I Shouldn't Be Telling You This: Success Secrets Every Gutsy Girl Should Know (2 page)

All my jobs have been great in their own ways, but
Cosmo
turned out to be the most thrilling and rewarding. Despite the occasional migraine-producing moment—such as getting a call from a record company executive saying Lady Gaga was having a minor meltdown and would have to cancel the cover shoot three days from then (see “18 People Principles: Because Now You Really, Really Need Them,” for how I salvaged the situation without having to give away my firstborn son)—I could see from the start that it was going to be a fantastic job, full of variety, surprises, and rewards. A few years after my arrival,
Cosmo
became the number one–selling magazine on the newsstand in the United States—circulation on my watch grew by 700,000. Readers regularly write in to
Cosmo
to say how much the magazine empowers them and encourages them to go after everything they want in life: from loving, supportive relationships to great sex to fabulous careers. Eventually my job evolved to include overseeing the
Cosmo
website,
Cosmo
books and e-books, television projects, various brand extensions, and all the digital projects and apps. And hey, I shouldn’t neglect to mention what turned out to be one of the most fun parts of the job: writing cover lines such as “Mattress Moves So Hot His Thighs Will Burst into Flames.”

As a friend of mine once pointed out, an interesting phenomenon occurs when you take a backward glance at a more or less successful career: some of the wackier choices and decisions seem to make better sense in hindsight—as if your subconscious had always been guiding you to a certain destination. Even the whopping goofs—and I’ve made many—can seem part of a destined learning curve.

I’m not sure my subconscious brain had a master plan, but looking back at my entire career, particularly the
Cosmo
years, I do see in much sharper relief the strategies that helped me come out on top. And in this book, I’m going to share these strategies with you. They’re organized into three separate sections:

Success: how to get it.
The first years of a career can be especially tricky. You’re excited and game—in fact, you may want success so much you can practically taste it—but first you have to convince someone to let you come on board. Once you get started, you quickly discover that your workplace isn’t necessarily like a teaching hospital: no one feels obligated to show you the ropes. You have to figure so much out on your own, and you don’t have any momentum going to help ease you along during dicey periods. You may not even be a hundred percent sure that you’ve picked the right field to try to excel in. In this section I’ll explain how to determine what you really want to do, nail a job interview, navigate the early days of a job, dazzle your boss, develop a golden gut, ask for what you want, generate buzz about your achievements, and score your first major career breakthroughs.

By the way, this section isn’t just for those who are in a first job. It’s also good to read if you’re switching jobs, getting back into your career after a mommy sabbatical, feeling stuck, or have woken up one morning and realized it’s time to brilliantly reinvent yourself. And the tips on stuff like asking for what you want, trusting your gut, and generating buzz are beneficial for whatever stage you’re at in your career.

Success: how to go big with it.
Okay, now you’re off and running in your career. There’s a nice momentum that begins to happen at this stage. Success begets success to some degree, and certain doors open simply because of what you’ve already accomplished. But there are also plenty of challenges. Office politics become more complicated. You’re expected to generate big ideas and make them work. And it can be tricky to balance your demanding workload with prepping for the future. It’s at this stage that I see some women lose their way. They seem to either rest on their laurels or become unsure about what steps they need to be taking to reach the next level. In this section I’ll explain how to supersize your success by generating wow ideas, being an inspiring boss, breaking the rules (yes, you need to!), and managing your career at the same time you’re managing your job.

Success: how to savor it.
Success isn’t worth much if it doesn’t bring you pleasure and make your life better. Helen Gurley Brown once said that she loved to go home at the end of a challenging workday and sniff the panties she’d been wearing. Um, sorry—that may not be an image you want to hold in your head for very long, but on one level I found it kind of inspiring. It means that she loved kicking off her stilettos at night and relishing the day she’d just spent at her demanding, yet fantastic job.

But it can be tough at times to enjoy success, especially if you’re trying to juggle motherhood with work. In many businesses you’re expected to be on call 24/7, responding to e-mails late into the evening and even on your days off. There’s a crazy one-upmanship thing happening lately about how many hours people clock working. Recently I caught an episode of a TV reality show about interns working in a fashion-related field. During that particular episode, the female boss was using a very snooty tone to chew out an intern. She wanted to know why the girl hadn’t come to her and asked a critical question. “You can’t use the excuse that I’m not around,” the boss said. “I’m the first one in every morning, and usually the one who turns off the lights at night.” All I could think when I heard the comment was “What the hell fun is
that
?” I was tempted to call that woman and suggest she try leaving a little earlier some nights—and maybe even give her panties a nice sniff when she got home.

I’ve tried to savor my career, and I’ve never let myself be a slave to it. I have a solid marriage and two good kids, and in the past twelve years, I’ve also authored eight mysteries and thrillers. In this section you’ll find strategies on how to find more minutes in the day, balance your family with your work, create more moments of pleasure just for yourself, survive insane days, fulfill a back-pocket dream, and even reinvent yourself if you so desire. But no more about panties, I swear!

I hope this book turns out to be a valuable resource for you. I hope it helps you not only gain the success you want but also enjoy the amazing perks that come along with it. I’d love to hear what you think about the book and which strategies have benefited you the most. Let me know, will you? Just e-mail me at [email protected].

Part I

{
 
Success: How to Get it
 
}

W
hen I think back on my career—the highs, the lows, the big wins, and the sometimes cringe-worthy blunders—I realize that some of the most challenging times were in the very early years when I had just started my career. It wasn’t as if I was trying to save the euro or learn how to perform brain surgery, but I still felt very confused and uncertain. As an editorial assistant at
Glamour
, I was thrilled to have been given an entrée into the world of magazine journalism, yet I soon realized that getting my foot in the door was no guarantee that I’d be a success. I looked at the women above me in awe. They seemed to not only perform their jobs very well but also really relish them. I thought, “I want some of
that
,” but I had no freaking clue how to get there.

