How to Train Your Dom in Five Easy Steps (23 page)

“Yeah, we used to be able to.”

“And the sex is fantastic?”

“Off the scale,” Eddie said morosely.

“And you think you love him.”

“I do love him. Even if he doesn’t deserve it.”

“Deserving it has nothing to do with it. If you wait around for someone who truly deserves your love, you’ll be waiting forever. We’ve all got our flaws. You can be a good Dom and still have issues.”

“I thought you used to say Niall was perfect.”

Maddy snorted. “Hardly. But he’s perfect for me. And he’s very patient with me too. That helps. Although I think the pregnancy hormones are proving to be a bit of a challenge for him. But he’s doing well, bless him. I can’t complain. Not much, anyway.”

They sat like that for a while, with Maddy twirling her fingers in his hair, while Eddie mused on the whole situation. “I’m not saying I won’t give him another chance,” he eventually said, “but he’ll have to earn it. There’s stuff he needs to do. I don’t want him hiding in the closet, too afraid to even touch my dick in case it makes him visibly gay or something.”

“Just give him a bit more time,” Maddy said. “He’ll come around. And if he doesn’t, I’m setting Niall on him.”

“Oh.” It was nice to know his friends were looking out for him, but still. “I can fight my own battles, you know.”

“Of course you can,” Maddy soothed, but he was sure he heard doubt in her voice.

Damn it. Eddie would prove he had backbone. He wasn’t about to give in to Jeff just because he could do The Voice and The Look. That would be pathetic.

He wasn’t going to give in to Jeff’s toppy ways. And if this was going to work out, Jeff would have to apologise and make things good without attempting to dominate Eddie. He was going to have to grovel.

Chapter Thirty-One

The Fox and Hen was absolutely heaving—standing-room only—as it usually was when there was a premiership match on the big screen. Chelsea were playing Arsenal, and so Tony had driven over from Trowbridge and insisted they watch the game together, just like old times. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. Nothing except Jeff, who just couldn’t get his heart behind cheering the boys in blue on.

But he did his best, watching the screen and joining in with the outraged insults and jubilant cheers when everyone else did. He even made the mistake of joining in with the Arsenal supporters at one point, but a dirty look from his brother set him straight. No one seemed to have noticed he wasn’t his usual self. No one except Tony, anyway, who’d told him he was being a miserable git and had gone to get another round in. Jeff was still only halfway through his first. Maybe he did need to drink more. He took another swig of his lager, but it might as well have been fizzy water. Nothing seemed to have any flavour these last few days. He’d been chewing his meals mechanically, no real enjoyment in the act.

Tony jostled his way between a group of cheering Arsenal supporters—they’d just scored—and made his way back to Jeff’s pillar. He put two full pints down on the shelf next to Jeff’s half-empty one. “God, you still nursing that one? You sure you’re not coming down with something, mate? You’re looking kind of green around the gills.”

“Nah, I don’t think so.” Not unless gayness counted as an illness, and Jeff was fairly certain Eddie would have something to say about that. “I’m just knackered.” That much was true. He’d spent the morning lugging a truckful of sacks of sand and cement around, and that was on top of a restless night.

“You work too bloody hard,” Tony said. “Don’t want to end up like Dad, do you? You should get yourself something a bit easier. My new job’s well cushty. I could see if they’ve got any vacancies coming up. Put in a word for you.” Tony was now a security operative, although as far as Jeff could see that was just a poncier way of saying night watchman.

“I don’t want to work nights.” And more to the point, he didn’t want to spend his working life wandering around a deserted industrial estate in the dark. “Dunno how you put up with it. And having to wear that stupid uniform.”

“Hey, Denise loves the uniform. Says it makes her hot. She went and bought a pair of fur-lined handcuffs to go with it too, so we can play, if you know what I mean.” Tony’s eyebrows waggled up and down suggestively.

A memory of Eddie cuffed to Jeff’s bed, legs spread wide, taunted Jeff from behind his eyelids. He tried to ignore it. “You’re into all that kinky stuff, then?”

Tony screwed up his nose. “It’s all right. I dunno. I’m happy with whatever so long as I get to come, but Denise has got a bee in her bonnet about spicing things up. Next thing I know, she’s going to get me a doctor’s coat or something. Or maybe I should suggest a nurse’s outfit for her. You know, a really short one, maybe in PVC.” Tony’s eyes lit up.

“Nice one.” Jeff raised his glass and forced himself to have another gulp.

Tony was clearly warming to the idea. “I could get it for her for her birthday. Where do you think I’d buy something like that? On eBay?”

“You could try Honour Fetish Wear,” Jeff suggested, then took another swig of beer to shut himself up.

Tony tipped his head back and gave him a sly look. “Oh yeah? You’ve been shopping there before, have you?”

