How to Defeat Harmful Habits (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (15 page)

Through a caring, supportive network, God has shown Bethany that

“two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”

(E
CCLESIASTES
4:9-10).

Many who have struggled with and overcome temptation say, “I couldn’t have made it without someone holding me accountable. God knew that’s what I needed!”

But at times having an accountability partner isn’t effective. Why? Because many strugglers hope no one will ask them
specifically
how they are doing in the area of their habits and addictions.

Asking specific questions is a key component of effective accountability. Strugglers need to know that they are going to be asked targeted questions. They also need to know they will have someone
trustworthy
to hold them accountable. The Bible says,

“If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted”

(G
ALATIANS
6:1).

Accountability Questions

Since we last spoke:

1. Have you done anything that pricked your conscience?

2. Did you practice any undisciplined behavior?

3. Did you engage in any addictive behavior? Have you performed any other addictive behavior?

4. Have you done anything to violate any boundary? Have you set a boundary and kept it?

5. Has anything caused your thought life to stray? What steps will you take to avoid justifying the habit?

6. Did you find yourself in a compromising situation recently? How did you respond?

7. What beliefs about yourself and others have been conveyed through your recent habits (bad or good)?

8. What area of your life do you think God most wants you to change? What steps have you taken to make that change a reality?

9. What good habits do you believe God wants to develop in your life? What steps have you taken to see those habits become a reality?

10. Is there a part of your life that you’ve held back from God that you need to surrender?

11. Is there something you hope I won’t ask about?

12. What is God telling you to do? What are you going to do about it?

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy”

(P
ROVERBS
28:13).

Additional Questions

•
In what areas do you sense a need for change?

•
Have you been pure in your thought life?

•
Do you need to confess any sin?

•
How has your spiritual life been? Have you been praying regularly?

Note to Mentors:
Any of these questions can be deleted or exchanged for other questions. During the first session, ask the one who wants victory to select three or four questions most appropriate for their struggle.

– Ask, “Are there specific areas where you know you need to be held accountable?”

– After several sessions, ask, “How is this accountability working for you?”

– “If our positions were reversed, what would you do differently if you were me?”

Remember, Christ is shaping and maturing both of you through this time of accountability, and you want the struggler to be set free!

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”

(P
ROVERBS
27:17).

In 2010, Bethany Hamilton ranked twentieth on the Association of Surfing Professionals (ASP) Women’s Tour. A legend in water-sports circles, her accomplishments may one day be eclipsed only by her efforts to minister internationally to the needs of those who, like her, have suffered a major setback in life.

On a ministry trip to Thailand, for example, she helped traumatized orphans regain their courage to enter the water which, years before, devastated their country through a deadly tsunami. Her foundation, Friends of Bethany, supports shark-attack survivors, traumatic amputees, and other charitable efforts.
⁶⁶

A movie about Bethany Hamilton’s life, based on her book, was released in 2011, providing a platform for this star surfer to tell her story and share her faith around the world. To those struggling to understand and overcome, she says,

I don’t pretend to have all the answers to why bad things happen to good people. But I do know that God knows all those answers, and sometimes He lets you know in this life, and sometimes He asks you to wait so that you can have a face-to-face talk about it. What I do know is that I want to use what happened to me as an opportunity to tell people that God is worthy of our trust and to show them that you can go on and do wonderful things in spite of terrible events that happen.
⁶⁷

This habit will benefit Bethany for the rest of her days.

Many habits—good and bad—are the result of childhood experiences. Family and friends have a powerful influence on us. But as we grow older, like Bethany Hamilton we decide for ourselves the values and behaviors we want to incorporate into our lives. No longer a child, you do not have to be controlled by the attitudes and actions of others. You can choose to develop and demonstrate good habits that are desirable and pleasing to God.

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me”

(1 C
ORINTHIANS
13:11).

Develop and demonstrate…

•
Moral Sensitivity

– Study the Scriptures daily so you will know God’s standards.

– Write out the Ten Commandments and apply each one to your life (Exodus 20:1-17).

– Consider what it means to “have no other gods before me” (verse 3).

– Memorize the Beatitudes and rehearse in your mind ways to apply them in your life (Matthew 5:3-12).

– Measure all of your behavior with the yardstick of Scripture.

“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you”

(P
SALM
119:11).

•
Accountability

– Be open to the truth when others criticize you.

– Say with appreciation, “It takes courage to point out where a person needs to change. Thank you for taking the risk.”

– Think about how your negative attitudes impact your life and the lives of others around you.

– Confess your failures to God, and ask forgiveness from those you have offended.

– Daily or weekly, talk with a friend who will help you kick the habit that plagues you.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other”

(J
AMES
5:16).

•
Gratefulness

– Memorize Psalm 100, meditate on its message, and think of ways you can apply it to your life.

– Acknowledge the gifts that God has given you, gifts for which you can be grateful.

– Keep a prayer journal, and give thanks for answered prayer.

– Always express gratitude to those who are helpful to you.

– Thank God for what He is teaching you through each trial that He allows in your life.

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”

(1 T
HESSALONIANS
5:16-18).

•
Forgiveness

– Know that forgiving others is required in order for you to receive the forgiveness of God.

– Forgive by releasing that person into the hands of God.

– Choose to forgive others even when you feel justified in your anger.

– Remind yourself of the many times God has forgiven you.

– Realize that forgiveness is often a process of forgiving again and again—not a onetime act. (See Genesis chapters 37
–
50. The key verse is Genesis 50:20.)

“If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”

(M
ATTHEW
6:14-15).

•
Selflessness

– Set a high standard for yourself, but allow others to set their own.

– Ask God to shine a spotlight on your acts of selfishness.

– Avoid talking about yourself or bragging about your endeavors; rather, encourage others to talk about themselves and praise them for their godly qualities.

– Resist the urge to criticize or to give unasked-for advice.

– Perform an unsolicited act of kindness toward someone else each day.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves”

(P
HILIPPIANS
2:3).

•
Communion with God

– Spend time alone with God every day.

– Eliminate preventable noise and remove other distractions.

– Slowly say from your heart, “Lord, I do love You.”

– Close your mind to invading thoughts and focus on God’s presence and character.

– Be quiet in your spirit and wait on God to reveal Himself to you.

“May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the L
ORD
”

(P
SALM
104:34).

T
HE
G
AME OF
L
IFE

For each of us, the entry fee has been paid, and we are in the race—a race that must be run. How we develop our habits determines our personal outcome. When your life is yielded to the Lord—whether you finish first or simply achieve your personal best—you can echo the following words:

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith”

(2 T
IMOTHY
4:7).

Even with the missteps and false starts that occasionally hinder you, imagine the joy of one day hearing the heavenly Father say, “Race well run…race well done.”