How To Set Up An FLR (13 page)

So, in conclusion, use lots of lubricant (preferably silicone based), wear protective gloves, and try it for at least 10 minutes as often as you like. Before long, you will become good at it. Once you have done it successfully, you will know what works best on your guy. So keep practicing even though you may not get results. The humiliation of having it done (successful or not) will be enough to keep your guy happy.

Let's talk about other anal activities for a moment. First of all, why would anyone want to put anything in their partner's backside, anyway? Well, there are a number of reasons, but the two most common answers to that question are: 1) To humiliate your partner; and 2) Because it can be very erotic.

Anal sexual activity is something the two of you should discuss in detail. You might even want to include it in your agreement. There are a great number of things you can do when it comes to anal activities. Here is a short list with a brief description of each.

Fingers
: Since they can wiggle and wriggle, fingers can be very erotic to the recipient. If your partner is one of these people, it is an excellent way to sexually arouse him. (Wear protective gloves!)

Vibrators
: There a large number of vibrating devices on the market that are intended for anal insertion. They vary from quite slim to extra large. I don't recommend that you start out with anything more than a couple of centimeters (about one inch) in diameter. Most of you women know how exciting a vibrator can be when used on other parts of the body. So it give it try and you will see.

Butt-Plugs
: There are a number of different sizes and shapes of plugs available on the market as well. You can find them at your local sex-shop or any online sex toy store. Plugs are fun to use. Simply insert one into a well lubricated bottom before taking your guy to your favorite mall. He will think that every person who glances his way knows it is there and besides his feelings of embarrassment, he will, most likely, be sexually aroused for for the duration. Pat his bottom once in awhile to remind him that you know it is there and he may even become somewhat erect.

Special Devices
: There are a growing number of specialty devices on the market designed for anal (and prostate) stimulation. Some are even designed to be warn under clothing. Just check your favorite sex store for examples of what is available.

Strap-on Dildos
: There are a huge number of these available both online and in your favorite sex-shop. It is a simple harness that the female wears with a dildo of some type that can be inserted into your your partner's anus, Yes, that means you can do to him what he has always wanted to do to you. Many men enjoy this kind of anal play. It gives them a greater feeling of submission and can even be humiliating. I would recommend that you get one that allows you to interchange dildos. If you try one of these, and like it, you will want to have a number of different dildos to use with it.

The thing to remember when doing any kind of anal play is that you really cannot have too much lubrication. Lubricants very when it comes to staying power. Some will work their way into the skin and become ineffective while others may simply dry up. Silicone lubricants won't soak in or dry out. They have the best staying power of any lubrication on the market. They usually cost a bit more, but if you want long lasting lubrication, silicone is best.

Anal play may not be for you, but if you try it, you may both find it to be very erotic. Just be careful not to damage anything. NEVER use anything that does NOT have a  smooth surface! The anal sphincter is a very strong muscle, but everything inside is very soft tissue so you must be careful what goes in.

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Chapter 15
: Fantasies

Men have fantasies, just like you and I. However, their fantasies are all about them and “some woman” (probably fictional, maybe faceless) that you know nothing about. How do I know this? Because your partner is normal. Just like you, he can't help what he fantasizes about, so you will have to learn how to control that for him!

No matter how much the two of you talk before creating your agreement, chances are your partner (male or female) will not tell you all of their deepest, perhaps darkest, fantasies, especially if your partner is a man. You will need to find a way of extracting those fantasies or to replace them with fantasies about YOU. Yes, this chapter is written for the female (new leader) of this relationship. If that is you, pay close attention to what I am about to tell you. (Men, you can skip this chapter if you want.)

You must control your partner's fantasies and put yourself into them. But remember, he will be sexually frustrated most of the time. When he is aroused and frustrated his fantasies will run wild. You can use this to your advantage. As I mentioned before, you need to know as much about what turns him on as you possibly can. Fantasies are the best way to do this, and now is the best time to get him to truly open up about them. He may be more apt to write what he fantasizes about than to come right out and tell you. Many of his fantasies may be too personal (embarrassing) for him to tell you. That's why writing is a much better medium to use.

If you have done your homework, you now have a few of his fantasies in hand. Do NOT judge him for what he fantasizes. He can't really help it. What you want to do is inject yourself into those fantasies. You want to be the ONLY person about whom he fantasizes. You also want to know what turns him on the most so that you can use that information to control him more easily.

A man's libido is a direct line into his psyche. His sexual thoughts are guided by these fantasies. It doesn't matter what his fantasies are about, how “sick” you think they are, what matters is that you know them and use them to give him a better, more enjoyable sexual experience. And you thought this was all about you. Well, indirectly, it is. Let's suppose your partner fantasizes about being put on public display in some sort of sexual context. This does not mean that he would ever really enjoy such an experience, it only means that the THOUGHT of it turns him on. Your job is to take that information and use it to your own benefit.

This is where many of us (me included) often have difficulty. You must learn to verbalize his fantasies whenever you get the chance. That's right, I said, “Verbalize!” What I mean is, you must talk to him (not with him, to him) using his fantasies to get him aroused. You can do it when you are out at the movies, or in a fancy restaurant. Whisper to him how you would like to (in our example) put him on public display. Maybe he fantasizes about being forced to masturbate in public. So tell him how you would like to make him do it. Tell him how YOU would make him masturbate while in your control. Feed his fantasy by putting yourself into it.

