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Authors: Louise Cusack

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A
smartly dressed bellhop in black pants and crisp white jacket put my bags onto
a trolley and followed me inside.

“I’ll
just check in,” I said to him, feeling crumpled and old in comparison.

Luckily
for me, the hotel had received my text about putting the booking back a day,
and I’d been allocated an ‘ocean view room’ on the sixth floor. The
receptionist was just handing over the key, and I was thinking ahead to what I
might order from room service when I heard, “...your boyfriend Mr. Walters has
booked into the adjoining room already.”

I
blinked a few times and said, “Pardon? Boyfriend?”

The
receptionist, with her perfectly straightened ponytail said, “Mr. Walters, who
signed for your account.” She was blinking back at me, as though she wasn’t
quite sure I was the right person.

I
took a deep breath and said, “Would that be Mr. Finn Walters?”

Of
course it fucking was. How many Walters do you know?

“Jill.”

I
continued to stare at the receptionist, but the skin on the back of my neck
prickled in an uncomfortable way. He was right behind me, and any second I
expected him to touch me.

I
heard him say, “Thanks, Melody,” to the receptionist, who smiled brightly at
him as if
he
was the customer, and I was his plus-one. When in fact, I’d
made my own booking using my own credit card. So where did he get off, thinking
he could swoop in and slap his down, as he if owned me.

I
swung around to confront him, to tell him he was a presumptuous stalker, but he
was so close, and I got such a shock at his appearance, my handbag fell out of
my hand onto the floor along with my room key.

“Finn...”

CHAPTER
TEN: Off Again, On Again, Finn Again

He’d cut
his hair. The dreadlocks were gone, and in their place was a short
finger-combed cut in sun-bleached caramel with one lock falling forward onto
his forehead. It made his green eyes look amazing, and revealed cheekbones I
hadn’t even known he had.

He
was tanned and toned, and so drop-dead gorgeous in a long-sleeved white shirt
and jeans I wanted to lick him all over.

He
leant in slow, as if I was a skittish animal he was scared of frightening, and
kissed my cheek. I could smell the ocean on his skin, and some sort of light
aftershave that caught me low and made my insides quiver in reaction. I felt
light-headed and horny and incredibly confused. He pulled back far enough to
look into my eyes and said, “You blabbed about where you were coming. I had to
see you again.”

Then
he leant down and retrieved my handbag and room key, and gave them to me. My
fingers were nerveless and I told myself it was hunger.

“Dinner
tonight?” he said. “They’ve got a great restaurant here.”

Walk
away Jill. Don’t be lured. Nothing good can come from having sex with a man
you’re in love with and can’t have. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop my hormones
surging into overdrive, imagining all sorts of naughty scenarios.

I
turned and nodded to the bellboy. We set off for the elevator, ignoring Finn.

Side
of sight, I saw him following me. “The food is fabulous.”

“I’m
sure I’ll like it.” I turned to him politely. “I might see you there.”

In
fact, I was planning to hide out in my room.

He
nodded, and looked slightly defeated. “Okay.”

“I
need to lie down.”

“Are
you...well?” He glanced at the bellboy who’d stopped in front of the lift.

I
stood beside the boy, but Finn wasn’t going away so I hooked my handbag onto my
shoulder and held out my hand. “So good to see you again, Finn. You look
great.”

He
shook my hand, his expression cautious. “You look sexy as hell.”

That
warmed me up even more, and I had a traitorous urge to pull him into the lift
and kiss him senseless, but all of the aforementioned problems would still be
there, plus the bellboy might be scarred for life if he had to witness
something like that.

Knowing
how hot I felt just looking at Finn, I doubted I’d be able to stop at kissing.

Luckily,
the elevator door pinged opened, but before I could escape, Finn said, “You’ve got
my phone number. If you want to go for a swim, I’ll be at the tidal pool across
the road.”

I
offered him a bland smile before following the bellboy in and starting a
conversation about the room service menu, and what local restaurants might suit
vegetarians. Five minutes later, I was installed in my room, with its royal
blue carpet—a match for the ocean outside the window—sand colored walls and
crisp white bed linen. It was clean and luxurious and I couldn’t wait to flop
on the bed, but instead I rang room service and ordered some toasted cheese
sandwiches with a fruit platter as a chaser. Then I hit the shower and gave my
hair a serious scrub.

