How to Win Friends and Influence People (17 page)

and was now embarked on a new relationship

with his son, his daughter-in-law and the grandchildren

he had at last met.

Elbert Hubbard was one of the most original authors

who ever stirred up a nation, and his stinging sentences

often aroused fierce resentment. But Hubbard with his

rare skill for handling people frequently turned his enemies

into friends.

For example, when some irritated reader wrote in to

say that he didn’t agree with such and such an article

and ended by calling Hubbard this and that, Elbert Hubbard

would answer like this:

Come to think it over, I don’t entirely agree with it myself.

Not everything I wrote yesterday appeals to me today. I am

glad to learn what you think on the subject. The next time

you are in the neighborhood you must visit us and we’ll get

this subject threshed out for all time. So here is a handclasp

over the miles, and I am,

                                                            Your sincerely,

What could you say to a man who treated you like

that?

When we are right, let’s try to win people gently and

tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong

- and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest

with ourselves - let’s admit our mistakes quickly and

with enthusiasm. Not only will that technique produce

astonishing results; but, believe it or not, it is a lot more

fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself.

Remember the old proverb: "By fighting you never

get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

PRINCIPLE 3

If you are wrong, admit it quickly and

emphatically.

A DROP OF HONEY

If your temper is aroused and you tell ‘em a thing or two,

you will have a fine time unloading your feelings. But

what about the other person? Will he share your pleasure?

Will your belligerent tones, your hostile attitude,

make it easy for him to agree with you?

“If you come at me with your fists doubled,” said

Woodrow Wilson, “I think I can promise you that mine

will double as fast as yours; but if you come to me and

say, ‘Let us sit down and take counsel together, and, if

we differ from each other, understand why it is that we

differ, just what the points at issue are,’ we will presently

find that we are not so far apart after all, that the

points on which we differ are few and the points on

which we agree are many, and that if we only have the

patience and the candor and the desire to get together,

we will get together.”

Nobody appreciated the truth of Woodrow Wilson’s

statement more than John D. Rockefeller, Jr. Back in

1915, Rockefeller was the most fiercely despised man in

Colorado, One of the bloodiest strikes in the history of

American industry had been shocking the state for two

terrible years. Irate, belligerent miners were demanding

higher wages from the Colorado Fuel and Iron Company;

Rockefeller controlled that company. Property had

been destroyed, troops had been called out. Blood had

been shed. Strikers had been shot, their bodies riddled

with bullets.

At a time like that, with the air seething with hatred,

Rockefeller wanted to win the strikers to his way of

thinking. And he did it. How? Here’s the story. After

weeks spent in making friends, Rockefeller addressed

the representatives of the strikers. This speech, in its

entirety, is a masterpiece. It produced astonishing results.

It calmed the tempestuous waves of hate that

threatened to engulf Rockefeller. It won him a host of

admirers. It presented facts in such a friendly manner

that the strikers went back to work without saying another

word about the increase in wages for which they

had fought so violently.

The opening of that remarkable speech follows. Note

how it fairly glows with friendliness. Rockefeller, remember,

was talking to men who, a few days previously,

had wanted to hang him by the neck to a sour apple tree;

yet he couldn’t have been more gracious, more friendly

if he had addressed a group of medical missionaries. His

speech was radiant with such phrases as I am proud to

be here, having visited in your
homes,
met many of your

wives and children, we meet here not as strangers, but

as
friends . . .
spirit of
mutual friendship,
our
common

interests,
it is only by your courtesy that I am here.

“This is a red-letter day in my life,” Rockefeller

began. “It is the first time I have ever had the good

fortune to meet the representatives of the employees of

this great company, its officers and superintendents, together,

and I can assure you that I am proud to be here,

and that I shall remember this gathering as long as I live.

Had this meeting been held two weeks ago, I should

have stood here a stranger to most of you, recognizing a

few faces. Having had the opportunity last week of

visiting all the camps in the southern coal field and

of talking individually with practically all of the

representatives, except those who were away; having

visited in your homes, met many of your wives and children,

we meet here not as strangers, but as friends, and

it is in that spirit of mutual friendship that I am glad to

have this opportunity to discuss with you our common

interests.

“Since this is a meeting of the officers of the company

and the representatives of the employees, it is only by

your courtesy that I am here, for I am not so fortunate as

to be either one or the other; and yet I feel that I am

intimately associated with you men, for, in a sense, I

represent both the stockholders and the directors.”

Isn’t that a superb example of the fine art of making

friends out of enemies?

Suppose Rockefeller had taken a different tack. Suppose

he had argued with those miners and hurled devastating

facts in their faces. Suppose he had told them by

his tones and insinuations that they were wrong Suppose

that, by all the rules of logic, he had proved that

they were wrong. What would have happened? More

anger would have been stirred up, more hatred, more

revolt.

If
a man's heart is rankling with discord and ill feeling

toward you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking

with all the logic in Christendom. Scolding parents

and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging

wives
ought to realize that people don’t want to change

their minds. They can’t he forced or driven to agree

with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we

are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so

friendly.

Lincoln said that, in effect, over a hundred years ago.

Here are his words:

It is an old and true maxim that "a drop of honey catches

more flies than a gallon of gall." So with men, if you would

win a man to you cause, first convince him that you are his

sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his

heart; which, say what you will, is the great high road to

his reason.

Business executives have learned that it pays to be

friendly to strikers. For example, when 2,500 employees

in the White Motor Company’s plant struck for higher

wages and a union shop, Robert F. Black, then president

of the company, didn’t lose his temper and condemn and

threaten and talk of tryanny and Communists. He actually

praised the strikers. He published an advertisement

in the Cleveland papers, complimenting them on

“the peaceful way in which they laid down their tools.”

