A laugh bubbled past the lump in her throat.

Get your ass home, Wild Man.

Bergman dropped down beside her on the stairs and sighed, putting his arm around her. “I’m sorry, Susannah. It seemed like a match made in heaven, but rich old men do foolish things sometimes. I should have known better than to try to play God. A man as stubborn as Russ only responds to the direct approach, like a baseball bat applied to his thick skull.”

Susannah looked at the Donovans, who were hovering near Billy. “Do you have a baseball bat? He’s heading this way.”

Chapter Seventeen

“He’s here!” Mrs. Donovan opened the door and raced outside, followed by her husband, daughter, Rich Bergman, and Alicia, the woman Susannah had learned was a close family friend, not Russ’s Washington girlfriend.

“If you ever climb a mountain, I’m coming with you,” she whispered into Billy’s hair. The tears she’d staunched poured down her face at the sight of Russ in his parents’ arms, and she held Billy tight, waiting for them to come back into the house.

Her pulse raced as Russ stepped through the front door.

“Welcome home, Wild Man.”

His jaw dropped, and then he wrapped his arms around Billy and her, enveloping them in the scent of sunshine. “What are you doing…how did you get here? Never mind…I don’t care…I’m just glad you’re here.”

“We were looking for you. I’m thrilled you came to your senses before we had to book a flight to Mount Everest.” She burrowed closer, listening to his heart thunder beneath her ear. “But we would have done it. Ever since you scratched the surface of my adventurous streak, it’s been getting wilder. You’re going to have to do more to get rid of us than hop on a plane. I’ve decided I want to be your Wild Woman, after all.”

“I don’t want to get rid of you. I love you, Susannah—Billy, too, so much—I don’t ever want to leave you again.” His arms tightened around them. “Something broke inside me when Lance died. I didn’t think it could be fixed. I swore I’d never leave anyone behind, and I cut ties with everyone close to me, my parents, my friends, my Special Forces team. I didn’t let anyone in…but you got in.”

He lifted his head and gazed at her with pale, fierce eyes. “Every status update about how much I wanted you was true. I haven’t been able to think about anything else since the moment you challenged me in Bergman’s office. After what happened between us on that camping trip, I nearly killed myself in Bhutan trying to convince myself I wasn’t the right man for you, and when I walked into your kitchen to film the second show…I’d never been more terrified in my life. I wanted to stay forever.” He made a noise that was part chuckle, part sigh. “You were right—so right—when you said I push myself because of what happened to Lance. I made a mistake, a huge mistake, and he died. I’ve been running from the guilt and the pain ever since. Lance asked me to keep living for him, and I used that as my excuse to keep running. I felt like quitting would be failing him, but I’m in love with you, Susannah. I don’t want to leave you. Actually, I can’t leave you. I barely made it past security.”

“I don’t want you to go anywhere without me.” Her heart had settled into a steadier beat when he put his arms around them, but it began to pound again. “I felt like I was losing my mind when you were in Bhutan. I wanted it to be real. I wanted to do all of those things with you—the beach, the jungle, Paris. I lied the other night—I didn’t just want the Wild Man for one night. I wanted you to be part of our lives forever. When you played with Billy and read him those stories, you stole my heart, and the night we went out to dinner I flat-out fell in love with you. I wanted you to stay, and I felt like such a fool when you didn’t. It wasn’t the first time I’d turned myself inside out for a man who left me.” She reached up to stroke his face. “But our time together opened my eyes, Russ. You showed me I’m strong in ways I never guessed.”

Billy was starting to squirm, and when Russ held out his arms, he jumped.

Russ caught him and flew him around like an airplane and then hoisted him up onto his shoulders, holding him there with one hand while Billy giggled and grabbed his hair. Her heart swelled.

“I love you, Russ Donovan, but I’m not going to stay home waiting for you. If you leave, we’re coming with you.”

With one arm, Russ pulled her close and bent to kiss her. His mouth was possessive and fearless. A small hand worked its way between their lips, and he lifted his head. “No need for that. I think I’ll stick close to home for a while. It’s time for me to tackle a
real
challenge.”

As if on cue, Billy began making monkey noises.

Susannah grinned. “Or perhaps we should explore the Amazon, after all.”

