I Need You (Learning to Let Go) (2 page)

“Well, hop in. Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t care, anywhere but here. How ’bout down to the lake?” Sara asked as she buckled herself into his truck.

“Sounds good,” Darrin nodded at her. “But I was going to get something to eat first. You want to stop at the diner with me?”

“Please. That sounds great, Darrin.” Sara had started twisting her hands together nervously in her lap. Darrin noticed this, and a crease formed as he furrowed his brow.

“Worried about Bryn, kid?”

Sara huffed, waiting for her emotions to settle before she answered the question. Her patience stretched to the end, Sara could feel her anger boiling up inside her body. Ready to explode, she blurted out, “No, I am not worried about Bryn. Corey is with her, she will be fine. What I am worried about is why you consider me a kid. The last time I checked, I am twenty years old, a woman, and certainly not a virgin. I just can’t seem to figure you out. How else can I show you that I want you, Darrin? Is it really my age? Do you want someone older than me, or even older than you? What, Darrin? I’m dying to know, here.”

Darrin slammed on the brakes so hard that Sara flew forward in her seat, her seat belt the only thing holding her back. He pulled over to the side of the road, throwing the truck into park. Sara waited for him to yell, or kick her out of the truck, but he sat there, stone-faced. Twisting the steering wheel in his hands, his knuckles white from the exertion. He took a deep, steadying breath and released his hold. Turning to face her, he opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it again. He looked down at the seat and began rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, as if in pain.

Sara closed her eyes, trying to hold back the tears that had already started to flow. “I’m sorry, Darrin. I shouldn’t have said all that. You don’t need to explain anything to me.”

Leaning across the seat, Darrin grabbed Sara’s hand. “I know how old you are, Sara. You are almost ten years younger than I am. When you were still in grade school, I was enlisting in the Marines. My perspective on life is a lot different than yours
because
of our age difference. I want you to meet someone that is young, full of life, ready to grab the world by the balls, not some scarred up Marine that just wants to enjoy the peace and quiet in the world.”

“Why do you think so little of yourself, Darrin?”

Shrugging, Darrin continued on, “I had my time in the sun. I choose to come home and spend my days here in the Dairy Land with a quiet life. I could have stayed in the Corp, but my heart wasn’t in it. I guess I wanted to come back to my roots.”

Sara squeezed his hand, “Well, I am glad that you came back in one piece.”

“Me too, Sara.” Darrin pulled their entwined hands up to his mouth, placing a soft kiss on her knuckles.

“Just in case you have forgotten, I had my chance, too, but I came home to Wisconsin.”

Unbuckling her seat belt, Sara moved to the middle of the bench seat. There was a steady pull drawing her closer to Darrin, making her lean into his body. Sara let out a contented sigh as her head lay on his shoulder. “We can have it both ways, Darrin. We can have roots and still fly.”

Darrin turned and placed a soft kiss in Sara’s hair. “I know. Just keep reminding me of that, kid… Ah shit, I’m sorry, Sara.”

Sara sat up as she tried to hold in her laughter. Reaching over, she poked him in the ribs. “Can’t you just call me Sara? Or I have a ton of nicknames that I
do
like you could choose from. Blondie, Peanut, Thelma…Hell I don’t even mind being called ‘little one’. Just pick one of those.”

Darrin huffed, “I can’t call you kid, but you’re okay with being called ‘little one?’ Who has ever dared to call you
little one
?”

Sara instantly froze, her mind racing back to a different time and place. Her thoughts wandered for a minute to a huge loft apartment with an intricate metal bed frame, and a tattooed bad ass that sent tingles across her skin. “No one…anymore.”

“Hmm, I could handle ‘little one’. It’s different.” Darrin’s voice quieted as he spoke, his eyes lowering to the floor, staring off into space.

“Whatever, just don’t call me ‘kid’ anymore.”