Unfortunately,
I couldn’t get Finn out of my head so easily, remembering the way he’d kissed
my cheek so tenderly, the hint of desperation in his eyes when he’d said,
You
look sexy as hell
. I got so overheated—thinking about him at the pool with
so much tanned skin on show—I ended up treating myself to a pussy spa with the
portable shower-head. Seconds later I could feel the pleasure worming its way
around my clit where the jet of water struck, and before I was ready I was
hanging onto the soap dish with my free hand, and moaning through the fastest
masturbation orgasm I’d ever had.

When
it was over, I turned off the shower and faced the mirror, with my wet hair
plastered unflatteringly to my head and my eyes dark and haunted. It wasn’t a
sexy look, and for a second I thanked whoever was in charge that Finn wasn’t
here to see it. Not that it mattered. And in fact, if he saw me looking ugly,
he might give up on me and...

No,
that didn’t work. I didn’t want him to see me ugly.

“You’re
such a hypocrite,” I told my reflection.

I
wanted him to desire me. I just didn’t want to desire him back, because for all
I knew, he’d brought Katinka with him to Sydney. Bastard. The only strategy I
could think of was avoidance. I’d booked and paid for three days, which
wouldn’t be refundable...unless—wait—what had that receptionist said? Finn had
covered my bill?

Well,
alright! If he was paying, I could clear out anytime, and he’d have no one to
blame but himself. Only...damn him, I wanted a holiday. I wanted
this
holiday.
I’d always wanted to stay at the beach outside Newcastle. I’d heard how
beautiful it was here and the view from my window hadn’t disappointed. Why
should I leave? I shouldn’t. I should just stay and ignore him,
with his
gorgeous cheekbones, his sexy green eyes and that tanned, hot body
.

I
could show self-discipline.

Inside
my mind I heard Fritha snorting at the idea, but I ignored that to pull out my
phone and call Brittany. Unfortunately, her Skype profile was offline, and
neither had she responded to my two last texts. I rang, but only caught her
messagebank, “
You’re talking to a machine. Ha-ha! Don’t leave a message
unless you’re rich or ripped.”

What
a twit.

I
shook my head, and after the beeps I said, “This is your sister. Your only
family. Your
worried,
only family sister. Text me so I know you’re
alive.”
And not in jail.
After I’d hung up from her, I took another two
minutes to call the hospital and check that they were fine with the payments
I’d made. Everything was good in Bangkok. There was no reason to worry that
Brittany was in trouble over her debts. So why the hell wasn’t she answering
her phone? Even if I’d rung while she was in the shower, she’d see she had a
missed call.

I
resolved to try her again before bedtime, then I got myself presentable for the
arrival of room service by hair-drying and suitcase sorting until I was clean,
mascara’d and freshly dressed in another sundress, this one blue with tiny
white flowers on it. Not that I was hoping to see Finn any time soon.

Or
at all.

There
might be only one restaurant in the hotel, but that didn’t mean I had to dine
there. I could check out the local cafes, or live off room service, although
that might inhibit my holiday vibe. So I was contemplating how far I might go
to avoid him when I heard a knock on the door.

“Room
Service.”

Thank
God. I was starving.

“Coming!”
I bare-footed it to the door and swung it wide. A delightfully white-aproned
pixie with over-sized glasses and neat black pigtails said, “Your lunch, ma’am.
Where would you like it? On the table by the window?”

“Sure.”
I stepped back to let her in, liking being called
ma’am
. The kid was
almost half my age, so her old-fashioned manners rubbed me up the right way.
“Thanks,” I said, when she’d set the tray down and straightened it on my tiny
dining table.

She
looked out through the window. “Lovely day outside,” she said, and I nodded.
Then some of her reserve faded as she grinned. “Great day for a swim.”

“Have
you been?” I asked, and waved a hand at the sparkling vista of Pacific Ocean
spread out before us.

“This
morning, before I started,” she said. “The water is a delicious twenty-four
degrees.”

“Oh
my.” I couldn’t remember the last time I’d swum in such a warm ocean. “That
sounds fabulous.”

“It
was
fabulous,” she said. “You don’t want to miss the opportunity.”

“I
won’t,” I promised, telling myself I
would
swim, and Finn wasn’t going
to stop me.

