If Forever Comes (35 page)

Nodding, I kneeled down and unzipped my bag.
“Thanks again. I’m going to grab a shower and call it a
night.”

“Sounds good. Clean towels are in the hall
closet.” Christopher hesitated at the end of the hall then finally
said, “I’m glad you’re back, Jared.”

My jaw tightened, but I lifted it in his
direction. “Yeah, me too.”

The shower felt awesome. I kind of felt bad to
have my naked ass surrounded by all of Aly’s girly shit, like I was
some kind of unwilling voyeur, but there was nothing I could do
about it. I grabbed a bottle of body wash and squirted a mound into
my palm. Coconut. I lathered it over my body with my hands and
rushed it over my face. Damn, it smelled good.

Shaking my head, I resisted the urge to laugh
because this whole thing was insane.

I toweled off, pulled on some boxer briefs and
a clean pair of jeans.

Wandering out into the main room, I rubbed the
towel through my damp hair and glanced over at the microwave.
Already 12:40.

Okay, so not really all that late, but was it
weird Aly was still out? If I were Christopher, I wasn’t sure how
I’d deal with it, a sister out at all hours of the night. If I
thought I couldn’t sleep now. . .

My little sister’s face hit me before I could
stop it.
God
. I hadn’t seen Courtney since she was seven Not
since the day she’d gone to live with my grandparents three weeks
after I destroyed our family. My grandparents had wanted me to go
with them, too, like maybe if they took me out of the house where
my father drank away his days they could save me from the downward
spiral I was on. But I’d refused. There was nothing they could do
to help me.

I was so much older than Courtney that I
really hadn’t ever known her all that well. I wondered what she
looked like now—
what she was like
—if she was happy or if I’d
ruined her life, too.

I flipped all the lights off except for the
one that glowed beneath the microwave, spread the thin blanket out
over the couch, and sank down onto it.

It was as comfortable as it looked.

Tucking the pillow under my head, I stared up
at the darkened ceiling. Cold air pumped continually from the
vents, keeping out the suffocating heat outside. Everything felt
incredibly still and silent. I could barely hear the muted passing
of cars out on the main road and the quiet hum of insects in the
shrubs outside.

Minutes ticked by as I lay alone with my
thoughts. Nighttime was the worst, when the memories were so vivid,
the images so graphic I was sure if I could just reach out far
enough, I could stop it. Change it.

Fix
it.

I’d do anything to be given that
chance.

When I could stand it no longer, I let my eyes
drift closed. They started as flickers, small blips in time. My
heart sped as the sickness I kept down all day clawed through my
veins and pounded in my ears. Nausea surged and I draped my arm
over my eyes, squeezed them tight, wished for anything that would
blot it out. Heat seared me from the inside out, and sweat broke
out across my forehead and down the back of my neck.

Pain slammed me as everything closed
in.

And all I wanted was to die.

Chapter 3

Aleena

Cool water lapped around my waist as I waded
toward the steps. I climbed out, the heat of the night a blanket of
comfort as I emerged from the pool. Gabe trailed close behind
me.

I grabbed a towel from the pile sitting at the
edge of the pool. My hair was soaked, plastered against the sides
of my face and clinging to my back. I rubbed the towel over my face
and through my hair.

On the lounger, Megan was lost in Sam, a
tangle of limbs and whispers.

A soft snort escaped my nose. She was making
him work for it, all right. I couldn’t blame her, though. I’d never
seen her look at someone the way she’d been looking at him tonight.
I just hoped he didn’t turn out to be a complete
asshole.

I glanced back at Gabe. I hoped Sam and Gabe
were alike because I was sure he wasn’t anything close to an
asshole. Gabe offered a tiny grin as he grabbed a towel for
himself, a silent affirmation of my perception.

I realized tonight had been nice, that I felt
good, and maybe spending time with Gabe didn’t really hurt all that
bad. I smiled back at him.

I turned away, laughing at a few of our
friends who decided it was late enough and they’d had enough to
drink to peel all their clothes off and jump in the
pool.

Glad I climbed out before I ended up a party
to that.

Megan rose up like a shadow in the darkness,
her voice hoarse. “Hey, Aly, I think someone keeps trying to call
you. Your phone is lighting up like every five seconds.” She
reached for it from the small table where I’d left it, held it up
while the backlight glowed, the ringer silenced. “Oh, looks like
it’s Christopher calling,” she said, turning it toward
me.

Barefoot, I tiptoed to where Megan still lay
curled up with Sam. The backlight faded as I took my phone from
her. I ran my finger over it and saw I missed three calls from him.
“Weird,” I mumbled as my nerves spiked.

“Everything okay?” Megan asked.

I lifted one shoulder as I redialed. “I don’t
know. He tried to call me three times.” Christopher never checked
up on me.

Over the years, things had changed so much
between us. When we were younger, Christopher had done his best to
ditch me while I did my best to keep up with him and his friends.
Funny, it was his idea that I move in with him once I graduated
from high school. Since then, we’d grown really close. We looked so
much alike, his green eyes just as bright as mine, though his hair
was a shade darker —so black it was almost blue. He was tall, built
in all the right places, and thin everywhere else. It made me laugh
at how many heads he turned. When I moved in, I’d needed some time
to get used to the constant string of girls he had parading in and
out of his room. In the end, it came down to respecting each
others’ privacy. We’d worked it out. He did his thing while I did
mine.

I wandered out into a quiet corner of the
yard. A slow dread seeped over me as I dialed the phone. I held the
towel close to my body as if it were a cloak of protection. The
call rang twice before Christopher answered.

“Hey,” I rushed out, “is everything all
right?”

