Husband Sit (Husband #1) (26 page)

I
pulled in a shaky breath. Those tears had been close. “So now what?”

“Sieu
wants to brief you. She’s organizing a table for a breakfast meeting, although
it is closer to lunchtime.”

“But
I was such a bitch.”

“She
told me you’re perfect for me.” He smiled at that, and I wanted to lick those
perfect teeth.

Instead
I said, “Bullshit.”

“Her
exact words were
I like her. She’s sexy and smart. Smarter than you
.”

“Double
bullshit.” No way was I smarter than Finn. He had serious money. I was hopeless
with finances.

He
shrugged. “She thinks the idea is a goer. Can you at least listen to her?”

I
frowned.

“For
Fritha’s sake?”

Bastard.
“You are one
manipulative son-of-a-bitch.”

“Takes
one...”

My
towel chose that moment to slide off—understandable considering my angry march
back to the room. It pooled at my feet, and Finn’s gaze slid down to my bikini
top, and then lower.

He
swallowed and, still staring at my bikini bottom, said, “I’ll bet you taste
salty.”

Cunnilingus.

I
felt breathless heat sweep up over me and I licked my lips. “There were good
reasons I didn’t want you to do that.”

“You
were curious,” he reminded me, and took a deliberate step closer, his gaze sliding
back up to my breasts.

His
towel was wrapped low around his hips and I could see a bulge at the front.
Before I could think of a reply, he slipped one hand around my waist and pulled
me in, sliding the other hand up into my hair, at the nape of my neck. It was
damp there and his fingers were warm and restless.

I
looked up into his eyes. “I don’t know—”

“I
do,” he said firmly. “I need something to go on. You’re driving me crazy. I
just have to kiss you,” as if the decision had been his all along.

I
closed my eyes, and instantly felt his warm lips on mine. They were salty and
hot and quickly went from soft to demanding as his hand slid down to my ass,
pulling me tighter against him.

He
tasted like the ocean, and when his tongue slid across mine, I tingled from the
inside out. My hands pushed up from his chest past his shoulders into his hair
as I tilted my head, wanting more, crushing my breasts against him and feeling
my nipples ache from the pressure. I was
so
hot for him I felt dizzy, as
if I was drunk. We kissed forever and I think I got light-headed, because when
he eventually pulled away I was so wobbly he had to hold my shoulders.

“Fuck,”
he said softly, his eyelids heavy and his breaths coming fast. “It’s so hard to
stop.”

I
nodded, quite incapable of speech.

“But
that was good.” He nodded. “I needed that. Of course I want more, but...” He
tucked a strand of fallen hair behind my ear. “...I can wait.”

“For
what?”

“For
you to beg me for sex.” He sounded quite serious.

“And
if I don’t?”

“Then
I’ll spend the rest of my life fantasizing about what we didn’t do.”

Was
that sexy? Maybe in an obsessive kind of way.

He
let me go and took a step backwards. “So tell me, am I really that story for
you: the one that got away? Or are we going to do this and you’re just making
me wait?”

I
was so languorous and overheated, I couldn’t think. “I don’t know.”

He
took a deep breath and nodded, as if that’s what he’d expected. “Sieu’s
waiting.” He waved absently toward the door behind him. “I’ll get changed and
meet you at the restaurant.”

“Fine.”
I nodded, but it was an uncoordinated effort, and I was worried that I was
wavering where I stood.

He
frowned. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.”
I was anything but, however I needed him to get the hell out of my room before
I puddled on the floor.

“Okay.”
He nodded, but he was still frowning. “See you there.”

He
let himself out and I went to the door and put the chain on it. Then I picked
up my phone, shut myself in the bathroom, sat on the closed toilet seat and
looked at my
favorites
list: Fritha, Missy Lou and Ange.

I
had to call someone. I was like an alcoholic about to take a drink. Ten more
seconds and I would have been on that bed naked with my legs open. Fritha would
tell me to do it as foreplay to a proposal of marriage. Missy Lou would tell me
to pack my bags and leave the hotel. I could tell neither of them that I’d
blabbed to Finn about the teahouse and needed to stay to see that through—Missy
Lou wouldn’t care, and Fritha would freak out.

That
only left Ange. I had no idea what she’d say, but I was desperate for clarity.

I
rang her number and clutched the phone to my ear.

Ten
long rings later, she answered. “
J?
”

“I’m
about to make what could be the worst mistake of my life, Ange. I need you to
talk me out of it.”

There
was a pause, then she said, “
Don’t do it, Jill
.”

I
frowned at the bathroom mirror
.
Was she joking? I pressed the phone
tighter to my ear. “This is serious.”

“
So
is everyone else’s life, but I don’t call you when I have relationship problems
.”
She sounded nothing like her usual self, and I wondered then who she’d been
speaking to. I hadn’t said anything about my ‘problem’ being a relationship
issue. So Fritha or Missy Lou must have been in her ear.

Instead
of grilling her about that I said, “I hadn’t realized you were suffering from
relationship problems.”

Another
silence. “
Unlike you, I don’t blurt things over the phone when I haven’t
heard from someone for two months
.”

Had
it been that long? I tracked back in my mind to when I’d started husband
sitting and had gone quiet on the friend radar.

“I’m
sorry, Ange,” I said, feeling genuine remorse. “I’ve had...stuff. I didn’t want
to burden you with it. Until now,” I added hastily, because I had planned to
dump on her. “You’re always so happy. I didn’t want to bring you down.”

“
Well
I can’t get any lower than I am now, so what is it?
”

I
was seriously frowning at that point. I’d
never
heard her speak like
this. “What did Danny do?” I so much wanted to be there to hug her and pat her
pretty black hair.

