I Won't Give Up on You (16 page)

“You can.”

Her head shakes violently.

“Yes, Bre, you can.”

I move my fingers to her right foot and undo the ribbons on her shoes. She isn’t strong enough for her pointe shoes, but I know she can dance barefoot. She watches me move from one foot to the other. When I’m done, I slowly ease her feet off the ground one at a time and slip the shoes off, dropping them to the floor beside me. Bending over, I lightly kiss the top of each foot. Her breath hitches as I do this.

“Bre,” I look up at her, “dance for me.”

She’s breathing hard by the rise and fall of her chest under my shirt. My breath stops, am I pushing too much? Finally, she nods very slowly as she turns to walk to the stereo in the corner. Pushing my hands through my hair, I let out the breath I was holding. I get up and walk to the chair in the corner of the room and wait.

She slowly walks to the stereo. Shaking her arms out and rolling her head on her shoulders. Her head does fall back, and she stands still, staring at the ceiling. I think she really wants to run out of the room, but she doesn’t. She reaches for the iPad attached to the system and runs through the extensive music library.

I know it won’t be an extreme dance or one that I’ve seen her do in the past. Just that she’s willing to try makes me so fucking proud of her.

I hear a guitar start strumming, and I know exactly what song it is. My heart starts to beat wildly. She walks to the middle of the room and looks at me when the words of the song start. It’s a perfect choice, “When You Say Nothing At All” by Allison Kraus.

Her movements are slow and calculated, but still so fluid and graceful. Not as much footwork, but what she does is breathtaking. She’s in a zone. I can tell she isn’t even seeing me anymore, it’s just her and the music. Even though I can see her leg strain with certain moves, she keeps going. I never expected her to be this good so soon after the shooting. I feel myself choke up. The song starts to fade, and I slowly make my way over to her. She stops when I’m right in front of her, breathing heavily, with her arms wrapped around herself and her head hanging.

Her shoulders are slumped over and shaking. She’s crying.

“You did it, Bre.”

She looks up at me with a huge smile on her face and wraps her hands around my neck. I instantly pick her up, wrapping her legs around my waist.

“You did it.”

She’s sobbing, but I know it’s a good cry this time.

“I’m so proud of you, baby. So fucking proud. You did it. I knew you could.”

She hugs me harder than I thought she could. Her mouth crashes onto mine.

“Thank you,” she says between kisses, “thank you for believing in me.”

I walk her back to our room and place her on our bed. Slowly undressing, I take in the beautiful women in front of me. Crawling up her body, I place kisses along the way. She’s mine to worship now, and I plan to do it slow and right.

Today’s the day. Sabrina shifts nervously by my side as we make our way to Rose’s house. After Sabrina danced, and I worshiped her again, she quietly confronted me about what had me so withdrawn. It felt like a weight was lifted off of me as she helped me understand how my mom could be so afraid. Bre had the experience with Mark to draw from. She said she could imagine how much worse it had been for Rose.

With a different perspective came the possibility of understanding and forgiveness. I called James and asked about meeting Rose, if she would be willing to meet me at this point. It didn’t take him long to get back to me. Rose wanted to see me, but was still extremely fearful of coming back to town. So Bre and I agreed to travel to Rose’s home.

I grab Bre’s hand and pull it toward me. “Thank you for coming.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. We’re in this together.”

My mind wonders, thinking about what my life could have been if all this shit never happened. Would I have even met Sabrina, would I still have my businesses, hell, would I even be alive? I don’t even know what I want to say to them. I’ve been going over and over it in my head but nothing seems to be right.

“Stop overthinking,” she says, reading my mind.

I glance over at her. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Know exactly what to say.”

Shaking her head, she glances out the side window. “We’re connected.”

I couldn’t disagree. Knowing something was on her mind too, I contemplated asking her.

“Bre, I don’t know what’s going to happen today. I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”

She reassuringly squeezed my hand. “I support you one hundred percent no matter what you decide.”

We pull up to a house miles away from anyone else. After a few moments, I get out and walk around to open her door. She swings her long legs out, and I can see a hint of skin just above her stockings. She moves to stand up with the help of my outstretched hand. It’s very quiet.

Closing the door behind her, I lock it. The noise echoes through the silence.

“Why do I feel like we’re in the beginning of a horror movie?” she asked.

I laugh deep. “Does have that feel to it, doesn’t it?”

Sliding my hand around her waist, I walk her to the front door. The door is opened by a kind-looking lady. She greets us with a warm smile.

“Welcome. You must be Caston, and you must be Bre. Pictures don’t do the two of you justice.” She steps back and extends her arm into the entryway. “Please, come in. Rose and James—your mom and dad are in the garden. It’s Rose’s pride and joy, well, next to you.” She smiles at Caston as she walks. “Dr. Sebastian would like a brief word with you before you talk to Rose.”

As we enter a small living room, I notice another woman standing by a chair in front of the fireplace. Then next thing I notice are all of the pictures of me; snapshots, school photos, me standing in front of Rose Builders. So many photos. The doctor must notice my stunned expression.

“Yes, Rose, is quite proud of you. She keeps up with everything you are doing. James has been sure to keep her well informed on the man behind the public image.” She holds her hand out to me. I’m still so caught up in everything around me my mind is blank. Thankfully Bre steps forward to shake her hand.

