If I Forget You (26 page)

Owen rolled his eyes and took another bite of cereal. “I already told them who you are,” he explained to Avery, “so they know we’re not together.”

“Stay as long as you want,” David said over his shoulder. He gave her an apologetic look. “I promise we don’t bite … unless you want us to.”

“Thanks,” she answered. A part of her wanted to say she wouldn’t be spending another night, but she knew she probably would. Facing Chloe still sounded worse than hiding out in Owen’s room again.

After she and Owen ate mediocre eggs and bacon, Avery changed her clothes and they rode the bus downtown to Pike Place.

“Jordan wanted to bring me here,” she said as they walked through the crowded shops. Everything was colorful and loud, and she let herself absorb as much of it as possible, hoping it would sweep away other things inside her head.

“Do I get to meet this Jordan guy?” Owen asked as they stopped to watch a caricature artist draw a little girl.

“Of course,” she answered. “How was your date last night?”

“It was great, actually. I have you to thank for that, by the way.”

“Me?” She turned to look at him, stopping in the middle of the walkway as people brushed past them. “Why?”

He gave her a crooked smile. “You gave me the courage to start asking other girls out. You talked to me and didn’t think I was some weird guy latching on to you. At least, I don’t think you thought that.”

“Of course not. I thought you were different, but I liked it.” Her smile fell. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, Owen.”

“Hurt me? No, you never hurt me.” He nudged her to keep walking. “Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t. I think it’s how we react to it that matters most.”

She wanted to turn to him right then and tell him what Kent had done, how he’d taken what he wanted even though he had no right, but she was too frightened to say anything. Maybe how she reacted was what mattered most, but what if fear kept her from doing what she knew she should do? What if her own memories betrayed her? She was a danger to herself, and she was glad Owen had found the courage to look for what he wanted elsewhere. For her, she would have to hold on to the one solid thing she still had, and that was Jordan. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough. He’d texted her that his flight would land at two in the afternoon. He’d head straight home and she’d be there waiting for him, even though it meant missing work.

“Thanks,” she said as they continued through the market.

He pushed his hands into his jacket pockets and looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “For what?”

“For being a real friend. I’ve had some bad experiences with friends lately, but you seem different. At least, I hope you are.”

He tilted his head. “I’ll never ask anything of you, Avery. Not unless you want me to.”

She smiled and looked down at the boarded floor, smooth and shiny from wear. “That’s why you’re different,” she said with a sigh.

23

Avery waited impatiently on Jordan’s front steps, tuning her ears to any sound that might resemble the familiar rumble of his bike. She’d ridden the bus from campus thirty minutes earlier, hoping he’d be back by the time she arrived. No such luck.

When she heard the motorcycle, she stood on her tiptoes and spotted him down the road. Her heart pounded in her throat. If she’d had any doubt she was in love with him, it flew away in that moment. She’d never wanted to see someone so badly in her entire life. He parked his bike and took off his helmet, grinning as he walked across the lawn and she ran into his arms.

“I missed you,” she gasped as he hugged her tightly, and he kissed her in response. He tasted so good. His presence seemed to wipe away the pain she’d felt in the past few days.

“Let’s go inside,” he finally said. “I’ll get my bags later.”

She glanced at his luggage tied to the back of his bike. “We can take them in now. What if it rains?”

“They’ll be fine. Come on.”

They wasted no time climbing the stairs to his room, but as she sat on his bed and watched him take off his jeans and T-shirt, a sick sort of dread crept into her heart. She pushed it away, blinking as he raised his eyebrows at her.

“Not in the mood all of a sudden?” he laughed, noticing she was still fully clothed.

She could do this. Nothing had changed between them. Slowly, she pulled off her shirt and started unbuttoning her jeans. Jordan watched every movement. The dread came back again, and suddenly she was sweating. A gasp left her throat as Jordan climbed onto the bed and helped her take off her pants. He rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him, kissing her neck and shoulders as he skimmed his hands down the curves of her hips. She nearly choked on her own breaths, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“I won a lot of money in the poker game I told you about,” he said, reaching around to unclasp her bra. He fumbled with the hooks then gave up and slid his hands lower. “I thought we could go spend it tonight.” He paused for a moment. “Wait, are you missing work to see me right now?”

