I Wish... (3 page)

"I didn't think you'd care since you haven't been home to visit her in almost fifteen years."

"Darling, you know this is an altogether different situation. Of course, coming here would be my first priority if something is wrong with Mother." The words sounded right, but something about the inflection of her voice implied that what she meant was very different than what she was saying.

Marla broke the staring match she was in engaged in with Ramona and finally acknowledged my mother and I. The look she gave mom was lingering and full of emotions so complex I couldn't begin to untangle them all, but I read contempt and anger clearly. Then she turned her attention to me.

Ramona gave me some nasty looks over the years, but none of them even came close to chilling me the way Marla did staring at me just then. My throat closed up and my heart raced. I was embarrassed by the loathing she didn't even bother to conceal. I didn't know what I could have done to make her dislike me so much, but I assumed that before we left town I must have done something awful to this woman to inspire such strong emotions that lasted for the past fifteen years.

The door opened again and a tall man stepped out behind the woman. He cupped her upper arms gently, but she seemed to shrink away from his touch. He was handsome, but not in a pretty way. He looked like a man who could swing a hammer when needed, but his hands were smooth enough that I figured he probably never had. His springy chestnut curls were striking against his deeply tanned skin and his dark eyes were surrounded by laugh lines.

The man nodded at Shep in that baffling way that men have that's really more like pointing their chins at each other. I'm pretty sure I didn't roll my eyes when Shep nodded back, but I wouldn't have been surprised if they started pounding their chests and circling each other.

Once the man-greetings were finished, the man gave the rest of us his attention. "Ramona. Good to see you home again."

"Jack. Hello, dear. I hope Marla has been treating you well." Marla glared at her mother. I could have told her that her efforts were wasted, Ramona couldn’t be intimidated, but I didn't think she would have appreciated my input very much.

His laughter surprised me a little at first. I wasn't used to hearing people laugh so easily. Especially not when Ramona was around. She always seemed to make people tense up even when she wasn't in a foul mood.

"Marla is the best wife a man can ask for. I'm lucky she'll have me." It seemed to me like maybe he was stretching the truth a bit since I didn't get the impression that she much cared for him.

He smiled at my mom, but it was distinctly cooler. "Vanna, you look good."

"You too, Jack." Her voice was toneless. It mortified me sometimes to watch her interact with people. I hope he didn't take it personally.

"And you must be Jane."

I was so busy trying to look everywhere but his direction due to my embarrassment of my mother’s inability to fake normalacy, that I didn't even realize he was talking to me. But then Ramona chuckled in a "Isn't it adorable how stupid kids are?" kind of way and I realized that he was staring at me intensely. It was practically like he was trying to drink in every detail about me.

I did a quick mental inventory of my appearance that day. I was wearing my long hair loose and I knew it was probably a mess by now. I would have run a comb through it, but I totally forgot in my excitement. My outfit wasn't very fashion forward, an adorable pair of maroon sneakers with cream accents, a t shirt screen printed with a panda I drew myself (one of a series of shirts I had printed at my own expense), and a pair of jeans with the knees torn out. I remembered that I had doodled on one of my knees with a marker earlier. Sure enough, although standing with my hands shoved in my back pockets and my leg bent may have made me look like a girl who doesn't care what you think, choosing the leg with the inked unicorn to thrust defiantly definitely crushed any credibility I might have had otherwise.

By now everyone was looking expectantly at me. Oh yeah, social etiquette probably required some sort of response. I wasn't sure what to say in response to this potential revelation of my birth name. I decided noncommittal grunting would be the safest course of action.

"Yes, this is Jane. She's grown up a little since you've seen her last." Ramona wrapped her arm around me in what had to be the least affectionate hug to have ever been inflicted on a person and muttered for my ears only, "Grown up
very
little."

I knew better than to argue, but I would have loved to know what the appropriate response is supposed to be when some creeper checks you out and calls you by a name you don't recognize.

Ramona released me from her icebox grip and started across the lawn to the porch. "Where are the girls?"

