If I Break THE COMPLETE SERIES Bundle (128 page)

“It could be worse. Cal could be back,” I joke, trying to cheer him up. He chuckles.

“That’s the worst part about this. That was Chris in there today. I made
Chris
like that,” he says shaking his head.

“I destroyed my family, more than Cal ever could,” he continues.

“I blamed him for my own stupidity. For the mistakes I made. I took it out on him. I hated him because he saw what I did and held it over me, and I was too much of a coward to tell my wife the truth,” he continues.

“Can you talk to her?” he says desperately.

“I-I—she probably needs time alone,” I tell him.

“No, she shouldn’t be alone. She won’t speak to me. This has to be eating her up!” He stands up and takes my hand.

“Tell her how sorry I am and how much I love her. That Lisa and I was the biggest mistake of my life and I was going through some crazy midlife crisis. I never loved anyone as much as I love Gwen. Please tell her,” he begs me, ushering me to the door.

“But how would I get in,” I ask him frantically.

“It’s not locked. She says she doesn’t want to see me and I’m respecting her wishes. I can hear her crying. She’s not asleep. Please be there for her.” I nod, I’m willing to do anything to get away from him. His despair and desperation is heavy in the air. I reluctantly turn the knob of their bedroom and it opens like he says. I give a weak smile as I go in and close the door behind me.

“Mrs. Scott,” I call quietly. I see the light in their master bathroom on. I walk in and see Mrs. Scott sitting on the floor, her back resting up against their tub. She’s not crying, but she looks dazed.

“I-I hope I’m not bothering you,” I say. She glances up at me and gives me a small smile.

“William asked you to come in here didn’t he?” she asks. Her voice is dry and scratchy. She must have been crying for hours.

“Yeah,” I say, not knowing if I should smile or cry with her. I can do either seeing how different she looks—like she’s aged five years.

“I-I could go out if you want to be alone,” I say quietly and she shakes her head so I sit down on the toilet top. She’s quiet for a long time.

“I spent so much time in this bathroom when I sick,” she says after a couple of minutes.

“The chemo made me feel so terrible,” she continues.

“I came in here to try to hide how sick it made me. I knew how much it hurt them to see me hurting,” she says, clearing her throat.

“I literally wanted to die. I really did. Every single day, I was so sick of being sick,” she says tightly holding her head.

“But I held on. I fought, and I fought because I knew if I did die they would never be the same, that they couldn’t handle life without me then. I didn’t want to leave my family in disarray. I asked God to just make me stronger and better even if it was just long enough to make Chris love his dad again, how he used to,” she says and her voice shatters at the last part.

“I know when the affair started,” she shakes her head.

“William, he was happy. Happier than he had been in such a long time,” she laughs but she’s bitter and looks like she’s hurts her.

“He had been going through some type of—the only thing I could call it is a mid-life crisis. He hadn’t been himself. Kind of withdrawn, he kept saying he didn’t feel accomplished. He wasn’t happy and I tried everything to get him to be happy but I couldn’t break through the wall he put up. He had been like that for months, and then one day out of the blue the funk was over. He was back to the man I knew and loved,” she sighs and tears fill her eyes again.

“I thought it was because of something I had done. That he had fallen in love with me again and all along he was happy because he was sleeping with someone the same age as our son,” she starts to cry.

“It makes me sick. They did it in our house. Our house, Lauren. How could they do that?” she says, crying harder.

“I let her sleep in my home, I taught her how to cook. Oh God, she asked me for about advice about boys,” she shakes her head.

“How stupid have I been? All of that time she was wearing her little shorts and tiny tops I thought she was flaunting herself to get Chris’ attention, and she was after my husband. She had an affair with my husband,” she says, hitting her lap. I get up and crouch down and hug her—tight and long—she hugs me back.

“I couldn’t have children Lauren. I could never give him a child,” she cries into my shoulder.

“They broke my baby, Lauren, and made their own. I can’t forgive them for that. I can’t,” she says, squeezing me harder.

W
e left the day after the bomb was dropped. Mrs. Scott left before us, headed to her sister’s. She’s not sure what she’s ultimately going to do but she says she can’t stay in that house with Mr. Scott any longer. We offered for her to come to Chicago with us whenever she wants. She says she will take us up on the offer. Well, it wasn’t really
us
that made the offer to be honest, it was me.