“Got it, little one,” his voice dropping an octave as he whispered the name. Lifting his gaze, Sara could see that his dark eyes were drinking her in, causing her stomach to flutter. Sara felt the electrifying need causing her skin to pebble, tingles building inside her body, clawing out with every breath she took.

“I know that you are not a kid, Sara. You are beautiful, strong, and sensuous…everything that a man could want.” His words were coming from a haze surrounding Sara’s brain as his face inched closer to hers. His eyes continued to pin her to the seat, gazing deep, searching for permission to come closer.

“Sara, I’ve tried to stay away, but I can’t fight it anymore.” He stopped moving closer, barely inches from her lips. His next words came out in a throaty whisper, “If you’re sure this is what you want, I can show you how much I want you.”

The suggestive words made her ripen with anticipation. Sara clutched her seat to keep from moving. She wanted him to make the first move, needed him to take her. Sara looked into his gaze, searching for the desire that she could hear in his voice. Seeing the lust that clouded his eyes, she barely managed to breath out, “Yes, Darrin.” Sara froze at her own words, feeling a chill race across her skin.

Darrin lightly brushed his lips across hers, once, and then again, testing the waters. Sara held still as he proceeded to lightly trace her lower lip with his tongue. She whimpered, opening her mouth slightly. Darrin slid his tongue into her mouth, flicking back and forth in a sinuous dance. His hands wove into her hair, wrapping around the back of her head. Not able to move, Sara could only moan as Darrin tilted his head to the side, plundering her mouth. The pleasure center of her brain was on fire with the sensations from his passionate kiss.

“Hey! Get a room!” Darrin jerked back quickly at taunting words, watching a truck full of high school students whiz by with a series of catcalls and honks.

“Holy shit! I’m so sorry, Sara.” Darrin ran his hands through his hair, rolling his head from side to side.

“Why are you sorry, Darrin? I thought we finally came to an understanding?” Sara’s heart was still pounding in her chest, her lips tingling. She wanted Darrin to keep assaulting her mouth, her neck, her body,
everywhere
.

Darrin took a deep breath as he started the truck, whipping back around to go back towards the farm. “I lost my head for a moment. You deserve better, Sara. I’ll take you home.”

“Damn it, Darrin! What is wrong with you? I want you, you want me. Why can’t you give in?” Her heart was no longer pounding in lust, it was hammering in fury, waiting to unleash all her pent up anger. “No, you know what? Fuck you, Darrin. You’re right, I do deserve better. I deserve someone that has enough balls to take what they want, especially when it is being served to them on a silver platter.”

“You need someone that can give you the world, Sara. I could easily take you right here in this truck, but what good would that do you? What good would it do…” his words trailed off as they reached the driveway to the farm.

“You’re right, Darrin. What good would it do
you
? You’re a bastard, you know that?” Sara flung the door open on the truck before it had even come to a stop. Flying out of her seat, she skidded on the gravel before righting herself. She turned and slammed the door to the truck as hard as her body could muster. Traitorous tears fell as she ran towards the house. She made it all the way to the front porch before she heard the truck slowly easing back out of the driveway.

A Month Later, early June

S
ara lay in her small two-room trailer, staring at the umpteen cracks in the ceiling. The constant hum of the nearby power station kept Sara on edge most days. Her trailer was less than livable, but it was all she could afford on her salary from the local drugstore. Going back to college was on hold until she could save up some money; her mother had only consented to support her financially the first time she went to college because daddy had set aside money specifically for that purpose. After he was gone, keeping the farm in the black was nearly impossible. Sara had overheard a conversation between her mother and the banker, indicating that most of their assets were not liquid, and that she needed to make some changes to keep a steady flow of money coming in.

It shouldn’t have been a shock to Sara that her cold-hearted mother had decided that money was more important than her own daughter. It had been almost a month since she left the farm, her mother not giving her any options. The words still haunted her, “Sara, you need to start paying me rent, if you are going to stay here. I’m going down to Florida for a while and need the extra income. Otherwise, Mr. Thomas said he will rent the land, and has a nice trailer you can move into that wouldn’t be so expensive. Your choice.”