“Yeah. . .” he said, his voice doused with
distinct relief when he spoke, “I just needed to catch you before
you got home.”

The small panic that had built up in my chest
subsided, curiosity taking its place. “Oh. . .okay. What’s
up?”

He hesitated, then practically begged as he
whispered, “And please don’t get mad, okay? Because I really need
you to be okay with this.”

I felt a frown form between my eyes. I could
almost see him shifting uncomfortably as he sat on the edge of his
bed. The vibe of this conversation was completely out of character
for my typically carefree brother. “What’s going on,
Christopher?”

He blew out a gush of air. “Do you remember
Jared Holt?”

The name was enough to knock the breath from
my lungs.

Did I remember him?

When I looked back now, I wondered how it was
possible for a heart to break at fourteen. But my heart had,
because it’d broken for him. Still, it was something my young mind
could never fully comprehend. My feelings for Jared had haunted me,
left this hollowed out place deep inside of me. I’d held onto that
remnant of pain for so long, until it faded and transformed and
became this mystery that inhabited the deepest recesses of my mind.
A shadow of a memory.

The mention of his name ignited it, basking it
in light and bringing it to life again.

I swallowed the lump lodged in my throat,
though I still choked over the words. “Of course I remember him.
Why?”

“He’s back, Aly.” As if he didn’t notice my
shocked silence, he continued. “Cash and I were at The Vine having
a couple of beers, and he was there, just sitting at the bar like
he’d been there all this time.” I could hear the sadness wrap
through Christopher’s voice.

And I could picture the boy, his hair so blond
it was almost white, his ice blue eyes somehow warm, dancing with
joy and ease and mischief, his red lips stretched in a teasing
smile.

Then all I saw was his pain.

“Is he okay?” I whispered.

“I don’t know, Aly. How could he be?”
Christopher released a defeated sigh. “He’s. . .
different
.
But he’s here, and that’s all that matters right now. I mean. .
.he’s
here,
at our apartment. He’d been staying at some old
motel, and I told him he could stay here until he found a place.”
Christopher paused, hesitating. “And God, Aly, I hope I didn’t make
a mistake inviting him here. He’s been in so much trouble and I
don’t want to go asking for more of it, but seeing him tonight…all
I could think about was all the good times we spent together as
kids. He’s my
best friend
. It doesn’t matter what he did,
nothing’s ever going to change that. I couldn’t just let him
disappear again. I already told him you need your space and not to
go bothering you. I really am sorry I didn’t ask you first.” With
that, he stopped talking, an expectant silence hovering in the
space between us as he asked me for permission, for this to be
okay.

I didn’t know if it was. A thousand what-ifs
and fears and butterflies took flight in my stomach.

But even if it wasn’t okay, there was no
possible way I could say no.

“Yeah. . .okay. I don’t mind him staying with
us for a while.” I bit my lip and blinked as I said it, trying to
hold in the hysteria bubbling up in my chest.

In distinct contrast to my panic, the anxiety
in my brother’s voice lifted. “Thanks, Aly. I owe you.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Of course Christopher had no idea what it
meant to me.

“Can we not mention this to Mom and Dad? I
know it’s our place and all, but I don’t need Dad riding my ass
about it. You know how he felt about everything.”

“Sure,” I said.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later,
then.”

“Talk to you later,” I mumbled before the call
went dead.

I turned back to the party. Megan lifted her
head from the lounger, her brows drawn. “What’s going
on?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. Christopher just
wanted to let me know an old friend is back in town.” I shrugged
like it had no effect on me. “He’s going to be staying with us for
a while.”

Megan shot up. “Really? Who?”

“Just an old friend who grew up with us. Jared
Holt,” I said with forced nonchalance.

She frowned. In all these years, it was a name
that had never once been uttered from my mouth. “He left before you
moved here,” I added because I already saw the questions building
in her eyes.

Her frown deepened, but for now, she let it
go. I knew I’d be hearing about it later.

Gabe reached for me, but I subtly pulled away.
“I think I’d better head home.” I slipped my shorts and t-shirt
over my damp suit.

“Are you about ready to go, Megan?” I asked as
I gathered my things and shoved them in my bag. My hands were
shaking
. Damn it
. I slung my bag over my shoulder as I
stood.

Megan glanced over at Sam who was running lazy
circles along her arm.

“You want me to take you home later?” he asked
as he looked up at her.

She turned her attention back to me,
apologetic. “I think I’ll hang out here for a little while, if
that’s okay?” She bit at her bottom lip. I knew that expression
well, and heard her silent
please
.

I returned one of my own, my eyes soft, but
pointed.
Be careful
.

The nod of her head was almost imperceptible.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” she promised.

It was crazy that we knew each other so well,
could read the other without saying a word, yet she knew absolutely
nothing about the one thing that affected me most.

“Okay, see you later.”

Gabe’s hand found my elbow. Everything about
his touch was gentle. “I’ll walk you out.”

I didn’t say anything, just walked silently at
his side, through the house and out into the stillness of the
sleeping neighborhood. I clicked the lock to my white Toyota
Corolla. The yellow running lights flashed and I opened the door.
Gabe dipped down to kiss me, and I turned my cheek.

His breath washed over my face in a frustrated
huff as he edged back a fraction. “What’s up with you, Aly? One
second we’re good and the next you won’t let me touch you.” He
leaned in closer. “You’re always so fucking hot and cold. Didn’t
you feel that back there? How good we could be
together?”

I inclined my head to look up at him towering
over me. “I’m sorry, Gabe,” I whispered as I shook my head. I
didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but maybe Megan was right. I was
just leading him on.