If Forever Comes (34 page)

A thousand memories pushed to the forefront of
my mind. I could see them all there, too, flickering across his
face.

Christopher and I had been thicker than blood.
He’d been both my best friend and the brother I never
had.

A smile erupted on his face and he shook his
head. “I’m good. . .really good.” He blinked as if he still
couldn’t believe I was there. “How have you been?” His tone
shifted, grew heavy as he leaned with one elbow on the bar, facing
me. His attention shot from my face to my hands fidgeting on my lap
and back up to my face again. He sat back, his brow pinching
together. “Where have you been, Jared? I mean. . .I haven’t heard
from you in years. Why. . .” He wrenched his hand through his hair,
his voice trailing off, unable to complete the question.

What the hell was I supposed to say?
Christopher had written me all these bullshit letters saying none
of it was my fault, that everything would be okay, that he
got
it, but he got
nothing
. How could he? I was the
one who lay in my cell at night with the pictures of what I’d done
burned in my mind. When I closed my eyes, they were the only thing
I saw. And it was most definitely
my fault
. I never returned
any of his letters, never called, never let any of them know where
I went once I was released. I didn’t need Christopher or anyone
else to feed me lies, to try to convince me one day I’d heal or
some fucking garbage like that. Maybe my heart beat on, but I died
the day
she
did.

I trained my voice, acted casual. “I’ve been
working up in New Jersey the last few years. I was able to save up
some money, so it’s been good.”

He pressed his lips together. “And when did
you get back?” he asked, although I heard the question.
Why are
you back
? I was glad he didn’t ask because I didn’t fucking
know.

“About a week ago.”

Lily showed up in front of us with a fresh
beer and began wiping down the counter. Her gaze landed on
Christopher. “Can I get you anything?”

“No thanks, I’m good.” He waved her off and
turned back to me. “Where are you staying?”

I sipped at my beer. “I’ve been staying at
this shitty motel while I look for an apartment. . .across
town.”

For a second he worked his mouth in
consideration. He released a breath and cocked his head to the
side. “Why don’t you come stay with me while you look? It’d be cool
to catch up. It has to suck to be living in a motel.”

“Nah, man, I couldn’t impose like
that.”

“It’s not imposing. You’re like
family.”

Internally I cringed at his assertion. Yeah,
maybe I’d been like family once. Not anymore.

Christopher reached over, grabbed my beer, and
drained half of it. I stifled a laugh. The guy hadn’t changed at
all. Christopher was notorious for
borrowing
stuff. If I was
ever missing anything, I knew where to find it.

“Help yourself,” I muttered as I waved my hand
at my beer, and he just smirked.

“Anyway. . .” He tipped the bottle in my
direction as if in thought, working something out. “I have a place
I share with Aly. It’s just a few miles away. You’ll have to sleep
on the couch, but it’s got to be better than living out of a motel.
This is really cool. . .” He nodded as if he were trying to
convince himself this wasn’t a really bad idea. “I’m glad you’re
back. It will be good to catch up. . .” he rambled on, before he
slowed. He must have read the surprise on my face.

Aly was his roommate?

“Our parents and Augustyn still live in the
old neighborhood, but when Aly decided to go to ASU, we figured
it’d be cool if she lived with me since we’re going to the same
school. She moved in a couple of years ago…right after she
graduated from high school,” he added as if to clear up my
confusion.

If anything, it grew.

He just laughed. “Jared. . .she’s twenty years
old.”

I tried to work it out in my head, the little
black-haired girl who’d followed us around like we were the
greatest things in the world while we teased her relentlessly.
Still, I would’ve killed for her. A grin fought for release when I
thought of her knobby knees and buck teeth. By the time she was
twelve, she was so tall and gangly she could barely stand on her
two awkward feet. The last time I saw Christopher’s sister she
must’ve been about fourteen, but that year was just a blur. I
couldn’t even picture her at that age.

I smiled lightly and shook my head. “No
shit?”

“Man, you’ve been gone for six years. What’d
you expect? To come back here and everything would be the
same?”

I didn’t know what I expected.

Christopher let me off the hook with an easy
grin. “It’s really good to have you back, Jared.” He stood and
tossed a twenty on the bar, then he clapped me on the back. “Thanks
for the beer. Now go grab your shit. You’re coming back to my
place.”

Christopher gave me his address, and I rode
across town to the motel to get the few things I had, then headed
back. It had to be getting close to midnight. Traffic was light,
and the trip took me less than ten minutes. Their apartment was in
Tempe right near ASU. I turned right into their driveway and up to
the gate, then entered the code Christopher had given me. It swung
open, allowing me entry into the huge complex. Large three-story
buildings were situated around the property, and sidewalks
surrounded by trimmed grass and small shrubs lined the walkways. I
didn’t get impressed by material shit, and it wasn’t like this was
the foothills or anything, but it was a thousand times better than
the hole I’d been staying in since I got into town a week
ago.

Why I let Christopher talk me into coming
here, I wasn’t sure. I’d come to Phoenix without intentions,
without expectations, only with the few meager belongings I could
strap to my back and this foreign need in the pit of my
stomach.

I no longer understood joy, but I had to
admit, it was good to see his face.

