Read How to Drive a Dragon Crazy Online
Authors: G. A. Aiken
How to Drive a Dragon Crazy (33 page)
Izzy pulled back, her hands immediately covering her chest.
“I have to say I don’t expect much from the boy, Iseabail. But I thought you learned your lesson after Celyn.”
Éibhear looked around. They were surrounded. Surrounded by beautiful trees and soft green grass and happily whistling birds. Things that he could not only see and hear but feel. Like the extremely large boulder he and Izzy now sat on.
“Mum—” he began.
“I don’t want to hear it, Éibhear. From either of you! And Izzy,” she went on, “to do this in front of your sister.”
Eyes getting impossibly wider, Izzy looked over her shoulder and Rhi waved at her from beside his mother.
“What the hells is going on?” Éibhear demanded, helping Izzy as she scrambled behind him to hide from his mother’s imperious glare and Rhi’s happily curious expression. Tragically, Izzy’s shirt had been left behind in that Desert Land chamber, so all she could do was use Éibhear’s bare chest as a shield. “Why is my niece even here?”
“Do you think it’s easy to bring those without any Magickal skills into a sacred space? Even for someone of
my
amazing skills? Well,” she went on before Éibhear could bother trying to answer that question, “it’s not. And I needed Rhi’s help. But little did I know what I would be exposing the poor girl to.”
my
amazing skills? Well,” she went on before Éibhear could bother trying to answer that question, “it’s not. And I needed Rhi’s help. But little did I know what I would be exposing the poor girl to.”
“Mum.”
“I mean I expect little from you. . . . You’re a male. I’m just glad you can think of and speak full and complete sentences.”
“
Mum.
”
Mum.
”
“But Iseabail, Daughter of Talaith and Briec, what are
you
thinking?”
you
thinking?”
“
Me?
Why are you putting all this on my shoulders?”
Me?
Why are you putting all this on my shoulders?”
“Because you of all people should know how stupid anything with a penis is! And yet here you are, involving yourself with
my
son. As if
that’s
acceptable!”
my
son. As if
that’s
acceptable!”
Izzy gasped. “Why wouldn’t it be acceptable? We’re not blood related.”
“Exactly! So you were not born a royal. You were merely a commoner who has been very lucky. And if you think you’ll trap one of my useless sons with that common pussy, you’re tragically mistaken!”
“
Mum!
”
Mum!
”
“Oh, shut up! Now here. I came to give you this.” She threw down a piece of parchment. A rune drawn on it.
“When you don’t have your tongue down Izzy the Dangerous’s throat, feel free to keep a look out for that rune. You’ll most likely find it on those who’ve already tried to kill you once. And in case you were worried about your cousin Brannie and your three friends, which clearly you were not—
they’re fine!
”
they’re fine!
”
“Mum—”
“Och! You stupid, stupid boy!” She turned away but then spun back again, her dragon tail almost taking off poor Rhi’s head. Thankfully the girl was quick and managed to duck in time. “And when you two get back, this whole . . .
thing
better be done with!”
thing
better be done with!”
“Don’t you dare try to order me to—dammit!”
One second he was in some lovely grove with a pretty pink sky and the next he was back here, in this stupid chamber. Damn that female!
“Princess Iseabail?” one of the guards asked from the entrance while he eyed them both. “Is everything all right?”
“Uh . . . yes. Yes. Everything is fine.” Éibhear didn’t have to look to know that Izzy was busy grabbing her shirt and pulling it on, using Éibhear to block the guard’s view.
“We sent you clothes, but no one could find you.”
“Uh . . . right. Went exploring. Sorry about that.”
“Dinner is about to take place. Should I ask King Heru if you could have more—”
“Time? No. No need.” She scrambled off the bed, smoothing the shirt down her unbound breasts. “Let’s just go and get our meal. I’m starving.”
“Of course.” The guard nodded. “Right this way.”
He walked out and Izzy went to follow, but Éibhear grabbed her hand and pulled her back. “Don’t even
think
of losing your mind over this.”
think
of losing your mind over this.”
“Too late!”
“I don’t care what my mother says or your mother or the mother of all the gods. We do what we want, Izzy. And if that means fucking like bunnies, then that is exactly what we’ll do.”
“Can we discuss this later?” She snatched her hand back. “Much later?”
