Imaginary Grace (25 page)

“No, actually, I haven’t,” I said, extending my hand to shake his.

As we shook hands, I briefly wondered what happened to the guy that had visited Beth a while back. I was about to ask Grace if they had broken up when I heard Gary say, “You ready to split, Adam?”

“Split? We just got here,” Adam said, “I’m going to hang for a while.”

“Suit yourself,” Gary replied; then, with a frosty glare in my direction, he disappeared into the crowd. By this time Beth had been joined by two other girls – I didn’t catch their names – and they were all happily chatting amongst themselves and with Adam.

I turned to Grace and noticed that she wasn’t drinking anything. “Do you want me to get you a beer or something?”

“Oh, no thanks,” she said. “I have to work on a paper tomorrow and I want to be up early.”

“Oh, well, in that case,” I said, grabbing both her hands in mine, “what do you say we get out of here and go back to your place?”

She hesitated, and for a second I thought I had made her uncomfortable; then she looked up at me and smiled. “Lead the way.”

After making sure Beth had someone to walk home with, we headed up the stairs and back out the front. The basement had been stifling so the cold air felt great by comparison.

“It’s about a fifteen-minute walk from here,” Grace said, pointing, “straight down this way.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” I said as I grabbed her hand.

Then, remembering the guy Beth was with, I asked, “Who was that guy Beth was talking to? He looked like he should be riding waves out on the West Coast or something.”

She laughed. “I know, that’s what I always say. I call him the surfer dude.”

“What happened to that other guy…Tom, right?”

“Nothing happened, Thomas is still her boyfriend. Adam, aka the surfer, is just a friend.”

“If you say so,” I said, laughing.

“No, really; he
is
just a friend,” she argued. I just nodded because she really seemed to believe what she was saying, and I didn’t care anyway. I was just busting her chops.

“How was work today?” she asked, obviously eager to change the subject.

“Worked sucked. It was really busy, but it usually is.”

“Oh, that does suck,” she agreed.

“Nah, I shouldn’t really complain. I’ve been there a long time and they work around my schedule. Like on school breaks I can pick up extra days during the week, and if it’s not too busy they let me work on my car.”

“Is that how you pay for your apartment,” she asked, “or do your parents help you?”

“My parents help me out a lot. They pay for my tuition and my apartment and they give me some money towards food and stuff. The money I make at the gas station I use for maintenance on my car and gas and for going out and stuff like that,” I squeezed her hand. “What about you?”

“Oh, my parents pay for everything school-related. I worked over the summer and saved some money so that’s what I use for going out and stuff. I really don’t need much spending money.”

By this time we were at her dorm, which I was thrilled about because the cold had started to seep right through my jacket. She was cold too, rubbing her stiff hands before she unlocked first the door to the building, then her room.

She offered me a drink but I shook my head. “I like your boots,” I said as she sat down next to me and began pulling them off.

As usual, she deflected my compliment, which I had begun to find pretty cute. “Oh, really? Thanks. They’re actually Beth’s.”

I took off my jacket and tossed it on her dresser, then made myself comfortable on the huge pile of pillows on the bed.

“Oh, hey, I almost forgot. I got you something,” I said reaching for my jacket and sifting through the pockets.

“You did?” Grace had gone to retrieve the TV remote from Beth’s side of the room, but now she came walking back toward me.

“Yeah, here you go,” I said as I tossed her the deck of cards. She caught it mid-air, and when she saw what it was, her eyes lit up like it was gold or something.

“Wow, thanks,” she said, looking down at the cards for a moment, then she placed them on the dresser and climbed onto the bed. She had this half-shy, half-sexy smile on her face as she crawled over and straddled me. “You’re so…” she began, placing her hands on either side of my face. I assumed she was going to say hot or cute or sexy or something to that effect, because that’s what I usually got from girls, but then she said, “…nice.”

Nice?
That was a first. I didn’t know how to respond, so I just slid her over and then turned onto my side and kissed her. After a few minutes she pulled away and said, “Stay here tonight.”

“Suuure,” I whispered without a hint of hesitation.

Chapter 37

Grace

I
couldn’t believe I had actually said it. I had actually asked him to spend the night! Now my mind was reeling with the possible consequences.

First,
Beth.
It was going to be really awkward when she got home, and that was if he didn’t try anything. If he did, well, I didn’t want to think about Beth walking in on that. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure I could resist him.

He started to kiss me again, but then he stopped and said lightly, “Um, you can change if you want. Unless of course you usually sleep in jeans.”

