Imperative: Volume 1, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (120 page)

“Do you feel it moving?”  Georgiana nodded and kept her gaze down.  “How will you feel living as its aunt?”  He blushed when she looked back up to him.  “Forgive me, I . . . Father spoke of his concern for you having to pretend the connection.  Tell me if I have upset you.”

“No.  You have not.  I . . . honestly I think that I will be relieved.  I . . . I am not prepared to be a mother.  I do not even know what a mother does.  I did not have one.  Just Aunt.” 

Samuel glanced behind him to where his mother and father stood near the church talking.  “She is a wonderful mother.”

“I do not visit Mama very often.”  She nodded at the church.  “Fitzwilliam does frequently, but how can you mourn someone you never met?”

“Do you mourn your father?”

“I miss him, is that the same?  I do not cry over him anymore.  I . . . I do not like visiting him, either.  I would rather look at his portrait and see his eyes.  It is sort of like Elizabeth always stopping to speak to Fitzwilliam’s portrait in the gallery?”  She laughed.  “I caught her arguing with him once.”

Samuel laughed.  “Was she winning?”

“It would be a sad thing to lose to a portrait!” 

“Do you like her now?”

“Oh yes.”  Georgiana said softly and unconsciously caressed her hand over her stomach.  “I am so ashamed of how I treated her.    She loves Fitzwilliam so much.  If he had died, I think that she would have died with him.”  Samuel frowned and she looked up.  “Either that or she would have taken over Pemberley and made sure that it was run perfectly until . . . until I . . . I married and had a legitimate heir.”  Wiping her eyes with the handkerchief, she shook her head.  “I hope that they have their own baby soon so I will not have to worry about these things.  She will be a very good mother.  No nonsense and playful, just like she is with Fitzwilliam.”  She saw his smile return.  “I wish that Aunt and Uncle would take my baby.”

Surprised, Samuel looked back at his parents.  “Why?”

“They lost all of theirs except for you.  I know it would make your mother happy, and . . . then Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth could just . . . have their own family and just be happy.”  She shrugged.  “Anyway, that is something I think about.”

“I think that is very kind of you.”  Samuel took a hold of her hand and put it on his arm.  “Careful, it is a little tricky here.” 

She looked back up at him and smiled.    “Thank you.” 

“Shall we join them?”  Susan looked after the cousins and watched her son juggling the bouquet of flowers from the Pemberley conservatory as he took a hold of Georgiana’s hand.  “They are nearly to Henry’s grave.” 

Judge Darcy stared after them and managed to whisper, “Her life is in ruin.”

Susan turned back to her husband and squeezed his hand.  “I think that in the end we will see that her life is saved.  She is facing a terrible lesson, but I am afraid that without this experience, without having the opportunity to see her brother fall in love, I think that our little girl would have become as intolerant and superior as any woman of the
ton
.  She would have been exactly the woman Fitzwilliam would have rejected if he had his way, but precisely the woman he would have married had his father lived.”  She could not read his expression.  “Harding?”

“You are saying that her ruin is a . . . blessing?”

“No, of course not.  She was foolish and entirely wrong . . . and if she had any other man as her guardian her life would be over.”  Sighing she watched Georgiana.  “What sort of a man tries to save mother
and
child?  Very few.  Fitzwilliam is a wonderful man.” 

“Unlike me.”  He swallowed.  “I wanted the child to be given away.  I wanted her to marry.  I always wished she would marry Samuel . . . I . . .”

Susan turned to him and laughed.  “You did?  I thought that all came about when we learned she was with child.  But you
always
hoped that she would marry him?  Oh, Harding!  Like Lady Catherine plotted for Fitzwilliam and Anne?  And his mother;
and
his father plotting along with her?  Oh, that poor dear boy, having everyone determining the course of his life when he was just a child!  I am so grateful that your father did not push you to accept an arranged marriage.  I know how you always had a little jealousy of your brother, but truly could you have been jealous of the marriage he had?  Anne turned out to be a reasonably nice woman, but oh, it was rough at first!  She had all of those high ideals about being titled and he was just a gentleman landowner . . . I do not miss that at all.  We were so lucky to just be left to ourselves and fall in love.”

