Illicit (13 page)

THORN

I waited until her body had settled before trying to talk to her. “Please look at me Lyubov.” I tried turning her stiffened body into my arms, but she fought me all the way, until I wrestled her into place beneath me.

Already I could feel the changes in her; it was beginning, and soon I would have to share with her, but I so longed to give her more time before her life was turned upside down.

She finally looked at me, but her face was set in stone. I almost laughed as I remembered the much younger Jasmine having just such a reaction when she was crossed with me.

I smoothed the hair back from her face as I looked down at her. She’s so perfect that it grows harder and harder to be with her and not...

“Milaya moya it was okay to hold you while you slept when you were ill, but now that you’re better I will not chance it.” She pouted up at me.

“But why? I don’t understand.” I had to think of the best way to explain things without giving too much away; not yet, just a little more time, that’s all I want for her.

Her mind was not as yet ready I don’t think, and though others might believe it okay to just spring everything on her now and be done with it, I wanted more for her.

I’d vowed at her birth, before I knew all that she would come to mean to me, to love and cherish her. Now that I knew all, I could do no less.

“Because it’s too dangerous, when you were ill there was no question of me taking you, as I knew I would never endanger your health. But now with your illness gone I won’t chance it.”

The pout became a frown and she turned and looked away from me. “Fine you can go now.”

Reaching out I pulled her back around and into my chest. “Behave, I’ve explained why I can’t sleep next to you, I expect you to accept my word and know that I know what’s best.”

“I don’t like it, it doesn’t make any sense. Will you still come to me in my dreams?” she looked so hopefully at me, how could I tell her that her dreams weren’t like others, that I dared not touch her there anymore either lest I go too far.

As the date of her birth drew nearer the need grew stronger between us both. Soon we won’t be able to control the pull that was deep within us both.

But neither could I resist her lure. I was trained in these matters, but she was the only woman on the earth who could make me forget. Looking down at the sad face she wore, I read her carefully.

She expected rejection. It tore at my heart, how accepting she was, of never getting what she wanted in life.

“Yes I will meet you in your dreams Milaya. Now will you try to get some sleep for me? You haven’t been well that long and I don’t want you making yourself ill again.”

The bright smile on her beautiful face was all the thanks I needed. I hope to make her smile like that everyday for the rest of our lives.

“Are you going to stay or will you sneak away as soon as I fall asleep?” This was dangerous I knew, but I couldn’t leave her, not when she was feeling so raw and vulnerable. Plus there was something else keeping me here.

I had felt it this morning, they were getting closer and the time was drawing near. “I will stay.” I risked a kiss to her cheek and a soft peck to her lips, which thankfully seemed to suffice her for now.

She was soon asleep in my arms and I was free to relax and to think. The lure of her body was getting harder to resist, but I called on all my training and inner strength.

We were down to a matter of days before it was safe for me to take her, I could make it.

If she were anyone else there would be no question. I can and have resisted many women in my lifetime, but she is the one exception.

On top of that, in a few days her body will change in ways that will cause me much distress, until I was able to mount her and put us both out of our misery.

But if I moved too fast it could have deadly consequences, for her. That I will not risk. I settled down and let my mind wander as she slept safely in my arms.

I heard my enemies outside the window where they have been for the past few nights now. I wanted nothing more than to go out there and destroy until there was none left, but that was not the way, everything must be done in order.

I looked down at my beautiful future and the love welled up inside me. “My beautiful little butterfly; owner and keeper of my heart, how I’ve missed you.”

She settled herself more securely against my chest and nuzzled me before going back to her rest. I allowed myself the briefest of minutes to enjoy the feeling, before I let my mind wander once more.

She’s finally home. I thought this day would never come. With my first sight of her in almost fifteen years, I had taken my first easy breath, since I was a young boy.

There was still much to be done, but the hardest part was over. The years of searching and hoping were at an end.

There was so much new about her, and yet there were little things that I remembered from before. Like the way she rubs her eyes when she first awakens. That she still made that innocent gesture was enough to make me weep.

I’d known always that one day we would be together again; it was the only thing that had kept me sane all those years while we’d been apart.

But the waiting had not been easy. Now each moment away from her was torture, but I had to bait my time. In a few short weeks she would be eighteen and there would be nothing standing in my way.

I knew as the days and weeks go on her need will grow stronger as will mine, but I’ve had years to deal with it, to prepare, whilst she would have none of that.

Because of one family’s greed and misguided sense of entitlement, she had been robbed of much. I won’t dwell on such things at this time though, for I mean to make up for all that she had been denied.

The darkness that touched our lives will not prevail against the love I have for her. It was no match for the strength of the emotion I held for this one being.

And now that we were together at last, there was no force on earth that will ever take her away from me again.