Yes, just last week, because he hadn’t wanted to let Eddie down on their club night. He’d been determined to make a good impression, even if he never got to wear his leather jeans again. But he didn’t share any of that with Tony. Instead he just shook his head. “I’ve just heard about it. You know. From Niall.”

Tony just kept looking at him, and it made Jeff want to scratch his neck, but he couldn’t. Not when he was holding his pint in one hand and leaning against the pillar with the other. Jeff rushed to fill the awkward silence with words. “You can get other stuff online too. You know, for the nurse’s outfit. Medical examination kit. Pinwheels and so on.”

“What the fuck’s a pinwheel?”

“Pretty much what it sounds like. A little metal wheel with sharp points on it. You run it over someone’s skin. All the especially sensitive parts.”

“Never had no doctor do that to me before.”

“It’s meant for testing your reactions.”

“Yeah?” Tony narrowed his eyes. “You seem to know an awful lot about this for someone who’s never been on this pervy website.”

“Niall showed it to me. You know what a dirty bastard he is.”

Tony sipped his lager with a thoughtful expression. “He’s one of them Doms, isn’t he?”

“I think so.”

“You should watch it, mate. Next thing you know, he’ll have you tied up and strapped down over a table while he does unspeakable things to your backside. You know, like that scene in Pulp Fiction. You remember? When they’ve got those rubber balls in their mouths? Bloody disgusting, that was. Dunno how any self-respecting man can get off on being used like that.”

“That was a rape scene,” Jeff pointed out. “I don’t think they were meant to be getting off on it.”

“Yeah, but some blokes do, don’t they? Bloody weirdos. Imagine wanting to do that. Being tied up and abused, or, you know, getting down on your knees and sucking cock. That’s a woman’s job. Revolting.”

Jeff was filled with the urge to punch Tony’s big fat mouth. He’d gone along with that kind of homophobic ranting in the past, just because that was what they’d been brought up with. But now it wasn’t some faceless, stereotypical gay man Tony was insulting. It was Eddie.

And if he was perfectly honest, it was Jeff too.

And come to think of it, he was fairly sure Tony had just insulted women too. He recalled Eddie’s photo holding up that feminism sign, and why he’d done it. It had struck a chord at the time. Jeff had even agreed to do one himself, he seemed to remember, although since that hadn’t happened yet, it seemed unlikely it ever would.

“You think it’s a woman’s job to suck cock?”

Tony smirked and raised his glass. “I’ll drink to that.”

But when Jeff didn’t respond in kind, Tony’s smirk faded. Jeff placed his glass down carefully, determined not to give in to temptation and throw the dregs of his beer at Tony’s smug face. “You think that’s all women are good for, do you?”

“Well, that and cleaning and bringing up kids and shit. I mean, yeah, some of them are pretty shit hot at work too, but there’s some stuff birds are just naturally better at than men. Like sucking cock.” The smirk was back again.

“Yeah? You ever had a bloke suck you off? You know, for comparison’s sake?”

Tony grimaced. “Don’t be disgusting.”

“It’s not disgusting. Best blowjob I’ve ever had in my life was off a man, so don’t you go telling me all women are naturally better at it.”

Tony’s slack-jawed expression would’ve been amusing if Jeff had been in a better mood. But then something shifted in Tony’s eyes, and he laughed loudly. The sound grated on Jeff’s eardrums.

“Nice one, mate.” Tony slapped him on the back. “You really had me going there. As if you’d ever let a bloke suck you off! You’re straighter than a fucking ruler, you are. Thirteen years with the same bird. Speaking of which, you need to let me set you up with this mate of Denise’s. She’s well up for it, she is.”

“I’m okay, thanks.”

“What? You must be gagging for it by now. Or have you had luck with that dating agency at last?”

“Something like that.”

“Oh yeah? What’s she like? Come on, mate. Spill the beans.”

“I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Tony pulled a face. “All right, all right. Keep your hair on. I was only making conversation. Jesus, you’re touchy today, bro. You sure you’re not coming down with something?”

Yes. An overwhelming urge to punch you, then head over to Eddie’s place and shag him senseless.

“Maybe I am.” Jeff glanced up at the big screen and couldn’t even bring himself to care that Chelsea had now equalised. “I think I’d better head home and lie down for a bit.”

“You’ll miss dinner.” The plan had been to head back to Tony’s new place in a taxi and spend the night there, but since Jeff had only had a pint of weak lager, he should be okay to drive still.

“You know what, I’m feeling kind of funny. Wouldn’t want to pass a bug on to you or the kids. Probably best I just clear off now, out of everyone’s way.”

“Yeah, you do that. I’ll text you to let you know who wins.”

“Nah, don’t bother. I’ll catch the highlights later.”

“Suit yourself.” Tony pouted a little, but he slapped Jeff on the shoulder as he left, and told him to drive safe.

