How Not to Date an Alien (3 page)

“There.” He was nearly purring. “Relax and let me see if what I studied about human anatomy is true.”

He slid back, taking away his delicious musky scent and some of his heat, but he didn’t move far. He only moved far enough away to spread her legs and settle his lanky frame between them.

“Nice,” he assured her. “I like the coloration of your skin. It is not as common as mine.”

And his fingers were running over the sensitive flesh of her inner thighs, making goosebumps pop up on her skin, making her legs twitch.

“So different than the females and males of my acquaintance,” he informed her.

“So much nicer. Your body speaks to me.”

And he went on, slowly rubbing circles on her skin, his fingers going higher and higher until they encountered the elastic barrier of her panties. “All this beauty, and still you insist on covering it up.”

He shook his head as his hair rolled up her thighs, making her gasp at the new sensation before the tendrils slid underneath the cotton of her panties. His hair tugged, and, as if cut by miniature blades, the material parted and fell around her body like a tiny decorative draping.

“You have hair here as well,” Valan pointed out, running his finger through her trimmed pubic patch. “It is not as soft as the hair on your head, and it seems to serve no further purpose than ornamentation. I understand the protective aspects of it in your primitive ancestors, but now it is not necessary. Yet you do not remove it. My hair is a secondary protective device, and I have complete control of its movements and its sensory absorption. My hair has evolved along with my species into a useful appendage for protection and defense. Yours does not even share this component.”

She could have said something funny about seventies porn bush, but decided to hold her peace until she discovered what he was going to do. It would not do to piss off the alien with the razor hair.

“Utterly fascinating,” he breathed, his eyes almost glowing as he leaned in closer, his fingers now parting her hair and examining her groin closely.

“Labia majora,” he muttered, and Kilana gasped as his hair wrapped around her thighs and lifted them into the air as far as her bindings would allow.

Looking down, he tsked at the impediment to his explorations and two tendrils slashed across the bindings, severing them from the footboard so that he could heft her legs higher and spread them further.

Kilana moaned at this show of violence, but other than closing her eyes, she did nothing.

“Your clitoris should be hidden here.” His words were soft, almost as soft as the finger that now spread apart her labia and exposed her clit and her vagina to his clear view. She bit her lip as the cool air caressed her there, right before the heat of his body signaled to her that he was moving closer.

“Fascinating,” he muttered, his warm breath against this sensitive flesh making her whole body shudder, and damn if it didn’t shudder in arousal. “Such wonderful colors — pinks, browns, creams… Your mate was a fool to give up such a wonderful place to play.”

Then his fingers were caressing her, gently running over her opening before he pulled back. She opened her eyes to see him rubbing the moisture of her growing arousal between his fingers, a fascinated look on his face.

“Self lubricating.” He grinned, looking up to see her eyes open. “You have a wonderful design,” he informed her. “Most of our organs are internal and are so plain compared to this!”

Like an eager child, he dove down again. This time his fingers separated her labia to fully expose her clitoris in its hidden cowl. He placed the tip of one finger there and looked up at her. “If what I have read in your books and viewed in your pornography is true, you will really enjoy this.”

And then his finger began to vibrate.

“Oh! Ohhh! Oh oh oh oh oh!” Kilana could not keep her mouth closed now! In fact, everything opened wide, her eyes, her mouth — even her thighs spread further as his finger vibrated. Her hips thrust upwards, seeking more even as her mind began to scramble. This fucking alien had vibrating fingertips? Sweet Enola Gay!

Her head dropped back and a loud, keening sound rolled from her throat as her whole body started to shake. The electricity running from her clit was almost too much.

It itched, it burned, and it had her climbing up the wall to orgasm faster than her best vibrator.

She could feel her juices seeping from her exposed pussy, and she wanted him to spread her more, to press harder, to give it to her totally, to fill the emptiness that had taken up residence within her heart.

She was hungry and tense, and his fingers just stayed there, sending jolts through her whole system. Her spine was melting, her body sweating, and her teeth clenched as she keened her pleasure, and still it was not enough.

“I can smell you so much better now,” he leaned over to whisper, and she whimpered in response.

