How to Rise Above Abuse (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (40 page)

Do you lack confidence in your convictions?

Do you avoid certain people because you fear embarrassment?

Do you find it difficult to maintain eye contact with another person?

Do you find it difficult to ask others for help?

Do you do favors for others even when you know you shouldn’t?

Do you avoid asking people to return overdue items they have borrowed?

Do you have difficulty receiving sincere compliments?

Do you need a great deal of assurance from others?

Do you do more than your share of work on a project?

Do you have difficulty pointing out situations that are unfair?

Do you ever say yes when you want to say no?

If you checked any of those boxes, you may be operating with a victim mentality. Be aware that

“fear of man will prove to be a snare,
but whoever trusts in the L
ORD
is kept safe”

(P
ROVERBS
29:25).

Someone who is
codependent
is dependent on another person to the point of being controlled or manipulated by that person. We should have a healthy interdependence on others in the sense that we should value and enjoy each other, and love and learn from each other, but we should not allow ourselves to become totally dependent on each other.

An interdependent relationship involves a healthy, mutual give-and-take where neither person looks to the other to meet each and every need. But many people who have experienced victimization form
misplaced dependencies
on others. Those kinds of relationships are not healthy. God intends for us to live in total dependence on Him alone, and to realize He will work through others to meet some of our needs. We should not expect or look to others to do so.

Again and again, the Bible portrays how godly people learn to have a
strong dependence
on the Lord rather than a
weak dependence
on each other. The apostle Paul said we should…

“not rely on ourselves but on God”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
1:9).

•
Codependent people may appear capable and self-sufficient,
yet in reality they are insecure, self-doubting, and in need of approval.

— This need for approval can result in an
excessive sense of responsibility.

— It can also result in a dependence on
people-pleasing performance
.

However, the Bible says our primary focus should not be on pleasing people, but rather on pleasing God.
³³

“We instructed you how to live in order to please God,
as in fact you are living.
Now we ask you and urge you
in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more”

(1 T
HESSALONIANS
4:1).

•
Classic codependent relationships
are typically characterized by an emotionally
weak person
who feels the need to be connected to an emotionally
strong person
.