She nodded, studying his face. He was clean-shaven, his features so square and crisp and clean. Something seemed different. Nothing about him had changed, but she felt as if she was looking at him through a new pair of eyes.

“It’s not a big deal,” she explained, pushing back the dread again. “I went to my classes, so I was still productive.”

“Oh, good.” He leaned up to kiss her again, burying his fingers in her hair. “It feels so good to touch you,” he whispered, trying for her bra again. This time he managed to unclasp it and slip it off her body before moving on to her underwear.

Her breath caught in her throat as the memory of Kent came at her full force once again. The pain in her abdomen. The scratch on her thigh. “Jordan, there’s something I …”

“Hold on,” he said through heavy breaths, and leaned around her to pull open a drawer on the table by his bed. He pulled out a little square wrapper. Black with white lettering. Not red and white. Avery squeezed her eyes shut, bile rising up her throat.

Go away. Don’t let it get it to you. Kent is nothing. It’s over.

Jordan ripped it open with his teeth. He looked into her eyes and grinned, completely oblivious. “I missed you so much.” He raised the wrapper and wiggled his eyebrows. “Help me out with this?”

She stared at it, the bile in her throat stinging as tears sprang to her eyes. It all came back. Every single part of the memory all at the same time, and before she could stop it, she leaned over the side of the bed and threw up. So much for romance.

“Avery?” Jordan shifted out from under her and took her by the shoulders, forcing her to look at him as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Are you sick? What’s the matter?”

He didn’t even look at the mess she’d made, which was now soaking into the carpet. She couldn’t tear her eyes away, knowing she had to tell Jordan everything. He cared about her more than anyone not part of her family had ever cared about her. He could help her.

“The party,” she gasped. “Tam and I fought and the whole night was a disaster. I ended up drinking and I …” Her voice wheezed as she tried to get out the rest of the story, as disjointed as it probably sounded, but her tears were too much. She broke down and buried her face in Jordan’s shoulder.

“Tell me everything, Avery. It’s okay. I’m here.”

She took in a shuddering breath. “Someone hurt me,” she whispered. “I didn’t remember any of the details until later, but I think I was raped.”

Jordan’s arms tensed around her. Avery knew he was fighting back a stream of cuss words. “You’re … you’re in shock,” he said between carefully measured breaths. “Let’s go over everything together. We’ll call the police, maybe even take you to the hospital, okay?” He muttered something about not being there for her, and some other things she couldn’t make out.

“I shouldn’t have gotten drunk,” she whispered. “I’m pretty sure that’s why
—
”

“This is
not
your fault,” Jordan snapped. “Don’t even go there, Avery. Please tell me everything and we’ll take it from there.”

She focused on his arms around her, how safe she felt at that moment. Nothing could harm her as long as he was here. “Kent gave me a ride home,” she began slowly. “I didn’t expect him to be at the party, but when me and Tam got in our fight, I ran into him. He was the one buying my drinks, but maybe he put more than alcohol in them, because it was after he came into my aunt’s house and I drank the cup of tea he made me that
—
”

“I’ve heard enough.” Jordan pushed away from her and got dressed before she could even process what was happening.

“Are you mad at me?” she asked, pulling the blankets around her as goose bumps popped up across her body.

He grabbed his jacket from the closet and pushed his arms through the sleeves. “No, I’m not mad at you. It’s Kent. I’m gonna kill him.”

“But, Jordan …”

His jaw tensed and his eyes blazed with anger. He pointed a finger at her. “
Nobody
hurts you like this, Avery. Nobody. I will take care of this. Go home to your aunt and I’ll be back as soon as I can. Call me if you need me.”

Before she could even respond, he yanked up the jacket zipper, grabbed his motorcycle helmet from his dresser, and left.

Avery stared at the open doorway, her mind reeling. When she turned to look at the fish tank, tears slid down her cheeks. The fish were in a world of their own, the light glittering off their shiny scales. She felt like that for a moment, as if she was surrounded by water and glass and she’d never escape.