“It was not quite that easy, dear.”  He smiled at her surprise.  “I fought for you; Father had definite ideas for my wife.  But you are correct, we had love from the beginning, and I wanted to deny Samuel that joy.”

“But you are supporting him finding the joy of independence now.  You are allowing him to pursue this position with Mr. Mayfield.  He was so very nervous of your reaction.”

“It pains me that he would feel that way.  But it is deserved.  I demanded so much of him and made no secret of my disappointment that he would not follow my footsteps.  I have become like my father, and regret that.  I recall my barking at Samuel and his unwillingness to take me on.  He was becoming cowed in my presence and that frustrated me further.  Thank God Darcy appeared and gave him somewhere to go for a reprieve.”  He closed his eyes and rested his head on her bonnet.  “I spoke to Darcy of this and now I will tell you.  I have decided to retire from the bench.” 

“Oh, Harding!”  Susan cried.  “Are you certain?”

“Court opens soon, and while I could easily be excused for my tardiness because of the accident, I . . . I know that I cannot face the courtroom again.  I do not belong there, and I need to . . . I want to be your husband again.”

She beamed and pressing her cheek against his chest, she scanned the landscape.  “And we will live here, not London?” 

“Yes, I wanted to speak to Darcy to receive his approval before I said anything to you.” 

“Why on earth would he refuse you?  We have been here for . . . forever!  And he loves you so much.  Oh, Harding, you have made me so happy!”  She laughed and hugged him tighter, not knowing that her words of their nephew’s love were painful to hear.  “You will be well again, and . . . maybe you and I could . . . travel a little, and Samuel will be here, and . . . and he will surely find some lovely young lady to marry, and . . . oh we will watch his family grow and we can be grandparents, and . . .”

“Hush, Susan.”  He kissed her.  “Your happiness is a balm to me, but . . . you are speaking of things years and years away.”

“I am speaking of the rest of our lives, Harding.  Pemberley has been a place of such sadness for us for so very long.  I feel that Fitzwilliam choosing Elizabeth, seeing their love, seeing them survive this horrible accident is like a good strong wind blowing away all of the cobwebs.  Their union is a fresh start for this beautiful estate and our Samuel will be a part of it, just as we always hoped he would be.”

“He does not care for Pemberley . . .”

“Of course he does!  Why do you think that he jumped on the chance to take the position in Lambton?  He wants to be close to home.”  Susan caressed his cheek and laughed.  “Oh, he had you fooled.  But he did it because of you.  Your intense love of the estate was too much for him.  It was one thing that he could control so he rebelled.”

“I drove him away.  Everything I did because I love him so much did nothing but drive him away.”  Judge Darcy shook his head and his eyes travelled over the crypts and markers designating the lives of his ancestors and came to a rest upon that of his brother.  He approached it and rested his hand on the cold stone.  “I was so hurt when George broke the entailment.  He said it was to assure that any child could be an heir, male or female.  He said it was because Lady Catherine promoted it with Anne as the example, but I knew the true reason why he broke it.”  There was a long pause and he finally made his first confession, and braced himself for Susan’s reaction.  “It was because he felt I had become unstable after our babies died and wanted no chance of Pemberley being placed in my hands.” 

“I know.” 

Judge Darcy’s head quickly turned.  “You do?  How could you know?”

“I did not know that exactly, but I do know that he worried for your well-being.  He was not blind to our difficulties; and he regretted the separation between you after the children died.  He was so glad when you reconciled, but he was always concerned for you.  When the subject of breaking the entailment came up, I had a feeling that honouring the women of the family was not necessarily the entire story.”

“No, it was not.  I knew that from the first time he mentioned it.  He did not trust me.”  He swallowed down the sadness welling up in his heart.  “It was not . . . I surely never expected to inherit, I just . . . to know that I was not considered good enough . . . it was devastating.  After all of those years, trying to earn my father’s approval, working so hard to rise and then just when I am appointed judge, George comes along and tells me I am not worthy to sit in his chair . . .”  His voice trailed off.  “So you suspected how I reacted to this news.”

