Ice (40 page)

“Listen, Christine,” he said, raising his voice slightly. “I’m sorry. Can you please stop treating me this way?”

I felt my eyes widen furiously. “Am I not supposed to be upset that you shot one of my friends?! Well, excuse me that I’m not a little more cheery about it!”

He shut his eyes in frustration and said, “That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh, really? Because that’s exactly how it sounded.”

“Let me explain—”

I raised a hand to stop him and said, “The only thing you need to explain is why you would shoot a man!”

His gaze turned hard then, his mouth going into a tight line. “Because he isn’t a man.”

I felt my eyes widen in shock.

He said it like it made all the sense in the world.

And, he said it like he thought I didn’t know Kavick’s secret.

So, he hadn’t been there because of me, after all. He had been there because he learned what Kavick was and reacted like Doug had.

“Those wolves that attacked me and the police,” he said, slowly becoming angry, “were not really wolves! They’re people! Kevin’s whole family is! And, his name isn’t really Kevin; the other werewolves call him Kavick! They have their own secret names and secret lives, and he’s been lying to you the entire time you’ve known him!”

He stopped for a moment to catch his breath. I just gap
ed at him, shocked at just how much he had learned.

He pointed furiously to the ground and said, “He’s a monster, Christine! A monster! I did it to protect you!”

I felt sick and angry all at once. I grabbed my head and thought I was going to scream. Somehow I didn’t, but I was just as loud as him. “I already knew!”

He blinked and his eyes snapped open wide in shock. All the anger immediately drained from his face.

“You know he would never hurt me! You saw him on my birthday! You saw how close we were and you couldn’t stand it!” I glared furiously at him, feeling angrier than I had ever felt in my whole life. The sick feeling grew as my blood boiled, and my already fragile heart was threatening to break again. I couldn’t believe I could ever hate Marcus, but I could feel the hatred returning. Everything I had ever thought or felt came pouring out. It was like I didn’t have any control over myself anymore. “You hate it that you gave me up for that slut! And while she was cheating on you, Kavick was comforting me, helping me put my life back together after my parents’ deaths and what you
did to me! That’s what
you
should have been doing! That’s what I wanted you to do, but I wasn’t good enough for you to respond to any of my e-mails!
She
was more important to you! That controlling, lying slut!”

I was practically shriekin
g at him by the time I was finished yelling. I was holding back a sob and the tears were marring the edges of my vision.

He closed his mouth, careful not to show any emotion. He boldly stared into my eyes, not denying a single word.

But, I wanted him to deny it. I wanted him to somehow explain it all away, even though I knew he couldn’t.

“How could you…?” I asked, my voice a teary, hoarse whisper. “How could you do that to me? How could you shoot somebody? What could possibly send you over the edge like that?”

He gulped silently before he spoke. “When I found out you were with him instead of me on Sunday.”

I felt my jaw drop. “How did…?”

“When I was at the diner, Conner told me he saw you leave church with him. He had seen us talking before at the diner and assumed we were together. He asked me that evening if you were my girlfriend. I told him yes, because I thought you still loved me like what you had said in your e-mail. He offered to drive me to Kevin’s house, saying he knew where he lived.”

Now it all made sense. I was piecing it together before he could even say it.

“On the way back to the diner, we got to talking. He told me what his friend Doug had learned in Nome a while back, how the people believed that the wolf that attacked a child was actually one of them, because someone had seen one of them turn into a wolf before. He told me how Doug had died, not from a real wolf, but from one of those—those
werewolves
. He told me how Doug had shared the information with the police, only the police couldn’t legally arrest someone for being a monster, but everyone who he had shared it with understood the danger.

“Doug told
the Manheim’s who then started the leather factory as a cover for their operations on how to deal with the werewolves. They had the resources to bring in scientists and hire hunters. They could also get the Mayor’s support, so the town wouldn’t protest the building of the factory.

“I went back to the diner, only to tell Maggie something came up, so I couldn’t finish my shift. Conner took me to his house and started teaching me how to shoot in his backyard. I’ve been practicing every night since, ready to help them launch their attack that was supposed to be a vital blow to the werewolves, or even do them in for good.”

