Hot Cooking Spanker Wanted (21 page)

“
Are
you looking forward to seeing the film, Katherine.”

“
I've
already seen it in my head when I was writing the book. Now I get to
see what others made out of it. I get to see how close it is.” She
waved and moved over to some fans who gave her a Teddy Bear. She took
it and thanked them. She actually held onto the bear. Her bodyguard
didn't like that. She stopped and she handed it over to one of them.
He checked it over then gave it back to her. She had never been the
stuffed animal type.

The
next reporter ask her about it. She even pointed out the fan that
gave it to her and waved again. I should have gotten her one. If I
had known, I would have.

The
lead lady arrived and we took several pictures together. I hadn't
seen or talked to her the past few months and at the interview and
press conference we hadn't had time to talk either. She was nice and
we needed to look like a couple. After the picture taking was over I
went to Katherine and laid my hand on her elbow. Was it ever tiny.
Was she eating anything at all lately? I pushed down a need to scold
her and got her in the building.

She
didn't fuss. Once we were inside we could talk to the invited press
who were watching the movie with us. They were our critics and they
needed to be charmed too. I went to work with that and Katherine went
to her parents. Her manager pulled her away from them and sent her
off to the wolves again. I heard someone ask her if she would be
going to any other premiere of the movie.

“
Yes,
in Berlin. I wouldn't miss it there. I want to see how the Germans
are reacting to my book and now the movie. I have already agreed to
several interviews there, but after that it's the quiet life for me
again.”

“
What?
You don't like all of this attention?” she was asked.

“
It's
nice to visit but I wouldn't want to live here. This isn't the
atmosphere I need to write.”

“
Africa
is?”

“
Why
not? I'm due a vacation.” She moved on and shook hands. Some
Germans were here too and of course she did speak perfect German. She
was charming everyone. Was she speaking French too? I was getting
that terrible feeling in my stomach again. The one that said that I
was never good enough for her anyway.

“
So
Ryan, you just can't take your eyes off of Katherine. You two have
been together for several months already. When are you going to pop
the question?”

“
Not
tonight. She is making me speechless with her beauty. I couldn't get
out a clear sentence with her looking that way.” I could be
charming too. I diverted all the questions like that. I hoped we
could patch things up before anyone found out that we had had
problems.

The
lights flashed and music started to play. It was time to take our
seats. Her bodyguards were showing her the way to our balcony. We
would be sitting front and center. On her other side was the director
and they were chatting away like old friends.

He
held out his arm to her and brought her to her seat. I sat next to
her and started talking to the lead actress.

I
saw Katherine set the bear on her lap, nicely. I had to wonder about
that. It was so unlike her.

“
Do
you want popcorn? We could throw it over the balcony at the people
below,” I teased her.

She
looked shocked. I immediately felt so stupid for saying that. The
trailer was starting. She locked her eyes on the screen and there
they stayed for the whole movie.

I
felt stupid watching myself but watching her watch me was
interesting. She didn't watch much TV so she was really impressed.
She even jumped a little at the action scenes. The love scenes were
just embarrassing. Sitting next to her and knowing that my parents
were also in the crowd was too much for me. I blushed red and looked
over and my co-star. She wasn't looking either.

Katherine
was, and she wasn't smiling, but somehow nodding.

Finally
the movie was over. Katherine was crying a little and thanking the
director for making her imaginations come to life so everyone could
see them. The audience was clapping for us.

She
turned back to me asked if we could leave in separate limousines
because she wanted to leave right now.

“
I'm
sorry, darling. But we have to go out the way we came in.”

She
looked so disappointed.

“
I
would think that you would want people to see you as long as they can
in that dress you picked out with my mom?”

“
I
guess you just don't know me. It doesn't matter anymore anyway.”
She turned and watched her step as we slowly filed out of the
theater. I was ready to catch her if she fell on the steps. She was
wearing high heeled shoes. I had never seen her do that before.

She
truly looked amazing. I couldn't let her slip away. “Could we go
somewhere and talk, just the two of us?”

She
looked at me like she was surprised and she shook her head sadly.

“
Do
you have someone else?”

“
No,
I don't.” She had put emphasis on the word 'I'.

“
Neither
do I,” I protested.

She
didn't even look back. We were back on the red carpet and it was time
to pretend to be the happiest couple in the world. I kept my eyes on
her in that amazing dress I smiled, but I just wanted to go to my
room and pout.

She
didn't look at me in the limousine either. As soon as we arrived at
the hotel she jumped and left. The bear she took with her. Me she
left standing.

I
had rearranged my schedule so I could go to the premiere in Germany.
I got my manager to find out what interviews she was giving so I
could tag along.

One
was even a cooking show. I almost got the feeling that she wanted me
with. I would be leaving in two days and she was gone already,
visiting old friends and the such. I couldn't wait to see her again.
The way things were going I wouldn't get to see her until we started
filming the next movie.

I
had read the book and loved it. It was a lot better than the first
one. She had been happy when she wrote it. I could tell. I was
looking forward to the third one.

I
stepped into my tiny cold apartment. I had googled the weather in
Germany and I knew that they had snow on the ground at the moment and
it wasn't going to warm up while I was there. I had seen snow before,
but not often. She had built that into the next story a lot. Lots of
running around in the snow trying to get away from the bad guys.

