How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild) (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking) (3 page)

What about you? Aren’t you tired of those violin lessons too? And if you’re a woman, aren’t you tired of being treated like a string instrument? Are you ready to finally learn something that can really make a difference in your sex life?

I think you are. I think you’ve been ready for a long, long time.

So where do we begin? It is my experience that before a man can learn to have his first multiple orgasm he needs to learn a little bit more about himself. More specifically, he needs to develop a new, more sophisticated understanding of the main character in this book: his penis. With that in mind, it’s time to turn the page and take a new look at a very old friend.…

C H A P T E R T W O

MEET YOUR PENIS

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B
efore we go any further, I need to talk to you about your penis. Traditionally, men are intensely preoccupied with trying to learn the secret of mastering women’s bodies, yet they spend so little time trying to understand their own. The typical man is prepared to burn the midnight oil studying the intricacies of the female anatomy. He will happily pick up a flashlight and search endlessly for G spots, sun spots, or any other spots that will help him be a better lover, yet he barely knows his own equipment. There’s only one thing wrong with that: you can’t become multiorgasmic if you don’t know your own penis.

A Penis Is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Do you like your penis? Are you proud of it? Or are your positive feelings mixed with feelings of embarrassment, shame, and doubt? Don’t feel bad if they are. The truth is, it’s a rare man who is truly comfortable with his own penis.

When it comes to their most private parts, most men feel extremely self-conscious and extremely vulnerable.

We need to change that. Why? Because a positive attitude about your own body is going to set the stage for a radical change in your sexual power. Every man needs to understand the following fact: the secret to being a good lover lies not within a woman’s body, but within his own.
Any man can
become a phenomenal lover if he understands that his greatest
sexual power lies in his ability to understand and control his own
penis
.

20 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

If you want to become a sexual virtuoso, the first thing you need to do is master your own penis. Everything else will follow very quickly from there. To ignore the power of your own penis is to waste your greatest asset, and that’s a shame.

Aren’t You Tired of Having Sex with a Stranger?

You have known your penis all your life. You have known your penis longer than you have known your partner, your boss, your best friend, or your trusty dog Spuds. Yet, for all the time you’ve been together, you barely know it at all. Even though you probably take a good look at your equipment every single day, the real potential of your own penis has continued to elude you.

When was the last time you spent any quality time with your penis? When was the last time you two had a real heart-to-heart? I’d guess you were probably eleven or twelve years old at the time. Chances are that back then you were fascin-ated with your own equipment. It didn’t seem like there was enough time in the day for the two of you to get to know one another. But once you had your first few orgasms, that probably started to change. Once you discovered what felt good to you at the time, your curiosity began to wane. You found a formula that worked, you stuck with it, and that was that.

Even if you were tempted to experiment over the years, your attempts were probably more frustrating than fulfilling.

A lack of helpful information

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and an abundance of misinformation could only discourage your natural interest. Living in a world with so little to offer you, you did the best you could. You made peace with your penis and forged a working relationship that continues to this day. Sure, you might have tried something new once in a great while when you met a new partner or when you got a little bored, but chances are that ten, twenty-five, or even fifty years later, you’re doing pretty much the same thing that you did as an eleven-year-old.

But you’re not eleven anymore. You’ve grown up and your body has grown up. Your needs have changed, and now you have a partner who also has needs. Don’t you think it’s time to develop an adult understanding of your own equipment?

Don’t you think it’s time to expand upon the mindset of that enthusiastic but naive eleven-year-old and get excited again about your sexual potential as a man?

Does Your Penis Have a Mind of Its Own?

In this chapter, I’m going to help you take the first step toward becoming more intimate with your penis. You are going to realize, probably for the first time, how you can gain control of your own equipment. This is a big switch for any man who believes it is his penis that is always at the helm.

Men typically treat their penises as though they were separate, disconnected objects with brains of their own. They say things like, “Don’t talk to me

22 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

…talk to
him
.
He
did it.” They give their penises names like

“Little Robert,” “Big Jim,” “Captain Fantastic,” or “Mr.

Doozy.” I have to admit, this really makes me laugh because women are so different. How many women do you know who have pet names for their vaginas? How many times do you hear women affectionately refer to their genitals using names like “Miss Lucy” or “The Cannibal”? You don’t hear women saying things like, “I guess little Beth down there doesn’t want to come out to play today.”

There are lots of possible reasons why men treat their penises in this disconnected fashion. No doubt, there are some men who split themselves off from their penises because they don’t want to take responsibility for their own sexuality or the consequences of their own sexual behavior.

It’s a great way to justify being careless or insensitive. I think even more men distance themselves from their genitals because they have problems dealing with the frustration of being unable to control their bodies. This makes any perceived sexual failures or perceived shortcomings easier to tolerate.

Because the penis is physically externalized—hanging out there, so to speak—it is more open to scrutiny. If a woman fails to get aroused, only she knows for sure. She may not be happy about it, but you won’t read about it in the tabloids.

Not so for a man. If a penis isn’t doing what it’s supposed to do, everyone in the room knows it. If a man is having difficulties, the evidence is out there in the open for all to see. Even those satellites in outer space that photograph li-cense plates are going to recognize a

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penis that isn’t doing its job. That’s a lot of pressure—too much pressure for the average man.

Your New Best Friend

It may be easier to think your penis has its own personality, but a disconnected attitude like this ultimately will not serve you well. It may spare you some anxiety and discomfort, but it also robs you of much of your pleasure.