I giggled at his observation, because if he hadn’t said anything I actually would have slept in them. “Yeah, okay, I think maybe I will,” I said and climbed out of the bed. As I gathered my pajamas from the dresser drawer, he leaned back on the pillows feeling around for the remote, then started flipping through the stations.

Grateful for the chance to freshen up, I slipped into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. After changing into flannel shorts and a tank, I washed my face and brushed my teeth, then lifted my eyes to the mirror.
Should have just left my makeup on,
I thought, but it was too late for that. I decided on the next best thing - dim the lights before he got a good look. It wasn’t like I looked
that
bad, and he had seen me without makeup before, but still, it was the first time he was sleeping over my place and I wanted to look my best.

As soon I opened the bathroom door, I went right over to the light switch on the far wall and flipped it off.
There, now I’m safe.
I lay down on the bed next to him just as he finally settled on some sports recap show.

After a few minutes he seemed to tire of it and turned onto his side to look at me. “You look so comfortable, I’m jealous,” he said, smiling as he ran his hand across my stomach. I didn’t answer him right away. I just lay there enjoying the feeling of his hand as it gently slipped under my tank and across my bare skin. I have to admit I was a bit nervous, but I eventually turned onto my side to face him.

“Sorry,” I said, “I don’t have any spare clothes that are big enough for you.”

“That’s, okay,” he said. “I’ll just have to suffer, I guess.”

“Hey,” I said, changing the subject, “when will you play your guitar for me again?”

“Anytime,” he said, as his hand slid up my side. “Why don’t you come by tomorrow afternoon after you finish with your paper?”

“Okay,” I said, thinking to myself that it would make three days in a row. A record.

“Good.” He smiled, then pulled himself up to a sitting position. “Now, I can deal with your tiny bed, and I can deal with you not having any spare clothes for me, but I’ve got to at least brush my teeth if I’m going to stay here, so either scrounge around for a spare toothbrush or let me use yours.”

I laughed when he said that. “I don’t have a guest toothbrush, being that you’re my first overnight guest, so I guess you’ll just have to use mine.” I motioned to the bathroom. “It’s the pink one.”

I watched, drinking in every inch of him as he walked across the room and into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Then I threw myself back on the pile of pillows with a huge grin on my face. I couldn’t believe that he was really here, in my room, actually sleeping over.

Oh man, what was Beth going to say? I didn’t have long to think about it, because a minute later he opened the bathroom door, already talking as he did so. “One other thing – you’re going to have to get rid of some of these pillows or we’re never going to fit.” He sat down on the edge of the bed, pulled off his work boots, and then climbed in next to me, tossing pillows randomly onto Beth’s bed until there were only two left. “There, much better,” he said as he moved on top of me and started kissing me again.

It was short-lived because a few minutes later I heard Beth’s key in the lock. Tanner slid to the side and we directed our eyes on the TV.

“Okay, spill it,” she said as she flipped on the lights, “I want details…” Her voice trailed off as she saw him lying on my bed. “Uh…”

If I hadn’t been so embarrassed I would have laughed out loud. For once it was Beth who’d stuck her foot in her mouth. That role was usually reserved for me.

“Details?” Tanner said, laughing, then looked at me. “Come on, Grace, give her the details. This should be good!”

I felt the heat rising to my face and knew I was turning three shades of red, but Beth, obviously drunk, burst out laughing. “S-sorry,” she slurred, “didn’t realize he was still here.”

“Hey, Beth,” Tanner said. “What happened to Beach Patrol?”

Beth laughed again. “Um, if you mean my friend
Adam
, I left him back at the party with Gary.”

“I thought Gary left hours ago,” I commented.

“Yeah, he did, but then he came back later for some reason.”

I felt Tanner stiffen slightly at the mention of Gary. I looked at Beth to see if she noticed, but she was already digging through all the pillows lying on her bed like an animal foraging for food. “How come all your pillows are over here?” she slurred, tossing them onto the floor.

Neither of us answered her. “Aha!” she exclaimed, holding up her pajamas, then headed for the bathroom. On her way, she reached over and flipped the light off. “There you go.” she said, then closed the door behind her.

“She’s pretty wrecked,” I said as I sat up and reached into my dresser drawer for a ponytail holder. I was gathering my hair in my hands when I heard him say, “Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Put your hair up,” he whispered as he gently pulled my arm down. “I like it loose.”

“You do?”

“Oh, yeah,” he said, pulling me against him. Then I felt his fingers moving through my hair.

Beth emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later and climbed into bed. “Are you guys going to keep that on all night?” she said, motioning to the TV. “Because I’m beat.”

