Ignite (10 page)

             
“I’m sorry,” I repeated. I put a hand around his shoulder and leaned in to him. “I wasn’t going to do anything with Mike. It never entered my mind.”

             
“But Sara, don’t you see how ridiculous this is?” he asked, turning his face to me. “You shouldn’t have to explain yourself. If you wanted to do something with him, you had every right to. It’s your body. I don’t know why I got so angry.”

             
“Because I’m your best friend,” I said with a shrug. “You care if people start taking advantage of me.”

             
“I don’t know if that’s it at all,” he eventually said. He looked down at our clasped hands in deep thought. Then he put an arm around my waist and pulled me up the bed with him. He settled comfortably on his back, holding me closely to his side with my head on his chest and under his chin. I listened to the strong thump of his heart as he stroked my bare back with the tips of his fingers. Strange as it was, I didn’t object. He was warm, comfortable, and I relaxed into him.

             
“I wanted to give you a great time,” he whispered down at me. “Wanted you to look back and remember tonight.”

             
“You gave me the perfect night,” I replied, bringing my hand up to rest on his chest next to my face. “You were the perfect date, Jaxon.”

             
“I wanted to be. I had it in my head that only I’d be able to give you a good time because I know you so well. I didn’t want you to fall for some loser’s charm so that he could screw you. I worried something might happen if I wasn’t there to protect you.” He sighed deeply and gripped me tighter. “I liked seeing you happy. It made me happy too. I guess I never knew how much the way you feel affected me until lately. Since the night your father threw you down the stairs.”

             
I stiffened a little. “I needed you more than ever that day.”

             
“I know, and I was actually there when you needed me the most. Knowing that made me feel like I was responsible for you or something.”

             
“You’re not.”

             
“I know, but it didn’t scare me that I felt like that. It actually made me feel good.”

             
Tingles swept my body as I pondered his words, but I didn’t say anything. He seemed to enjoy talking to me like this. It was such a different side to him I’d hardly seen before.

             
“When you go to Uni after this summer, I’m coming with you to Winthrop.” This sudden declaration had me looking up at him. “I’ll find us a good little apartment, and I’ll take care of you so you could just focus on your schoolwork. I don’t want you losing your scholarship to stupid shit like money problems and work.”

             
My eyes watered and I hurriedly went to wipe them, but he grabbed my hand before I could and then looked down at me. “Even crying, you look gorgeous, Sara. I never told you before how beautiful you are.”

             
Whoa. Who was this guy? Telling me he’d take care of me? Telling me I was beautiful? He continued to stare at me, and after some time I built the courage to lock eyes with him. The mood in the room shifted, and I was suddenly overwrought with nerves and a waterfall of freshly unsuppressed feelings.

             
He wants to take care of you. He thinks you’re beautiful. This is Jaxon Barlow we’re talking about here!

             
I don’t know why, or maybe I did knowing what it might lead to, but I moved up and rested my head on the same pillow as his, merely inches away from his face as we continued to gaze at each other.

             
I knew it was suddenly apparent that we were taking each other in knowing it was going to lead to something else. But that brief time was crucial. It gave either of us the opportunity to cut the tension in the air, reclaim our friend-zone and squash any of these dangerous feelings of attraction.

             
His eyes wandered about my face, lingering around my mouth and eyes with an intensity that had my cheeks heating up. I did the same; taking in his face, hair, lips, eyes, lips, lips, lips…. God, his mouth looked good to me.

             
I leaned in just barely but stopped, uncertain of his feelings. The move was enough confirmation for him. Staring deeply into my eyes like I was the only living thing he’d ever known, his lips parted and, squeezing me tighter, he leaned in. The first thing I felt were our noses touching, and then the soft feeling of his full lips brushing against my own.

             
He stopped to eye my reaction and gently laid his hand on my heated cheek, soothingly stroking it. My heart thumped rowdily against my chest at the feel of him so close to me, awakening every bit of me as if his touch was an alarm clock to my soul.

             
He kissed me again, this time properly. His lips were soft but firm, claiming mine tenderly. It felt so forbidden doing this; somewhere in the far depths of my mind I imagined Lucinda walking in and catching us with pure shock on her face.
Or elation
.

             
He pulled back to look at me again. “Is this alright for you?” he whispered so quietly that it was almost inaudible.

             
Was it alright? My body was aching for more of his lips. Without answering him, I moved in and kissed him again. He returned the kiss as he brought his fingers into my hair. It was like a fire had ignited between us. The second I felt his lips part and his tongue teasing for a taste of the inside of my mouth, I was about to combust with desire.

             
I wrapped my arm around his neck and brought him over top of me. He pinned me down with his lower weight, kissing me tenderly one second and then fiercely the next. From passionate to desperation, as if seeking, then finding, then seeking all over again.

             
No other boy compared to this. Jordan was not this kind of kisser, nor did he bring out the fire in my blood – the kind of fire that coursed through me, igniting me to such a heated frenzy.

             
I don’t know why I did it because it was certainly not something my inexperienced self would do, but the ache in my core had me thrusting my pelvis up to find the friction against his. I felt the rock hard length of him through his pants and trembled at the sensation. He groaned suddenly and loudly at this contact, breaking the kiss with closed eyes and an opened mouth.