Outside, Jeff sat in the cab of his truck with the engine running, trying to calm his breathing. He’d been so bloody close to punching Tony’s lights out, and while it certainly wouldn’t be the first time in his life he’d beaten up his brother, he was a hell of a lot bigger now than the last time they’d fought. As far as he could remember, it had been over who got to have the next ride in their go-cart.

Scuffles between kids was one thing. With adults, it was quite another, and half the reason Jeff had shaved his head and pumped his muscles up so large was to look intimidating enough to be able to avoid fights altogether.

And what would his mum have said if she’d found out he’d hit Tony? She’d want to know why, and she was a lot sharper than Tony. She’d just be able to take one look at Jeff’s face and know what was really going on. And then his dad would find out Jeff was carrying on with a man. And then all hell would break loose.

No, best he kept his family out of this altogether.

But he did want to prove Tony wrong about it being degrading and disgusting for men to give blowjobs. And there was really only one way to do that.

Jeff eased off the handbrake, shifted into first gear and headed out of the car park. The main road ran south to Jeff’s house, and north towards Bradford on Avon.

Jeff turned north.

Fifteen minutes later, he was standing outside the main door of Eddie’s building. Should he have texted? What if Eddie wasn’t even in?

Fuck it. Only one way to find out.

Jeff pressed the buzzer.

What felt like hours later—but which his watch assured him hadn’t been more than a few seconds—Eddie’s voice crackled through the speaker.

“I think you’d better come on up.” The door clicked as the lock released.

Jeff decided to take that as a sign he’d been forgiven.

All the way up the stairs, he tried to think of what he was going to say to Eddie. He’d already planned out what he was going to do to him, but words had been left out of his fantasies. Maybe he wouldn’t need to say anything. Maybe Eddie would welcome him with open arms and kisses.

One look at Eddie’s face made him realise he wasn’t going to get off that lightly.

Jeff halted on the last step, suddenly unsure of himself. He should have taken the time to stop at the garage and buy flowers or wine or something. Did gay men like that kind of thing? Or was it just for women? No, he had to stop thinking that way. It wasn’t fair to anyone if he kept comparing Eddie to a woman.

And of course, that brought back their argument on Sunday morning. “I’m sorry,” tumbled out of his lips before he’d had a chance to bottle out.

Eddie’s glare softened a little, but he still looked wary.

“Can I come inside?” He didn’t want to have to do all this out on the stairwell. What if the neighbours heard?

Eddie paused, and for one horrible moment, Jeff thought he’d been let up here just to be given the brush-off in person, but then Eddie gave a peculiar, tight-lipped smile and stepped back, holding the door open.

“Thanks.”

Eddie’s smile twisted again, and even a knucklehead like Jeff couldn’t miss the sadness in his eyes. All of a sudden, the anger that had driven Jeff here evaporated. Why did he even give a fuck what an idiot like his little brother thought anyway? Even if he lost Tony’s respect, they’d still always be brothers. That tie couldn’t be broken.

But whatever it was that held him and Eddie together was new and fragile, and if Jeff didn’t do some rapid repair work, it just might snap.

And he didn’t think he could bear that.

“This is going to take more than a blowjob to fix, isn’t it?” Jeff said.

Eddie’s eyes went hostile again. “If you think I’m going to get down on my knees and suck your cock, you’ve got another thing coming,
mate
. I might be a total slut for your whole toppy vibe, but I’ve got some self-respect.”

Jeff ground his knuckles into his eyes and sighed. “Fuck, that wasn’t what I meant. This isn’t how this was supposed to go in my head.”

“Uh-huh. I suppose by now we’d be naked and humping like crazy?”

“Yes. I mean no! Not like that. I was going to… I mean, I wanted to…” Could he say it? “Eddie. I think I’m gay.”

“Really. Because just last week you were adamant you were no such thing. You’ll have to forgive me if I treat your sudden conversion with a great big dollop of scepticism.” Eddie’s tone was acid, but Jeff could still see the bruised hurt in his eyes.

“Look, I know you get bitchy when you’re hurt, but please, could we just sit down somewhere so I can explain myself properly?”

Eddie stared at him for a long moment. Then his shoulders slumped, and all the fight went out of him. “Okay. Jesus Christ, I really must have it bad if I don’t object to you calling me bitchy. Do you want a drink? I see you haven’t brought any yourself. Tip for the newbie gay guy: men appreciate kiss-and-make-up presents every bit as much as women do. I’d have been happy with anything. You know, a bottle of something nice, chocolates, fancy undies. Even a bunch of flowers picked from your own garden would have been a nice gesture.”

“I wanted to get here as fast as possible. While I still had the nerve,” Jeff mumbled, his cheeks heating.

“Well, at least you’re being honest rather than giving me some bullshit about the shops being closed or your car breaking down. I suppose that’s something.” Eddie turned and walked down the hall to the kitchen, and Jeff followed gratefully.