Another
pause, so long I was starting to wonder if she’d hung up and I hadn’t realized.

Finally,
“
He had a vasectomy. I found out last week
.”

“Oh
Ange
...” I was so stunned I slumped back against the toilet cistern. Of
the four of us, Angel was the one who’d wanted kids the most. In fact, every
month since they’d been married I’d expected a call with the happy news that
she was pregnant. I knew Danny had asked her to wait while he established his
career in Sydney, but to go behind her back and eliminate any possibility that
they could conceive together...Why would he?

It
was the worst sort of betrayal I could think of for Ange. Certainly more
terrible than an affair would have been.

“Honey,
I’m so sorry. Can I come and see you?”

“
No
.”
She was quick back with that answer. “
He doesn’t realize I know. I’m still...working
things out
.”

I
wanted to say,
But you’ll leave him?
Only, that was too insensitive,
even for me. Instead, I said, “Good plan. I’m a crap actress. But I want to see
you, Ange. Soon.”

“
Okay
.”
Her voice was small now, and so unlike the girl who would burst into song at
the slightest provocation. “
What’s your relationship problem?
”

“Inconsequential
compared with—”

“
Tell
me anyway. It might cheer me up
.”

I
half-smiled at that. At least she had some sense of humor left. “I met this guy
and we’re hot for each other and I...”
Just say it.
“I’m really in love
with him, but there’s a solid reason I can’t get into a relationship with him
right now.”
Please don’t ask me why.
“I’m in deep, Ange. I’ve never felt
this way about a guy before.” Just talking about the corner I was trapped in
fed the sensation of dread expanding across my chest, but I fought that back.

“
Is
this pre-sex hype
?” She was all business now—the relationship consultant.

“No.
We’ve had sex once, and it was awesome, let me tell you. But if I go there
again, I’ll want to get into a relationship with him, and… I can’t do that.”

I
held my breath and she was quiet for a while, as though she was thinking. I let
her. Lord only knew, I’d tried to work this out every way from Christmas and
still came up with nothing beyond wanting Finn. Badly. And being ninety-nine
percent sure it would never work out. I was hoping Ange could provide a new
perspective.

At
last she said, “
I think you’re underestimating your ability to close-off
emotionally. Even if this is full-on love, I’m confident you could still walk
away if you need to. You’re strong Jill. I think you should have sex with him
now, and tell yourself it’s just physical. That will eliminate the novelty
factor that makes men so alluring. After a couple of sessions, the rosy glasses
will fade and you’ll be able to decide if he’s a good fit for you in other ways
.”

I
could have said something about ‘fit’ then, but I didn’t. I was too busy
wondering if it was possible to quench this insatiable thirst for his body, and
not drown in it. He knew I was still husband sitting, so if he was prepared to
put his jealousy aside and accept me as-is, maybe I could meet him half-way?
Then if the novelty wore off, I could bail.

It
might work.

“Thanks
Ange. You’ve given me something to think about.” I felt humbled that in the
middle of her own dramas, she’d be there for me. “I was scared if I started
having sex with him I’d fall so much in love I wouldn’t be able to find my way
out.”

“
I
know
,” she said quietly. “
You’ve always been afraid of being
overwhelmed. But there are times when you just have to let life take you with
it.
”

“Like
a tsunami?”

“
No
.”
I could almost see her smile. “
Like rapids. Or a roller coaster ride
.”

I
did like roller coasters, even though I gritted my teeth so hard they hurt
afterwards. “Will you be there for me if this all ends badly?” I asked, not
caring how needy I sounded.

“
Of
course I will be. And I know you’re there for me too, Jinx. I just...need time
to sort out how I feel about this first
.”

“I
understand.” Despite my
phone a friend
penchant, there were times when I
wanted to sort out my feelings alone. “Do you still love him?” I had to ask.

“
Yes
I do
.” No hesitation there. “
I just feel like I don’t know him anymore.
And...you know, that makes you wonder what else you don’t know about
.”

“I
know.” Was she wondering about infidelity? He’d always had a flirting nature,
but we’d all put that down to his boyish charm. “Let me know when you want a
visit. I’m just up the road in Newcastle with...Finn. His name is Finn. But I
can leave anytime.”

“
I
will. And Jill...don’t wait for good things. Don’t put them off. They might
never...
” She caught her breath on what sounded suspiciously like a sob.

I
wanted to hate Danny then, but I just didn’t know what was going on, any more
than I could guess what the dynamic was between Missy Lou and Marcus—despite
all the drunken sleepovers I’d had there. It probably wasn’t my business
anyway, so I decided to concentrate on my own mess.

“I’m
going to fuck Finn,” I said, and I meant it. Ange’s sadness had touched
something deep in me, some
carpe diem
button that made me suddenly want
to dive into life at the deep end. I’d met Finn at the wrong time for both of
us, but he was in front of me now. I had to act on that, even if it did turn
out to be messy down the track. I’d live. Or, at least Ange seemed to think I
would. And let’s face it, they probably knew me better than I knew myself. I’d
been friends with these women for more than half my life.

“
Good
girl
,” Ange said, which unnerved me slightly, because it was exactly what
Missy Lou had said when I’d told her I
wasn’t
going to fuck Finn. “
No
doubt the sex is scorching right now, but if you’re thinking about the long
haul, you want more than that. You want a man who’ll be a good friend. Someone
thoughtful, protective. A good father to your children
.”

I
felt a lump rise in my throat, knowing I’d already identified all those traits
in Finn. I just didn’t know if we would last. “Thanks Ange.” I couldn’t say any
more, and luckily for me she ended the call there. I was
so
blessed with
my girlfriends. Well, when they weren’t telling me off or blabbing my life
story to a stranger. At least Ange hadn’t done anything unforgivable lately.