I Am Not Junco Omnibus: Books Four - Six (30 page)

"No!" His shout rocks me back against the window. "They cannot come back. They are somewhere else, that's true, but once you cross over there is no return, Junco. There is no proxy for that world. They are gone."

I drag my wet eyes away from his anger and play a card. "Then I want to go there too."

He laughs at this. "You cannot have it both ways, Junco. You cannot stay here with Gideon and go there with Isten. That's not how it works."

I smile. An actual honest-to-God smile. "Then I'll take them all with me."

"You'll kill your friends? Is that what you're saying? Because, Junco, that's what those words mean."

"We can go right now, can't we? I mean, I can just check out now and this whole load of bullshit is swept away, isn't it?"

The smile grows across my face as his arms sweep out and grab my shoulders. "Junco, stop. I cannot give you Isten, I cannot. It's not possible. But I can give you something else. Name it."

He's right about one thing. God did make me pretty fucking smart. I throw down more cards and I've got a full house. "You're versed in Bible trivia, right? You know what the name Gideon means, Caleb?"

He sighs. "Warrior of God."

"No. Wrong answer. Gideon means Man of Proof. When God asked for his compliance in ancient times, just like God is asking for mine right now, Gideon stood up and said,
Prove it
."

Caleb turns away and shakes his head.

"You go back and tell your God I said prove it. And I'm gonna tell you right now, Caleb—I've seen some pretty spectacular things in my day. Lucan can do just about anything so you better tell that God of yours to come up with something better than any of the things Lucan's done. I want my miracle. I want my Isten and I will accept nothing less."

"It cannot be done."

"And if He takes Gideon, the whole deal is off. I'll kill everyone and we'll all go down together."

"You're insane."

A guffaw bursts out of my throat. "You're just figuring that out? Shit, Caleb, you're late to that party, it's pretty much over. I'm certifiable, absolutely. I will kill them all, Caleb. I will kill them all. I will destroy this whole fucking planet!"

"I cannot take this message back, Junco. I won't do it."

I shrug and open my door. "You do whatever the fuck you want, I've got some revenge to enact. Thanks for the ride."

I slam the door and head over to Selia who is waiting on the curb in front of the giant dungeon doors that lead into Asgarth's hotel. The absurdity of this setting makes me cackle with laughter.

Selia chews her fingernail as I walk up to her. "Everything OK, Juncs?"

I grab her hand and lead her through the doors. "Just great. We're all gonna be just fine, you'll see. We can't lose, Selia, we cannot fucking lose."

Chapter Thirty-Two

The elevator takes us all the way up to the penthouse and I'm just about to think this is excessive and unwarranted when the doors part and Irin is standing in front of me smiling.

The penthouse comes with a terrace.

A terrace that is easily accessible for avians.

I have a good team.

"Well, my psycho little sister, it's about fucking time!"

I let her hug me and breathe a sigh of relief. I think I love Irin, even though she's a total bitch.

Lili, on the other hand, is standing there with her hands on her hips, her mouth in a contorted scowl, and her eyes blazing. "Lucan is not happy with you. At all."

I flip her off. "You can tell Lucan I said that. OK?" I look around the suite and spy several doors on either side of the large sunken living room. The screen is on and the scene is familiar. People running, screaming, death, destruction.

Looks like Tier is in town, wherever that place is.

"Which room is mine? I'm fucking exhausted."

Irin points and I walk off, calling out, "Do not bother me," as I close the door and flop on the king-sized bed.

Oh shit. I really am tired. That Caleb guy might be an asshole, but he gave up some serious information.
Tier gave me Isten then took him away
. Sacrificed him for me.

It hurts.

So bad.

I want Tier to be my one, I really do, but every single time I get it in my head that he's a good guy, that we're meant for each other, I learn something ugly about him. I pull my comm out of my back pocket and fiddle with it until my dad's face appears on screen.

I push the tab associated with the picture and the connection starts. It buzzes a few times and then he's there.

"Hi, Snowbird."

I smile so big it makes my cheeks stretch. "Hi, Dad."

"You OK?"

I sigh. "Yeah, I'm OK. Just tired. How about you? Where are you?"

"Polar Friendlies."

"Is everyone there?"

"Yes, everyone is here now. Your mom's here, too."

"Oh," is all I have to say to that. I'm not interested in her. "Well, what's going on up there? Anything important?"

"Yes, you could say that. But you'll have to come see for yourself." He stops, and then adds, "When you have a chance, of course. You're busy now, so that's OK."

"Oh," I say again. I was just making conversation, but whatever.

"Tier called a few hours ago. Said you'd be calling."

"Did he now?" Must be nice to see the future. That's like the Powerball of superpowers. "Was he mad?"

"No, should he have been?"

"Ummmm… no. I guess not."

"You just call to say hi? Or do you need help?"