Russ dipped his shoulder, and Billy fell into his arms between them. “I do know of a few places in the rain forest where he’d fit right in.”

Bergman cleared his throat. “You’re welcome to film as many episodes of
At Home in the Wild
as you like.”

She’d forgotten Russ’s family was standing around them.

Russ set Billy on his feet, and he headed straight for the cupboard again. Russ caught her gaze and grinned. “What do you say, Wild Woman? Should we have the best of both worlds?”

Joy filled her heart. “Pack the tent.”

Epilogue

March 25
th
, one month later

Russ half surfaced from sleep as Susannah traced the spiraling horns of his tattoo with her fingertip. They’d continued their tradition of joining Billy in his afternoon nap whenever they could. “I’m going to wake Billy up and get ready for the party.” She pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades. “Come down when you’ve shaken off your sex coma.”

He mumbled his assent and pulled the blanket up, confused by the sensation of the cotton quilt under his fingers. He could have sworn he’d been wrapped in feathery goose down. He sank into sleep again.

More feathers, and he was bleeding. He hung, suspended by one thigh. The pain was excruciating. He heard muscle tear and felt his hip socket strain, and then he was being lifted onto a ledge.

Now the water was crystal clear, and the sky above him was endless. Swimming with dolphins was fun, but swimming with sharks? Fucking exhilarating. He skimmed closer, trying to see into a crevice, hoping the island legends were true. His leg brushed against a rock, and something drifted past his mask. It was beautiful. Pink algae? It disappeared when he touched it, but he saw more behind him. Red? His muscles contracted, exploding with adrenaline, the purest rush he’d ever felt, and he flew out of the water.

“Good thing she gave me wings, huh? Otherwise I’d never have been able to rescue your clumsy ass so many times.” Lance’s laugh stopped his heart.

Russ looked over his shoulder. Massive wings shaded in gray and black extended above them, and they soared. They banked, flipping ninety degrees until they were standing on air with the icefalls of Everest in front of them, frozen and forbidding. The air thinned. His throat closed, and his lungs burned. His heart pounded hard enough to burst. A crack of lightning split the sky, and the ice roared, shifting and sliding. They continued to rise, up and up, over the peak.

“I’m glad you finally figured out what I meant by living. Keep up the good work, bro.” A slow smile spread across Lance’s face, the same reckless grin he’d had at the beginning of every adventure they’d shared.

Russ turned midair and wrapped his arms around his little brother, holding him tight. Lance’s hand clasped the back of his neck, and the ice around Russ’s heart splintered and cracked; the weight he’d carried for six years melted away, finally freeing him.

Russ hurled toward the mountain, through the ice and debris, rivers and oceans, glaciers and pyramids. He hit, gasping, jolting, wide-awake, and sprang out of bed, hearing enough noise downstairs to know he’d slept longer than he should.

He dressed quickly and pounded down the stairs, full of energy. He heard his parents talking in the kitchen, and veered that way, pausing to tug Billy out of Susannah’s arms and give her a quick kiss. “Sorry, sweetheart. I fell back asleep.”

“No problem.” She kissed his cheek, and something poked his chest. He glanced down and saw that the plastic wings the flight attendant had given Billy on their flight home from Washington were pinned to his chest.

Susannah shrugged. “Don’t ask me. He screamed when I tried to take them away. I pick my battles.”

Russ felt the phantom brush of feathers and smiled. As blessings went, he couldn’t ask for a better one.

The doorbell rang, and Russ opened the door to find Rich Bergman on the front porch.

Russ held out his hand and pulled him inside. “You are an interfering bastard, and I could not be more grateful—thank you.”

“You were always a difficult child.”

Behind Russ, his father laughed. “Difficult? Try impossible. You could never tell that boy anything.”

Bergman beamed, looking smug as hell, which he had every right to be, and Russ shook his head, bemused at how they’d been manipulated. “I still can’t believe you set us up.” The station hadn’t been in trouble at all; Bergman had been playing matchmaker. “I hope you get your Emmy after all the money you spent.”

“Worth every penny.” Bergman slung his coat on the stairs. “Happy birthday, Russ.”

“Thanks, Rich. Let me get you a drink.”

For the next few hours, Russ and Billy played host while they waited for
At Home in the Wild
to start. When it was almost time for the show, he took Billy upstairs and hurried through his bedtime routine. All the socializing seemed to have worn the kid out, so he went down without a fuss.