I had lost much in the last fifteen years; time that I could’ve had with her, but most of all, my innocence.

My life had been a mere shell of what it should’ve been without her in it. She was the light in my world, a light that had been almost snuffed out and then had been hidden from me for too long.

There had been times when I felt I would go mad for want of seeing my little Jasmine. Never again! I will never allow anything to come between us again. I held her tighter to me as my mind relived the past.

Years of being always one step behind had almost taken its toll on me. Her mother had done a good job of keeping her well hidden, but I knew even then, that it was only a matter of time before I found her scent.

There was nowhere in the world that she could hide from me then. From the moment of her birth the bond had been formed. I didn’t understand it all then but now I do.

When my family had decided to visit the old country that day all those years ago, I’d known some of it then, or at least I’d felt very strongly that I should not leave her.

I’d fought tooth and nail not to be separated from her, but it was to no avail. No one heeded the words of a boy of ten. Back then I was at the whim of those in charge.

Had I known then what would’ve transpired when I wasn’t there to protect her, they would’ve never gotten me to get on that plane.

I’ve cursed fate a million times since that day. My life had changed; I had gone from the carefree young boy to a new being almost overnight.

I’d learned hate and distrust for those closest to me, and spent the rest of my life searching for her, but she was here now and so was I.

As soon as I found her again in her dreams, I had stuck close. Never revealing too much, not yet, but as the day of her birth drew near I’d made arrangements to return, and to bring her home, it was time.

My family had followed, moving back to the place we’d left so long ago, never to return, since the horror that had taken place there.

I’d spent the first three years after the incident in a state of rage and hate. I was angry with my parents for taking me away from her, convinced that had I been there I could’ve prevented what happened.

She was mine to protect and they hadn’t let me. It had taken me a long time to forgive them for that. But that was before I knew all, or most of the legend that held Jasmine’s life and mine enthralled.

Everything made sense then, the reason I had felt her since her days in the womb, why I felt only half alive when she was gone.

As soon as I’d found her trail I’d done everything I could to find out about her life in the intervening years. From the time she was taken ‘til the day I found her in her and followed her in her dreams.

Always over the years as time went by I worried about her, about the kind of life she had, it kept me up at night the constant worry.

Did she remember the small boy who had been her constant companion in the first years of her life?

When she was about twelve or thirteen I’d found her in her dreams. It was the first connection we’d had in all those years, but it had been enough.

It wasn’t time yet, but at least I knew she was alive and if not happy, she was well.

Her happiness has always been my responsibility, so I didn’t worry too much about that, knowing that the time would come when I would see to her every need.

Now that I had brought her home and we had found each other again, I had thought to at least have a few weeks to enjoy her company, before the darkness came. Time we needed for her to learn of who she was, who we are.

Instead I’ve had to leave her unattended for many days, while I went off to protect her space, to ensure that no one got too close to her.

She distrusted me for this, not knowing the reason behind my disappearances as she calls them, and I wasn’t going to share them with her, not now, not yet.

She’d spent most of her life running and though I knew that our future was going to be bright, she would be much changed after I take her the first time.

I wanted her to enjoy these last few weeks as a teenager, the way she’d dreamt of in her dreams that I’d infiltrated.

I wanted to give her that much at least, before turning her life around again.

I pulled her in close and inhaled the changing scent of her body. It seemed to be changing more rapidly than expected, and had I not known better, I would’ve thought I had the dates mixed up.

But that cannot be, I’d been there on the day she was born after all. I knew down to the minute she came into this world.

“Sleep well my little love, all will be well when you awake.” I said a silent prayer that that would hold true, before I too prepared to fall into a slight slumber beside her, as the winds howled outside the window, and I heard the soft rumblings beneath.

One growled command saw an end to them, and we were left in peace, my body wrapped protectively around hers.

One peek at her dreams showed them to be peaceful and I felt free to drift off until the morning light.

JASMINE

I could still feel him when I awakened the next morning; his scent was all over me, even stronger than before.

I lifted my arm to my nose and inhaled the sweet smell, not questioning how it could be so strong, that it permeated my very pores.

It also had a strange affect on me, as I felt my body tingle, even though he wasn’t here holding me, touching me. I rolled out of bed and headed for the shower before heading down to make breakfast.

Dad was still asleep after coming home just a few short hours ago, so it was just me. I rushed through my oatmeal and juice wanting to be ready when Thorn showed up.

I was at the door and waiting when he pulled up, kind of like a little puppy, I was shaking with anticipation.

All that was missing was the wagging tail and the hanging tongue, though I think I had been doing the latter for the past week or so.

“Good morning little love and how are you feeling this morning? I trust you had a good night.” He smiled at me slyly since he knew very well that I’d slept like a baby in his arms.