“Nah, we can shut it,” Tanner said, picking up the remote. A moment later the room was completely dark.

“Good nighty,” Beth slurred as I heard her turn over.

I pulled the covers down and we both slid under them. Once situated in my tiny single bed, Tanner whispered, “I hope you don’t mind, but there’s no
way
I’m sleeping in these.”

Before I could answer him, I heard a zipper, then felt him maneuvering himself out of his jeans. He tossed them onto the floor, leaving him in only boxers and a t-shirt. “Much better,” he whispered. Then, just as he was about to wrap his arms around me, I put a hand on his chest, stopping him. “What?” he asked, clearly confused, and when I didn’t answer, he asked again.

I reached down, grabbing the edge of his t-shirt with my free hand and whispered, “Um…can you take this off too…?”

He didn’t say anything, just pulled back and slipped the t-shirt over his head. Then he moved back towards me so that his forehead was touching mine and whispered, “Better?”

“Much,” I murmured, as I snuggled in close to him and moved my hands up against his smooth, rock-hard chest. I lay there like that with both of my palms resting against his chest when suddenly a thought that I had had earlier occurred to me again. What if he tried something? If he did I had no one to blame but myself, not after I’d asked him to take off his shirt.

I couldn’t imagine that he would, not with Beth only a few feet away, but I still wondered. What would I do if he did make a move? As it turned out, I was worrying for nothing; several minutes passed and it became clear that he was there just to sleep. Suddenly, and for the first time, I found myself getting annoyed. Why wasn’t he trying something? Was there something wrong with me? In a flash, all my insecurities came bubbling to the surface.

Stop it! He’s here, isn’t he?
I decided to force the doubts from my mind and just enjoy the moment for what it was, and that’s exactly what I did as I drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 38

Tanner

“T
anner…Tanner,” I heard Grace whisper.

I just kind of grunted at her, then said, “Wha…” without opening my eyes. Man, who would have thought that sleeping in this tiny little bed would be so comfortable?

“Tanner,” Grace whispered again, and this time she started squirming around. It was then I realized that I was practically on top of her with my legs wrapped all around her. She wasn’t able to move.

I lifted my head up. “Oh, sorry,” I said as I moved off her.

“Okay, that’s better. You were starting to squish me.”

“What time is it?” I asked, looking around for a clock.

“It’s a little after ten.”

“Oh, shit! Sorry. You wanted to get up early to work on your paper.”

“It’s okay, I’ve got time,” she said.

I stretched, then leaned my body over hers to look around for my shirt, which I finally spotted balled up on the floor next to the bed. I reached for it and pulled it over my head, then lay back down with a contented sigh. I could have laid in this little bed with her all day long.

Grace didn’t say anything, but I could feel her eyes on me. “I should get going,” I said, turning onto my side. But instead of getting up I placed one hand on her hip. “Your hair,” I said, motioning with my chin. “It looks all wild again.” Her eyes went soft as I moved my hand up from her hip, slowly tracing the length of her body, and pushed the stray strands away from her face.

“Is Beth here?” I finally asked, looking over at the crumpled pile of blankets on her bed. “I can’t tell from here.”

“Yeah,” Grace said, stretching like a cat, “but she should be waking up soon.” She stopped mid-stretch and looked at me. “Hey, are you still going to play your guitar for me later?”

I’d forgotten about that, but found myself pleased by the idea. “Yeah, come over when you’re done with your work. I’ll be around all day.” I reached over the side of the bed for my jeans, then slipped them on before kicking the covers off.
Don’t think I’ve ever been this modest in my life,
I thought as I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. A second later I felt Grace settling there next to me.

Staring down at our bare feet, she started running her foot across the top of mine. “This was fun.”

“Yeah,” I said as I nudged her shoulder with mine, “but next time I’ll have to remember to pack my own toothbrush.”

She laughed softly. “I didn’t mind you using mine.” We stayed like that for a few minutes, then I reluctantly pulled my work boots on and stood up, looking around for my jacket. I found it lying across one of the dressers.

“Do you have a hat?” I asked, running my fingers through my hair. “Like a baseball cap or something?”

“Now
that
I have,” she said as she went over to the closet and returned with a Mets cap.

“Mets?” I questioned.

“Yeah, Mets. Is something wrong with that?” she smiled, her hand resting on her hip.

“Not at all,” I said as I placed the cap backwards on my head. “Not at all.” Then I put my arms around her waist, lacing my fingers together against the small of her back. “See you later then?” I asked as I bent down to kiss her.

“Yeah,” she said, managing to look shy and sexy at the same time, “see you later.” I kissed her again when we reached the door, then slipped out of the room.