Izzy walked out, although he could tell she’d rather be running. Running all the way back to her legions and more killing. Anything rather than face the situation that was right in front of her. Not that he blamed her, but still. She had to know that no matter what happened between them the family wouldn’t take this well. She just needed to deal with it.
Back safely in the grove not more than a league from Garbhán Isle, Rhi looked up at her grandmother, who would escort Rhi back to the house now that they were done with their task. But still, something bothered Rhi. . . .
“Why did you say that to Izzy and Uncle Éibhear?”
“I had to, it’s nothing to worry about.”
“But I don’t understand, Gram. I thought you didn’t mind them being together.”
“Oh . . . my darling girl. When you’re a mother you’ll understand this better, but if you think for a minute that my blessing their union and telling them that it should have happened years ago would bond those two together for a lifetime, you are a very optimistic girl. Instead, it would only make them go out of their way to do the exact opposite. It’s what children do to their parents.”
“I don’t.” She scrunched up her nose. “But Talwyn and Talan do.”
“Exactly. No, no. This was ugly but necessary. Either I forbid the relationship now or I risk another three or four decades of those two fighting what everyone else can so clearly see.”
“You practically called Izzy a whore, though.”
“There’s no practically there, but I had to make it convincing. But don’t worry. Once I know that idiot and my granddaughter have stopped all this foolishness, I’ll apologize to her.”
“What about Uncle Éibhear?”
“He’s male, darling. It’s best to keep things simple and unadorned for the males. You’ll learn that, too, as you get older. Now”—she leaned in a bit—“would you like to go flying with Grandmum before we take you home, so you can watch her toss cows around for no other reason than her own amusement?”
“Sounds unnecessarily cruel.”
“Exactly!” Rhiannon used her tail to place her granddaughter on her back. “See? Already you’re learning what it means to be part of this family.”
Chapter 30
“Are you not hungry, Princess? Is the food not to your liking?”
Izzy looked up from the food she’d been toying with for the last forty minutes. As Éibhear had feared, Izzy seemed to be taking his mother’s words hard. Then again, not really surprising. Not only did Izzy adore his mother, she respected her. So what Rhiannon had said bothered Izzy more than if it had come from one of the Cadwaladr aunts who’d mostly ignored her over the years.
“No,” she said. “Everything’s fine.”
“Then what troubles you?”
Izzy glanced at the other three dragons who’d come to dinner in the king’s privy chamber: Lord Amsi, a duke from the outer regions of the Desert Lands; Bani, the king’s personal healer and friend; and Kafele, the king’s head magi.
“Nothing,” Izzy finally said.
“Now, now, Princess Iseabail. I want you to feel you can be honest with me. And these”—he gestured to the three other dragons—“are my closest confidants. Anything you say to me, you can say to them with no fear that it will spread beyond my chamber.”
“I understand, but—”
“No, Princess. Feel free to express yourself here. You are among friends.”
An eyebrow peaked. “Really?”
Uh-oh.
“Izzy—” Éibhear warned.
“Izzy—” Éibhear warned.
“Fine,” Izzy went on, ignoring him. “You want me to express myself? Then that’s what I’ll do.”
“Izzy—”
“It’s all right, Prince Éibhear. I’m eager to hear Iseabail’s thoughts.”
At that point, all Éibhear could do was roll his eyes and sit back in his chair.
“Go on, Iseabail,” Heru said congenially. “Tell me your—”
“What the battle-fuck do you want with us?”
The duke sat up straight, his glower dark and dangerous. “Perhaps you forget your place, Southland human.”
“Keep your mouth shut,” Izzy warned, voice low. “Or I’ll split your spine.
“Now”—Izzy focused back on Heru—“I’m in no mood to fuck around about this anymore. You came, you got me . . . why? And don’t give me any centaur shit about feeling benevolent, or just in a mood, or gods-damn premonitions. All I care about at this point is what
you
want from
me
.”
you
want from
me
.”
Although Heru looked amused, the duke was definitely not and he seemed unable to keep out of all this.
“Look,
human
,” the duke sneered, “you may think you’re safe with your barbarian Mì-runach sitting at this table, but I can assure you—”
human
,” the duke sneered, “you may think you’re safe with your barbarian Mì-runach sitting at this table, but I can assure you—”
“I don’t need Éibhear’s help to kill you. I’ve killed dragons greater and stronger than you can even begin to dream of being. So hold your tongue or I’ll make it part of my wall decoration, along with the horns of Olgeir the Wastrel and the spine of Overlord Thracius!”