His face twitched and I could see the pain in his eyes. “I wasn’t expecting you to be there, though, after our conversation Monday.”

He quickly looked down at the ground and ran a hand through his short black hair. “Yeah, I was still jealous. I was still angry at that cocky dog for what he had said, and I knew you would forgive him and you two would be friends again…but, I thought that you loved me more.”

He looked up at me with tears in his eyes, holding his neck. “I thought that you were mine.”

I felt my heart slowly start to break. I fought to hold onto my calm. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, even though the look on his face and the sound of his voice was hurting me more and more.

“I wanted you for a long time, Christine. All those girls I dated, and while I was with Marcia, I kept thinking, ‘If only Christine could like me. We would be great together. I wish Christine were here instead.’ But, I thought it would never happen. Christine like me? No way. I wouldn’t have believed it in a million years. You were just one of my buddies, like Charlotte. And, for a long time, I didn’t realize just how much I liked you. Even after you left I wished I were dating you instead.”

I gaped at him, stunned. I couldn’t believe it. All that time I loved him and I thought he didn’t love me, he a
ctually did. It wasn’t just a sudden change like I had thought. All that time he actually wanted me like I had wanted him. He had been just like me, believing I didn’t feel the same way. My dream could have come true. I could have finally attained the “Unattainable”.

But, as sad as it seemed, it didn’t matter to me. None of my old wishes mattered to me, and the strange sadness of the situation quickly dissipated. It paled in comparison to the other tragedies in my life.

He nodded, his mouth going into that tight line again. He looked like he was barely managing to keep himself together. “I understand why you hate me. You’re right, I didn’t really believe he would hurt you, but I do believe it is possible for him to hurt someone else. I shouldn’t have shot him with you right there. I shouldn’t have let you experience that, but I couldn’t call off the operation. The others had spent too long waiting for an opportunity. They have to be so careful about when and where they do it….”

I felt the anger return. “No,” I said in a firm tone, shaking my head. “No. You shouldn’t regret it because of me. You should regret it because you could have killed someone. Because you
wanted
to kill someone.”

I felt my resolve waver again and my voice started to quiver. “He could still die. So many things could go wrong
...”

The image of Kavick lying in the backseat of the Miller’s SUV bleeding flashed before my eyes. I had to look at my hands to make sure it wasn’t real. I remembered his blood on my hands so clearly. “He nearly bled to death.”

I remembered washing my hands in the women’s bathroom earlier. I had to squeeze my hands and eyes shut to push the memory far enough away from the front of my mind. It was too much to handle. I could barely keep myself together as it was. I wiped my eyes and nose with my hands and forced myself to look at him.

“You should regret it because it was wrong. It was so
horribly
wrong.”

As strange and awful as it was, I remembered the hunters calling Kavick and Tartok monsters, but I couldn’t help but feel like the hunters were the monsters. That Marcus was a monster.

His gaze fell from my face to the ground. I could see the pain in his eyes. “You’ll never be able to forgive me, will you? I know there’s no hope that you could still possibly love me.”

I took a deep breath and stood up straighter. For once, I didn’t need to wipe the tears from my eyes. “I haven’t loved you for a long time.”

He looked at me again. He looked so shocked by my words. He stood up straighter, too, looking down again as he thought about it.

“I told you I sent the e-mail on accident, that I had written it a long time ago. I stumbled across it, forgetting I had saved it
, and then accidentally sent it when I was in a hurry to close it.”

He smiled sadly and said, “Of course. I see how it is
now. I finally understand. You didn’t still have feelings for me like I thought when I arrived, like I wanted to believe. You kept telling me you weren’t sure, so I thought that maybe...but, of course not. You stopped loving me when you started loving him.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner,” I said quietly. “I wanted to tell you…and after you came to
Alaska I kept thinking to myself, ‘This is what you’ve always wanted!’ I was confused for so long about how I felt. I half expected to fall back in love with you…but, I couldn’t.”

He nodded again, closing his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I said again, barely even loud enough for myself to hear.