“It was okay, could’ve been better.” He tapped me playfully on the butt before seating me and strapping me in. I did get a quick kiss to my forehead and one of his looks that make my heart flutter.

I could tell there was something on his mind when he climbed into the driver’s seat beside me.

Even before he opened his mouth I knew and my mouth went dry as I sensed some...danger, uncertainty? There was something in the air between us suddenly. Still nothing could dim the glow I felt from having spent the night in his arms.

“There are some things that we must discuss soon Milaya; no don’t tense up on me love, I don’t want you to worry okay. It’s not going to be bad I promise.”

“You do know that when you tell someone not to worry, it makes their worrying even worse.”

I didn’t give it much thought as I wasn’t worried at all at the moment, in fact, I felt very free and happy.

I was beginning to suspect he had something to do with that. Like he was manipulating my emotions somehow.

But if that were true, then I would have even more questions than answers yet again.

It would mean there was something more than met the eye going on here. Which I had already begun to suspect, but was too cowardly to look too deeply into.

“But you mustn’t worry all the same. I will protect you always.” He got a sad look then before he cleared his throat and started the car.

“What’s the matter?” he’d gone so sad all of a sudden, and just as with everything else about him, I felt it. It was becoming rather strange, this feeling his emotions, another phenomena for me to obsess over.

I know that there’s something not altogether normal about me being able to feel him so strongly, though it felt right with us somehow. But since I’d been sick, I seem to be doing it more and more.

At first I hadn’t realized that that’s what I was doing. I had thought they were my own feelings, but now I know that somehow I can pick up on some of his, especially when he lets his guard down.

I’ll have to pay more attention and see if this is true, or just another figment of my imagination.

“Nothing’s the matter love.” He lifted my fingers to his lips for a kiss as he maneuvered the car through the streets.

I noticed the absence of the black cloud and the strange wind of the day before, and he too seemed a little more relaxed as we drove on without incident.

“Well can I have a hint at least?”

“Not at the moment, we’ll talk better at home I think.” He seemed to have to give it some thought before nodding his head. I guess I’ll have to wait to find out what my mystery guy was up to.

“Are you staying today?”

“Yes, for a time and then I must slip away, but I will be back later, tomorrow at the latest.”

Where was he going? Was it that special group that dad had said he belonged to, or worst, was it another girl?”

The car pulled over to the side of the road sharply and I threw my hand out to brace against the dashboard, but everything seemed to stop just before I connected and I was safe in my seat.

How the hell did I do that? I didn’t have time to ponder as he turned me to face him. “I cannot tell you all now but know this, I have loved you for all of your life, you will never disrespect me again with your thoughts.”

“I...” well I guess I knew for sure now that he heard my thoughts loud and clear.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. What do you mean you’ve loved me all my life? How can that be when we only just met?”

“I cannot tell you, not yet but soon. I need you to trust me, I need you to follow what your heart tells you about me.”

How would he know what my heart says? And what’s with all the secrecy? “Just tell me one thing; am I going to get hurt?”

“I will die before I let that happen.”

‘
Again’.
My eyes flew to his, I’d heard the word in my head; I know I had. “Did you just think the word again?”

He closed his eyes briefly before opening them on mine again. “And so it begins. It will only be a matter of days now, can you let me do what I must and then I will tell you everything I promise.

Please believe me when I say that there’s nothing on this earth that can get through me to harm you, nothing.”

***

I would be lying if I said that the day hadn’t lost some of its shine after that, but it was saved all the same by him being there with me constantly throughout the morning, until he wasn’t.

Then his brother and sister seemed to be constantly around me for the rest of the day after Thorn disappeared.

In the car with them that evening, where they were taking me home at their brother’s orders, I tried getting his whereabouts out of them, with no luck.

At home I felt bereft and off kilter, like I was missing something. Dad was home so I had to act like everything was okay for his sake.

“Where’s your shadow Jazz?”

“Not nice dad, here have your dinner.” He turned up his nose at his sautéed spinach and Rosemary chicken with brown rice.

“Before you start there’s pie for dessert.” That seemed to perk him up a bit, until he learned what type it was and that there was hardly any sugar in it.

“So did he tell you anything about himself yet?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I thought since you two seem to be getting serious about each other, which by the way I’m not entirely sure about, that he would tell you what he’s doing here.”

“What do you mean? he lives here, he goes to school here, why shouldn’t he be here?”

“It’s more than that Jazz, come on, doesn’t it strike you as strange that... what the hell was that?” we both bounded up from the table at the loud noise outside in the backyard.

I went to the window while dad went to the door to find a huge limb had fallen across the back porch.

“That’s strange, there’s no wind.” He looked around as if for the source while I tried to come to grasp with my own thoughts.

There’s nothing I hate more than uncertainty and doubts, both of which I’ve been plagued with my whole life.