It was a long walk back to my apartment, but I didn’t mind; I felt more rested than I had in I couldn’t remember when. I thought about Grace the whole way. I was genuinely surprised at how much I liked being with her; I was even looking forward to her coming over today, which was not like me at all, especially considering I’d just spent the whole night with her. Of course, I’d only said yes to the sleepover because I knew Beth would be coming home; I knew nothing could happen.

When I’d first put Operation Grace into action, sex wasn’t an issue. I didn’t want the situation to be any more complicated than necessary, and besides, I had no interest in sleeping with some goody two-shoes. But the longer the charade went on, the stranger it looked that I wasn’t at least trying to get in her pants. But no matter how much I wanted to—because by now I really did want to-- I couldn’t. It just wouldn’t be right to go there and then end up ditching her.
You’re starting to sound like a chick,
I finally told myself,
just enjoy it for what it is, whatever it is.

When I got home, Scott was wolfing down a sesame bagel with cream cheese. “What the fuck happened to you last night?” he asked.

Fortunately, I was prepared for Scott’s onslaught of questions, and I’d decided on the walk home that I was just going to be honest –
well, sort of
. “I was with Grace,” I said matter-of-factly, and saw from his expression that my candor had caught him off guard. I pulled out a stool and sat down. “Are there any more bagels?”

“What do you mean you were with Grace?” he said as he handed me a cinnamon raisin.

“I don’t know how to make it any clearer. I was hanging out with Grace last night.” I reached for the knife and cream cheese. “As far as I’m concerned, Grace is my girlfriend until the money is in my hands.”

“And you decided this when? Five minutes before we were leaving?” he pointed out.

“Correct,” I stated.

“Alrighty then,” he said, clearly confused by my straightforward attitude. He was silent for a moment, then he leaned conspiratorially across the counter. “Hey, didja bag her?”

“Nope,” I said, an edge to my voice. “Any other questions?”

“Uh, no, I guess not,” he said, leaning back. “But you missed a wild night last night. We closed the place.”

“As usual,” I said, ripping off a piece of bagel. “You going to the gym later?”

He looked over his shoulder at the clock. “Yeah, in about an hour.”

“All right, I’ll be ready in an hour,” I told him, then I polished off the rest of my bagel and headed for my room.

When we got back from the gym, Scott got a call from some girl he’d met the night before and disappeared into his room so he could chat her up in private. I took a quick shower, then went around tidying the apartment. Neither Scott nor I were slobs so the place usually looked decent, but I still found myself picking up newspapers and wiping down the countertops. I’d gotten a text from Grace earlier saying she’d be over around four o’clock.

A few minutes later, Scott reappeared. “What are you doing?” he asked, his brow furrowed like it always did when he thought someone was nuts.

“What do you mean?” I said, looking up at him, “Nothing.”

“Are you…
cleaning
? Wait a minute…is
Grace
coming over? Are you cleaning for Grace?”

“No, I’m not
cleaning.”
I said, ignoring his ballbusting tone. “I spilled something on the counter, and I was just wiping it up. That okay with you?”

He shrugged, seemingly satisfied with my answer, then announced he was going to the laundromat. “You wanna come?”

“Nah, did my laundry at my parents’,” I lied, relieved that Grace and I would have the place to ourselves. As soon as he disappeared into his room—presumably to collect his dirty clothes-- I settled onto the couch and turned on the TV to wait for her.

At a few minutes after four, there was a knock at the door. “Shit,” I muttered as I crossed the room, annoyed that Scott was still home. When I opened the door, Grace’s head was turned to face the street where four cop cars were speeding by with lights and sirens blaring. She didn’t even realize I’d opened the door, and when she turned back around and saw me I got to see her eyes light up. So fucking cool. She had her hair all loose again, the way I liked it.

“Come on in,” I said as I moved to the side. She was dressed very casually, with dark gray sweats that were sort of rolled up to just below the knee, a white down vest with a furry hood and funky-looking black work boots. Underneath the vest she wore a light-blue, fitted thermal similar to the one she had had on the night before.

“Have a seat,” I said smiling as she slipped off the vest and placed it into my outstretched hand. I hung it on one of the hooks by the door, then joined her on the couch.

“How was Beth feeling this morning?”

Grace laughed. “Oh, she was fine. I’ve seen her a lot worse.” She glanced around the room. “So where’s your guitar? You said you’d play for me.”

For some reason, I didn’t want Scott to know I was playing for her; in fact, I didn’t want him to know she was there at all. “It’s in my room. Come on, I’ll play for you there.”

