How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild) (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking) (4 page)

You will notice throughout the book that I have included guidelines for a partner in most of the exercises. Hopefully, your partner will want to follow those suggestions and take an active role in your development. Or maybe she’d rather just wait on the sidelines and reap the benefits at the end.

That’s fine too. It’s up to both of you to decide what you’re most comfortable with. But either way, your partner needs to know what’s going on and you need to know that you have her support. I make sure that all of my clients have talked to their partners
before
they learn
any
of these techniques, and I must ask you to do the same thing. This conversation should not be taken lightly or given short shrift. A lot of changes are about to take place. Your attitude toward sex is about to change. Your attitude toward yourself is about to change. So are your abilities, your physiology, and your level of desire. Your partner has got a lot to reckon with.

If these changes are not discussed in advance, your efforts could backfire. If you try to keep the whole thing a secret, your partner could feel very left out. She might get confused, or insecure, or even

32 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

angry. If she’s used to Old Faithful, any kind of radical change could be quite disconcerting. She might even fear that you are having an affair and learning things from some other woman.

You
are
learning things from another woman, but this woman is a professional sex therapist whose only interest in you is that you learn techniques to enhance your relationship with your partner. The purpose of learning to become multiorgasmic is to bring you and your partner closer together. It is supposed to improve your relationship, not threaten it.

You want your transformation to ignite your partner, not scare her. That’s why I want you two to have a conversation, and I want you to have it as soon as possible after you have finished reading this book for the first time.

Talk to your partner. Tell her what you’re up to, and don’t withhold anything. Give her as much information as possible.

Let her know why this is important to you. Tell her what your goals are, being sure to explain the benefits you can foresee for the relationship. It is very important that she knows you are doing this
for both of you
. Finally, tell her how important it is for you to have her support.

Male Multiple Orgasm Should Bring a Couple Together Some women want to make love for hours at a time, whereas some are happiest when it’s short and simple. The typical woman has different needs and desires on different days.

What about your partner? What does she like, what does she want, and how

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 33

might her needs vary from day to day and week to week?

You need to know this information, and your conversation about embarking on this program is an ideal time to find out. Frankly, it’s the only way both of you will fully benefit from your newfound talents. Otherwise, you may be doing all kinds of things that your partner simply isn’t interested in.

Don’t get me wrong. Your needs are important. But you must always remember that your partner’s needs are equally important. There is nothing more unpleasant than a man who is just doing his thing, oblivious to what the woman really wants. Being a great lover means more than just tuning into your own body. Being a great lover means tuning into your partner’s body too, and even more important, it means tuning into her mind.

The beauty of being multiorgasmic is that it gives you the kind of sexual flexibility you’ve never experienced before.

For the first time, you can get tremendous pleasure without sacrificing any of your partner’s needs. Your experience will be much more intense, but you’re also going to help make hers more intense. You’re doing wonderful things for yourself, but you also can attend to her in ways you never could before. No one has to make huge compromises or be shortchanged.

I have heard women complain about insensitive men who seem uninterested in what a woman really needs or men who couldn’t go the distance. But I must tell you, I have never heard a woman complain about a man who could offer her whatever she desired.

When you and your partner have your talk, it is very important to talk about your needs, but it is 34 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

probably even more important to talk about her needs. Let her tell you what she wants and what she doesn’t want. Does anything make her uncomfortable? Is there anything she fears? Listen carefully to her answers, and don’t assume anything. You may be surprised to discover that you know less about your partner than you think. This is a wonderful opportunity to express your caring and develop more close-ness, and I encourage you to take advantage of it.

If your partner has a lot of questions about her specific role in your “training,” reading through the book should give her the answers she is looking for. As you read through each partner exercise (some exercises do not require a partner), you will note that both the man’s role and the woman’s role are always clearly addressed. I highly recommend that
both
partners read the book, even if the woman is not going to participate in any of the exercises.

Every woman is different, and there is no way I can predict how your partner is going to respond to everything I present in this book. Personally, I hope she wants to make this a joint venture, so to speak. I say this because I know from experience that when a woman gets involved in the process it makes everything a lot more exciting for both partners. But, as I said before, it isn’t necessary for a woman to help her man learn these new techniques; she only needs to be there at the finish line with a big smile on her face.

Did Your Partner Give You This Book?

If your partner gave you this book, your interest in male multiple orgasm will not be a surprise to her.

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 35

You probably already know that it is important to her that you improve your ability to prolong intercourse. But that doesn’t mean that the two of you don’t need to talk about it.

My one rule here is:
Don’t assume anything
. Many of the issues in the preceding pages still need to be addressed. In addition, it’s important for you to know what her expecta-tions are, and to make sure that they are realistic.

If you feel pressured in any way, it’s important to communicate this immediately to your partner. Even if you’re a multiorgasmic man, performance pressure almost invariably interferes with sexual functioning, and that is something you do not want to happen. As I said before, the entire purpose of these techniques is to bring the two of you closer together, not drive you apart.

To the Women Reading This Book

Can we talk for a moment, woman to woman? If there’s one thing that stops women from getting excited about the exercises in this book or getting involved, it’s the fear that the whole process is going to be too mechanical. After all, how can a bunch of exercises be sexy? Some women feel uncomfortable about the whole idea of male multiple orgasm. Instead of looking forward to a richer sexual relationship, they fear that these techniques are going to turn their stud into a mechanical bull.