He just kept nodding, letting me know that he understood. “I better get going,” he croaked, looking at me again with teary eyes.

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe that this was goodbye. I couldn’t believe I was saying goodbye to him
again
.

“My mom will be happy that I’m coming back home.”

I frowned in confusion. “What about school?”

“I’ll just drop out. Maybe they’ll let me pick back up in
Cali...I don’t know, and I really don’t care.” He shrugged like it didn’t matter.

I was speechless.

“You’re aunt definitely won’t be happy to see me back.”

I felt myself frown again. “What?” I asked, wonderin
g how my aunt factored in.

“The condition of her sending me here was that I would talk you into moving back to
California.”

“Why?” I asked, bewildered.

“She thinks you’re not happy here.” He shook his head and added, “But, you were, until now.”

He sniffed and gave me a grin. “I never did get to kiss you. I guess it’s too much to ask for a goodbye kiss, isn’t it?”

I didn’t say anything, giving him a sad look.

“It’s okay,” he said, still grinning despite the tears in his eyes. “I would say ‘see ya around’ but I know that’s not going to happen, either.”

I couldn’t stand to say goodbye, either. “Sometimes some things are better left unsaid.”

He nodded again and walked away.

I realized that was the last time I would see him.

I tried to go to school the next day, but I couldn’t. While I got ready, I realized I was too depressed. It was like when my parents had died; I was walking around in a miserable haze, constantly feeling like I was going to suddenly start crying.

Justin called the school, telling them I wouldn’t be going to school that day. I’m not sure how much he told them about Kavick, because I quickly hid myself away in my room after I told him I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want him to see me cry. He also called the lumberyard, so that he could stay with me. I thanked him, and then he asked me if I wanted to see “Kevin”.

“Please,” I said, sniffing back my tears.

After we got in the truck, before he started the engine, I said tearfully, “Thank you.”

“It’s no problem
,” he said in a sweet voice, but he also seemed surprised that I had thanked him.

We sat there for a moment in the silence. I could feel him staring at me. I think he was trying to figure out if I was about to cry or not.

“I love you, Uncle Justin,” I finally said, my voice quivering. Once again, I felt so grateful for my uncle.

“I love you too, Chris,” he said, leaning over
and hugging me. I wrapped an arm around him, unable to keep from crying anymore.

“Everything’s going to be alright. The doctor seemed purdy optimistic.”

“He said there were risks,” I argued in a quivering voice. “He might not recover.”

“There’s going to be risks with everything in life. That’s just how it is, but most of the time, everything turns out alright. Besides, a lot of people are prayin’ for him. I called Marleen last night and told her to call all the church folk and tell them Kevin needed a good prayin’ for.”

As always, Justin went above and beyond for me. He had thought of everything. Though Justin’s personality and my father’s could be quite different in some aspects, he treated me the same.

When we arrived at the hospital, Anana and Suka were in different clothes, but asleep in the waiting room, leaning on each other. Even though it was supposed to be one at a time, I thought I would step into Kavick’s room for a second to ask Tartok if anything had changed in the night. Justin took a seat one down from Suka and grabbed a magazine from the table when I left.

When I reached Kavick’s room, I knocked softly on the door, only a little louder than a tap.

I quietly cracked the door open since I hadn’t heard anything. I peeked around and saw Tartok sitting beside Kavick’s sleeping form, holding his hand. He nodded for me to enter.

I slinked around the door, careful to be quiet when I shut it behind me. I walked around the bed to Tartok, studying Kavick’s sleeping form. His hair was a little messier than I remembered and the sheets had more wrinkles.

“How is he?” I whispered.

“He stirred a little in the night. They gave him more medication, because they thought he might have been feeling some pain.”

I couldn’t help but give a sigh of relief, even though the idea of him being in pain wasn’t a very pleasant one. At least he wasn’t in a coma. That was one of my worst fears, next to him dying, of course. I think everyone had been afraid of that since he was in such critical condition.

Tartok looked up at me then, his amber eyes lit up by the sunlight that seeped through the mini-blinds. “Do you want to stay with him for a while?”

