If Only In His Dreams (26 page)

“Perhaps, in time, I will be able to accept this, though I pray that it is many years from now.”  Darcy leaned forward and placed a kiss on his mother’s forehead.  “Now, I believe that it would be pleasant for you to be able to be out of this room for a while today.  Alex has a chair for you to be moved around in and we thought it would be pleasant for you to be able to join the other ladies in the preparations for Jane’s wedding.”

“William, be practical.  You need to accept that, though your dreams of Elizabeth have been on the spot so far, it does not mean that life will continue to follow as they did in your dreams.  I am qui
te certain that our girl will
bear children well.”

“I will take your advice, Mother.  Thank you for your insights.”  After placing a kiss on his mother’s head, Darcy left the room.

After Darcy left the room,
Lady Anne shook her head at her son’s fear.  “Oh, my dear boy; if I am correct, you will have to
come to
terms with this much sooner than you planned.  I am quite certain that your dear girl is already carrying the next generation of Darcys.”

An hour later found Elizabeth in Lady Anne’s room, wishing desperately to speak with her mother in law.  After confirming that Lady Anne was correct, Elizabeth broke down in tears.  “How will I be able to tell William?  He has told me that he does not wi
sh to have children with me.”

“Lizzy, it is not that William does not wish to have children with you, it is his fear of losing you.  He has come to believe in the dreams that he has had for several years, especially now that most have come true since he found you.  You are the woman he dreamed of, now his wife and his lover.  I do not know the extent of his dreams, but from what he has told me, they were quite real in his mind.
  At times I believe it is difficult for him to separate the real Elizabeth from the one in his dreams.  Forgive him, Lizzy, for he truly loves you.  In time, I believe he will come to love the fact that you are carrying his child.  I know his father filled with pride when I was carrying William and Georgiana.  William will feel the same in time.”

“Should I delay telling him of the babe?  I was told that I may have more bouts of queasiness.  I do not wish for William to be panicked over my being seriously ill.”

“It would be best for you to be honest with him.  Once he knows, then we will do everything we can to soothe his mind.  And we will all be there f
or him.  In time, he will relax,
I am certain of that.”

Anne Fitzwilliam made her way to her aunt’s room while Elizabeth was still visiting Lady Anne.  “Lizzy, I am pleased to see you up and looking so well.  Richard and I have spoken of your…condition, and we are quite excited for you.”  She reached over to embrace her new cousin.  “I have also heard that William does not know as yet, for he is not looking forward to the blessed event.”

“I have not been able to tell him, as he is frightened of the possibility.” Elizabeth had difficulties raising her eyes to Anne’s.  Elizabeth was jealous of her new cousin being able to speak openly with her husband while Elizabeth had to hide the truth from William.

Anne could feel the frustration coming from Elizabeth.  “Richard and I spoke of William’s behavior and fears.  My husband and yours have been close all of their lives.  Richard i
s willing to speak with William,
but only if you approve.”

The pleading in Elizabeth’s eyes reached across to touch Anne’s heart. 
“Anne, are you certain that Richard is willing?  William is allowing his fears to rule his thinking at the moment.”

“I am quite certain, as Richard has said he would do so.  Wil
liam has always trusted Richard.  T
hey were closer than two brothers ever could be.  I am sure that if anyone can get through to William, it would be Richard.”

Richard found his cousin in the study of Longbourn, as Alex had made his way over to Lucas Lodge to speak with Sir William and Lady Lucas.  Darcy had not worked on his ever
rising
pile of business that arrived daily, so he took the opportunity to sort through the stack.

“William, I wondered if I could have a moment of your time.  I have an issue that I need assistance with.” Richard
asked.

“Of course, Richard, you know you are always welcome.
W
hat is on your mind?”

Taking a seat in the chair in front of the desk where his cousin was working, Richard took a deep breath before he began.  “Well, are you going to wish me joy on Anne and my news?”

Frowning, Darcy could not imagine what news he had not heard of.  “Of what do you speak, Richard?”

“Of my wife carrying my child,
Anne is near two months with child.  We will know for certain once the babe quickens, but we are quite certain from the symptoms that she has been experiencing.”

Darcy quickly turned ashen at the news.  “What symptoms?  Is Anne well?”

“She is quite healthy, William.  She has had a difficult time with certain smells making her queasy, and she requires more rest during the day, but otherwise, she is very well.  Thrilled, I might add, as she has been eagerly awaiting having a child.”

Darcy stood and walked across the room to pour himself a glass of port.  He was so
absorbed in his own thoughts that he neglected to offer a glass to his cousin.  After draining one glass of port, Darcy refilled his glass.  “William, if you would be so kind, I
would not mind a glass of port,
unless you have plans to drink your brother in law’s entire stock.”

Shaking his head, Darcy sat his glass down and picked up an empty one, filling it halfway with port.  “Forgive me, Richard.”

“There is nothing to forgive, Cousin. I can see that your mind is elsewhere.  Would you care to enlighten me of your thoughts?”

“I fear the inevitable conclusion of my married life with Lizzy.”

“What could you possibly believe to be such a conclusion to your marriage?  I have never seen a more l
oving couple than you and Lizzy,
other than me and Anne, that is.”