Éibhear studied Izzy a moment and asked, “You’re the one who took Thracius’s spine?”
“I was the one who split it.”
“But I was the one who finished him.”
“Only because I’d destroyed his ability to fly away!”
“Excuse me,” Heru cut in. “As fascinating as it is to hear the violent lifestyle of the Fire Breathers and their human kin, I’m sure Iseabail would prefer to hear the truth of the matter.”
“Aye. I would.”
“It began a few months back. The conversions.”
“Conversions?”
“To the Cult of Chramnesind.”
Izzy and Éibhear looked at each other, back at Heru, and said together, “The Cult of
Who
?”
Who
?”
“The Cult of Chramnesind is a blood cult. We don’t know where they came from or why they’re here, but it’s not just those from the Desert Lands who have joined their ranks.”
“You say blood cult,” Izzy noted, “so you mean sacrifices.”
“Many young ones. Human and otherwise. The true zealots, the priests of this cult, are blinded, their eyes usually removed completely during some kind of ritual.”
“They willingly allow their eyes to be removed?”
“In honor of their god.”
“Chramnesind,” Éibhear said.
“Yes.”
“Is he a dragon god? I’ve never heard of him.”
“No. He’s among the human pantheon of gods.”
Izzy glanced at Éibhear. “No offense, King Heru, but you’re saying that
dragons
are joining a human cult?”
dragons
are joining a human cult?”
“I am.”
Izzy didn’t understand. From what she’d always heard, not only from her kin but from Rhydderch Hael himself, dragon gods could barely get dragons to do their bidding. How, then, could a human god get dragons to join a cult that insisted on self-mutilation and the killing of young ones? Even the most barbaric of dragon tribes didn’t believe in the harming of youngsters.
“Why?” Éibhear asked. “What could possibly be the benefit of joining a cult like this?”
“That I don’t know. My soldiers have captured exactly two of their loyalists this past year. They both ended their own lives before we were able to question them.”
Éibhear leaned back in his chair. “They killed themselves?
Dragons
took their own lives?”
Dragons
took their own lives?”
“What?” Izzy asked.
“Dragons don’t kill themselves,” Éibhear explained.
“Why not?”
“We’re too arrogant,” he said simply. “Why would we destroy perfection?”
“You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” every dragon at the table replied.
“And that’s the power we’re dealing with,” Heru went on.
“If Chramnesind is a human god,” Izzy asked Heru, “what is the point of having dragons worshipping him?”
“Other than maybe having them as part of the cult’s growing army, I really don’t know.”
“But perhaps, Princess Iseabail,” the king’s head magi, Kafele, finally offered, “you could find out for us.”
Izzy blinked. “Find out for you? Do you mean ask my grandmother and Aunt Morfyd?”
“No. I mean ask Rhydderch Hael yourself. You are his chosen champion, are you not?”
Izzy stared at the magi for several seconds before she slowly moved her gaze to the king. “Is that what this is about? Is that why you took me?”
“We had to do something. It’s believed this cult has infiltrated our ranks.”
“Is that why you came for Izzy yourself?” Éibhear asked. “Because there was no one else you could trust?”
“They went there for Iseabail. They knew she was there. I had to move quickly and without concern that there’d be a betrayal.”
“Were they coming to take me . . . or kill me?”
“I don’t know, but it doesn’t really matter, does it?”
“You’re right. It doesn’t.” Izzy pushed her chair back and stood. “Thank you for your help. Of course, my grandmother will hear about all you’ve done for me.”
The king stood as well. “Of course, you’ll stay for a bit.”
“I can’t. I have to get to the city of Sefu.”
“Then let me provide you and Prince Éibhear with an escort.”
“I need no escort, King Heru. But I truly do appreciate all you’ve done.” She stepped away from the table. “And if I discover any further information, I will get it to you.”
“Thank you. And just a word of caution. The suns burn much hotter here in my beautiful land than in your Dark Plains. You may want to travel at night; there are small caves throughout the territory where you can sleep during the day. If that’s not possible, sleep under Prince Éibhear’s wings for protection.”
