I Shouldn't Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know (9 page)

And the sooner you learn to do it, the better, because gains that seem small at one point can actually have a compound effect over time. Consider this amazing statistic presented in a 2009 study by Michelle Marks of the School of Management, George Mason University, and Crystal Harold of Fox School of Management, Temple University: assuming a 5 percent pay increase each year over a forty-year career, a twenty-five-year-old employee who starts at $50,000 would earn $634,198 less than an employee starting at $55,000 by the time she reaches the age of sixty-five. And it’s not just money that is compounded. Let’s say you ask your boss if you can travel to an annual industry convention, and she says yes. You end up making some key contacts who down the road introduce you to others.
That’s
a compound effect.

Does reading this section make you feel slightly nauseated? If the answer is yes, it may be because you’re already established in your career and realize that you’ve missed more than a couple of chances to ask. But it’s not too late to learn how to do it. Let me tell you a funny story from my own life. After I was tapped to be the editor in chief of
McCall’s
magazine and had accepted the job with a rough idea of what the salary package would be (bad move on my part), a meeting was set up for me to discuss the details with the top two executives in the company. We were going to gather in a small lounge on the executive floor of the company that owned the magazine.

There were two things I knew for sure about that upcoming meeting. One was that it would be nerve-wracking. I’d be negotiating with two powerful men who had far more experience doing that sort of thing than I did. The other was that I probably wouldn’t be brilliant at handling the situation. By that point in my career I’d come to see that if you don’t ask, you don’t get, but I didn’t yet feel comfortable speaking up and declaring exactly what I wanted.

So I did something that even to this day shocks me: I talked my accountant, Bob, who’d always preached to me about the value of asking, into coming with me and acting as my
agent.
You see, my husband was in the TV news business at the time, and like other newscasters he had an agent who handled salary discussions on his behalf. I thought, why not steal a page from that playbook? I explained to one of the executives in advance that my accountant would be joining me at the meeting so that I could review the numbers with him, never revealing the exact role I intended for Bob to play.

Bob seemed a little nervous that day, though I could hardly blame him. He took a ton of notes at the meeting, working with what seemed to be endless sheaves of paper. I saw the other two men exchange a dismissive look once—they clearly thought Bob was in over his head. But Bob asked great questions and pointed out a few gaps in the deal that the execs acknowledged and agreed to fix. After about thirty minutes of going through the numbers, one of the executives said, “Why don’t we give you two a few minutes to review everything in private. We’ll pop back in afterward.”

They returned about fifteen minutes later. “All set?” one of the guys asked. I could tell by their manner that they thought things were going to be wrapped up shortly.

“Well, we’ve read everything over,” Bob announced. The two men nodded, obviously pleased. “And now we’re ready to negotiate.”

I’ll never forget that moment. I swear I saw the two executives’ jaws drop. They hadn’t seen that coming at all. Over the next fifteen minutes Bob explained how “we” would like to see the deal enhanced, and he dickered back and forth with the men. I ended up leaving with a package much more lucrative than the original offer.

I told that story a while back to several young women who worked for me, stressing to them how essential it was for them to ask for what they want in life. When I finished, one of them wailed, “
We
need a Bob.”

Unfortunately, only people in certain fields—like TV news, acting, and sports—generally have agents. You have to learn to “be your own Bob.” Asking is a skill you can acquire, and it actually becomes easier the more you do it. But as I said before, you have to ask in the right way. Here are my favorite “BYOB” strategies for getting what you want.

Never try to talk yourself out of asking.
Because asking is such a bitch, we sometimes convince ourselves that there’s really no need to do it. We think, “If my boss had the money to pay me more, he would” or “They know I want that promotion. My work speaks for itself.”

But guess what? Your work
doesn’t
speak for itself. You’re the one who needs to do the talking. With money, for instance, your boss is under pressure from his or her boss to lowball you, so unless you speak up, you won’t receive more. And when a better job opens up in your department or area, it’s not your boss’s job to read your mind and know that you’d kill for it. In fact, employers often wait for people to go after a job as a way of seeing how hungry they are. Recently someone told me that a former employee was really upset because I hadn’t promoted her into a key position. But she’d never said boo to me about it. And to me that was proof she didn’t have enough gumption for the job.

Make sure you deserve what you’re asking for.
It just makes it easier. A few weeks after I told the group of young women the Bob story, one of them went to her boss at the magazine and said she wanted a fifteen-thousand-dollar raise. She had recently been given a big new assignment that involved not only editing a series of special sections but also promoting them through other platforms. Well, I was touched that she’d been inspired, but there was one little problem:
she hadn’t done anything yet to deserve a raise.

You shouldn’t ask when you have nothing to show yet. A few months’ worth of doing more than you’ve been told to do doesn’t necessarily deserve a raise or promotion. Not only are you unlikely to score anything, but you’ll also undermine your credibility for when you’re really ready.

If you
do
have plenty to show, pull all the info together and be sure of your facts and stats. Profits are up in your area? Great, but by how much exactly? You don’t necessarily have to go in with a PowerPoint presentation, but have a fact sheet with you and a copy for your boss to follow.

Know the ZOPA.
ZOPA stands for “zone of possible agreement.” It’s a term I first heard from a woman who’d attended business school at Wharton, and it reflects a strategy that’s recommended for negotiating. When you head in to ask for something, you need to be aware of the range of what will satisfy you—in terms of money, perks, and opportunities. Knowing what your range is in advance allows you to respond effectively and not settle for something that you’ll later regret.

But here’s the other half of that strategy: you also have to have a sense of what the
other
person’s range is. That helps point you to what “middle” or zone the two of you could meet in. I think a lot of women get so nervous or focused on their own needs that they don’t estimate what numbers and terms the other person has in mind. And that can lead to trouble.

