If I Could Be With You (12 page)

PART THREE

CHAPTER eighteen

“Hannah! Over here, Hannah!” The familiar voice cried as she searched the baggage carousel for her luggage. Too afraid to look up for fear she would miss her bag again, she held her hand in the air and waved acknowledgement. JFK was an entirely different experience from LaGuardia and she needed to concentrate. Luckily, her luggage made its way to where she waited a fraction of a second before Melanie did or she would have missed it again due to the bear hug. She had to admit that after the way she left New York in June, she never expected this warm of a welcome back.

“Was your flight good?” Mel asked before releasing her. “I saw you went through some weather. Hope there weren’t too many bumps. Eeeeehhh! I’m so excited that you’re here. True love wins out in the end after all.”

She couldn’t help but smile at the genuine affection and exuberance the younger woman showed. “A few bumps, yes. This place is crazy. How did you find me so quick?”

“It’s not that bad once you get used to it, and I travel a lot for work so I’m here all the time,” she said. “Come on, let’s go get you a subway card. We’re taking the J train into Brooklyn, OK?”

“Lead the way,” she replied.

And so it began.

“Get comfortable,” Melanie said to her as they found two seats together in the crowd. “It’s about 45 minutes to Charles’ stop, and then we walk.”

They chatted like old friends, catching up after years apart. No one would have guessed they’d only met a total of three times. Hannah was excited to have someone she clicked with so effortlessly to rely on in this new life she was creating. As the train entered Brooklyn she took in the view of the new borough.

“I feel so bad that he gave up his place in Queens. He loved that neighborhood.”

“He did,” Mel agreed, “but I think it helped assuage some of the guilt he felt over leaving Nadia. By giving her the apartment he felt like he was still taking care of her in a way.”

“Do you see her much?” she asked, hoping selfishly that she didn’t.

“No. I haven’t seen her since before he told her he wanted the divorce. It wasn’t like we were besties or anything. Still, I find it a little bit odd that we have so many people in common and it’s like she’s disappeared from the city.”

“Probably on purpose. I can’t imagine starting over on my own after losing the man I loved. For Charles it was different, but from what you and he have told me, I feel like she really loved him.”

“I don’t think there’s any doubt there, but we need to quit focusing on her! You’re here and you’ve made your decision, right? You’re moving in as soon as you can find a job?”

“I don’t know.”

Melanie lowered her eyebrows and shot Hannah a look that said “Don’t do this to him again.” She looked so intimidating that it made her laugh out loud.

“No! That’s not what I meant. Of course, I’ve decided. I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t. What I meant is that Charles has this caveman idea in his head that I need to go back to Ohio and plan the wedding. He doesn’t want me actually moving until we’re married.”

“Well, we can talk him out of that.” Mel stood and grabbed one of Hannah’s bags. “Come on, the next stop is ours.” As they pushed and shifted to get out of the doors everyone else was trying to enter, she continued, “I get what he’s doing. We’ve talked about this before. He’s always been in love with you and he wants it to be perfect. I guess he’s already had one marriage that wasn’t and he wants this one to be real from the start.”

Hannah stopped on the platform to rearrange her coat, scarf and bags. It was crazy how much organization it took to get from one place to the other when traveling. What Melanie said about Charles was so on point. She wondered if she would ever know or understand him that well.

“I guess you’re right. It’s just frustrating because what I want is to get here as soon as possible, settle in and then plan a wedding together.”

“Have you told him that?”

“Not in so many words. We had a conversation a while ago where I let him know I wanted our decisions for the future to be made together from now on, but he’d already proclaimed the stay home and plan the wedding stuff to my family who doesn’t want me to leave anyhow.” She took a second to look around as they walked under the elevated railways. There were so many people walking everywhere. It was a challenge not to bang into anyone. “Maybe it’ll be different here. When we were in Ohio he seemed bossy somehow, almost like he had something to prove.”

Melanie raised an eyebrow, “Didn’t he?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on, Hannah. You really can’t figure out why he wouldn’t be the same guy in Ohio that he is here in New York?”

She shook her head, “I really can’t.”

“In Ohio he feels like the kid next door. Your family, his family, he’s constantly around people he’s had to hide his attraction from since he was young. Not to mention that the things that give him his confidence and independence are here in this city. This is where he became a man; this is where you finally saw him as a man.”

“Are you sure you’re in real estate and not psychiatry?” Hannah laughed. “That actually makes a lot of sense.”

“Thank you,” she said as she took a bow, then wiggled her eyebrows. “I thought you liked how on top of things he was when you were last here.”

Hannah blushed as she gave that some thought. She had been attracted to the way he took control and led her around the city. When he’d first ordered for her that night in the village she’d been slightly put off, but it was his assertiveness that had allowed her to see him as more than the kid she’d watched grow up.

Melanie stopped in front of a five story red brick building and pulled out a key. They stepped into a hallway that reminded her of something from the 1920’s or 30’s. Small black and white squares tiled the floors, while intricate moldings climbed the walls. She looked for an elevator but the wide staircase to the right appeared to be the way up. The only thing that marred the retro beauty was that it seemed to be crumbling.

