Illicit (22 page)

“Oh, God.”

His big, hard shaft drove into her, ramming her against the wall. He drove so deep she cried out in exquisite pleasure. His solid body held her firm as he grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head, the loose cuff still swinging from his wrist. She felt dominated and totally possessed.

He thrust again, then again, his lips moving on hers with mind-numbing authority.

Fuck me fuck me fuck me,
she cried in her mind. He thrust and thrust and thrust. Pleasure stormed through her like a maelstrom. He pounded her against the wall and she wound her tongue around his as they both rode the wave of rising bliss. He released her mouth and she gasped, then moaned at the explosion of ecstasy.

As the joyful euphoria swept through her, she wanted his name on her tongue. “Oh … God … Erik.” Was that her desire or his?

It didn’t matter. As they joined in intimate bliss, she felt as one with him. Their bodies joined, their hearts beating together, their desires fused.

He released her wrists and lifted her knees, his cock still buried deep inside her. She wrapped her legs around him as he carried her to the bed. Travis slipped out of the way and joined Connor by the dresser as Erik laid her on the bed, his body above hers, his cock still inside her. And still hard. She gazed up at him and he eased back, his cock gliding along her passage in a gentle caress. He moved forward, then eased back again.

She grasped his shoulders and he leaned down and captured her lips in a gentle, coaxing kiss. She dipped her tongue between his lips as his pelvis moved forward, gliding his big cock deep again.

He released her lips and their gazes locked. The glow of his deep blue eyes warmed her. They stared into each other’s eyes as his cock glided in and out. A deep ache grew within her. His cock caressed her, and she squeezed.

“God, I have missed you.”

At his words, she moaned, pleasure of body and soul merging. She squeezed him and he groaned. His gentle thrusts increased. Faster. Deeper. She wrapped her legs around his waist, opening for him, allowing him deeper still.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

The ache inside her intensified with his steady thrusts. He pulsed inside her, and she gasped as an explosion of pleasure caught her off guard. Then she catapulted to heaven, Erik groaning his own release. Silky heat filled her and she moaned again, then collapsed in his arms.

*   *   *

Erik held her tighter to his body, still reeling from the intensity of their lovemaking. He could feel the fast patter of her heart against his chest, echoing his own. It was as if their souls had merged with their bodies. Poignant and breathtaking.

And totally overwhelming. But he couldn’t tear himself away.

She gazed up at him and smiled. “Erik, I love you.”

Oh, God, was that her desire or his?

No, he didn’t want to love her. He couldn’t love her.

Suddenly, the memory of Cyndi walking out on him, suitcase in hand, flashed through his brain. All the pain of losing her came flooding back.

If he allowed himself to love Lindsay, he knew it would be so much worse if she left him. He didn’t want to suffer like that.

She shifted beneath him and he eased to his side, realizing he was probably crushing her with the weight of his body. She gazed up at him uncertainly.

“Erik, I—”

He had to stop her words. “So you can sense my fantasies, too?” As unbelievable as it seemed, she had proven it. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I really didn’t know. I mean, until you told me you could do it, I figured the images were just my imagination. Or my own desire.” She gazed at him and smiled. “It confused me when I started imagining myself with other women.”

That image caused his cock to lurch, but he ignored it.

“So you haven’t always been able to do it?”

She shook her head.

*   *   *

Lindsay had felt so close to him during their lovemaking. Almost as if they were one. But now, he was pulling away, and the distance between them yawned ominously before her.

And yet, seconds ago, she could swear he’d wanted her to say “I love you.”

Or had that been her desire?

She drew up the covers and sat up. “Erik, I think we should talk about this. We seem to have a really special connection.”

He drew away from her and sat up. “The connection is special for you, but I have it with everyone, remember?”

She sucked in a breath, feeling as if he’d slapped her. But what he said was true.

Was Erik the only man she would experience this with?

She was sure he was, because deep in her heart, she knew she loved him. And she longed to hear him tell her he loved her, too. She gazed at him and he scowled.