If you’re right out of school or starting a brand-new career, I’m sure you’re able to relate. I think most women experience that new-girl-on-the-block anxiety. You’re excited to be in the game and longing to make it, but you feel baffled at moments, not at all sure of how to pull off that first project, deal with your new boss effectively, or score your first big win. You’d be more than willing to accept guidance, but your boss and other senior people in your area may be too crazy busy to explain things in more than a cursory manner. At
Cosmo
I once had a disgruntled intern’s mother write me and say that no one had ever shown her poor daughter where the ladies’ room was. I laughed out loud when I read that. I wished the girl was still at
Cosmo
so I could have told her, “Sweetheart, we’re not your mommy here.” The bottom line is that when you start a new job, they may not even show you the way to the loo, let alone how to master your assignments or deal with the psycho chick who works in the cube at the end of the hall. You have to figure out all sorts of details like that on your own.

And it’s not just basic stuff you need to concentrate on. At the same time that you’re learning the lay of the land and how to handle your assigned responsibilities, you must begin plotting the moves that will make you stand out from the pack and charge ahead in your career. According to a recent Pew Research Center Report, two thirds of eighteen- to thirty-four-year-old women say being successful in a high-paying career is “one of the most important things” or “very important” in their lives (59 percent of guys feel the same way), which means you have a ton of competition. You’ll never make your mark if you concentrate solely on the assignments you’re given.

I hope I haven’t made your heart start to pound in fear. Sure, new jobs are challenging, but they’re exciting, too—they’re where you first get a taste of success and can begin to run with it.

And though, as I said before, no one in your workplace may pull up a chair, plop down beside you, and explain the ropes,
I
intend to do that—right now. This section of the book is all about scoring your first successes. You’ll find strategies for figuring out what your calling in life is, nailing a job interview, knocking your new boss’s socks off, trusting your gut, handling coworkers successfully, asking for what you want, generating buzz, separating yourself from the pack, and finally, propelling yourself to the next big level of your career.

{
Rule #1: Go Big or Go Home
}

I
once heard someone famous say that what separates successful people from the unsuccessful ones is their willingness to work really, really hard. Sure, hard work is part of the equation, and so are well-honed skills. And in certain cases, success is even somewhat about the people you know. But I think those factors get you only so far. From what I’ve seen again and again, success is most often the result of doing the bold
extra
something that no one else has thought of or dared to try.

I call it the go-big-or-go-home strategy. And before I even talk about the ins and outs of gaining your first career successes, I need to stress the importance of going big. It’s a strategy you need to use now and during every other stage of your career.

You’ve heard the phrase “go big or go home,” right? My first encounter with it was about five or six years ago. A young staffer used it when she was talking about her plans for Saturday night. What she meant was that if she wasn’t willing to give the whole night an extra push—with her outfit, her hair, her makeup, her attitude—she should bag the entire thing.

I secretly co-opted that phrase for everything I did in the next years at
Cosmo.
The magazine is geared toward fun, fearless females, and from the moment I arrived I tried to factor that into my approach. But I liked having a specific mantra to work with. With every photo, article, and cover line I began to ask myself: did I go big or go home with it? If the answer was that I went home, I gave myself a swift kick in the butt and rethought what I was doing.

Soon I began using that mantra in other parts of my life. And as I thought about it, I realized that most of my successes—and the successes of women I knew—always involved
going big.
Doing a job well is not enough. The key is to do
more
than what’s expected, power it up, go balls to the wall.

Going big doesn’t always have to involve some huge undertaking. You can go big in key little ways, too. Here’s a sampling of how I’ve used the strategy in my own career.

•  When I was up for my first big job—as editor in chief of
Child
magazine—the headhunter mentioned that the magazine was looking for someone who was “mediagenic.” So right before my first interview, I had my hair professionally blown out and styled. And I swear that my long, flowing, “mediagenic” locks helped me land the job.

•  When I shot a cover of Pierce Brosnan, his partner, Keely Shaye Smith, and their newborn for
Redbook
, they asked the photographer to take a few pictures of the baby breast-feeding for them to keep personally. But when I saw
those
photos, I decided, with the couple’s permission, to run one as the cover image. That photo literally became news around the world.

•  When one of my top staffers at a magazine resigned to take another job, I didn’t just graciously (or grumpily) accept her resignation. I wrote a memo called “Ten Reasons You Shouldn’t Leave” and left it on her chair. She decided to turn down the offer and stay.

You’ll see the “going big” theme running through everything I talk about in this section, as well as the rest of the book. You may be just beginning in a particular job or field, but in order to score your first major successes, you’re going to have to go big—with your job search, the interviewing process, your early career moves, everything.

In this world of the supersized, going big is, in fact, probably more important now than ever. Everything seems to be bolder and even more badass. When
Cosmo
interviewed Pink after the birth of her daughter, she told us she was going to get back into the game full throttle. “I want my album to be really great, and I want to do an amazing tour. I’m going to up the ante, even if it means covering myself in Velcro, lighting myself on fire, and shooting myself out of a cannon. I’ll do that, no prob.”

I’m not suggesting you shoot yourself out of a cannon, but you need to push the envelope these days.

You have to be strategic, though, and assess your surroundings first. If you’re in a new job, how much (from what you can tell) will your new work culture welcome the big idea, the bold new strategy? How much will your
boss
welcome it? What
kind
of big ideas is your boss likely to be receptive to? Good bosses will respond positively and love you for it.