I Got This (7 page)

“Jennifer Hudson, I called to tell you that you are Effie White!”

“WOOOOOOOO!” I let out a scream of relief that turned to tears of sheer joy.

I did it! I made it!

I fell to my knees and cried. I was so relieved and overwhelmed and thrilled and thankful.

Bill asked me to get on a flight that same day. Of course, I said I would.

I’ve been gone ever since.

W
hen I got the role as Effie in
Dreamgirls,
I had never done any professional acting. On the flight to Los Angeles, I kept reminding myself of this blessing God had given me. My grandma used to praise the Lord and say, “How great thou art!” She was talking about the wonders of God’s love and His glory. Looking out the window of my plane I realized that, perhaps for the first time in my life, I truly understood what she meant. She was talking about the wonders of this world, wonders that I was now going to see. I cried tears of joy for most of that flight.

One of the first things I found out when I got to Los Angeles to start shooting was that in order to take this role, I was going to have to
gain
weight. You read that right. Gain weight! The script called for Effie to be heavier than I was at the time, and I needed
to put on some pounds. Needless to say, I was pretty surprised. So many times I had felt judged for being too big, had lost jobs because I didn’t fit the image required. And now, for the first time ever, I was told I was
too small
! Who gets a job in Hollywood and has to
gain
weight?

Me!

I was told to put on an extra twenty pounds before shooting started so I could really look like Effie as the director wanted her to appear. By gaining the weight, I wouldn’t have to wear padded costumes or anything. I could be more “natural.” Okay, I thought. I know how to do this—I can put on pounds if that is what was required. I launched into a diet of cookies, cakes, and pies all day, every day.

In addition to my new eating regimen, I started rehearsals right away, too. Every day I would walk around the studios like a high school student going to class, with my backpack slung over my shoulder, full of all the different clothes I would need. I went from dance class to vocal class to acting class. I was constantly on the go. In fact, there was so much physical activity during rehearsals that despite my carb-heavy, sugar-laden diet, I started losing weight. The producers quickly noticed my weight loss and told me I needed to focus on gaining. I kicked up my intake a notch and continued to load up on calories, so I could keep on the pounds despite my very active schedule. It wasn’t easy, but I knew I couldn’t disappoint the producers.

The film officially started shooting on January 9, 2006. Being on the set of
Dreamgirls
was nothing short of—well, a dream come true. First, I actually got to be in this film, and second, I was set to work with some of the biggest stars on the planet. Eddie Murphy, Danny Glover—these were actors I grew up watching. I had been a big Destiny’s Child fan, so it was a thrill to work with Beyoncé. And none other than Jamie Foxx, who had just won an Oscar for his amazing performance as Ray Charles, was going to be my love interest. The first time I met Jamie was on the set. We had never said so much as a hello to each other before that first scene together. After doing
American Idol
, I had made a personal promise that I would never let anyone ever intimidate me again. But Lord help me, the first time I met Jamie, I was scared. He walked onto the set and the director said, “Action….Okay, kiss!”

Huh?
I thought. I was shocked. I was hoping Jamie and I would at least be introduced before we launched into a kissing scene! Oh well, I had a job to do. And luckily, Jamie had done this all a few times before, so he did his best to make me feel comfortable. Here I was, an actress playing her first scene, and I had to kiss Jamie Foxx square on the mouth.

As filming continued, I remember thinking my grandma would have loved seeing all that was happening to me.

“Look, Grandma. Look at what I am doing.” I had conversations with her in my head, especially while listening to the music from
Dreamgirls.

Whenever I wasn’t singing or dancing, I wore my headphones, learning the songs for the movie. I would listen closely to those songs, and ask myself the question that I always ask when I’m learning new music: “What is the message I am trying to get across? What does this song mean?” I need to feel the meaning of the song to be able to perform it with emotion. Music always means something. Music is powerful. It can be both spiritual and emotional. My grandmother taught me that all great singers sing with purpose. For this movie, every song had a purpose in that it propelled the story forward. The songs were almost as important as the dialogue—especially for Effie, who was the girl known for her amazing voice. Effie shared her heartache, her joys through singing. If I was going to play Effie with all my heart, I had to do the same. I certainly used that approach when it came time to do my big scene.

Whenever “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” came on my headphones, it felt as if the ghost of my grandma was singing in my ears. I could hear her shouting praise and singing gospel like I was seven years old again watching her in church. Once I started singing the song, it was as if she could see me. Feeling her presence helped me find my emotion to power through that very challenging scene.

I have a cousin who once told me not to sing
at
a song, but to just sing the song—and there is a difference. I sink my teeth into a song and attack it like Jaws. If I can’t feel the song when I’m singing it,
how can I expect the listener to? Every song tells a story. My job is to be the storyteller. I knew that was exactly what I needed to do going into my big scene—I had to own it and make it mine.

My mama used to tell me that she thought I usually worked best under pressure. I never noticed that about myself, but she sure did. When I was a little girl, I used to run around our family church begging for my first solo. When the pastor finally gave me that chance, I was terrified. It was like I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. But, I also remember feeling a certain exhilarating electricity about it, too. Those feelings are what gave me the presence of mind I needed when it came time to sing in front of a crowd. I became addicted to the anxiety of performing every bit as much as the thrill of it. Now, when I don’t have that sense of panic before performing, I worry about being too calm.

I was anything but calm when it came time to film “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going.” That song is part of one of the most important scenes in the movie. I am not sure I really understood just how big it actually was until after we finished filming. It didn’t register until after I completed the scene that I, an unknown actress, had been given the role of a lifetime. The lyrics “And you’re gonna love me…” were especially poignant because for me, they marked my return to the world stage after my time on
American Idol.
I felt like I was being given a huge chance to send a message out to the world about what I could really do. Truly, I was overwhelmed.

