How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (45 page)
O
Obtain comfort from those whom God will send to you.
“God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus”
(2 C
ORINTHIANS
7:6).
R
Reinforce your faith by giving comfort to others.
“[God] comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God”
(2 C
ORINTHIANS
1:4).
T
Trust in the strength of Christ in you for the power to rebuild your life.
“I can do everything through him who gives me strength”
(P
HILIPPIANS
4:13).
Just as the farther you are from a flower,
the smaller it seems to your eyes,
so the further your distance from grief,
the smaller your sadness in sorrow. Time indeed is a healer…
a gift of comfort from the God of all comfort.
—J
UNE
H
UNT
Grief—Answers in God’s Word
Question:
“Who can I call for help?”
Answer:
“O L
ORD
my God, I called to you for help and you healed me” (Psalm 30:2).
Question:
“Does anyone see my trouble and grief?”
Answer:
“You, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you” (Psalm 10:14).
Question:
“How long will my weeping remain?”
Answer:
“Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).
Question:
“How can I find rest for my soul?”
Answer:
“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him” (Psalm 62:5).
Question:
“Can I have any consolation in my unrelenting pain?”
Answer:
“I would still have this consolation—my joy in unrelenting pain— that I had not denied the words of the Holy One” (Job 6:10).
Question:
“Can my broken heart ever heal?”
Answer:
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).
Question:
“How can I stop feeling so downcast and disturbed within my soul?”
Answer:
“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:11).
Question:
“How can I not dwell on the past?”
Answer:
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43:18-19).
Question:
“Will my grief ever turn to joy?”
Answer:
“You will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy” (John 16:20).
Question:
“How can I find comfort and compassion?”
Answer:
“The Father of compassion and the God of all comfort…comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
C. The Three Levels of Acceptance
II. Characteristics of Those Who Feel Rejected
A. Are You Controlled by the Fear of Rejection?
B. What Are Inner Signs of Rejection?
C. What Are Outer Signs of Rejection?
D. What Are Spiritual Signs of Rejection?
A. What Are the Sources of Rejection?
B. What Are Overt Causes of Feeling Rejected?
C. What Are Covert Causes of Feeling Rejected?
D. What Causes Painful Vows Following Rejection?
E. What Is the Root Cause of Rejection?
B. Key Passage to Read and Reread
C. Do You Feel Rejected by God?
D. Replace the Negative Progression with the New
E. How Does Rejection Breed Rejection?
F. How to Break the Rejection Cycle
G. You Are Accepted…Even When Rejected
H. Replace Rejection with Reaching Out
J. What If I Deserve to Be Rejected?
K. How Did Jesus Respond to Rejection… and How Are You to Respond?
Healing a Wounded Heart
N
othing ravages your heart like rejection. The most painful wound you can experience is rejection by a loved one. Even death itself does not pierce as deeply as knowing you have been abandoned, forsaken, rejected.
Rejection chips away at your self-image, chisels your confidence, challenges your hope. Meanwhile, the memory of your loved one lingers on and on in the recesses of your mind, repeating—through whispers and shouts—those haunting messages: “You are not wanted. You are not welcome. You are not worthy.”
During those times when your heart is broken and your spirit crushed, nothing is more healing than to know, deep in your soul, the Lord loves you unconditionally…and accepts you eternally.
“The L
ORD
is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”
(P
SALM
34:18).
Favoritism can be extremely painful. One common example of favoritism is that shown by parents to a specific child. Children catch on quickly when there is a
“
favorite
”
in the family.
The favored child often comes late in life—as in the case of young Joseph in the Bible. Jacob favored Joseph over his ten older brothers…and flaunted his favoritism by giving Joseph the infamous coat of many colors—a robe Jacob made himself!
The elder brothers seethed with anger at the sight of the ornate robe, which became a symbol of their father’s preferential treatment. Little did
Jacob know that his favoritism had become a breeding ground for jealousy. He had provided the spark that would create a climate of hurt, hostility, and burning hatred. Genesis 37:3-4 describes the scene:
I. D“Now Israel [Jacob] loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented robe for him. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.”
EFINITIONS OF
R
EJECTION
A. What Is Rejection?
The first instance of rejection is recorded for us in the first book of the Bible, after God gives Adam and Eve everything they will ever need. With God’s provision came a warning: “Don’t eat from that one tree.” And what did Adam and Eve do? They ate from that one tree! Their direct defiance was a rejection not only of God’s words, but of God Himself (Genesis 2:15-17; 3:6).
To be rejected
is to be cast aside, cast off, cast away—to be thrown away as having no value.
1
—When you are rejected, you can feel useless, abandoned, worthless.
—In the Bible, the Greek verb
atheteo
means “to do away with, to set aside, to cast or throw away as useless or unsatisfactory.”
2
—Jesus challenged the Pharisees and teachers of the law because they were rejecting the laws of God:
“You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions!”
(M
ARK
7:9).
Rejection
is a refusal to accept a person, consider an idea, or approve of something.
3
—When you experience rejection, you feel unloved, unwanted, or unacceptable.
—The Greek verb
apodokimazo
means “to reject as the result of
examination and disapproval”
4
(
apo
= “away from,”
dokimazo
= “to approve”).
—Jesus felt the pain of rejection. The Bible refers to Christ as the cornerstone—the most essential stone of a major structure—yet He was the cornerstone (or capstone) the builders rejected.
“The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone”
(M
ATTHEW
21:42).
To reject
someone means to refuse, shun, despise, or turn away from.
5
—When you reject others, your judgmental condemning attitude and actions reveal the calloused condition of your heart.
—In the Bible, the Hebrew word
maas
means “to reject, refuse, despise.”
6
—Because God has given each of us free will, we may choose to reject the Word of God and even God Himself.
“The wise will be put to shame; they will be dismayed and trapped. Since they have rejected the word of the L
ORD
, what kind of wisdom do they have?”
(J
EREMIAH
8:9).
Question:
“My father always showed partiality toward my brother, and treated the females in the family—my mother, my sister, and me—like second-class citizens, despite our many accomplishments. How can I stop being so controlled by my anger toward him?”
Answer:
Anger has four sources:
hurt, fear, frustration,
and
injustice
. The anger you describe comes from at least three of the four:
•
Being rejected by your own father
hurts
deeply.