“Your nipples are hard,” he added. “I can see them through your shirt. I want to see them.”

Tendrils of his hair were flowing upwards again, sending her nerve endings screaming at their points of contact before they slid under the thin tank she wore, and that, too, became so much confetti beneath her.

“Yes,” he breathed, his eyes glowing darkly as he stared at her chest. “Such wonderful mounds of flesh.”

One hand left her thigh, cupped her breasts, first one and then the other, pressing at her nipples and making her back arch further. Her whimpers were growing into wails, and all of his touches were translating ecstasy directly to her swollen clit.

“They make you react?” He tilted his head to the side, then grinned harder. “I want to try something else…”

“Oh, dear GOD! Yes!”

He lowered his head, and Kilana screeched as he pulled one nipple into his mouth and turned on suction hard enough to pull the brass off of a doorknob.

“Hmm?” he moaned, closing his eyes and sucking harder, his slit tongue surrounding and tugging at her erect nipple before his tongue, too, began to vibrate.

“Gonna come! Gonna come!” Kilana chanted, her head whipping from side to side on the pillows, tears running down the sides of her face.

This was erotic bondage of the most perfect kind, and it was tearing her mind apart.

“Come, release, orgasm.” He nodded after pulling off of her breast with a pop, his finger lightly caressing her wet skin. He eyed the swollen red nipple and bent forward to almost lazily lap at it with his split tongue. “That is my purpose in this.”

Then he began to slide his finger up and down her clit, finding the spots that made her scream and contracting on them until she was bucking hard in his grasp.

“There are many places here,” he noted, “that make you gush your fluids. That is a clear invitation.”

He sat up, nibbling on his bottom lip before he pulled away the hand kneading her breast and repositioned it between her legs.

“I intend to make you fly,” he whispered, then pressed one finger deep inside the wet heat of her.

“Yes, yesyesyesyesyes!” she groaned, crying as her toes curled, as her hands gripped the silk binding them and pulled, as her body offered itself up as a sexual sacrifice to the greatness of his foreplay skills. “Yes!”

He pressed upwards, controlled and humming, his head leaning to the side as he carefully thrust first one finger, then two deep inside her, twisting and turning until…

“Valan!” she screeched, her hips thrusting upwards against the hold his hair held on her quivering limbs.

“Found it,” he noted, and then those fingers began to vibrate, as well. “This is your g-spot. It was designed to catapult you to orgasm.”

Kilana froze, her whole body going stiff as the orgasm that had been building within her exploded. The glory of how he was playing her body was so great it was almost pain, and she could not move, could not speak, could not think as it tore through her like a wild beast.

“Ohh! Your muscles clench,” he muttered as the vibrating of his fingers grew faster.

The orgasm would not end! Her inner walls were clenching like mad around his fingers, her clit felt like it was on fire, and the waves of release were flowing so rapidly she thought she would never be able to move again.

Her entire being was pleasure and ecstasy, and hot, kinky, orgasmic sex that appeared to have no end.

“Pl — ple — please,” she whimpered, her eyes closing as the world began to grow dark.

Then he was pulling out, the vibrating slowing as he began to pet her labia and the strained and swollen muscles between her thighs. Even her asshole was clenching, so hard was her orgasm… or was it orgasms? She couldn’t tell.

All she knew was that she was slamming herself down on his retreating fingers and making sounds like a hurt animal as his hair caressed her one last time before lowering her back to the bed.

“That was beautiful,” he breathed, leaning over her once more to examine her eyes, heavy-lidded and damn near closed. “You are beautiful. And I can’t wait to consume you.”

Her afterglow receded abruptly. Reality slammed her in the face as she recalled her reason for being in this position in the first place.

“Damn — you,” she panted, her heart still racing as the lassitude of the aftermath of great orgasms pulled her toward slumber. “You — had to… remind me.”

But he was cuddling her close, and the world faded away as she gave in to the siren pull of sleep that called to her.

Cocooned, utterly replete and slightly afraid, she found herself falling asleep in the arms of the alien who wanted to kill her.