Not knowing the impact of that scene at the time is probably
what helped get me through it. What I did know all too well was how Effie felt in that moment after being told she had to leave the group because she didn’t fit the image. Lord knows I had been there too many times myself. This was my story every bit as much as it was Effie’s. For things to be real, they have to come from a real place. I had lived these moments myself, more than once, and now I could bring all of my past rejection, pain, anger, confusion, and frustration to life through Effie White.

The day we shot my big scene, the set was full of lots of people I didn’t recognize—from drivers to crew. Spike Lee and Jamie Foxx came to watch me. When I did my first take, I felt a little self-conscious with so many eyes watching. It was a little like singing in the shower, and turning around to find a bathroom full of people. Luckily, that feeling didn’t last very long. By the time I got through that first take, it didn’t matter who was there—as far as I was concerned, it was just Grandma and me. I was Effie, and I was feeling her pain.

People gathered all day long to watch. One by one, I could see tears in most everyone’s eyes as I sang straight from my gut take after take after take. By the end of the first day, my head was pounding, I was emotionally exhausted and I wanted to rest. Surely, I thought, they had captured the footage they needed. But Bill Condon, being the brilliant filmmaker that he is, knew I could give more. So we continued with the same hard push the entire next day until we got exactly what was needed.

The scene took two whole days to shoot. It felt like the people I saw going into the studio were coming back for their next shift, just as I was leaving. It was an emotional roller-coaster ride for those two days, to say the least. We did the scene over and over again. At times, I felt I had no more to give. I’d start to cry, asking the director what more he wanted from me. I felt tapped out. I was tired. At one point, Bill actually had to tell me to pull back the emotion because I was crying too much for the scene to feel real. At the end of my final take, Bill announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, the star of tomorrow, Ms. Jennifer Hudson.” I had to wipe the tears from my tired and weary eyes as the entire studio burst into applause for me. I was overcome.

Without knowing it then, what happened that day created a path for me that I could never have imagined. This day marked a transition in my life, from struggling singer and performer to film actress. I don’t think anyone in that studio really understood what had happened that day, and certainly not me. Bill Condon may have. Looking back on that moment now with clear eyes, I know that my life changed forever that day.

I had never acted before this movie, so no one knew what to expect. I was an unknown actress who had been given the role of a lifetime. I felt a real shift in the way I was perceived on the set, a shift that was a nod of approval from my colleagues that I felt happy to receive.

Jamie Foxx was the first person to actually say something about what had happened to me.

“Jennifer, you could get an Oscar nod for this,” he said.

Those were big words coming from Jamie Foxx, an Oscar winner himself. The thought of winning awards for my first acting role certainly had not crossed my mind at all.

“Whatever!” I said to Jamie, just like I was talking to my mama. Me and my “whatever”s.

I remember getting a call one day asking me to come to the offices of the studio making the film, DreamWorks, the production company founded by Jeffrey Katzenberg, Steven Spielberg, and David Geffen. David Geffen owned the film rights to
Dreamgirls
, and was one of the producers on the film.

What do they want to talk to
me
about? I wondered. I worried that the producers were concerned about my performance. I felt a little like I was being called to the principal’s office. It turned out to be just the opposite. I was told that the buzz on the film was very good, and that Beyoncé, Jamie Foxx, Anika Noni Rose, and I would be attending the 2006 Cannes International Film Festival in May to promote the movie. Cannes? France? I had heard of the festival before, but I never dreamed I’d actually be going there. I was thrilled but nervous, too. I had no idea what kind of appearance I was expected to make. There were going to be numerous grand red-carpet moments, where I would be photographed with some of the most famous people in the world. This was the big time, not like the events that I had attended with
American Idol
, but a huge industry gathering.

The press attending the film festival was going to be given an opportunity to see twenty minutes of never-before-seen footage from
Dreamgirls
. In addition, the press was invited to go “behind the scenes” and meet some of the talent involved in the making of the movie. It was all fantastic.

A
fter Cannes, I started to realize that things were really going to change in my life once this film was released. When I was in the studio recording the sound track for
Dreamgirls
, Beyoncé offered me some advice I’ve never forgotten. She said, “The way you are starting your acting career is an amazing opportunity for you. Don’t hop at just anything. You will have a lot coming at you. Take your time and make the right decisions.” These were important words of wisdom coming from a woman I very much admired and respected. At the time, I didn’t realize just how amazing the opportunity to play Effie was for me. But I do now, and I have lived by Beyoncé’s advice ever since.

The biggest moment for me before
Dreamgirls
was released was one day when I received a phone call from none other than Oprah. You know, Winfrey. I was in a hotel room in New York City when someone from her staff called ahead to let me know she would be calling me later that day. I guess they didn’t want me to be taken off guard. Instead, I just didn’t believe them.

Whatever, I thought.

I mean, why would Oprah be calling me? I actually thought it was a practical joke someone was playing.

Me and my “whatever”s strike again.

But Oprah did call me the next day. My makeup artist answered the phone.

“Oprah’s on the phone,” she said.

Now, I was
sure
this was a joke, so I decided to play along.

“Hello?” I said in a disbelieving tone.

“Hi, this is Oprah,” the voice on the other end of the phone said.

I didn’t believe it was her. “This isn’t Oprah,” I said, and then I hung up the phone.

I have to believe this happens to her a lot because she called right back and laughingly said, “It is Oprah, like, for real!”

“Girl, I don’t know who you are but stop playing with me!” I said. Before I could slam down the phone again, Oprah repeated that it was really her. She was calling to congratulate me on the movie. She had seen an advanced screening and said she was blown away by my performance, calling it “a religious experience.”