* * *

After cleaning up Jordan’s carpet, Avery paced his room. Now that he had left, she wondered if she’d done the right thing in telling him what had happened. What if he did something stupid? He’d been so angry when he’d left. She shut her eyes and tried not to imagine him beating the shit out of Kent just for her. Then again, Jordan had a point. If Kent had done this to her, he would do it to other women. Hell, he probably already had. It wasn’t that she wanted to get back at him. All she really wanted was to make it all go away, forget it had happened. No matter what anyone said, she still felt responsible. She had made choices, after all, and she should accept where they’d led her.

No. Kent deserved to be punished for this. He didn’t have to hurt her the way he did.

Squeezing the sides of her head, she collapsed on Jordan’s bed and cried. She pressed her cheek against the sheets, balling her hands into fists. She had to blame someone, something. And she couldn’t just stand around and wait for things to happen.

She sat up and wiped her face. She was such a mess. She had to get a hold of herself. Grabbing her phone, she dialed Jordan’s number. He didn’t answer. She tried three more times and then went down to the kitchen for a drink of water. She called Jordan’s mobile again as she filled a glass at the sink. No answer. She left a short voice message and a text and then tried Kent. No luck. She stared at her phone, deciding more needed to happen.

“Hello?” Heaven answered when Avery dialed her number, not knowing what else to do.

“Hey, Heaven, it’s Avery.”

“Hey, where are you? Skipping out on work?”

“I was with Jordan.”

“Ah, I see.” A short snicker. “Ask him if he’s seen my copy of
Jude the Obscure.
I think I left it there a few weeks ago. I’ve looked for it every time I
—
”

“He’s not here,” Avery said, trying very hard to keep the tremor out of her voice. “You know his friend Kent?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you know where he might be? Jordan went to find him. I think there might be trouble. Jordan’s pretty pissed off and I’m afraid he’s going to do something stupid.”

There was a pause. “Why is Jordan angry with Kent?”

“It’s a long story, but can you see if you can get a hold of him, or even Kent if you have his number?”

“Yeah, of course. Are you all right?”

Avery stared at a picture of Jordan and Callie on the wall and ran her finger across the top of the frame. “I’m fine,” she choked out. “What I really need is for you to help me get a hold of Jordan.”

“Okay, I’ll do that right now. I’ll call you back.”

Avery hung up, her hands trembling. She paced the kitchen, watching her blurred reflection slide across the stainless steel fridge over and over. She thought of Chloe next door, drinking tea by herself. Then she remembered Jordan telling her she should go home. He was right. She couldn’t just hang around here, waiting.

With a heavy sigh, she tucked her phone in her back pocket and went through the house, turning off lights and snatching up her school bag. She’d left her other bag at Owen’s place. She didn’t have a key to Jordan’s front door, so she went out the back door and left it unlocked, hoping he’d return soon. She needed him to come home soon or she might explode.

“Avery!” Chloe smiled as Avery walked in the front door, probably resembling a zombie more than anything else. Chloe stopped in the hallway. “You’re home early. Are you okay?”

Avery shook her head and sniffed back a wave of tears. She had to get a freaking grip. When she looked into Chloe’s eyes, she knew it was going to be impossible to tell her about Kent. It would be like trying to tell her mother about it. Too embarrassing. Too painful.

“Are you sick? Do you want a cup of tea? Or some soup?”

Avery could feel Chloe’s desperation across the ten feet between them, but she had nothing left to give. She shook her head. “I’m just gonna sleep, if that’s okay. If Jordan comes over, will you come get me?”

“Of course.”

Once in her room, Avery looked around. Her bed was still a mess. When she looked at it, her stomach did a summersault. She couldn’t sleep there, not with memories of Kent swimming in her head, the way he’d pinned her down, the way her head had spun, the smell of him, the feel of him forcing himself inside her.

With a shudder, she rushed to the bathroom and splashed water over her face. This wasn’t going to work. She’d have to go back to Owen’s place, but then she remembered him sleeping on the floor in the hallway. Both nights. She couldn’t make him do that again.