“I know that I shall lose my wife in childbirth.  I know it, as I have dreamt it.  All of my other dreams have come true, so of course I am dreading the day that I hear the words that my wife is with child.  If I had any self-control, I would never have taken her as I have.  I should have found some method of preventing children.”

“You do not wish
to have children of your own?  T
o know that your love with your wife has
made a new life?”

“Do you not worry as to the possibility of losing Anne?  Do you not know the dangers that come with carrying a child, not to mention giving birth?  I cannot believe that you do not fear this for your own wife, as I know that you love Anne dearly.”

Richard leaned forward in his chair.  “William, I fear losing my wife.  As you said, I love her dearly.  Anne has been of a frail constitution for many years.  But we have consulted with physicians, apothecaries, midwives, and even Catherine.  We have been given the same answer each time.  Anne can carry a c
hild, so
long as she is careful.  If she needs to rest, then she rests.  If she cann
ot eat certain foods due to their
making her ill, then other foods will be provided.  If my cigars and cologne cause her queasiness, then I will refrain from their use.  Anne is quite thrilled with the news, and seeing her eyes light up at the mention of her condition, I am quite thrilled as well.”

“I know that I will not be as fortunate in the outcome if Lizzy were to
become with child.  I could not bear the thought of losing her, not to mention when I actually do lose her.”

Standing, Richard walked over to stand beside his cousin.  “William, you have lived these past years to meet with everyone else’s expectations. 
You were forced into taking over for your father when he died.  You have taken care of your mother and sister, as well as Pemberley and your other holdings.  All the while, you dreamed of the lady who you could love and who would love you in return.  You have her, you found Elizabeth.  She may be everything that the lady in your d
ream was, but tell me the truth,
is Elizabeth exactly like the woman in your dreams?  Is everything about Elizabeth exactly like she was in your dreams?”

No words were spoken for several minutes before Darcy finally turned to face his cousin.  “You are correct, Richard.  There are many differences in the lady of my dreams and
my beloved Elizabeth.  I have been so fearful of losing her, I cannot bear th
e thought.  But you are correct.
Elizabeth is not exactly like the woman I dreamed of marrying.  The differences are small, but they are there.”

“Then realize that just because Elizabeth is very much like the woman you made u
p in your mind, Elizabeth is a
flesh and blood woman.  She is the perfect wife for you, and you will have a long and happy marriage.  That includes having children.”  Richard placed a hand on his cousin’s shoulder, squeezing lightly.  “She needs you now, William, as she is frightened by your behavior with your animosity towards having children with her.”

Suddenly Darcy understood what his cousin was saying.  “Anne has had the same symptoms as Lizzy, has she not?”  When his cousin nodded his head, Darcy gasped with the realization.  “Lizzy is…she is…a babe?”

“Yes, William, you and I will be fathers at the same time.  Our children will be dear friends, just as we were.”  Richard smiled.  “But we must agree
from the start, there will be no making arrangements for them to wed.”

Chuckling for the first time in days, Darcy nodded.  “I completely agree with you, Richard.  Now, I believe that I need to have a chat with my wife.”

“Good luck, William.  I am grateful to be experiencing all of this at the same time as you; we can support each other while our wives endure all the ups and downs of their condition.”

Chapter 28

Darcy found his wife in their room, resting on the bed.  “Are you well, my love?” he asked as he quietly made his way across the room.

“I am indeed very well, William.  I had a pleasan
t talk with your mother and
with Anne as well.
  I am pleased to know Anne better.”

“She is indeed a fine lady.  For many years, she has had to keep her opinions and desires to herself when in the company of others.  She never knew what our uncle would use against her.  I remember Anne telling me once that she feared Lord Matlock having her committed to a sanitarium to gain control over Rosings.  She could not be herself until now, as her marriage to Richard has given her not only love, but security and protection.”

“They have a very loving marriage.  You can see in their eyes that they love one another.”

Darcy nodded.  “Much like our own marriage, I pray.”

Elizabeth could see that her husband had come to a conclusion in his mind.  “I know that it is like our marriage.  I love you; there is no need to doubt that for a moment.  You are the most loving and caring man I have ever known.  I will always be grateful that I allowed you and my brother to give me a nudge in the right direction.”

“Are you pleased with your condition?  Is the
knowledge that you are carrying our love inside you bringing you joy?”

Surprised at his words and his calm manner, Elizabeth gasped.  “You know?”

Taking a deep breath, he looked up in Elizabeth’s eyes.  Their warmth filled him with love, wrapping it safely around his heart, giving him the strength to accept this new development.  “I do.  Richard and I spoke.  He made a valid plea towards my finding joy in the prospect of our having a child.  I find that I am becoming more comfortable
with the idea of a part of me growing inside you.  A new life, created from our love, is becoming very appealing.”  Darcy placed his hand on his wife’s belly. 

The tears that had welled up in Elizabeth’s eyes now poured over the dam and down her cheeks.  “I was so frightened to tell you, after your declaration earlier.  William, I pray that you will accept our child as I do.  I am pleased and have found such joy in knowing of our love
has created
a babe.”