"Darcy is in the house and Krista went to a cheerleading workshop for the weekend. She won't be home until tonight." Marla slipped away from Jack's hold and stood in front of the screen door, almost like she was guarding it.

"I'm going to re-introduce Jane to Mother. Send Darcy up to say hello." Ramona looked like she might actually run Marla over, but Marla yielded at the last moment. Ramona let herself into the house, calling for me over her shoulder.

Jane.
I followed her across the yard with mom trailing silently behind me, but my mind was reeling with all the things I suddenly knew about myself in such a short time. My name was Jane and I was born in a town called Desire. This town. I had a great grandmother and an aunt and uncle. I had cousins.

I followed Ramona up the stairs to the third story of the house which appeared to be an enormous master suite with a sitting room. All the doors were open and I could see that there appeared to be two walk in closets and a full bathroom. The focal point of the room was the massive four poster bed where an old woman lay. I thought at first she was sleeping, but her eyes opened when we approached. Our entire group surrounded the bed except Shep who had disappeared back into the RV when the rest of us went inside.

"Ramona?" Her voice was weak, but it didn't crack. "So you made it back?"

"I did, Mother." She reached out and ran her fingers through the older woman's hair, fingering combing it.

"I didn't think Marla would call you." There was no accusation in her voice and Marla didn’t appear disturbed by the old woman’s candid statement.

"She didn't. Tamara Claphan let me know."

"You made a good choice in aligning yourself with that girl. She's been very helpful to you." The touch of sarcasm confused me.

"She has, Mother. Without her, I wouldn't have been able to come here to you in your time of need."

"Oh, for God's sake, stop playing the part of the concerned daughter." Georgina actually slapped Ramona's hands out of her hair. This was getting good.

"Did you bring the girl back with you?" Georgina's pale watery eyes sought me. I was a little creeped out by the way her lower eyelids drooped loosely away from the bottom half of her eyes.

"Yes, Mother. This is Jane." There was an unmistakable hint of pride in the way Ramona said that. Not something I was used to hearing in connection with me. Of course, I also wasn't used to hearing myself called anything but Thistle either.

"Come here, daughter." Daughter? Weird. It was beyond creepy when her skeletal hand reached for me, the skin hanging off the bones in loose fleshy folds. Reluctantly I walked to her side.

She examined my face for an uncomfortably long period of time before she picked up a fistful of my hair and actually smelled it. I wasn't generally a rude person, but oh my God, how much is a girl supposed to handle before she finally says, "See you whackadoos later, I'm out of here."?

Lucky for me, my mom uncharacteristically took the initiative and said, "Jane, why don't you go find your cousin, Darcy? I'm sure she's around here somewhere. We need to have a family meeting. We'll find you when we're done.

I managed to walk out of the room, but by the time I was halfway down the stairs I was taking them two at a time.

The second level of the house appeared to be bedrooms so I continued down the stairs until I was back on the main floor. If I didn't find Darcy in the living room, I decided I’d go hang out in the RV. I had several new books waiting for me on my ereader and I didn't mind the idea of settling in for a long afternoon of reading at all.

I found the living room fairly easily after a wrong turn into the kitchen. There was a girl with silky straight red hair stretched out on the overstuffed sofa. She had ear phones tucked into ears and a thick textbook open in front of her. I assumed that's how she managed to miss the commotion of us rolling up and the subsequent sounds of five pairs of feet going up three flights of wooden stairs.

She looked older than me. I guessed her age around twenty one or twenty two. She wore a pair of oversized black rimmed glasses. She looked too much like Ramona for there to be any doubt that this must be Darcy. Not being an especially shy person, I took a fortifying breath and approached her.

To her credit, she didn't seem startled to see a strange girl looming over her in her living room. She sat up in a manner that reminded me of my mother; all coiled grace. She gave me a tiny smile as she said hello.

"Hi there. I'm This- I mean, Jane." Introducing myself that way would take some getting used to. What a normal name. Boring even.