Chris.

I don’t even feel right calling him Chris anymore, because he’s different. That night he found out everything from Lisa he was so angry and acted completely out of character but I’d prefer that to whoever he is now. He’s withdrawn, quiet and moody.

Just a shell of himself.

When I heard Lisa’s secret I knew things were about to get bad, but the moment the words left his mouth, that he has a little sister, there are no words for that. I knew it was going to be an uphill battle and we were already stationed so far underground. How he’s been acting that I didn’t expect. We’ve been in Chicago for three weeks and he hasn’t cried, he doesn’t laugh, he barely speaks. He’s like a droid drained of any personality whatsoever. The only time I see a hint of himself is when he plays with Caylen. I see a flicker of joy, a moment of happiness every now and then but besides that, nothing. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone, not even his mom. She calls every day to check on him and he just sits on the phone giving one or two word answers. Everyone else he’s shut out completely.

It’s expected that he wouldn’t speak to his dad or Lisa. They
both
call several times a day. Not together, well as far as I know. I told his dad he needs time. Probably a whole lot of time. Lisa, well I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t think that’s a relationship that’s ever going to be the way it was. He won’t speak to Aidan either, and he barely speaks to me. The only familiar thing he does is play his guitar. But now he stays on my iPad, which is little strange since he’s never really been into electronics. Every single day he’s on that thing for hours, it’s beyond annoying.

“He’s been like a zombie and I have no idea what to do. I can’t tell him I know how he feels, that everything will be okay. His dad cheated on his mother with his best friend, who she has a secret child by. Is that something you can get over? His family is destroyed. Now when I look at him I don’t see Chris or Cal,” I tell Helen. She’s been out of town since I arrived back in Chicago and it feels so good to be able to talk to her now.

“…and this may sound crazy, but whenever I leave the house I get this weird feeling that I’m being followed,” I tell her, laughing at the absurdity of it. “I think I may be starting to lose my mind,” I say, taking a sip of my coffee from the bistro in our building lobby.

“You’re not going crazy, Lauren. You have been under a lot of pressure and I commend you for holding up so well,” she says, squeezing my hand.

“What’s wrong with him? If Cal is his alter and helps him when these things happen, where is he?” I ask frantically.

“I believe that Christopher has shut himself down emotionally. He has dissociated himself from reality entirely. He’s locked Cal out. This is what I say when I mean that Cal and Chris are one. Even when Cal isn’t at the forefront of his conscious state he is always with Chris subconsciously. There cannot be a Chris without Cal, Cal without Chris. They both make up the man that you know and love,” she explains and I let out a deep breath.

“So what do we do? How do we fix them? He can’t be like this forever can he?” I ask anxiously.

“I need to see how far gone he is,” she replies.

“He told me he didn’t want to see or talk to anyone,” I tell her.

“If he’s not exhibiting any emotions then he won’t exhibit anger, annoyance or frustration,” Helen retorts.

When we walk in Chris barely glances up us. His eyes remain on the TV that’s been stationed to Nick Jr. since I left.

“Hey babe,” I say cheerfully. He doesn’t say anything, as usual, only slightly nodding.

“Christopher, it’s so good to see you,” Helen says enthusiastically. When he doesn’t reply she picks up Caylen.

“Hi beautiful. I’ve missed you so much,” she kisses Caylen on the cheek.

“She looks so much like you, Christopher,” Helen says standing in front of him. He doesn’t say anything.

“I am sorry about what happened with your parents,” she offers, sitting next to him. He glances over at me before staring back at the television.

“I told you I don’t want to talk to anyone,” he says, his tone the same monotone it’s been since we stepped foot in our house. It hasn’t lowered or risen since.

“Lauren told me that but I knew that you’d make an exception for me,” Helen says playfully.

“What do you want Dr. Lyce,” he asks stoically.

“I came to see how you’re doing. If there was anything I could do to help you.”

“I don’t need any help I’ve never felt better. I’m completely fine,” he says, grabbing the remote beside him and turning the channel. The patience I’ve been holding on to these past two weeks is starting to wear thin.