By using his fantasies in both sexual and non-sexual situations, you will be interjecting yourself into his fantasies. You will be turning him on more than he has ever been turned on before, and you will become an integral part of his future fantasies. When you have him bound to the bed and are physically teasing him, tell him how you would love to take him out in public and force him to masturbate (or whatever his fantasy is). The key here is to learn to talk to him about things that turn him on. The more you talk, the more turned on he will become. If he is in chastity, teasing him with his own fantasies will make him want to do more for you (such as clean the house) so that he can earn that orgasm you have been denying him.

My point here is, you have to become comfortable talking to him in a sexual manner. Do it as often as you can. Call him on the phone when he is at work, or simply send him a text message. It doesn't matter how you do it, only that you do it. The more you do it, the faster his fantasies will turn toward you. You will replace that super-model or fictional character in his fantasies. If you make him write you a new fantasy every week or two, you will see how quickly you become the focus of those fantasies.

Now, once you have become the focus of his fantasies, it would be a good time to sit down for another frank discussion. You should talk about what kinds of things (in his fantasies) that he would secretly like to come true and those that should remain just fantasy. Perhaps you could ask him to make you a list of things that he would like to try. Then, unless they totally turn you off, you might actually try them out sometime. On the other hand, you will know what things he doesn't want to actually do and you can continue to nurture his sexual desire utilizing those fantasies.

Let me tell you how I overcame my shyness in talking 'dirty' to my husband. It was one of the most difficult things I had to do. But I knew I had to do it. I had to put myself into his fantasies so that he would constantly be thinking of me. You can do it, too.

The first thing I did was to sit down and make a list of the things I already knew. Those fantasies that he was willing to tell me. That was the easy part. Next, I asked him if he would spend a little time talking with me using instant messaging. I know it sounds crazy, but it worked. I found that I could more easily write things in an instant message than I could say to him face to face. And the same was true of him. He opened up much more and revealed several fantasies that I had never heard from him before.

My next step was to take it to the phone. I could call him up and talk with him, tell him fantasies that I knew would turn him on. It was easier than face to face. Try it sometime. Once I was comfortable doing that, I found it much easier to talk to him directly. Especially in places that he really couldn't talk back to me. Such as a restaurant. I could lean across the table and mention something about one of his fantasies, how I would do it, or whatever, and that was all I needed to do.

Some of you may never have this problem, but for those of you who do, find a way to over come it. Convince yourself that you must do it. Once you try it a few times, it will become easier. In fact, it will be easier every time you do it.

Now about having him write his fantasies. By allowing him to write them out, or even just give you the gist of what each one is about, you can arouse him any time you want. Let's face it, the more he is aroused, the more he will be willing to do for you. The point is, you need to know what his fantasies are about, then put yourself into his fantasies. It's really not that difficult, once get the hang of it.

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Chapter 16: Make It Easy On Yourself

As the dominant partner in this relationship, you have needs. For the sake of this writing, I am going to assume you are female. Although, the information still applies if you are not.

Basically, depending on how much control your agreement gives you, there are certain things that remain constant. For one, your partner is in a “service” role, at least to some degree. That means, as you might expect, that they should be doing things for you. How much, and when may be controlled by your agreement, but still, there are some things that you need to understand.

First of all, if you are going to be giving orders, that is, be in charge, then you must act the part. If you go around asking your partner to do this or do that without the proper tone of voice, you will end up falling back into your old roles. And you don't want that. So you must first learn to be assertive. That does not mean that you have to yell or scream when you want something done. It means that you must adopt a new way of thinking and speaking.

You are in charge, now. So act like it. When you want your partner to do something, maybe wash the dishes, or take out the garbage, don't say, “Honey, would you please take the garbage to the curb.” Instead, take a deep breath and firmly say, “Honey, take the garbage to the curb, now.” It may take some practice if you are not used to giving orders. But that is what you will be doing, so you might as well get used to it. You don't have to be rude about it, just be firm and resolute.

Adopt an assertive voice. One that commands attention and respect. Don't ask for another cup of coffee, tell you partner to refill your cup like you mean it. “Get me another cup of coffee.” Once your partner realizes that you are taking your role seriously, then you can add, “Please” to that command. But... “please” should always be tacked onto the end of your command. Don't start with “please,” that will only lead to problems. You can always say, “Thank you” once they have complied with your demands. It's only common courtesy. Unless your partner has indicated that they wish to be treated as a “slave” or wants to be extremely submissive, you don't need to treat them that way. But you must be firm.

Yes, they are in your service, but unless your agreement stipulates that you have total control over them 100% of the time, don't ruin your chances for success by over stepping your bounds.

So, you are doing everything you can to keep your partner sexually aroused. You send him daily texts or emails or phone calls designed to get him aroused and keep him thinking about you. You sexually tease him often when you are together including nightly teasing with or without a chastity device in place. So what happens when you are tired and just want to rest? What happens when you need some kind of sexual attention? Are you stepping up to the plate as the dominant and demanding that your partner service your sexual needs and desires? You should be.

Below you find a list of things that you can have your partner do for you. Remember, keeping your partner sexually aroused should NEVER feel like a chore! Some of these things will serve a dual purpose, keeping you refreshed or sexually satisfied, while turning your partner on as well.