I need to dispel these concerns right now. Although doing exercises with a partner doesn’t sound very sexy or very passionate, the techniques I am going to teach you unleash a level of passion

36 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

and desire few couples ever experience. These exercises take a man into his body, not away from it. Even more important, they take a man into
your
body, not away from it. It is very sexy stuff. No longer feeling burdened by his anxieties or limitations, you will both be free to experience each other with far greater intensity than ever before. Now that doesn’t sound so bad, does it?

There’s one other thing we women need to talk about. As you read through the exercises in this book, you’re going to notice pretty quickly that the vast majority of instructions are directed toward the male reader. This might make you feel a little bit left out, even if you’re joining in for most of the exercises. Since it is the man who is learning to become multiorgasmic here and has most of the work to do, he requires the most instruction. I’m sure you can see the logic in that. But I don’t want anyone to feel left out just because the one with the penis has the tougher job this time.

Remember that all of this is being done for
you
. Your partner is learning this to increase
your
pleasure and because he cares about
you
. You are the single most important motivation for his process. Period. But you are not a passive ob-server of his process, or a flexible love doll whose only purpose is to give your partner a female form on which to practice. You have a really important job here, and I mean that quite sincerely.

You can make or break these exercises for your partner because these are your exercises too. Your pleasure should never be compromised for his pleasure and your needs should never be compromised

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 37

for his needs. The wonderful thing about learning these exercises is that it’s an incredibly sensual, exciting experience for both partners. If it isn’t, something is wrong, and you need to back up for a moment and consider where your experience got compromised.

Every man I teach says the same thing: the key ingredient to learning these exercises is an enthusiastic partner. A woman’s excitement is contagious. It is the biggest turn-on a man could ask for. As I’m sure you all know from experience, a passive partner is deadly in
any
erotic encounter, and this erotic exercise regimen is no exception. If the woman isn’t really excited about doing this with her partner, she shouldn’t be doing it. It’s that simple.

This is not one of those things you do for him, even though you really don’t want to. When it comes to sex, it never makes sense to do anything for him if you’re not enjoying it too.

There should never be any suffering in a sexual relationship; there should only be pleasure and passion. If that sounds trite, forgive me, but it’s true.

People who make big compromises in their sexual relationships are unhappy, and the relationship as a whole always suffers. That is something I do not want to encourage. I only want to make your relationship better, but I need your help and your trust to do it. If you honestly want to be a part of this exciting process, there is plenty for any woman to do.

But the very first thing you need to do is let yourself have a wonderful time. Don’t worry about him—he’ll take care of himself. Just make sure
you
are always getting the most out of every experience.

38 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

As you do each exercise, think about how
you
might benefit the most. Make creative suggestions if you wish, and bring your own personality into the process. He’ll love that.

If you are going to participate in these exercises, pay very close attention to your partner. Read through each exercise together before you begin so you know what to expect. Then try to really focus on your partner’s experience in addition to focusing on your own. Try to feel his arousal as it rises and falls. Move the way he moves. Breathe the way he breathes. When he opens his eyes, open your eyes. If he moans, moan with him. If he falls asleep…if he falls asleep, poke him. Communicate as much as possible during each exercise. If the two of you stay really connected, you are going to feel most of what he is going through, and
it’s going
to be incredible for you too
. When two excited partners are deeply connected to each other, it makes for one hell of an amazing afternoon.

I need to ask you women one final favor. There are a few crucial moments in certain exercises when the man is instructed to stop moving. It is
very important
that the woman
stop
with him
. Too much friction at the wrong moment might feel great, but it will probably end the exercise prematurely, if you know what I mean. I know it’s going to get pretty exciting, and I know that sometimes it’s really hard to suddenly stop what you are doing, but what you will quickly discover is that if you stop at the necessary moments, the payoff later on will be even bigger. So, keeping my one request in mind, go out there and have yourself a great time.

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 39

How to Use the Rest of This Book

All of the exercises in this book have been organized and presented with one goal in mind: to turn every single man who is reading this book into a multiorgasmic man. Every exercise is extremely important. Each serves a very specific purpose, and the order has been carefully chosen to make this step-by-step learning process as simple as possible.

Though you will not actually have to complete every exercise in this book, I think it’s a good idea to read through all of them.

You will notice later on that many of the exercises in this book are paired. In each pair, one exercise is designed for the man who is working with a partner and one is for the man who chooses to work alone. The exercises are labeled either “with a partner” or “solo” to make that clear.

In some cases I have presented the solo exercise first and in other cases I have presented the partner exercise first. This is because some exercises lend themselves more naturally to being tried first with a partner whereas others lend themselves more naturally to being tried first alone. But there is no right or wrong choice here, and I would not want to give that impression. Both exercises in each pair are totally valid, and it is up to you to choose the one you prefer.

It is my experience that most men prefer to mix it up a little bit, learning some techniques with their partners and learning others by themselves. That’s perfectly okay. You can alternate any way you wish. You can even practice both exercises in a given pair if you want to, but it is not a requirement.

40 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

There are only two guidelines I ask you to follow:
GUIDELINE 1:
Always do at least one of the two exercises in each pair. It doesn’t matter whether you do the partner exercise or the solo exercise, but you
must
do one of them.