She stood beside him and placed her hand on the stone with his.  “I interviewed Carson, but he could not answer my questions.  Do you remember ever attempting to take your life while you were under his care in the last months?”  His eyes widened and when he turned to face her, she caressed his face.  “You did the last time, when your brother died?  You had bought a vial of cyanide . . .” She saw panic appearing and she clasped his hands tightly.  “Thank heaven it was found in time, you never broke the seal.”

“I never broke the seal?”  He whispered. “Are you certain?  I . . . I thought . . . I thought that . . . I thought that I killed . . .”  His head turned to the crypt and then back to her.  Grabbing her shoulders he stared at her.  “I did!  I know that I did!”

“No, no.”  Susan said softly.  “No, he truly died of a stroke.  He showed all of the symptoms, the doctor had known of his condition for months.  You bought that cyanide for yourself.”

“I did?”  He drew her into his embrace and held her tightly, and stared at his brother’s name carved into the stone.  “I was so certain . . .” 

“You have never been able to tolerate opium, dear.  Carson could not understand why you should be denied relief so when I was away visiting my family and you became so depressed, he treated you.  I found out when I learned of George’s death.  It was when you stopped taking it that you contemplated ending your life.”

“You stopped it?”  He swallowed and hugged her as a thousand thoughts raced through his mind.

“Your mother told me all about you when we were not even engaged, and asked if I would be willing to take care of you.  You see, it was your mother who convinced your father that I was the woman you should marry.”

“Mother did?”  His mouth opened and his gaze searched the sanctuary for his mother’s tomb and lit upon it.  “I never knew that she loved me.”

“She lost her babies, too.  She dealt with her loss by closing her heart away.  Just like I did.”  Their eyes welled up and she took his hand.  “Come with me, dear.  Let us visit our angels.  They miss you; it has been a very long time.”

“Susan . . . I am so sorry.  I am so sorry.  I have done some terrible things . . .” He started to sob as she led him across the sanctuary.  “I have been wrong about so many things.  Susan . . .”  He stopped at the door and held her hands.  “I must tell you . . .”

“No.”  Her head shook.  “We are visiting our babies now.”  She picked up the bouquets of flowers she had brought along for their graves.

He took the flowers from her, and kissed her gently.  “Let me carry them.”  Looking out across the cemetery, he could see the row of marble lambs.  “You have done this alone for too long.” 

“WHAT . . . STRIKE THAT,
who
was that?”  Hurst said admiringly when Bingley returned to the parlour after escorting the Darcys upstairs.  “Mrs. Darcy is a force.”  Grinning, he poured out some port and fell into a chair.  “That woman had your staff jumping and she did it with such . . .”  He waved his hand in the air, “Confidence?  Something.  They could not wait to serve her.”

“She certainly had one focus and that was her husband.”  Bingley laughed.  “She was as kind as I have ever known her, but . . .  Zounds!”  His grin was as large as Hurst’s.  “She has come into her own!  Now
that
was undoubtedly the
Mistress
of Pemberley.” 

“Perhaps there is something in the water in Derbyshire . . .”  Hurst rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  “Darcy did not seem in the least surprised, if anything, he looked quite proud of her.” 

“He looked like hell.”  Bingley said softly.

“He has been through it.”  Hurst nodded.  “How long will they stay?” 

“Not very long, through the wedding, of course, but I do not know how long afterwards.  I suppose it is up to Mrs. Darcy to decide.  Darcy is here solely as a support to her.  I pray that the visit to her father goes well.  She is in for a shock.”  He looked worriedly out the door.  “I told Darcy that she most definitely should not go alone.”

“Darcy is clearly in no condition to go visiting, but surely a houseful of family will be enough to sustain her if he cannot accompany her?”

“I hope so. . . but as she has been away, the shock of seeing Mr. Bennet will strike her as hard as it did me, I think.  You do not notice the decline so readily if you are living with it.  I imagine that she does not think Darcy looks as terrible as he does.”

“I can well imagine that he looks a sight better than he did.”  Hurst sipped his port and added, “As does she.”

“She will not leave his side.”  Bingley said admiringly.  “Do you think that Miss Bennet will be the same?

Hurst propped his feet up in front of the fire, “I hope that you propose soon, Brother, and end all of this falderal.  “I wonder what Caroline would say if she saw Darcy?”  He chuckled.  “I can just imagine Mrs. Darcy having something to say to her if she laid a finger on him!”