How To Set Up An FLR (7 page)

Before you put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard as the case may be), you should really talk things out. Sit down with your partner and discuss anything and everything that you can think of that should go into your agreement. The questions you answered in the last few chapters were only designed to get you started. For example, punishments were mentioned. You might need to make it clear exactly what kinds of punishments you are talking about. I mean, will he be spanked over her knee or will it be okay for her to use a bull whip? Perhaps something in between would be best. Also, think about other things such as cross-dressing, for example. Will she be able to make him wear anything she wants any time she wants? Or will there be some kind of limit as to when or where she can do this?

As I said, anything you can think of that she might want (or not want) to do, or that he might want (or not want) to do, should be covered in your agreement. Does her power need to be limited in some way? If so, how? Does he understand what power he has (if any)? Don't forget, there is a difference between punishment and discipline. What kinds of things will constitute discipline for you and what kinds of punishments will be appropriate? The more things you can think of to discuss, the better your agreement will be. So while your are talking, don't forget to take lots of notes. Write everything down! Even if you later decide to leave something out of the agreement, it's best to have notes on it in case you want to add it later.

Remember, this is not a legal document that will be filed in some court somewhere. It's just an agreement between two people who want to make their relationship a better one. So don't worry about how things are worded and don't try to put anything in “legalese.” That will only confuse matters anyway. Write it all out in plain, simple English (or whatever language works for you). Then go back over what you wrote and make sure you don't have any conflicting statements. You don't, for example, want one part of your agreement to allow her to use spankings and another part to forbid physical punishment. Don't laugh, it can happen.

When you are ready to begin negotiating your agreement, gather all your notes (both his and hers) and sit down to finalize everything. You will want to begin by defining certain terms. For example, will the dominant partner be called “Mistress,” “Ma'am,” “Goddess,” or “Sweetheart?” What will the submissive be called? If you are going to include chastity, what type of device do you have in mind? Will it be plastic, metal, a full belt, or even a custom job? Basically, you want to go through your notes and assign an area of the agreement for everything in your notes. That is, definitions (who will be called what). You need areas for defining the duties and responsibilities for each partner. An area for punishments and disciplines. You might want a special area to cover such things as bondage, and how each member will be addressed. Another area for how the submissive will dress and whether or not he will use euphemisms when in public.

Let's take a look at a sample and see just what I mean.

Opening:

This agreement is being entered into by (Her name) and (His name) to be used as a guide for our relationship. This agreement shall last for (days, weeks, months) or until either party wishes to renegotiate it.

Definitions:

The Dominant:
The Dominant shall be called the “Mistress” in this agreement.

The submissive:
The submissive maybe called the “sub” or “submissive.”

Chastity Device
: A plastic model #Cdxxx will be used at the Mistress' discretion. No other device designed to limit access to the submissive's genitalia may be used without renegotiation of this part of the agreement.

Emergency Key
: This is a spare key to the chastity device that will be accessible to the submissive in case of emergencies described later in this agreement. Include such things as where the key will be kept. What type of security will be used to prevent misuse of the spare key? And anything else you can think of.

(Other things that you might want to define go here.)

Responsibilities of the Mistress:

1. To oversee the day to day behavior and duties of the submissive.

2. To dole out punishment and disciplines as befitting any misbehavior of the submissive.

3. To schedule chores for the submissive.

4. To sexually tease the submissive on a daily basis as described later in this agreement.

5. To see to the general well-being of the submissive.

Etc.

The Mistress shall be responsible for sexually teasing the submissive in any of a number of ways including, but not limited to:

1. Verbal humiliation - But no name calling

2. Relating of fantasies

3. Fondling (in public or in private)

4. Instant messaging or phone calls

5. Notes placed in submissive's briefcase

6. Notes placed in the car

7. Physical attention with chastity device in place or removed

8. Having submissive tend to her sexual needs

Etc.

Responsibilities of the submissive:

1. To obey the orders (or wishes) of the Mistress.

2. To sexually satisfy the Mistress whenever called upon to do so.

3. To see to it that all chores are completed to the satisfaction of the Mistress.

4. To keep a calendar of appointments for the Mistress and to remind her of those appointments.

5. To perform any other tasks requested or demanded by the Mistress.

Etc.

Punishments:

The Mistress may use any of the following methods of punishment when the submissive has failed to obey her commands (or wishes) to her satisfaction.

1. Spankings by hand

2. Paddling with a small wooden paddle or hair brush.

3. Riding crop

4. Standing in the corner for a period of time as determined by the Mistress as long as that time does not exceed 30 minutes at one time.

5. Extended time in chastity device without relief.

Etc.

Disciplines:

The Mistress may order the slave to perform any type of discipline she sees fit so long as the discipline is not considered a physical punishment.

1. Repeating any task a number of times until the submissive learns to do it correctly.

2. Writing sentences.

3. Writing apology letters to any one who might have been offended by the submissive.

4. Repeating aloud any order until the submissive realizes his mistake.

Etc.