Finding the strike pickets idle, he bought them a couple

of dozen baseball bats and gloves and invited them to

play ball on vacant lots. For those who preferred bowling,

he rented a bowling alley.

This friendliness on Mr. Black’s part did what friendliness

always does: it begot friendliness. So the strikers

borrowed brooms, shovels, and rubbish carts, and began

picking up matches, papers, cigarette stubs, and cigar

butts around the factory. Imagine it! Imagine strikers

tidying up the factory grounds while battling for higher

wages and recognition of the union. Such an event had

never been heard of before in the long, tempestuous

history of American labor wars. That strike ended with a

compromise settlement within a week-ended without

any ill feeling or rancor.

Daniel Webster, who looked like a god and talked like

Jehovah, was one of the most successful advocates who

ever pleaded a case; yet he ushered in his most powerful

arguments with such friendly remarks as: “It will be for

the jury to consider,” “This may perhaps be worth

thinking of,” " Here are some facts that I trust you will

not lose sight of,” or “You, with your knowledge of

human nature, will easily see the significance of these

facts.” No bulldozing. No high-pressure methods. No attempt

to force his opinions on others. Webster used the

soft-spoken, quiet, friendly approach, and it helped to

make him famous.

You may never be called upon to settle a strike or

address a jury, but you may want to get your rent reduced.

Will the friendly approach help you then? Let’s

see.

0. L. Straub, an engineer, wanted to get his rent reduced.

And he knew his landlord was hard-boiled. "I

wrote him,” Mr. Straub said in a speech before the class,

“notifying him that I was vacating my apartment as soon

as my lease expired. The truth was, I didn’t want to

move. I wanted to stay if I could get my rent reduced.

But the situation seemed hopeless. Other tenants had

tried - and failed. Everyone told me that the landlord

was extremely difficult to deal with. But I said to myself,

‘I am studying a course in how to deal with people, so

I’ll try it on him - and see how it works.’

“He and his secretary came to see me as soon as he

got my letter. I met him at the door with a friendly greeting.

I fairly bubbled with good will and enthusiasm. I

didn’t begin talking about how high the rent was. I

began talking about how much I liked his apartment

house. Believe me, I was ‘hearty in my approbation and

lavish in my praise.' I complimented him on the way he

ran the building and told him I should like so much to

stay for another year but I couldn’t afford it.

“He had evidently never had such a reception from a

tenant. He hardly knew what to make of it.

“Then he started to tell me his troubles. Complaining

tenants. One had written him fourteen letters, some of

them positively insulting. Another threatened to break

his lease unless the landlord kept the man on the floor

above from snoring. ‘What a relief it is,’ he said, ‘to have

a satisfied tenant like you.’ And then, without my even

asking him to do it, he offered to reduce my rent a little.

I wanted more, so I named the figure I could afford to

pay, and he accepted without a word.

“As he was leaving, he turned to me and asked, ‘What

decorating can I do for you?’

“If I had tried to get the rent reduced by the methods

the other tenants were using, I am positive I should have

met with the same failure they encountered. It was the

friendly, sympathetic, appreciative approach that won.”

Dean Woodcock of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, is the

superintendent of a department of the local electric company.

His staff was called upon to repair some equipment

on top of a pole. This type of work had formerly

been performed by a different department and had only

recently been transferred to Woodcock’s section Although

his people had been trained in the work, this was

the first time they had ever actually been called upon to

do it. Everybody in the organization was interested in

seeing if and how they could handle it. Mr. Woodcock,

several of his subordinate managers, and members of

other departments of the utility went to see the operation.

Many cars and trucks were there, and a number of

people were standing around watching the two lone

men on top of the pole.

Glancing around, Woodcock noticed a man up the

street getting out of his car with a camera. He began

taking pictures of the scene. Utility people are extremely

conscious of public relations, and suddenly Woodcock

realized what this setup looked like to the man with the

camera - overkill, dozens of people being called out to

do a two-person job. He strolled up the street to the

photographer.

"I see you’re interested in our operation.”

“Yes, and my mother will be more than interested.

She owns stock in your company. This will be an eye-opener

for her. She may even decide her investment was

unwise. I’ve been telling her for years there’s a lot of

waste motion in companies like yours. This proves it.

The newspapers might like these pictures, too.”

“It does look like it, doesn’t it? I’d think the same

thing in your position. But this is a unique situation, . . .”

and Dean Woodcock went on to explain how

this was the first job of this type for his department and

how everybody from executives down was interested.

He assured the man that under normal conditions two

people could handle the job. The photographer put away

his camera, shook Woodcock’s hand, and thanked him

for taking the time to explain the situation to him.

Dean Woodcock’s friendly approach saved his company

much embarrassment and bad publicity.

Another member of one of our classes, Gerald H. Winn

of Littleton, New Hampshire, reported how by using a

friendly approach, he obtained a very satisfactory settlement

on a damage claim.

“Early in the spring,” he reported, “before the ground

had thawed from the winter freezing, there was an unusually

heavy rainstorm and the water, which normally

would have run off to nearby ditches and storm drains

along the road, took a new course onto a building lot

where I had just built a new home.

“Not being able to run off, the water pressure built up

around the foundation of the house. The water forced

itself under the concrete basement floor, causing it to

explode, and the basement filled with water. This ruined

the furnace and the hot-water heater. The cost to repair

this damage was in excess of two thousand dollars. I had

no insurance to cover this type of damage.

“However, I soon found out that the owner of the subdivision