I
let the girl out and went back to my meal, determined to enjoy it and to stop
feeling anxious about running into Finn. If he was at the tidal pool across the
road, I’d simply drive to a nearby beach. Although, the last thing I wanted was
for him to walk back from the pool while I was waiting out the front for the
valet service to bring my car. So a late afternoon swim might be best, but what
if he was watching the elevator by then, waiting for me to leave my room?

I
glanced at the door, wondering what to do, and in that moment I noticed
something I hadn’t seen before in my rush to get clean. On the wall across from
my bed was a second door, and I was just frowning at that when I remembered
that the receptionist had put me in an adjoining room to Finn.

“Shit!”

I
jumped up from the table and ran over to test the handle, gently, so it
wouldn’t make a noise on the other side.

Locked.

Thank
God!

Better
news, the lock button was on my side, so he couldn’t let himself in. Not that
he would, actually. I knew him well enough to know that he’d never invade my
privacy without an invitation. So there really hadn’t been any reason to race
around like a frightened rabbit. He was probably just planning for some
contingency he
hoped
would eventuate, and that made me cranky and sad
all over again. But as I turned away from the door with my eyes downcast, I saw
something sticking out from under it.

An
envelope.

Don’t
touch it! Push it back to his side
.

As
if I could.

I
reached down and grabbed the tiny corner and pulled it through. Sure enough, it
had
Jill
written on the front. I ripped it open, my heart galloping with
excitement and fear and stupidity as I read.

 

Don’t
go.

I
know you want to. But please give me a chance to talk. Just one dinner. If you
hear me out and still want to walk away, I won’t chase you.

I’ve
never felt like this before. I don’t know what else to do.

7
pm in the restaurant, otherwise your friend Fritha will keep me updated on your
whereabouts and you’ll never escape me.

Finn
 

 

My
racing heart slowed to an ominous thudding.

“Bitch.”

I
dropped the letter, stormed over to my handbag and grabbed my phone. Six rings
later it answered.


J,
don’t be cranky with me
.”

She
sounded breathless but I didn’t care. I could feel my hands shaking. “I’m
fucking furious.”


He’s
the one.

“That’s
not your call. This is my life.”


You’re
fucking it up! Jesus, Jill. He’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met—

“You’ve
met
him!”


Just
once. He came for coffee, to find out what he had to do to win your heart. He’s
so romantic
.”

I
could feel a pulse throbbing beside my temple. Not only that, I was crazy
jealous at the idea of Fritha across the table from him. I loved her. But I
hated her in that moment too. “You’ve crossed the line, Frith.”

I
heard a sound then, a hiccupping breath before she said, “
You know what, I
don’t care anymore. I’m so damned sick of trying to do the right thing, of
being good and nice and helpful, and what happens? Your partner cheats on you,
your girlfriends shit on you—

My
angst evaporated in the face of her rising hysteria. “Hey, hey, settle.” I’d
never heard Fritha talk like that before. “I love you. I’m sorry. You’re right.
I’m a fuck up.”


Just...

There was silence on the line for the longest time, and I had to physically
clamp my mouth shut so I wouldn’t jump into the gap. “
Just once,”
she
said softly. “
Just once I’d like to get something I want.

“I’ll
get it for you, baby,” I promised, my chest aching at the sound of her angst.
“What do you want?”


I
want you to pick a guy, get married and settle down. Like Missy Lou and Ange. I
want you to be happy. And I want to be a bridesmaid—

“In
a rainbow colored dress.” I had to smile. A sad smile. “God, Frith, I wish it
was that easy.” It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her about Missy Lou’s
marital problems, but I couldn’t. Apart from the fact that I’d promised I
wouldn’t, poor Frith sounded demoralized enough already. She needed happy news,
not sad news. So I gave her what she wanted.

“I’m
having dinner with him tonight.”


Doug?

What?

“No,
Finn. Why are you mentioning Doug?”

Jesus,
was there a conspiracy going on?


Sorry,
I got confused. They’re both great guys. Finn. Right. Dinner is good. And you
can fuck him afterwards. You’ll like that. He’s hot.

“I
know I’ll like that,” I snapped, shoving down the jealousy that surged at the
idea of Fritha checking him out
that way
. “So enough of my soap opera
life. What’s happening at your end?”

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