“Hello, Dr. Sebastian. I’m Sabrina, Caston’s fiancée. You’ll have to forgive him for a moment. This is all very overwhelming.”

Dr. Sebastian gives me a reassuring smile. “I’m sure this has been quite a lot to deal with, which is why I wanted to speak with you before you meet with Rose. Have a seat, please. I won’t keep you long. I know you’re anxious to proceed.”

Bre clasps my hand, drawing me over to the couch as Dr. Sebastian took her seat. I tighten my grip on Sabrina’s hand as the doctor begins to speak again.

“First of all, I want to thank you for coming to see Rose. This is a tremendous step for her. I’ve been her therapist since almost immediately after she was found. I know you must have a lot of conflicting feelings about everything that you’ve been told. I understand this is very confusing for you. I know how much Rose loves you. Her fear for you is very deep seeded. James told me he forwarded her file to you.” I grimace and can practically feel my body shudder at the memories contained in that file. “Yes, Caston, it is disturbing to read. Consider how it would be to live with that in your mind. Rose lived in a mental prison for years after her escape. It has taken years to get her to this point, and she is still very fragile emotionally. I see her agreeing to meet you as a giant step forward for her. We are all hopeful that seeing you in person, seeing that you are alive and thriving, will help her let go of the fear and begin to live a fuller life. Before you meet Rose, do you have any questions for me?”

I say the first thing to pop into my mind, “Could meeting me be detrimental to my mom?” I barely get the words past the huge lump in my throat.

“Caston, I’ll be honest, we really don’t know. But Rose seems ready, and she’s cautiously excited to see you. Besides the fear she has for your safety, she’s afraid you will reject her because of what happened to her?”

“No… it’s just all so very confusing, Dr. Sebastian. I don’t know where to begin…” Letting my statement drift off.

“That’s okay. Being confused is normal. I’ll be here to help both of you through this. There’s still a lot of healing to be done. And, please, call me Nancy. We’ll all work together as a team.” Nancy says with a confident tone that causes me to nod my head.

“Now, would you like to go meet your mom?”

We walk down the hall hand in hand. I’m doing my best to stay calm and strong for Sabrina, but damn it’s hard because I’m a ball of nerves right now.

Reaching the French doors leading to the garden, I draw a deep breath. I’m fighting to control my racing hearting. I feel like I could hyperventilate. My feet suddenly feel like blocks of lead.

“Caston.” My name pulls me from the verge of a panic attack. “I’ll be here with you. We can leave any time. You tell me the moment you are ready.” I squeeze her hand and step forward.

“Wow,” Bre says breathlessly, “it’s like a Kincaid painting. Come to think of it, the whole house is like that, eerily perfect.” I chuckle and slowly follow the brick path.

After a couple of hundred feet there’s a break in the flowers. There’s a small clearing with a fountain in the center with a wooden swing to the right and a gazebo to the left.

James is sitting at the table, gazing across the courtyard. Following his gaze, I spot the small woman kneeling in front of a Camellia bush. She appears to be gardening. Once again, I’m unsure of what to do. This is a very foreign feeling for me. James must sense our presence because he stands up and speaks softly as he walks towards the woman… my mom.

“Rose, they’re here.” She freezes. You can see her start to tremble. When James reaches her side, he kneels down and soothes her by speaking quietly to her. She nods her head and takes a deep breath.

James stands and extends his hand to help her up. He wraps an arm around her shoulders, and she seems to cling to him for security. She still hasn’t looked up. Finally, when they’re about ten feet from us she raises her gaze to meet mine. She gasp and tears fill her eyes. “Oh my, you’re so tall. I worried you would take after me, instead of James.”

I release the breath I had been holding with a little laugh at such an odd thing to say to the child you haven’t seen in twenty-two years.

I look her over from head to toe. She’s so small. Her eyes don’t shine like they did the last time I saw her. Sabrina’s hand tightens on mine, and I know I need to say something back.

“Mom, I’m sorry.”

She wrings her hands in front of her and holds her head down. Shaking it back and forth. James walks her toward the gazebo away from me.

“Did I say something wrong?” I look toward Nancy for clarification.

She places a hand on my forearm. “No, just give her a minute.”

Walking toward the gazebo James looks up and smiles. I suddenly get the urge to protect her. “She’s okay now,” he says.

Now that we’re all seated in the gazebo, it’s too quiet. I really don’t know what to say without scaring her. Then I figure it out. This garden, her pride and joy. “Mom,” I say quietly, “you have a beautiful garden. Will you tell me about it?”

Her eyes hesitantly meet mine, lighting up, and the smile that spreads onto her face makes my heart melt. I remember this Rose. Talking about the garden provides a peek at her old self. Her words start fast, and her hands are animated explaining the different plants she has and why those grow the best. Sabrina squeezes my thigh, and I know it’s because she’s as excited as I am to see Rose relax and engage with us. She’s been talking for almost a half hour straight when she suddenly stops. Her hands fly to her mouth. “Oh dear me, I’ve just been rambling on. I’m sorry.”

Nancy reaches over and pats her leg. “It’s okay, Rose. You’re doing good.”

Rose’s eyes fall to the ground, and she sticks her hands in her lap. I want nothing more than to hear her talk again. “Mom?” She doesn’t look up, but instead curls into James’s side. “Rose, will you show me some of your favorite plants?”