Your penis is not a separate entity subletting space in your underwear. It is not that noisy tenant downstairs who keeps you awake all night long. Don’t treat it that way. Your penis is an important part of you; it’s sometimes the most honest part of you. When you’re scared, your penis shows it. When you’re excited, your penis shows it. When you’re depressed, your penis knows it, and it behaves accordingly. You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool your own penis. The two of you are totally connected, and you will be for the rest of your life. Now that’s no stranger, is it?

I tell men: Embrace your penis! Put out the welcome mat.

Open a dialogue. Let it know it’s a part of you and let it know you care. It’s time to bring your penis in from the cold. The sooner you do, the sooner your sexuality will start to change.

Now here’s the best news. If you like your penis, your partner is going to like your penis. If you’re proud of your penis, your partner is going to be proud of your penis. If you embrace your penis, your partner is going to embrace your penis. Sound good? I thought it would.

24 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

A Man Who Controls His Penis Is a Man in Demand In my experience, there are two kinds of men in the world: men who control their penises and men who are controlled by their penises. A man who cannot control his penis is a man who lives in fear. He fears having his inadequacy discovered, not being able to have a satisfying sex life, and not being able to fulfill the woman he loves.

For all of us—male and female—the single greatest obstacle to sexual pleasure is fear of our own equipment. My goal is to begin dismantling some of that fear. A healthier relationship with one’s penis can dissolve many common performance anxieties by giving a man a true sense of control over his own functioning.

Sexual performance is not a mystery or something to be feared. Sexual functioning is a physiological process, just like breathing or sleeping—it just feels better. Like most other physiological processes, your sexual performance can be understood, altered, and improved. And that’s exactly what you are going to do, starting today.

An Important Anatomy Lesson

Everybody knows that the penis is not a muscle. If it was, you’d probably be at the gym right now. What most people don’t know is that there is a muscle that plays a crucial role in the functioning of the penis: the pubococcygeus muscle (pyoo-bo-cock-see-gee-us). Say that five times fast.

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The pubococcygeus muscle—or PC muscle, for short—is actually a group of muscles that run from the pubic bone to the tailbone. Now, you may already know this muscle in a different way. The PC muscle is the muscle you use to stop the flow of urine from the bladder. It is also the muscle that contracts when you ejaculate, moving the semen up through the penis and out of the body.

The PC muscle is a busy little muscle. But let me tell you, as far as most men are concerned, it is still grossly underem-ployed. Don’t you worry—we’re going to change all that very soon.
Male multiple orgasm depends on a strong PC muscle
.

The PC muscle is the key to penile reformation. It’s your ticket to the big leagues…your way to the top. Most of the techniques you will learn in later chapters cannot be done without PC power. That’s why the first set of exercises I introduce in this book is designed specifically to “prep” the PC muscle.
These exercises, found in chapter 4, are crucial and
must be done first
. They cannot be skipped and they cannot be taken lightly. So don’t skip them, and don’t take them lightly. Please.

Power to the PC

Now you may be thinking, “I’m not eighteen anymore. My penis doesn’t function like the penis of a younger man, exercise or no exercise.” Listen to me. It doesn’t matter how old or young you are. Is an eighteen-year-old too young to go to the gym to strengthen his biceps? Is a sixty-year-old too old to walk three miles a day to strengthen his heart? Of course

26 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

not. A muscle can be strengthened at any age. Strengthening exercises like these also lead to better health and a better sense of well-being, not to mention improved self-esteem.

The penis is no different. The PC muscle is a muscle, plain and simple. It works and responds like any other muscle, and it can be strengthened like any other muscle. And I’ve never seen a muscle that had a greater impact on a man’s self-esteem.

Just a Few Minutes a Day

Mastering the techniques of male multiple orgasm is a snap once you are “PC-ready.” And prepping your PC—getting it combat-ready—is simple. But you must be willing to stick with the program. That’s why right now I’m going to ask you for a commitment.

I know how scary the word
commitment
can be to some guys, but this is one commitment you’ll never regret. Every man who is willing to do the work can bring his PC muscle to a state of readiness within two to three weeks. Often it takes even less than that. All you need is a few minutes a day to work the program. That’s right…just a few minutes a day. That’s a whole lot less time than you probably spend in the gym right now working on every muscle in your body but the one that really counts.

I know you can do it. All you need to do is stay committed to the process. Remember, your ability to master the secrets of multiple orgasm depends on a strong PC muscle. So warm up those cold feet and

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say yes to a commitment that is bound to change your life.

Get Ready, Get Set…

We’re almost ready to start. There’s just one more piece of very important business we need to take care of. Within days of starting the exercise regimen in this book you are going to feel very different, and that’s going to feel very good. But you are not the only one who is going to be feeling different.

If you have a partner, your loving partner is going to be profoundly affected by all of the changes about to take place in your body and in your head. You need to attend to that, and you need to do that right now.

I know that you’re probably feeling very excited about getting started. But it’s important to make sure that your partner shares your enthusiasm. That’s why, before I present any of the exercises, I must ask that you and your partner sit down and have a serious talk about the many ramifications of the journey you are
both
about to take.…

C H A P T E R T H R E E

TALKING TO YOUR

PARTNER ABOUT MALE

MULTIPLE ORGASM

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M
aking love to a multiorgasmic man is not business as usual. The intensity of responses and performance abilities can be quite startling to a woman who is used to a one-orgasm guy.

I’m not a big believer in surprises when it comes to sex. If there is a woman in your life right now, we need to make sure that she is every bit as prepared and every bit as committed to the process as you are. Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It happens between two people. Your needs are important, but the needs of the couple come first.