“Lindsay, don’t make more of this than it is. The sex between us is hot, and we share an interesting connection, but that’s it.”

Oh, God, her heart clenched so tight she thought she’d collapse. Tears prickled at her eyes.

“You’re right, Erik. It’s nothing special.” She hopped from the bed, clinging to the sheet, and gathered her clothes, then dashed for the bathroom. Once inside, she closed the door, then pulled on her clothes as quickly as she could.

When she opened the door, only Travis remained in the room.

“Lindsay, he’ll come around. He just needs time.”

She shook her head. “No. I’m done. He doesn’t love me, and I don’t believe he ever will.”

She strode to the door. She was tired of rejection, and she was tired of trying to get other people to love her. Audrey. Glen. And now Erik.

She deserved better.

She marched out the door and down the hall.

Twenty-two

Erik stood at the edge of the deck staring over the city, his thoughts in turmoil. The patio door opened, then closed behind him.

“What the hell are you doing?” Connor leaned on the concrete railing beside Erik. “You can’t tell me you’re not in love with that woman.”

Erik shrugged. “Okay.” It wasn’t an admission. He just didn’t feel like arguing.

“So why the hell did you walk away?”

“Look, it’s you and me and Travis. That’s what’s important to me.”

“That’s great. And we can still have that. With Lindsay.”

“No. That just complicates things.”

“Three guys in a committed relationship is already complicated … as far as other people are concerned anyway. But we don’t care about any of that shit. We can make it work.”

“But that’s because you assume I’m in love with her.”

“And you are. I figure the only problem here is that you’re afraid she doesn’t love you back. And even if she says she does, you won’t trust it. You’ll always be afraid that she’ll leave.”

Erik just shrugged. Of course he was worried about that.

“But don’t you wonder why you’re comparing her to Cyndi and Becci when you know Lindsay is different? Of all the women in the world, you know she won’t leave you because of your ability. Because she understands it.”

Erik’s heart thundered loudly in his chest. Fuck, why wouldn’t Connor leave this alone?

“Erik, think about it. What is it that’s really scaring you?”

He wanted to protest that he wasn’t afraid, but Connor wouldn’t buy it. And neither did Erik. As much as he wanted to convince himself he and Lindsay shouldn’t be together, he knew that he wanted her in his life. Forever.

But with that thought, an ominous fear reared its head. What if they started a relationship, and he believed he had found his happily-ever-after … then she left? Not only would he be devastated because he’d lost the love of his life … he couldn’t even blame her rejecting him on his ability. He couldn’t point at his power and say, it’s because of that. If Lindsay walked away …

She would be rejecting
him
.

Like his mother had.

What if he didn’t measure up to what Lindsay wanted in a man? What if she left him despite everything they shared? Despite knowing each other’s intimate desires and longings?

No two people could be better equipped to have a lasting relationship. So if she left him—if she rejected him—how would he ever recover?

“You know,” Connor said as he stared at the city below, “every relationship is a risk. You just have to realize if she ever were to walk away, it’s not your issue. If you’ve done everything you can to make it work—which you know you will—then if she leaves it’s because something has changed in her.”

Connor paused to let that sink in. “You know, we all know that you were profoundly affected by the women in your life. But it’s also true that your father really did a number on you. The fact that he tried to force you to be another him instead of accepting the great person you are has made you doubt yourself at a very deep level. But, Erik, you are very easy to love.”

Erik’s heart clenched, unwilling to believe it.

“Travis and I know. We love you.”

He stepped forward and placed his hand on Erik’s shoulder. “You know, your father loved you, too.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

Connor waved his arm to encompass their surroundings. “He left you all this. Wealth was his measure of success—what was most important to him—and he left it all to you.”

Erik shrugged. “I’m his son.”

“Sure, but he could have left it to his brother, or his business partner … hell, he could have left it to his dogs, but he didn’t.” Connor squeezed Erik’s shoulder. “He left you his most precious legacy. His wealth. I think it was the only way he knew how to show you he loved you.”