             
Oh God, did I really just do that? Did I seriously hump Jaxon?
I wanted to bury my head under the bed and die a quick death.

             
I didn’t know if he caught my embarrassment because he didn’t act like it. I felt his lips against my own again and then down along my jaw and neck. He was breathing heavily as he stuck his tongue out to trail it against my neck and then to my chest. He stopped abruptly at my breasts and looked up at me.

             
“Sara,” he said hoarsely, “please tell me to stop.”

             
Panting, I looked down at him. He had a pleading look on his face. “Don’t you like this?” I asked, unable to shake the wounded sound of my voice.

             
“It’s because I like it that I can’t stop.”

             
“So don’t stop.”

             
He shook his head. “Sara, you’re going to push me over the edge. I didn’t want this night to be about–”

             
“
Deflowering
me?” I interrupted, sarcastically.

             
He rested beside me again, and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me to him. “I’m not going to take advantage of you.”

             
“What? I’m all hot and bothered, Jaxon,” I said achingly. “You wouldn’t be taking advantage of me. Just do it.”

             
He chuckled. “You’re telling me this because you’re horny, Sara, not because you really want it with me.”

             
“No,” I shook my head adamantly. “That’s not it at all. I want to do it with you.”

             
I never thought Jaxon would be the one I would give my virginity to, but then the more I thought about it, the more it actually made sense. He was the best candidate, the only guy I ever trusted. Plus he looked so unbelievably sexy next to me, and having tasted him, I wanted his lips all over me again. Just the thought had me squeezing my thighs together.

             
“Why do you want to do it with me?” he asked me, eyeing my body hungrily.

             
“I’m sure you’d make me feel right. You’re experienced, after all.”

             
“I’ve never taken someone’s virginity, Sara.”

             
“Really?” I squinted to get a clearer look of his face in the dark, and he looked right back at me without a trace of humour in him.

             
“Really.” He put a hand to my cheek and stroked it before moving it down to my shoulder. The feeling of his touch drove me crazy. “As much as I want to, I didn’t plan on this. I don’t have condoms.”

             
“I’m on birth control.”

             
His eyes widened. “Since when?”

             
“Since Jordan.”

             
“I thought you and him never…”

             
“We didn’t.”

             
This definitely got his attention. I could see him battling an internal conflict that I was sure I’d win. “What else, Sara? Convince me.”

             
“It would make sense to give myself to you,” I muttered, closing my eyes at the feel of his hand moving down my arm deliberately slow. “You’re my best friend and I trust you.”

             
He stopped stroking me abruptly. “You trust me?”

             
“Completely.”

             
“What if I hurt you?”

             
“I imagine there will be some pain.”

             
“Then you’ll hate me.”

             
“No. If you do a good enough job, I’ll be too aroused.”

             
He laughed lightly. “How do you know this stuff?”

             
“I may be a virgin, but I’m eighteen, Jaxon. I’m not stupid.” I opened my eyes. He was distant, thinking heavily about it. Jeez. Why did I have to convince him at all? Did the others have to as well? Wasn’t it meant to be the other way around?

             
I grabbed his hand and, to stir him from his reveries, kissed his palm. He smiled at my affection. Then I rested on my back and, continuing to stare at him, brought his hand down to my breast. His smile vanished in an instant, replaced by aching lust behind his piercing eyes. Though I maintained as much composure as possible, I was in complete shambles on the inside. There was not one ounce of confidence in me to just spread myself wide for him without feeling self-conscious and nervous. He had to help me out, but he seemed to continue to just linger there, eyeing my body and waiting for me to do more.

             
So I slid his hand down slowly, and could hear his breath hitch as I brought it across my stomach, past my hip, and below my dress.

             
“Come on, Jaxon,” I whispered heatedly, letting his hand go.

             
He moved his hand up my thigh and stopped where I needed him most. Despite having my underwear on, it made little difference to me. He was touching me in my most central sensitive part – and holy hell, it felt good. His mouth parted again, and he licked his bottom lip, watching me as he started to rub me. It felt like thunderbolts of pleasure, so light and distant from the peak. I needed him, needed more of that feeling.

             
As if reading my mind, he leaned back over top of me and, without moving his hand away, put his mouth over mine. I pulled at his shirt, wanting it off, and he obliged quickly, throwing it on the floor somewhere. My hands ran down his solid back, and the contact of his flesh riled me up even more.

             
Sensing my eagerness, he pulled away and undid his belt, peering down at me with those hungry eyes. “Sara,” he whispered shakily as he pushed his pants down, “what does that make us after we do this?”

             
“What do you want to be?”

             
Pausing, he leaned over and tenderly kissed me. “I want you to be mine.”

             
“Are you sure you want that?”

             
“More than anything.”

             
In truth, I was terrified. Hidden in the depths of my mind, I worried we were over before we began, that this would break us and never return us to the comfort of what we once were. And the bad thing about it was that we needed each other, always had, and if this destroyed us, we would be fragments of the people we used to be, without each other, incomplete.