I didn’t want to prevent Tartok from being with his brother, though. “I don’t want you to feel like you should leave because of me….”

He stood and stretched his arms out long and wide. A popping sound came from his back and he yawned. “I don’t mind. I could use a shower and a change of clothes.”

I tried to stifle the insane amount of happiness I felt and did everything I could to keep from gushing while I thanked him. I hoped that Kavick would wake up at any minute since he had slept through the night. I had to remind myself that he might not, because he was heavily medicated.

It’s still early, after all,
I told myself as I grabbed his hand with both of mine, watching Tartok leave.

After several minutes of watching him sleep, I started to feel my eyes get heavy. I yawned, remembering how I had struggled to sleep last night. It was filled with nightmares and memories of what had happened when I had managed to fall asleep. Finally, I had to lay my head down on the bed next to his arm. I was pleased to see the needle out of his arm from the blood transfusion last night.

So much time had passed. I was running desperately through the woods. The snow was so deep. Finally, I reached the place where it had happened, the place we had always gone to together.

I stepped into the wide expanse of white, surrounded by trees. I looked down to the ground. I could feel my nose sting from the cold and I could see my breath as I breathed loudly for air. Fresh snow had covered where the blood had been.

This is where it had happened.

I collapsed in a heap in the cold powder. Tears spilled out of my eyes as I silently cried.

Kavick…Kavick….

I wasn’t sure if I was thinking it, or saying it.

“Kavick…” I said, trying hard to speak. I forced my teeth to stay still and not chatter. I wanted to be with him so badly.

I wanted to die.

I felt like I already had.

“…Kavick….”

I shut my eyes as I cried.

And then I felt something on my cheek. It was damp, so it took me a moment to realize it wasn’t my tears. Something was gently touching my cheek. I cracked my eyes open and looked through my tears. A Husky was standing in front of me, lowering his head so that he could lick the tears from my cheeks.

“Kavick…!” I breathed in disbelief. I sat up and wrapped my arms around his furry neck, and a second later I felt his arms around me. When I pulled away, I was staring at his smiling face. I felt my heart flutter at the sight of the big, beautiful smile I loved so much.

“I promised I wouldn’t leave you, remember?”

I couldn’t keep from crying, but this time it was tears of joy. I wrapped my arms around him again, clutching him as tightly as I could, afraid he would disappear. I couldn’t believe he was really there, that he would be with me forever. I couldn’t believe my dream was coming true….

I opened my eyes, not sure what exactly had made me wake up. I quickly realized it had all been a dream. I was back in the hospital room with its boring white walls. The crucifix on the wall next to the TV and Kavick’s hand near my face were back in my line of vision, just like I remembered before I had fallen asleep.

Kavick’s finger twitched before my eyes.

I gasped silently and shot up in my seat, watching him. I still held his hand, waiting for it to happen again with wide eyes of anticipation.

His fingers curled around mine and his legs moved.

My eyes darted to his face from his legs. His face scrunched in discomfort as he started to move, keeping his eyes closed. He stretched one of his arms a little.

“Be careful,” I said, still whispering out of habit. “Don’t move too much.”

“Christine,” he murmured groggily from behind the oxygen mask, keeping his eyes shut.

And then what I feared happened. He took in a sharp breath, and groaned. “Oh, God….”

“Don’t move! Hold on, I’m going to get someone!”

I could hear him moaning, “What happened…? Why does my chest hurt so much?”

“Nurse! Doctor! Someone!” I called into the hall. I didn’t want to leave Kavick when he was confused and in pain.

I glanced back over my shoulder. He was opening his eyes, blinking furiously. He looked over himself and his eyes widened. I thought he was going to scream. He looked terrified. He quickly tore the oxygen mask off of his face.

“No, no, no, no…” he muttered quickly, looking at the IV in his arm and the wires that snaked down under his gown to his chest. “N-not again…This can’t be happening again….”

“Nurse! I need some help!”

I could see Suka and Anana running down the hall. They came rushing in the room past me. Suka was at the foot of the bed, telling him to “Just chill
,” and Anana was at his side, speaking to him gently.