A well of emotion flared in Erik. Could it be true? Had his dad actually loved him? Erik would have settled for respect, but he and his father were very different people. Maybe that just wasn’t possible. But the thought that his father actually loved him …

Connor pointed at the patio door. “And that woman in there loves you. I’m sure of it. So go in there and tell her how you feel.”

Erik glanced into Connor’s calm, hazel eyes.

Should he tell Lindsay he loved her? If he did, she might walk away. Hell, she might run, but … What if she didn’t? What if she decided to stay and see where this relationship might go?

What if she chose to stay in his life forever?

His heart ached at the thought and he suddenly realized it was worth the potential pain to find out. He knew what that pain was like, and he’d survived it before. And even if she did reject him—and not his ability—he was strong enough to survive. Because the payoff … thoughts of her snuggled close to him in the middle of the night, her soft body pressed to him, her heartbeat synchronized to his … Oh, God, it was worth the risk.

He grasped Connor’s arm and squeezed. “You’re right.”

He strode to the patio door and into the penthouse, and then toward the hall leading to the bedrooms.

“She’s not here.”

At Travis’ voice, Erik turned around. Travis stepped from the kitchen, a steaming mug of coffee in his hand. “She left about five minutes ago.”

Erik turned toward the entrance, determined to follow her.

*   *   *

Erik raced to the elevator and Connor and Travis followed along behind him.

“What are you two doing?” he asked.

“I’m going to drive.” Travis jabbed the button indicating the parking level and the doors slid closed. “You’ll race every light.”

Connor crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “And you won’t?”

“Sure, but he’s a cop and it looks bad if he’s pulled over.”

Erik glanced at Connor, who shrugged and said, “I want to know what happens.”

Moments later, they were in the car driving up the ramp to the road.

“You know, Erik, Lindsay is pretty upset and hurt,” Travis said.

Erik’s stomach clenched. “I know.”

“Have you thought about the fact,” he continued, “that exactly the pain you sought to avoid—being dumped by someone you care about—is exactly what you’ve done to Lindsay?”

The words were like a jab to the stomach.

“Well, I’m glad you’re on my side.”

Travis gave him a quick glance. “I am. I just want you to understand that she might not be willing to jump back into your arms. Remember, she was treated like dirt by the last guy she dated. Clearly, he just dated her for the sex.”

“Yeah, who wouldn’t?”

Erik and Travis both stared at Connor in the rearview mirror.

“I didn’t mean
just
for the sex. I meant that sex with her is great and … Oh, fuck, never mind. You know what I meant.”

“Anyway,” Travis continued, “she met you and opened up to the possibility of a relationship and you pushed her away. When she found the two of you shared a deeper connection than anyone could ever imagine, you still turned her away. She’s going to be extremely gun-shy.”

“Thanks. You make me feel like total dirt.”

Connor grabbed his shoulder and squeezed. “Then our job here is done.”

“That’s not my intent.” Travis slowed the car, then turned right. “Connor and I encouraged her, even knowing you said you didn’t want to see her again, so we all share in the blame.” He glanced sideways and locked gazes with Erik briefly, and Erik could see the concern in his eyes. “I just want you to understand what you’re getting into. And that Connor and I will do whatever we can to help.”

“Yeah, man. We’d love to have her around all the time, so don’t go using us as an excuse not to have her move in.”

Move in? Erik’s heart clenched but he realized not at fear of commitment, but at the deep desire to have her live with him all the time, to have the comfort of her in his bed every night. To share breakfast with her every day.

“Just get us there, Travis.”

Travis smiled and nodded, then sped up as the upcoming light turned amber.

*   *   *

The light turned red and Lindsay stopped the car.

Oh, God, why had she allowed herself to believe that something could come of her relationship with Erik?

Relationship.
It had never been that, really. He’d been clear from the beginning. It was a weekend fling. Fun with a stranger whose fantasies he’d sensed on an elevator. A diversion, nothing more.

A honk sounded behind her and she realized the light had turned green. She accelerated.