As soon as Russ got back downstairs, Susannah dragged him into the kitchen. She placed a blazing three-tiered chocolate cake in front of him, and everyone began to sing. “Happy birthday to you…happy birthday to you…happy birthday, dear Wild Man…happy birthday to you!”

His heart thudded louder than the applause of their guests. It was soon. He knew it was too soon, but he couldn’t wait any longer, especially since his parents were here for his birthday. He hoped like hell Susannah said yes, because if she said no there were going to be a lot of witnesses. Millions of them, in fact.

He took a deep breath and then paused dramatically. “You all just want me to blow out the candles so you can have cake.”

“No kidding. Start blowing.” Holly put her hands on her hips, and Adam leaned down to whisper something in her ear. She shook her head. “Cake first. Come on, Wild Man, hurry up, it’s showtime.”

He blew out the candles and made his wish, a total no-brainer. As soon as the last flame disappeared, Susannah whisked the cake away and started cutting and plating it. He caught Stan’s eye and mouthed, “Ready?”

Stan nodded, motioned to Dave, snagged a piece of cake, and went into the living room, where the opening credits were starting to roll. Russ followed his crew, wincing at the sight of himself standing on Susannah’s front porch before their second show, hesitating like a coward. Had he really stood there that long?

“Now that’s more like it,” he said when she opened the door and jumped into his arms.

Susannah elbowed him and then handed him a piece of cake. He kissed the top of her head, and glanced across the room at the baby monitor. One steady light. Thank goodness Billy was a deep sleeper, because the crowd howled with laughter when Russ smeared sweet potato on Billy’s hand. He set the cake aside. There was no way he could enjoy it, not yet.

The next forty-five minutes passed with excruciating slowness, every moment making him sweat. Finally, he watched himself carry Susannah out of the kitchen.
Hell, yeah.

Abruptly, the camera cut to black and white footage of him changing Billy’s crappy diaper the next morning.

“Time for the bloopers reel,” Susannah crowed. “I love this. Look at that mess.”

He gave her a pinch. “Not fair. I’ve perfected my shit-storm containment technique now.”

“Turnabout is fair play. That was for the tent camera.”

“The tent camera thing was
not
my fault.” He leaned down to whisper in her ear. “You flashed your bra at me, and I didn’t hear a word Stan said.” The look she gave him made him wonder what bra she was wearing now. She now had a drawer full of animal prints, enough for every day of the week.

The opening bars of a classic U2 song thrummed through the air, and a hot rush of adrenaline heated his blood. It was time to do this.

He pulled Susannah into the center of the room. “Nice surprise, Susie, but I’ve got one for you, too.”

He pointed at the screen. Stan and Dave had plenty of video of him being miserable in India during the month he’d been away from Susannah, and they’d put it together into a montage. He was one grim-looking son of a bitch crawling up that mountain, and he looked like death wielding a paddle flying down the river. He caught his breath, recognizing footage from trips all over the world spanning the last six years. Apparently, his misery hadn’t confined itself to Bhutan. The video paused on his valentine to Susannah, loneliness etched in every line of his body, and then flashed through the highlights of their trip up Mount Marion. He looked like a different man.

He nodded his gratitude at Stan and Dave.
Message received.

He cleared his throat as the screen picked up the feed, and then they were live. He met her gaze. “Susannah, I didn’t even know what I was looking for until I met you. You’ve changed my life, enriching it in ways I never imagined. I had no idea what a real adventure was until I fell in love with you. I want to be your man—your wild man, your steady man, your home-in-time-for-dinner man—wherever we happen to be in the world. I love you so much.” He dropped to one knee and opened the ring box. “Will you marry me?”

She stared down at him for so long he felt sweat trickle down his back.

A tear slid down her cheek. “I’d rather hike through hell…”

His heart stopped. It actually stopped. She was going to say no, and he was going to pass out on live television…and then she grinned. “Than live without you. Yes, I’ll marry you, and I’m going to make you the happiest man on the planet.”

He slid the ring onto her finger. “It’s going to be hard to make me any happier than I am right now…” Filled with love more potent than any adrenaline rush and twice as addictive, he rose to his feet pulled her into his arms. “But I dare you.”

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