With a nod, Izzy headed out of the chamber and back to where she’d left her travel bag and Macsen.
Éibhear caught up to her, his stride matching hers. “Are you sure about this?” he asked.
“We have to keep moving. We have to get this settled.”
Éibhear didn’t reply until they arrived back in their chamber. Then, once there, he caught hold of her arm and walked her back until she was against the wall.
“What is it, Izzy?” he asked, keeping his voice low. “I know you, Izzy. A cult is after you. Normally, you’d be heading toward them, not away.”
And Éibhear was right. She would be. Annwyl had always taught Izzy to face her battles head-on unless there was a tactical advantage not to. Yet this particular decision wasn’t about Izzy. Not at all.
“When Rhi was young, she told me she had lots of friends. She talked to them all the time. Sometimes Talan and Talwyn didn’t mind about her friends, but sometimes her cousins chased those friends off.”
“They were gods.”
“When I asked her to describe her friends, she told me some were bright like the sun, blinding her. Others were made of earth and shit, but they were ever so nice.”
Éibhear chuckled at that.
“My sister and young cousins talk to gods. Now, a god that none of us has ever heard of and has nothing to do with dragons, suddenly starts a cult.”
“A cult that’s trying to stop you from getting across the desert plains to the Nolwenns.”
“My mum was right. Rhi needs to learn how to control her power. She can’t be used if she has control of it.”
“And saying no to Heru’s escort?”
“I don’t trust him. Do you?”
“Not particularly. But I assumed that was mostly because I didn’t like the way he looked at you.”
“You don’t like the way any male looks at me. Because you’re a very good unc—”
Éibhear’s hand went over her mouth, cutting off her words.
“We go alone,” he said. “First we get to the Nolwenns and then we take it from there. Yes?”
Izzy pulled his hand away. “No. I’m going alone.”
Éibhear laughed. Rather loudly, too. It was rude!
“What is so funny?” Izzy demanded.
“That you think for even a bloody second I’d let you travel into the Desert Lands on your own.”
“I’m not asking your permission, Éibhear.”
“Nor am I asking yours.”
Izzy pushed away from him. “I knew you’d act this way. Don’t you see? With all that’s going on, I can’t afford to spend time watching out for you.”
Slowly Éibhear turned from the wall and faced her. “Excuse me?”
“Éibhear, you haven’t spent that much time with gods.
I
have.”
I
have.”
“And?”
“And I know how they think. Rhydderch Hael may have interest in you, but he doesn’t care about you. He won’t protect you.”
“
And?
”
And?
”
“Which means I’ll have to do it instead.”
“Because I can’t protect myself?”
When Izzy took a moment to think about that, it was Éibhear’s turn to push past her, storming over to his travel bag.
“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Éibhear. I just know what the gods can do and now it doesn’t seem like we’re dealing with one god but two. And getting between two gods—”
“Shut up.” He opened his bag and quickly checked it to see what he’d need for his travels.
“Excuse me?”
“I said shut up.” They’d need water and some dried beef before they were on their way. Something he was sure the Sand Eaters would provide if he asked.
“What are you telling me to shut up for?”
“Because you’re pissing me off.”
“And how did I do that? Because I bother to care enough to protect you?”
“No, Izzy. Because you’re being a snobby bitch.”
“What?”
“Were my words not clear?” He stood, leaned down a bit so he could look her straight in the eyes. “I said you’re being a snobby bitch.”
“You son of a—”
“Yes, only the great Izzy knows about the gods.”
“Éibhear!”
“Only the great Izzy knows how to fight against evil and battle zealots!”
“I never said—”
“Only the great Izzy knows how to kill enemy dragons and manage my brothers.”
“I did not say—”
“Only the great Izzy—”
“Stop calling me that!”
“—knows how to be the best warrior in the universe! Anyone else is just someone she has to protect like her little sister or the squirrels around Garbhán Isle.”
“I only protected the squirrels because Daddy kept setting them aflame while laughing!”
“What you, great Izzy, my brothers, and father fail to realize isn’t that I don’t need anyone’s protection. Or that I don’t want anyone’s protection. What you all fail to realize is that I’ve had to learn to protect myself because I was the only one I could rely on.”
“What are you talking about? You have two thousand first cousins alone to watch your back.”
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