"Jane?" Her pretty nose crinkled and the resemblance to a bunny was strong. "As in Jane Madison? Vanna's bastard daughter?"

"Whoa, manners!" I didn't have an earthly clue how to respond to such a frank statement that defied all rules of tact and social nicety.

She smirked. I couldn't believe that anyone would act so rude outside of cheesy movies about mean high school girls. I mean, seriously?

"Surely you didn't think that you were going to be able to show up here and ruin everything and everyone would adore you for it?"

"I'm a little scared to stick my hand into the crazy, but I'll bite. What exactly am I ruining? You'll have to forgive me for being a little slow to pick up on it because until half an hour ago I didn't even know I
had
a bitchy cousin."

Darcy stopped smirking, but I didn't really prefer the death stare that replaced it. She looked like a girl who would cut a bitch. "Quit playing dumb. You know what showing up here right now means to my family."

"Joke's on you. I'm not playing. I have no friggin' clue what you're going on about."

She rolled her eyes. "If that's true then I can almost feel bad for you because you won't have a prayer in this town."

Darcy got up from the couch and I had a chance to admire her long legs in the tiny shorts she was wearing as she dismissively turned her back to me and took her time gathering her things.

Now I felt like the creeper for even noticing. I decided that I wanted some air and now wouldn't be too soon. I went outside and considered my options. I didn't feel like I would be able to concentrate on reading after that little exchange. As awful as Darcy had been, at least she gave me another valuable clue. Jane Madison. I said the name out loud under my breath a few times.

I decided on the spur of the moment that I'd like to find out of this town actually did have a soda shop. I had a few bucks in my pocket and an appetite. The town wasn't very big, maybe four miles from one end to the other. Which meant that the town square was probably around two miles from here. I could walk that in no time. I routinely jogged twice that and then some.

It was a gorgeous autumn day. Although it was a little warmer than this in California, the air only had a hint of chill today. I noticed again how the flowers here were still in bloom. For a minute I just enjoyed the sun on my skin and the beauty that surrounded me. I tried to imagine what it would be like to live here.

Settling into one place had always been a dream of mine. I loved books and movies about people who became lifelong friends with the people in their neighborhoods. I hadn't discussed it with anyone, but I planned to get a degree in education and become a teacher in a tiny town. I could guess what Ramona would say, but I just wasn't motivated by money and fame the way she was. I hoped that I'd meet a boy in college who wouldn't think my upbringing was too weird and we could get married and have a couple of kids. It was all pretty much the polar opposite of the life I'd lead so far, but I wanted it so bad I could taste it.

 I made it to the shops before I'd even had a chance to speculate on the weirdness back at the house. That was fine with me. The vibes there were confusing and today was just too pretty to waste on negative things I didn't even understand.

I walked past the shops closest to the house. A florist, a hardware store, and ah there it was, a diner. The booths that lined the windows were full and I felt a lot of eyes on me before I even opened the door. As I entered I saw all the remaining heads swivel my direction.

A smiling woman behind the counter didn't even spare me a second glance, she just hollered, "Sit anywhere you'd like, Hon."

I chose a seat at the counter. I know it didn't stop everyone from watching me, but this way I didn't have to see them as long as I avoided looking in the mirrors that lined the wall behind the counter.

The woman handed me a menu and took my drink order. When she returned with a glass of soda she watched me as I fished all the ice cubes out with a spoon. "If you didn't want ice, why didn't you just ask, dear?"

"I like the drink to be cold from the ice, but having the actual cubes touch my mouth makes me feel like biting tin foil. I don't know why. I'm weird, I guess."

She laughed. "I guess we're all a little weird about something. My name is Dina Adams and I run this place. I can't even pretend at nice manners. You're new in town and the curiosity is eating me up. Why don't you go ahead and tell me who you are so I can get about my business."

I was grinning. I couldn't help it. She was like a movie character come to life or something. With only a little conscious thought beforehand I remembered to introduce myself by my newly discovered real name. "I'm Jane Madison."