Sara felt her entire life falling to pieces around her, crumbling layer by layer. It was a beautiful Saturday night, and the only date she had was with a container of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. She didn’t have any contact with her former friends anymore after she moved out, especially not Darrin. Giving up on him had been easy since he turned her down, but she was used to being rejected. Disposed of. Unwanted. There were no apartments available in Amulet, but Mr. Thomas had “graciously” offered to rent her this dilapidated tin can. Sara felt extremely isolated. Alone. Poetic justice had nothing on her life right now.

Deciding to lose herself in music for a while, Sara hit the first play list on her iPod, leaving it on repeat. The third time through the power ballads, she didn’t think her mood could pitfall any lower. What It Takes by Aerosmith was about to start again, making her stomach free fall.
Tell me what it takes to let you go…tell me how the pain’s supposed to go…

Tears slid down her cheeks as the lyrics flitted through her mind. It had been over a month since Sara had made a fool of herself with Darrin. She had gotten over his rejection, giving up on making him see her as anything more than a lovesick teenager.

If Sara was honest with herself, Darrin had very little to do with her pain right now. She closed her eyes, trying to bring the faded face of her secret love back into focus. It had been so long since she had seen him, his face was becoming harder and harder to remember. Chris had been starring in her dreams more and more these days. As her anguish over her paltry life grew, so did her dreams about that night. Most of the dreams had left her drained, wanting more.
He’s gone, he didn’t want you, you were a good lay, and that was it.

Not wanting to continue the torture, Sara grabbed the iPod, switching off the depressing playlist and hitting shuffle instead. The next song to play was something her sister must have put on there, she hadn’t heard it before. She lifted her head, looking for the name of the song. “Broken by Seether” The band’s name made her think that it would be full of death growls, and pounding metal, but it was a slow ballad, with a deep male voice harmonizing beautifully with a low female voice, both in perfect pitch. The chorus kept repeating a lament to her broken heart,
’cause I’m broken, when I’m lonesome, I don’t feel right, when you’re gone away.

Sara laughed, amazed at how close to hitting the mark the words were.
I haven’t felt right since you left me.

The backs of her eyes were burning from the tears she was trying to hold back. She had cried enough for his loss.
I have to get over that damn man.

A sharp rapping on the front door jerked her out of her haze. Sara pulled her iPod out of the docking station, silencing the remnants of her pity party. Glancing in the mirror as she walked by, she grimaced at her reflection.
No way to fix this mess
, she thought as she tried combing her fingers through her hair, wiping the faint tear tracks from her cheeks.

The rapping on the door was harder this time, causing Sara to curse. “I’m coming, damn it!” Flinging the door open, Sara’s mouth fell open. “Darrin, what are you doing here?”

“Well, hey to you too, Sara.” Darrin pulled one hand out of his pocket, rubbing the back of his neck. His facial expression indicated that he was pained. Darrin ran his eyes over her disheveled body, grimacing when he looked at her red, swollen eyes. “I just wanted to see how you were doing. I hate to say it, but you look like shit.”

Sara laughed as she stepped aside, Darrin strolling into her kitchen. “If you are looking for a hottie, Bryn lives in Amulet now with Corey.”

Darrin grunted, slumping his shoulders. “Jesus, I fucked this up already. Look, I haven’t seen you since the day your sister was hurt, and I was worried. I wanted to call you more than once, but I wasn’t sure if you would talk to me.”

“I’m not that much of a bitch, Darrin. You’ve been really good to my family, and I will always remember that. You wanted space, I gave it to you.”

Darrin’s eyes rose to meet hers. Taking a deep breath, his expression softened. He took a hesitant step forward, pausing as he spoke, “What if I said I didn’t want any more space?”