“I know,” Melanie said, observing Hannah’s glances. “Such a shame. It’s gorgeous but the owner just doesn’t have the money to make the repairs, plus the neighborhood isn’t the wealthiest. You’ll find lots of people who can barely afford their rent, but at least it’s stabilized in this one and won’t keep going up.” She paused and took a breath, “Speaking of going up,” she pointed to the stairs. “Fourth floor, my dear.”

“No elevator?”

Melanie laughed.

Hannah trudged up the stairs, her exhaustion from the traveling starting to overwhelm her. When they opened the door to Charles’ sublet she let out a sigh of relief. It was clean and simply decorated with lots of light and a big comfortable sofa that called out her name. She dropped her bags in the entryway and sprawled across it.

“Oh, don’t I wish I could do that, too. Unfortunately I have a showing this afternoon. Don't get up. I’ll leave the keys on the table,” she said as Hannah began to push herself from the sofa.  "You’re obviously tired and I’m going to see you tomorrow for appointments anyway.”

“Thank you so much!” She mumbled and watched her exit before she stood, grabbed her bag and headed to the bathroom. Once inside she pulled out the red satin lingerie she’d brought specifically to surprise Charles. She was definitely exhausted, but there was no reason she couldn’t fall asleep in his bed and give him a pleasant surprise when he came home from work. She could think of no better way to begin their official together time in New York.

****

She awoke thinking an earthquake had hit, when in reality Charles had just jumped on the bed numerous times trying to wake her. Her mascara made opening her eyes a slow and sticky process, but once unfastened, they locked on his.

“I can’t tell you what coming home and finding you in my bed feels like,” he murmured before lowering his lips to hers.

“And I can’t tell you what waking up to the love of your life jostling you like he’s trying to wake the dead feels like,” she answered.

“Surely, you’re not upset that I woke you. That red lingerie led me to believe you wanted me to wake you up.”

She shifted beneath him, pushing the covers away and wrapping her legs round his waist. He looked amazing. She laced her fingers behind his neck, “Oh, I wanted you to wake me up all right, but I was thinking of a grown man’s kiss, not a five year-old jumping on the bed." She pushed up and touched her lips to his.

He shifted back and rested his head on his hand.

"Actually, as much as I love the effort. I've had a really long day. Are you cool if we just lie here and talk awhile?"

She snuggled against his chest.

"Absolutely."

She breathed in the comforting familiar smell of him and kept her eyes closed, reveling in the feel of his fingers in her hair.

"How was the flight?" he asked.

"Bumpy."

"And did Mel give you the tour of our neighborhood along the way? I know it's not the same as before, but it's just for a little while. We'll find our own place soon."

"I love it here. The light is good and it's clean and simple...oh, and the building itself?  It's so old and beautiful!"

"And falling apart," he added.

She sighed, "And falling apart. We'll find something tomorrow with Mel. No worries."

"All of my worries disappeared the minute I saw you here."

CHAPTER nineteen

“Well, you have a very impressive resume, Ms. Miller. I admit that having attended Columbia my self, I know what kind of continuing education you’ve received. It speaks to your dedication that you would seek to further yourself at your own expense.”

Hannah smiled at the young principal. Jonathan Leonard must have been somewhere in between her age and Charles’, but she couldn’t quite place where. His clothing choices and warm manner told her that he would expect professionalism and respect, but still offer collegiality.

“Do you have any questions for us?” he asked.

“Actually, I was wondering if you could tell me a little more about the students you serve here. I’m coming from a fairly racially and economically homogenous environment and I’m really looking for some diversity in my life.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Well, we can certainly offer you that. One of the things I love about leading Westview Charter is there is only one word that you could choose that would describe all of our kids. Driven.”

Driven could mean so many different things. She wasn’t sure she wanted to jump into a situation where she would be hounded by parents and so focused on success that she couldn’t form relationships. She waited for him to continue.

“Our students are driven to become their best selves, Hannah. For some of them that means they will be the first in their family to graduate high school, while for others they want to continue the family tradition of an Ivy League education. Some are driven in the arts and music, while others excel in the sciences. Our goal is to help these kids find what they’re good at and become their best because they love the learning – not the accolades.”

He stood and she followed suit.

“It’s been a pleasure to interview you. I’m so happy Charles was able to get something scheduled while you were in town.”

“Me, too,” she said, realizing she genuinely meant it. Her initial anger at his planning their life without her input had subsided.

He walked her to the school entrance and politely inquired about her ability to negotiate the subway back to Brooklyn. As she was halfway down the steps, he called to her, “Hannah! One more question.”

She slowly made her way back up. All the walking that New York required seemed to be wearing her out this trip more than last.

“I know Charles mentioned that you would be available next school year and I do have an opening, but is there any chance you’ll be coming to the city sooner? I have a third grade teacher taking maternity leave in two months and my plans for her substitute just fell through.”

Her head felt heavy and she could hear her blood coursing through her veins. Nervous excitement flooded her body. He wanted her. He was offering her a job for this semester, as well as next year. She had never felt more at home in a school than she had while walking the halls of Westview Charter, but Charles had been pretty adamant that he wanted to do things the right way and after talking to Melanie she finally was starting to understand why. That meant her returning to Ohio and planning their wedding before moving to the city.