I had some money saved up from the
construction job I’d somehow landed back in New Jersey. I’d been a
supervisor and made good money. No one knew me from Adam there, and
my records were sealed since I’d been a minor when everything went
down. The day I turned eighteen, I was released, and I’d hitchhiked
my way across the country, putting as much distance between this
place and myself as I possibly could.

Funny how I ended up right back here again
after running so far.

I was going to have to find a job soon. I
wouldn’t run short of money for a while, but I’d need some kind of
employment to put on my application if I wanted to get my own
place. I couldn’t stay with Christopher forever.

Really, agreeing to come here at all was a
train wreck waiting to happen.

He’d hate me before I was gone.

I’d bet on it.

Winding around to the back of the complex, I
parked my bike in one of the visitor spots in front of his
building. I hiked my bag further up my back and tucked my hands in
my jean pockets as I ambled up the stairs to the second floor
landing. There were only two doors. Apartment 2602 was on the left.
I rapped on the metal door.

Two seconds later, Christopher opened it. Cold
air blasted across my face from the air conditioner, and I welcomed
it as Christopher widened the door to let me in. “Come on
in.”

“This is seriously cool of you,” I said as I
stepped inside and took in my surroundings. It was a big, open
room, the living area off to the left and the kitchen with a small,
round table to the right. The two were separated by a low bar with
three barstools sitting in front of it. The couch was in the middle
of the living room. Behind it, a large sliding glass door led out
to a small balcony.

Christopher gestured toward the couch. “Make
yourself at home. Aly and I are pretty casual around here. I’m not
doing much of anything this summer but sitting on my ass because I
figure my senior year is going to be brutal, and Aly’s working at a
little restaurant while classes are out for the summer.”

“Oh yeah? What are you studying? I asked.
Christopher had never been much of the studious type. I felt bad
for even thinking I was surprised he’d made it that far in
school.

He shrugged. “Just getting a Bachelor’s in
Business Administration. I have no clue what I want to do with it,
but shit, my parents saved all that money for me to go to college.
I figured I’d better make good on it.”

“That’s cool. I’m sure you’ll figure it
out.”

“Thanks, man. I hope so.” It seemed like he
wasn’t so confident. He ran a hand through his messy hair and
heaved the air from his lungs. “Listen, let me grab you a blanket
and pillow.”

He headed down the hall, tapped his index
finger on the first door on the right. “This is Aly’s room. Off
limits, obviously.” He craned his head back. “She’s kind of private
and pretty much keeps to herself. You two probably won’t run into
each other all that much since she’s working a lot while classes
are out for the summer.”

He touched the door on the left. “And this is
Aly’s bathroom. I don’t think she’ll mind if you use it.” He said
it as if it didn’t really matter that much, but I couldn’t imagine
a girl wanting to share her bathroom with a guy she didn’t really
know.

“My room’s at the end of the hall. There’s a
bathroom in there too if you need it.”

“Thanks, man.” I dropped my bag on the floor
next to it the huge, black leather couch.. It faced a large black
TV stand with a flat screen sitting on top of it. Controllers for a
game console were stuffed inside a drawer with the wires sticking
out.

I inclined my head toward it. “You still
play?”

I kinda wanted to laugh because I used to have
to drag his lazy ass outside to play or ride bikes or whatever the
hell I wanted to do because Christopher always had his nose in a
video game. He’d been the scrawny kid. When we were growing up, I’d
kicked an ass or two in his name. Nobody messed with him after
that.

I hated fighting then, hated even the sight of
the tiniest amount of blood. But I did it for him.

After everything went down, fighting was
pretty much all I did. When the pressure built,
the anger
,
it had to be released. Fighting served as the perfect outlet—the
way the adrenaline spiked, the way it rose until it cracked me
open, then flooded through my muscles and wept free from my veins,
draining everything until I felt nothing.

Those were the only nights I could sleep. They
probably would’ve let me out earlier if they weren’t constantly
pulling me off some kid who got in my way. Of course assholes to
beat on in juvie were in no short supply. The population there was
just a constant string of punks who deserved to get their asses
kicked anyway.

Christopher laughed as he opened a closet in
the hall. “Nah, I don’t play all that much, but it’s cool to unwind
every once in a while.” He tossed me a blanket and pillow. “You’re
welcome to stay as long as you want. I set a spare key for you on
the coffee table.” He pointed to the silver key before his hand
fluttered in the direction of the kitchen. “Aly and I share food,
just be sure to chip in or whatever when she goes to the
store.”

“Yeah, for sure.” I dropped the blanket and
pillow to the couch, sat down and unlaced my boots to pull them
off. Midnight approached, and I felt wasted, worn, but I doubted
I’d catch much sleep tonight. Anxiety was my constant companion,
and it’d grown since I got back into town. A disquiet rumbled
somewhere deep inside me, the same feeling that had urged me onto
my bike and out onto the road little more than a week ago. I hadn’t
even made a conscious decision to come.

The last four years since I’d been out of
juvie I’d been focused, but without a goal. I showed up at the job
site every day, worked hard, fought a little, and fucked a lot. A
pathetic substitution for life, but it was all I had. And I’d had
no intention of ever changing it.

Then nine days ago I got up in the morning and
got on my bike and just rode.

Christopher pulled his cell phone from his
pocket. “I’m going to give Aly a heads up that you’re here. I don’t
want her coming in and freaking out that there’s a strange guy
sleeping on the couch.”