“Kavick, look around. You’re not in the Factory. You’re in a hospital. You’re going to be alright. We’re all here with you.”

I didn’t understand why Anana was saying that, but he was sitting up a little straighter in his bed now, breathing quickly like he was having a panic attack. The beeping on the monitor was much faster now.

“Take a deep breath,” Anana said, looking at the monitor. “Kavick, you have to calm down, you just had…
.”

I raced down the hall to the nurse’s station. A nurse was rushing out of a patient’s room, apologizing, saying that they were stretched thin since the wolf attack.

I assumed she meant because of the police officers who had fought the Wolf-People. I guess a lot of them were in pretty bad shape.

“What’s wrong?” she asked breathlessly. Her brown ponytail was bobbing as we walked briskly down the hall.

“Uh, he just woke up. I think he’s having a panic attack. He’s confused.”

We came to his room and Anana and Suka immediately stepped into the hall, watching the nurse work. Kavick was groaning from the pain again, slumped down in the bed. His breathing was nearly back to normal.

“Does it hurt?” she asked, checking the monitor and the IV.

“Yeah,” he said, screwing his eyes shut.

“I’m going to get you some more medication for the pain. It wore off a while ago, that’s why you’re hurting.”

I heard Suka mutter from behind me, “Gee, you think, lady?”

“Other than that, how are you feeling? Someone said you were confused and having a panic attack. Are you okay now?”

He nodded, reaching up to his chest.

“Don’t touch your chest, okay? It’ll set off the machine.”

He quickly removed his hand.

“Do you know your name?”

He nodded again.

She walked over to us and said, “Maybe you guys can ask him some questions to see if he’s still confused while I get his meds. He’s in a lot of pain right now, so I don’t want to keep him waiting.”

I nodded and Anana and I walked back into the room. Suka said she was going back into the waiting room so that she could use her cell phone to call Tartok.

Anana stood where the nurse had been, holding her hands in front of her. I took the seat on the other side of him. I noticed he kept clenching his fist. I reached for his hand, but stopped. I didn’t want to make Anana uncomfortable, remembering how he had told me that he had decided to marry her. He hadn’t had a chance to tell her he had changed his mind. I tried to discreetly move my hand away.

“Who am I?” Anana asked him.

He opened his eyes only to roll them at her. “I’m not crazy,
Anana
.”

Her lips, which were far less red today, formed a little smile.

“How old are you?” I asked.

He slowly turned his head, widening his eyes at me. “You, too? I was a little disoriented, is all. Now can someone please te
ll me why my chest hurts? What happened?”

I couldn’t answer him. I dropped my eyes to the bed, remembering when it happened. Every detail of it haunted me like it was happening before my eyes. It had kept me awake for most of the night. How his body had jerked, how his face had suddenly changed to lifeless shock. How he had fallen to his
knees, reached for me, and fell into the snow.

“You were shot,” Anana explained in her quiet monotone. “You don’t remember anything?”

He blinked again, as if to clear the fog from his mind. He rubbed his eyes and then held his face as he thought.

“A little bit,” he said, taking in another sharp breath.

The nurse came back in with a syringe. She removed the cap from it, discarding it in the trash, and injected it into the little tube at the top of his IV bag.

“Are you still confused, Mr. Skarling?”

He shook his head. “I’m fine now, thanks.”

“Good. I’ll let the doctor know you’re awake.”

She discarded the syringe in a red container on her way out as Suka came back in. Suka slipped her black cell phone into her pocket and scoffed. “Can you believe the people here? Letting his meds wear off until he’s feeling like he just had open heart surgery….”

“There was no one at the nurse’s station earlier,” I said.

Suka and Anana gave me shocked looks.

“I heard you yelling a long time for a nurse,” Suka said.

“She said they’re stretched thin because of the ‘wolf attack’.”

Suka narrowed her eyes. “The police have got to start coming up with a better excuse, because everyone knows wolves do not attack people nearly that often.”

“Except us,” Anana said, earning a grin from everyone, even Kavick.