Thorn had said he was going to be gone, but where I don’t know. He disappears all the time without explanation, he’s secretive, shadowy even I guess, and he can read my mind.

Something flitted at the edges of my mind as I tried lining up all the things I knew about him in my head, as if it was trying to stop me.

“Dad, I have to do something in my room real quick, finish dinner without me okay.” I rushed from the room before he could object.

Alone upstairs in my room, I got pen and paper and jotted down all the things I knew about Thorn so far.

Not that I thought he was a danger, or that he was deceiving me in some way, for some reason I believed him inexplicably, though his actions were suspect to say the least.

When I was finished and had reread what I had written it gave me a jolt. Some of it was rather fanciful, or would be if it hadn’t really happened.

‘I see him in my dreams; the things he does to me there follows me into my waking moments. I feel his touch whenever I say his name.’ I tried that now to see...

“Thorn.”
Yep, there it was, a soft caress or kiss against my nape.

The hours flew by as I laid in bed going over and over everything that had happened between us since I arrived here.

Most of it didn’t make sense and I wished I could talk to him, it was only then that I realized, I didn’t have his number or anyway of contacting him. I had a general idea of where he lived but no physical address.

I started to panic and jumped off the bed to pace the room. He’d been gone for hours, where had he gone, and what was it that he needed to talk to me about?

I felt him, like a cloak wrapped around me I felt his warmth and it soothed me. I brushed back the tears that fell from my eyes; tears that I had no idea had been there.

Crawling back into bed, I pulled the covers up over me as the wind picked up outside.

I was suddenly cold and alone. Dad called goodnight up the stairs and I felt guilty for abandoning him. I’d come here to be with him after all, but lately I haven’t had anytime for him.

I ran down the stairs and in a very uncharacteristic act, kissed his cheek goodnight. “I love you dad.”

We were both surprised by my declaration, but I wouldn’t take it back for the world, I meant it.

“I love you too sweetheart.” His voice sounded choked and I left him before we both embarrassed each other.
At least he seemed happier with my declaration.

Alone again, I felt the emptiness that was always there when Thorn wasn’t around. I willed myself to go to sleep since that was the only time I found any peace. Maybe I’d see him there tonight.

The phone rang next to my bedside and I jumped to answer on the first ring. “I’ve got it dad.” I knew it was him before I heard his voice.

“Why are you sad Milaya?”

Because you left me and I feel like I’ve lost a limb. I didn’t say that out loud of course, I didn’t want him to think that I was a whiny little girl, so instead I put some cheer in my voice. “I’m not sad.”

He didn’t say anything for the longest and I got the feeling he was listening to me breathe.

“Are you back?” I held my breath. Will he answer or will this too be another secret, something else that we couldn’t discuss?

“Yes I’m at home, I would’ve come to you but it was too late by the time I came home.”

“I wouldn’t have cared.” Way to sound needy Jasmine. I bit my lip and fought back the treacherous tears that seemed to crop up out of nowhere.

“I can feel your sadness, it’s killing me, please stop. You have no need to be sad, I told you, I will take care of you.”

“But from what? and how can you take care of me when you’re never here?” It had to be said.

“I know it seems that way now, but you will understand once all is out in the open. Just know that we will be together always from now on, we won’t ever be apart again, so you need not worry on that score.”

How did he know that that was my biggest fear, that beneath all the worry and the doubt, was the very real fear that I will lose him;
again
.

“Thorn...”

“Now is not the time Milaya, I promise that I will tell you all soon.”

“Fine be that way.” I was no longer upset; his reassurances do make me feel like all will be well and just hearing his voice seems to wipe away whatever worry or doubt has been plaguing me.

We stayed on the phone for what seemed like hours while he asked me about my day and everything that had happened.

As I wound down I worried that he would hang up soon and I would lose that connection. It was getting so I couldn’t breathe without him near in some way.

“I will stay on the line until you fall asleep little one.”

Did that mean he wasn’t going to sneak into my bed tonight while I was asleep? “I can’t tonight lyubof.”

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?” from the smile in his voice I knew he knew what I was talking about, but I chose to drop it, since experience has taught me that he won’t give anything away anyway.

True to his word he stayed until I fell asleep and was still there when I awakened in the morning. “Time to get up baby, I’ll be there in a little while to get you.”

Wow, that’s a great way to start the day. Had he stayed on the line all night? Couldn’t be, that wouldn’t make sense now would it? Maybe we’d both fallen asleep and left the line open.

As he spoke I got this eerie feeling that something was about to happen. I tried recalling my dreams from the night before, but each time I went to open that door in my mind, something blocked me.

I couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched as I sat up in bed, but one quick look towards the window didn’t reveal anything, except that really ominous looking cloud, which was really starting to spook me.