Ejaculatory Relief:

1. How often will relief be given? Or what method will be used to determine when relief is to be given?

2. If you plan to play a game for relief, what game, and what are the rules? (You can make a separate agreement for this part if you like.)

Note: If not using chastity, what about masturbation? Is it allowed? If not, what punishment will there be?

Public Behavior:

Will the submissive refer to the Mistress as “Ma'am” while in public or if family members, co-workers, or any other person or persons are present who might not be living in the lifestyle?

How will she address the submissive in such cases? (These things need to be covered.)

Limits:

The use of safewords shall be mandatory and adhered to at all times whether during play or when outsiders are present to insure the Mistress stays within the submissive's boundaries or limitations as out lined below:

1. Pain

2. Emotional distress

3. Physical discomfort

5. Embarrassment

Etc.

Emergency Chastity Key:

A duplicate key to the chastity belt shall be made available for use (by either party) for any of the following reasons;

1. Lose of the primary key (Mistress only)

2. Visits to the Doctor or an ER

3. Airline travel

4. Any medical condition that may have been caused by the device itself.

Etc.

This key may be secured using any method the Mistress chooses so long as it is available to the submissive in case of emergency. Examples: sealed envelope or numbered plastic lock.

Stepping out of roles:

At any time either party may request that the couple step out of their roles as Mistress and submissive in order to discuss an activity or to renegotiate this agreement.

Signatures:

This where both parties sign the agreement.

It should be understood that the above is only a sample and that your actual agreement should reflect those things that you both feel are important. For example, you might include more definitions such as what constitutes a punishment and what is merely a discipline. Or you might actually list several activities that are considered “off limits” such as whipping, golden showers, or blood-sports. Then again, you might make a separate list of those types of things and simply refer to the list in the agreement. That would permit the list to be changed without renegotiation of the entire agreement. The same could be done with punishments as many couples' desires in that area often evolve and change over time.

You should include a section covering financial matters, such as, who will pay the bills, who will handle large expenses, and what will be discussed or agreed to by both parties. The financial aspects of your relationship is one of the most important areas of your agreement. Don't leave it out.

Don't forget that time limit thing. You can make your agreement last as long as you wish or even exclude that with a statement giving either party the right to call for a renegotiation at any time. Either way, this first agreement should be thought of as a trial agreement as it is more than likely that you will both find things that you want to change after you have lived under it for awhile.

Now it is time to test your agreement. As I said, you can do this for a set time or until either party finds something they feel needs to be readdressed. It is my feeling that the original agreement should be set for a fairly short time (one to three months) so there is enough time to test things out and yet, except for emergencies, you must live by your agreement until the end. You will get a much better idea of how well, or poorly, it works that way, instead of rushing back to the drawing board at the slightest difficulty. It also gives you a chance to try other options included in the agreement instead of rewriting it immediately.

Anyway, give your agreement time to work. Work out the kinks and keep your own journal or notes about what seems to work well for you and what doesn't. Once you are really ready to negotiate a new agreement, you will have a better idea of what you want to include (or exclude) in the next agreement.

When it is time to renegotiate your agreement, be sure to refer to any notes or journal entries that you have made and to work out any changes so that both of you are as satisfied as you can be with it. Once you have it all hammered out, try extending it for a longer period this time, say six months or a year. If all goes well you may be able to extend it indefinitely after that.

Remember, no agreement is prefect. And no one agreement will work for everyone. Your agreement is yours. Make it yours by including all the things that are important to you and it will serve you well.

Our first agreement was three pages long and didn't include a few things it should have. Luckily, it was set to last only ninety days and we were able to hammer out a new one when it ended. Our second agreement stretched to five pages and is still in effect today.

A funny story may help you understand what kinds of things need to be covered in your agreement. My husband took an inexpensive candle lighter and modified it for use as an electroshock device. He removed the gas cylinder, and modified the trigger by removing the safety lock that prevents pulling the trigger unless both are used at the same time. He then modified the tip so that all one had to do was place the tip against the victim's skin and pull the trigger to apply a “small” shock. After the first time I used it on him while he was bound, he wanted to add it to our agreement. It seems that triggering it on the tip of his penis was just a bit too “shocking” for him. As it turns out, any electrical shock burns a tiny bit at both the entry and exit points. With this device, those points are less than a quarter-inch apart and he could not take the pain on the tip of his penis. But anywhere else on his body was just fine.

My point is, we were able to make one little modification to the agreement to make him feel a little safer when we played.

If you use your own judgment judiciously, you should be able to create a flexible agreement that will be able to last for years. Just remember to include any and all 'kinks' you may have in such a way as to be safe, sane and consensual. If you do that, I am confident that you will have a happier, healthier relationship that will be able to withstand the test of time. It worked for me and I am sure it can work for you as well.