"Dad," I begin, "do you think Lucan is the Devil?"

"Yes."

Oh, shit
. That was not the answer I was looking for. "Do you think he's evil?"

"Do you think I'm evil, Junco?"

Well, sorta
, I want to say. I mean, he did nuke Peak City and Council 3.

"You don't have to answer that. It was rhetorical. I'm just saying that everyone has the potential."

"Do you think
I'm
evil?"

I hear the long draw of breath before he speaks and know he's gonna lie. "Junco, evil is not as black and white as you were taught. Evil isn't an action, Snowbird. It's an intention."

I'm not so sure of this, that road to hell is paved with stuff that sounds very similar. "Who's side are we on? Do you know? Is there a side? Is Lucan trying to destroy the world? Who will—"

"Junco." He cuts me off there. "Stop. I understand it's confusing. Evil is tricky in that way. You can never be sure you're on the right side. But love. Love is easy. Stay on that side of the road and it doesn't matter what it's paved with. You're on the right side."

"They keep hurting me, Dad."

I can hear the anger come out as long deep breaths on the other end of the comm so I elaborate before he loses his cool. "Not physically. Physical pain has no meaning, I don't even feel that anymore. They hurt my heart, Dad. And I don't understand how this can be love. Tier twined me to Isten and he knew Isten was gonna die in the Runout Valley. He knew, and still he let me get so close and depend on Isten. And then it was ripped away. And my heart, Dad. My heart after Isten died, it was so full of pain. Pain I can't even describe, pain that hurts me still. It hurts so bad I just want to crawl into a corner and die."

I pause to see if he'll contribute, but he stays silent.

"And Tier did that to me. But I still love him. I want him so much, but how? How can I trust him with my heart when he hurts me?"

"Junco, people are flawed. This is how we were made, we are not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes."

"But that wasn't a mistake, it was deliberate."

"The mistake, Snowbird, was hurting you in the process. He doesn't want to hurt you. He loves you."

"Oh." How can that be love? I admit I'm no expert on love, I barely know what it means. But it just seems wrong that it should hurt so much. "Gideon never does this shit to me. The only thing Gid ever did to hurt me was leave and it's not like he could've stopped that. He was just a teen when he had to go away. Tier and Lucan, they know exactly what they're doing and they do it anyway. Like I'm just collateral damage or something."

His sigh is long and loud. "Sometimes we have to kill to right our world. Sometimes we have to be killed so someone else can right their world. This is life, Junco. It's not good or evil, it's a delicate balance of both."

It's like the constellations. Like Laelaps and the Teumessian fox. A paradox that must be neutralized. It's like Lucan's lecture on perspective. Look at both sides, but neither side is right. It's like Inanna giving me this strong new body and these powers even though it turned me crazy with the pain.

I have a hard time with that last part. How can anything she did be good? But that's what Sera was trying to say as I ignored her words. Inanna made me whole again. But I never asked to be whole. I never begrudged what I was.

"You still there, Junco?"

"Yeah," I breathe. "I'm tired now, Dad. I'm gonna go to bed."

"I love you, Junco."

"Ditto, Dad. Bye."

I tap the screen to end the connection, then turn over on the bed and before I have time to think my eyes are closed and my world is dark.

Chapter Thirty-Three

I'm sweating like a motherfucker in the Dallas Underbelly humidity. The black covert ops outfit doesn't help things either. Fucking shit sticks to my skin and makes me feel like I'm wearing plastic. Who the hell needs heat shielding when it's ninety-seven degrees out? I mean, fuck! I highly doubt that single degree is gonna be the one thing that gives me away on this job.

This distraction makes me lose focus and my lens scope vibrates against my iris as it adjusts. I'd rather have a fucking pair of night-vision goggles strapped to my head than these stupid lens cams. Who the fuck planned this job, anyway?

The vibration stops and then I hear the internal beep that says it's found the target. He's got a marker on him that's been programmed into my vision equipment. It zooms in and out as it focuses—again.

I peer down the sight of my rifle and start breathing.

In. Out. Stop.

"Stand down, Semaj. Report back. Repeat, stand down, and report."

Now what the fuck? "H2, I'm on target, I've got him."

"Stand down, now. Report."

This whole night blows.

I slither back into the dead space and then crawl back the way I came. Over the railing, hop onto the next building, down the fire escape, jump to the ground, and book it down the alley. My stalk mocs are silent as my feet pound the pavement. I love those synthetic rubber soles. You could stalk anything in these shoes.

I slip into the shadows as some prostitutes walk by, then walk the wall and round the corner.

I slam into James and fall on my ass.

"What the hell, James? You're not—"

"Quiet, Junco. We've gotta get back now, your dad called for you."

"Oh."

I take his hand as he helps me up and we walk briskly to the waiting flier. He holds the door open as I get in and then we take seats opposite each other in the back.