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. What was I doing, bringing her into my room? But it was too late; she had already stood and was heading down the hall and there was nothing I could do but follow her. After closing the bedroom door behind me, I grabbed my guitar and sat down on the bed across from her.

“What do you want to hear?”

“Umm…I don’t know. Surprise me, but play something mellow.”

“Okay,” I said thinking for a minute, and then I started to play. I played for a while before she stopped me.

“You’re
really
good. I don’t understand why you’re not playing with a band.”

Don’t lie,
I told myself
.
“Sometimes I do,” I said simply, then started playing again.

“No, really,” she persisted, “you should find some other musicians and start a group or something.”

I had to stop this conversation because I really didn’t want to keep skirting the truth, so I did the only thing I could think of to distract her. I stood up and put my guitar down, leaning it against the bed. Then I moved in front of her and gently pushed her backward until she was lying on her back.

“Um, what are you doing?” she asked.

“Changing the subject,” I said as I leaned down and grabbed both her wrists in one hand, lifted them above her head, and held them there. Then I brought my lips to her ear and whispered, “Let’s talk about something else.”

She looked like she was about to ask another question, but I started to kiss her, making her forget what she was saying. I should’ve stopped as soon as I had her distracted enough, but I didn’t. After a few minutes, I realized that I still had her hands secured above her head so I let go of them and she brought them down, running her nails lightly down my back. As I slid my hands under her shirt and up her sides, I wondered if she was wearing that white cotton bra I’d noticed in class that day.

She did the same, pulling up my shirt so she could run her nails along my bare skin. My breath caught in my throat, and I cursed myself for putting myself in this position. She sounded slightly out of breath herself as she tugged on the edges of my shirt and whispered, “Take this off.”

I stared down at her, pushing the doubts from my head, then pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it to the floor. She came up on her elbows and we inched our way to the center of the bed. As I began kissing her again, I felt her fingers digging harder into the flesh of my back.

A moment later my hands were back up her shirt and touching the edges of her bra. It felt like soft cotton, and it was driving me crazy. I had to know if it was what I imagined. Finally, unable to take it any longer I leaned onto my side so that I was resting on my elbow and whispered, “Take your shirt off…” Then I held in a breath, waiting for a reaction.

At first she just stared at me with her lips slightly parted and her chest rising and falling. Then she slowly reached down, grabbing the edges of her thermal. She stayed like that for a few more seconds as if thinking about it, then she slowly pulled it over her head.

My eyes widened ever so slightly as I took in the sight of her - it was just as I’d imagined.
How could plain white cotton be so damn sexy?

She was still staring at me with those big trusting brown eyes when I descended on her like a starving vulture. By this time the sun was setting and the room was only dimly lit, which made it more difficult to see her. And I wanted to see her. I wanted to see every fucking inch of her. I couldn’t keep my hands off her. They roamed every inch of her. Now that I had finally gotten to see her in the infamous white cotton bra, all I could think about was getting it off her. I wondered if she’d try to stop me.

Deciding to just go for it, I slid my hand slowly up her back and unhooked the bra with one swift motion as I had done so many times before. I waited a few seconds to see if she’d resist, and when she didn’t I slid it off her shoulders and tossed it to the floor. I knew I should stop but I couldn’t, and she wasn’t exactly making it any easier.

My hands slid slowly back up over her breasts, each moment made even better by the knowledge that she might stop me at any time. She turned onto her side so that she was facing me, then ran her hands slowly up my chest. I kissed her more forcefully and I couldn’t seem to stop myself from pushing it further. I found myself sliding my hand down her side, then inside the waistband of her sweats where it rested on the curve of her bare hip. I gently squeezed her hip as I moved in closer to her, leaving no space between us, and then slid both of my hands down the back of her sweats.

I could feel her heart racing as I brought my hands up and began to slowly inch her sweats down.
Stop me, Grace…please…before we do something you’re going to regret.

She pulled back a few inches, and I almost said a prayer of thanks. But then she brought her hands across my stomach and reached down to undo the button of my jeans. I felt her tugging the zipper down - one more notch and there’d be no turning back.

I grabbed her wrist, holding it immobile as I pulled back from her. I stayed like that for a few moments, eyes closed as I waited for my breathing to even out.

“What’s wrong?” she finally asked. Her voice sounded small.

I let her question hang there, then said, “Nothing…I just, um, I think we better stop before things go too far.”

“But
why
?”

I turned over onto my back and lay there in the near darkness, staring up at the ceiling.
Why?
“I don’t know. Maybe things are moving too fast.”