Care and feeding of your alien is important. If not properly introduced to nutrition appropriate for his species or sub species, the results could be disastrous.

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Kilana could not stop smiling.

And it wasn’t like she didn’t try. She thought of all the bad things that had happened to her, thought of the horrible strife and suffering in the world, she thought about her ex and the three women he’d cheated on her with, and she still could not get the stupid grin off her face.

No one else on this mud ball of a planet had been gifted with an orgasm like hers.

That fact alone would have had anybody smiling, but add to it the fact that the orgasms kept coming for a good five minutes — well, that was worth outright laughter.

“Happiness,” Valan declared after giving her face a small lick. “Yes, your flavor is enhancing.”

Okay, that was enough to take the megawatt smile down a few degrees.

“Flavor,” she sighed. “Right.”

“You are cooperating nicely,” Valan added, shaking his head no, which she remembered meant yes. “I wonder if all humans behave in such a way?”

“You mean you don’t know?” She paused, turning to look at the alien floating above her, his hair working itself back into a braid all on its own.

“No one really hunts humans,” he explained, stretching out his whole body with a shudder, spreading his fingers and toes like a cat.

“Why?” She felt a small bit of indignation for her race’s standing in the universal scheme of things. “We aren’t good enough or something?”

“On a whole —” Valan flipped over and rested on his back beside her, an odd warmth radiating from his skin. It was almost like a moist heating pad. “— humans are considered the Great Creator’s moment of unabashed amusement.”

“Cosmic joke?” she asked, lifting her head up and shooting him an indignant glare.

“That is one way of putting it.” He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and chewed it for a moment. “Your kind really is rather amusing.”

“Amusing?” She sulked. “Look, buddy, you’re the one here hunting us! What would that make you?”

“Crazy in some circles,” he told her honestly. “But in others, it makes me adventurous with a taste for the exotic.”

“Exotic, right.”

“Truly, humans are exotic.” He smiled again, licking at his lips with that forked tongue. “You have a large brain but only have the ability to use a small portion of it.

You decry those who do things to harm your planet, yet you do more harm in your attempts to protect it. And the arrogance humans display! This planet existed long before your people were developed, and yet you worry that small, insignificant beings such as yourself will bring it to destruction. And what you do personally to yourselves…”

“Insignificant!”

“Quite.” He rose up on one elbow and turned toward her. “And arrogant. But I was speaking of what you do to yourselves personally. High fructose corn syrup.” He rolled his eyes. “Monosodium glutamate, red dye number seven? Why all of that when you could just eat fresh fruits and vegetables? You even poison your meat beasts in an attempt to get more. Why does everything here have to be larger than the rest?”

“I — Uh —” He had her there. “That has nothing to do with you wanting to eat me!”

“It has a lot to do with me wanting to eat you.” He leaned over and sniffed at her neck. “All of these elements affect your taste.”

“So I guess you won’t be eating me, then,” she concluded, leaning back in the bed. “I am too chemically preserved to be tasty.”

His “No,” popped her bubble quickly.

“N-no-o?”

“I purged your system of the fermented fruit juices you consumed yesterday. I have also purged most of the harmful chemicals from your body.”

“Purged?”

“Indeed.” He licked his lips as he ran appreciative eyes over her body. “Now I have to feed you the proper foods to enhance your already pleasant natural taste, and then it is time to feast.”

“But — but — I don’t have any fresh food and veggies in the apartment,” she pointed out weakly. “I’ve barely unpacked!”

“Then we will have to adjourn to the outside to find proper nourishment.”

“And what makes you think I won’t run the hell away from you the moment I get a chance?”

“Because of your friends.” He gifted her with a huge smile. “I have their scent, and I can easily hunt down each and every female in their blood line and satisfy my urges with them instead.”

“But — but Lena has a young child!” Kilana’s eyes went wide.

“I can keep her caged until she grows to the appropriate size and age.”

“Cage Tuesday? That would take years,” Kil whimpered, a tear coming to her eyes at the thought of Lena’s daughter caged like a veal calf and then fattened up until some alien epicurean would deem her worthy of his dinner table.