Consider what happened to a former colleague of mine who was up for a job as a deputy editor position at a new magazine. This woman, let’s call her Allison, had taken time off from her career to be with her young kids, and it was proving tricky to reenter the field. The job would be perfect for Allison, and she wanted it badly. Toward the end of the interview, the conversation started to skirt the topic of salary, and Allison announced the amount she was looking for (a no-no, which I’ll talk about later), based on what she thought was the going rate for a deputy editor. The editor in chief nearly flinched. She said they were paying significantly less than that amount. Allison felt put off by that info—she thought she was being taken advantage of—and realized later that she’d probably shown it. From that moment on, the conversation never got back on track.

Later, after the job went to someone else, Allison found out through the industry grapevine that the magazine was being done on the cheap as a kind of an experiment and no one had been insulting her by throwing out such a low number. Though the salary wasn’t what she had envisioned, she could have leveraged the job into a better-paying one later. Not knowing the ZOPA cost her.

So how can you figure out both numbers—yours and theirs? Use the Internet to determine a ballpark idea of what comparable jobs pay. Up for a raise? If your company always gives 3 percent merit raises, you might be able to nab one higher, but something like 12 percent is probably
waaaay
out of the question.

To determine the bottom amount you could accept, figure out your fixed living costs—your rent or mortgage, commuting fees, food, clothes and accessories, and quality-of-life costs, such as vacation travel. But regardless of what you could live on, aim high. Take the number you think you could snag based on the job and your skills and pad it, knowing you’ll probably be negotiating.

Be clear and concise—and leave the emo at the door.
With your prep work done, you’re ready to ask. If you are angling for a raise and/or promotion at your current job, don’t ambush your boss. Set up a meeting with him instead, and be sure to do it far in advance of raise time (if you do it too close to the day raises are announced, your boss may have already submitted a number for you). Get right to the point. Perhaps you’ve been the assistant manager of a restaurant for a year and business is up 20 percent. You’ve suggested some changes to the menu that worked and also found clever, inexpensive ways to promote the restaurant through social media. Here’s what you could say to your boss: “I love my job here. I appreciate all your support with my efforts, and it’s been exciting to see the results. As you know, business is up twenty percent over last year at this time [hand her the memo sheet now]. I’d like you to consider changing my title to [fill in the blank] and taking my salary up to [fill in blank]. I’d really like to show you what I could do in this new role.”

If you are interviewing for a new job and have just been offered it, let the
interviewer
name the salary number. It could be higher than what you had in mind. And then, no matter what figure the other person names,
always ask for more.
(This is generally true with raises, too, unless they hit your mark.) That’s because a prospective boss is almost certainly lowballing you, hoping to take the smallest bite possible out of his budget. Let’s say, for instance, that a prospective employer has just offered you $50,000. And hey, $50,000 is actually in your zone. But don’t accept it. Instead tell him, “I’m very pleased to be offered the job. I would love to work here, and I think I have a lot of to contribute. But I was hoping for $60,000.” (That number allows him to find something in the middle that could still make you happy.) Then sit there with your lips tightly zipped. There’s a more-than-decent chance that the person will make a counteroffer. If he says, “I can do that,” great. If he offers $53,000, give it one more try. Say, “Is there any chance you can do a bit better?” He may say he’ll have to get back to you. Remind him you’d love the job and tough it out (a frozen margarita that night can help!). When he comes back with $55,000 the next day, it will all be worth it. And if they insist you name a number? Be both realistic but generous to yourself, and add that you’re open to discussion.

Give the person across from you a nod.
One nice (and important touch) when you’re asking your boss for something is to acknowledge the issues he’s facing at the moment. It’s easy to become so wrapped up in taking care of your own needs that you don’t consider what’s on the other person’s mind. And generally what’s on his mind is “What about
me
?” He’s wondering how your request for more money or more time working from home or whatever is going to affect
him.

Try saying something such as “I know you’ve got many challenges right now.” It helps if the other person senses that you’re not seeing things only from your own perspective. But be sure not to look like you’re caving.

Do not mention your personal woes when asking.
Trust me, an employer doesn’t care about your college loans or the fact that your landlord just jacked up your rent. All discussion should center on why professionally you deserve what you’re asking for and what great things you’ll be doing in the months ahead.

Know that asking is always easier than asking again.
Sometimes women are so timid about fully stating what they want that they make their request too vague. Then, when they’re displeased with what they receive, they have to try again and this time clarify their request. And it’s much harder to get something the second time around. The other player views the situation as water under the bridge. Avoid ever having to ask again.

A few months ago I bumped into a friend and business associate of mine, Carol Fitzgerald, founder and president of Bookreporter, at the registration desk of a luxury hotel in Miami. The desk clerk had just explained that Fitzgerald’s room was ready and was about to print out the key. In a sense, when you register at a hotel, it’s an asking moment. If you’ve booked a room, they give it to you but some rooms are better than others.

Right then, I saw Fitzgerald do something very intriguing. She lightly tapped her credit card on the counter five or six times and asked the desk clerk nicely. “Am I going to really like this room? Or do you think I’ll be down here ten minutes from now trying to change it for another one?” The desk clerk smiled, typed some things into her computer, and then said, “Why don’t we put you in this room instead?”

Fitzgerald made it clear up front that she wanted the best room available—no need to traipse back downstairs later and attempt to ask for a better one.

Anticipate the negatives in advance and deal with them on the front end.
That’s something I learned later than I would have liked, but once I caught on, I never stopped using it.

Here’s why. If the other side comes back to you having learned about the negatives, it puts you on the defensive. You can still dig yourself out, but it’s tougher. Plus, once they’ve considered potential problems, their minds may be made up. You don’t want them to go there without your framing the situation.