“I’d have to talk it over with Charles,” she said. “There might be a way. When would you need to know?”

“I’m kind of in a bind,” he replied. “I have to find someone soon so I’ll be putting the ad out tomorrow. I’d say if you knew by the end of the week we could work something out.”

“I’ll definitely get back to you one way or another. Promise!”

She waved and headed back down the stairs towards the subway. She thought she knew what Charles would have to say on the matter, but she had to bring it up. It wasn’t like they couldn’t replace her at the school she was at now. There was a waiting list a mile long of qualified teachers that wanted her job, and being back in the city, back in Charles’ arms at night, had only made the thought of returning to Ohio without him more unbearable.

Lost in thought as she boarded the 4 train, she didn’t notice until it was too late that she’d dropped a glove along the way.

“Damn it,” she said a little louder than she’d meant, and sat down in an empty bucket seat.

A voice spoke from behind her. “Rough day?”

Turning to see who had broken the unspoken rule of not speaking to others on the subway, she looked straight into Nadia’s dark brown eyes.  In one quick sweep, she took in the long black ponytail and bulky coat. She carried a bag of groceries on her lap and smiled broadly.

“I lost a glove,” she managed to squeak. She felt herself turn fifty shades of red. Running into her like this was awkward as hell. In a city of 8 million people, what were the odds of seeing the ex-wife of her fiancé on a train?

“I’ve had a rough day, too,” she said. “Seems like a rough year, actually. I lost a husband.”

Hannah swallowed hard. This wasn’t how she wanted things to go. She was just about to say how sorry she was for everything that happened when Nadia doubled over in laughter.

“What?” Hannah asked.

“I just couldn’t help it.” Nadia continued to giggle. “Your face. I’m so sorry, Hannah. Really. I was just pulling your leg. I don’t hold any hard feelings for you anymore. I’m over it. OK?”

There was a pleading look behind the smiling eyes. She seemed sincere.

“Over it?” Hannah asked. “How could you be over it? You loved him. You imagined a life with him. You actually started building one, and then I came and tore it all to shreds. That was never my intention, Nadia. I never meant to ruin your life.”

The dark eyes seemed to warm even further.

“You didn’t ruin my life, Hannah.” There was a pause and Hannah noticed the woman who had been quietly reading across from them now couldn’t seem to look away. “If anything you gave me my life.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “How?”

A voice echoed through the car announcing the next stop.

“I have to go,” Nadia said. “Don’t feel guilty, Hannah. It’s worked out for the best for the both of us. Really.”

Nadia pushed herself up from the seat and scooted past the curious woman with the book. As she turned to say goodbye, her coat fell open. With a quick movement she pulled it closed, but not before Hannah noticed her hand absently caress her extended belly.

“Maybe we can talk soon?” Nadia asked.

Hannah simply nodded as she fought the urge to get sick.

****

“Pregnant?” Melanie screamed.

“No doubt,” Hannah confirmed, “and by the looks of it I’d say about five months.” She put her face in her hands and groaned. “I hate to say it, but my mind went there. I know, without a doubt that it isn’t his baby. I trust him completely where Nadia is concerned, but the timing and the shock of it all? My first thought was that it was his.”

“I can’t blame you for that.”

Doubt started creeping back in. If Melanie thought she should be worried, maybe she should be. She shook her head, stood and began to pace back and forth.

“No, if it was his baby, she would have said something. She loves him. She would never have intentionally not told him about the one thing that would have guilted him into staying with her for good.”

“You’re right. She knew he was leaving her for you. If she were going to play a pregnancy card, she would have done it then. Maybe she’s met someone else. I told you I haven’t seen or heard from her, and you said she seemed happy. Maybe she’s just moved on with her life.” Melanie stretched out on the couch and took a sip of her wine. 

Hannah grabbed the glass from Mel’s hand and gulped.

“Sure, take the rest of that. Didn’t need it as much as you anyway.”

“It’s just that, when I think back to that time, I’d made it so clear to him I was leaving. I thought it was over. I went on dates. Could I blame him if he had decided to sleep with her? What if I drove him to it?”

“OK. That’s enough,” she stood and took the glass from her hand. “When you start blaming yourself for the imaginary actions of a man who absolutely 100% loves you, and only you, you’re cut off.”

Mel walked the glass to the kitchen, came out and grabbed her purse.

“I’ve got to run.  What are you going to do when Charles get home? You going to tell him or not?”

Hannah pulled this pillow against her chest and let out the breath she’d been holding. “I don’t know.”

“Well, let me know before I pick you two up to apartment shop tomorrow, OK? I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”

“I will. Do you want me to walk you out?”

Mel leaned down for a quick hug.

“Stay on your couch, you lazy bum. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The click of the door was like a trigger for her tears. They started slowly, one by one, before turning into a raging stream that left her emotionally and physically drained.  She needn’t have worried about what to say to Charlie because she slept through his coming home and woke up to a note on her pillow that he’d meet her and Mel at their Mexican place in the Village for lunch.