I
was glad that I was going to be home in time for Christmas. I thought
a lot about last Christmas. We had been so happy.

No
one knew that we weren't together. She had checked out of the hotel
the next day and then she was gone. I needed to see her so much that
I was hurting. I wished I could just call her but her cell phone
number didn't ring at all anymore. It went right to the box. She had
probably thrown it away.

I
needed to cheer myself up. I had to go to Germany with an 'I am
worthy of her' attitude. I needed to be confident to win her back.

I
would cook myself a hearty meal. After that I would pack my best
clothes with my best underwear just in case and then I would get my
papers all lined up and ready. Tomorrow I would work out so I looked
good for her.

My
refrigerator was empty. I needed to go grocery shopping. I drove to
my favorite store and thought about shopping with her. She had been
so prideful and cute.

I
grabbed a cart and went to the fresh vegetables and decided what to
cook for myself today and tomorrow. Just looking at eggplants hurt
me. I saw them and looked away.

I
went to the meat counter to get a chicken breast. Just one because it
was just me at home. Julio was at the counter. He liked to ask about
Katherine. 'Where is your pretty girlfriend' he would always ask. He
had a picture of a baby framed up on the wall.

“
Your
kid?” I asked him. The baby wasn't anything special as far as
babies went, but still Julio wasn't that great looking either. To put
it nicely.

“
Yes,
it is.” He was acting weird. Somehow cold.

“
How
old is she?” I asked. I was starting to feel really stupid.

He
blushed red. “She is five months old.”

“
Well
congratulations, your a dad now.” A nervous silence followed. “Five
months already that's great.”

He
looked guilty of something now. This was getting weirder by the
second. “I'm really sorry. She was born the day your baby died.”

“
What?”
I didn't have a baby. What was he talking about?

“
Katherine
was in the next room. I am so sorry, man. The loss of a child is the
worst thing that could happen to someone. I can't even imagine.”

“
Are
you sure?”

He
looked confused for a second. “She didn't tell you?”

I
shook my head. “Are you sure?”

“
Of
course I am. She cried all night and I asked the nurse why you
weren't there. She had explained that you were filming on site and
couldn't be disturbed.”

“
Julio
when was this exactly?”

He
gave me the date and I wrote it down. I left the cart standing and
apologized to Julio and took off.

A
baby, we had a baby, and now we didn't anymore. I drove home a little
fast and then I ran in and checked my computer. The baby had died but
she had stopped answering the phone before that. I read my e-mails
from around that time too. They all went along the lines of me
begging her to let me know if she was okay. Had she needed me before
that too?

I
suddenly hated my job. I should have been with her and I hadn't been.
That explained why she had looked so awful without make-up and why
she wasn't writing. She was mourning our baby all by herself.

I
wanted to get hold of her and I couldn't. I needed to talk to
someone, so I called my mom and asked for advice.

She
cried too. She told me to talk to Katherine and beg her for
forgiveness. Katherine must have felt terrible all alone like that in
the hospital. Had she laid on the floor of our apartment needing help
and I hadn't come? Was that the reason why she hated me?

Then
I thought about our break up a week later. What had I done? No wonder
she hated me.

But
the thing was I hadn't been filming that night. She could have
reached me and I would have come. Why hadn't she? Did she think I
wouldn't have come?

Something
was terribly wrong.

The
good news is Germans don't scream as loud as Americans do. But they
scream too. I knew Katherine was somewhere in the hotel but I didn't
know where. She was on the news a lot but I couldn't understand where
she was. She seemed to be going to a lot of museums. There was also a
shot of her eating at Dunkin' Donuts. She had smiled and laughed with
friends. I was used to being her only friend. But she definitely had
some here.

She
went shopping and spoke in German and everyone loved her over here
too. I heard my name pop up, she smiled and answered. Her manager was
with her the whole time too. She didn't speak German so everyone was
leaning on Katherine to translate and she was for everyone.

I
didn't get to see her in person. But I knew that her room was close
to mine. We had all been put on one floor.

I
was waiting in the hall for her this time, about to go watch a movie
that I couldn't understand just so I could be with her. I had decided
to tell her I knew about the baby in the car on the way back from the
movie. We seriously needed to talk. I was prepared to give up acting
and just find a job so I would be home every night. Maybe I should
just open up a restaurant and we could live over it. I just wanted to
be with her.

Maybe
a house with a large garden would be better so the kids could play
there. Maybe something had gone so wrong that she couldn't have
anymore children. Was that why she was pushing me away? None of this
made sense. She had needed me and she didn't ask for me.

Some
of the doors were opening and people were coming out. Their mood was
especially good because the movie was breaking records in the US. We
were all famous now. I couldn't go anywhere without being seen, and
it wasn't escaping notice that Katherine was never with me. Actually
no one saw her, but then all of a sudden she was here and happy. She
had looked healthier too.

She
came out in a blue dress that probably was made for her this time. I
was glad to see that it had a long sleeve matching bolero jacket to
it. It wasn't snowing at the moment but it was very cold outside. The
walk down the red carpet wouldn't be pleasant for anyone.

I
stepped to her side and we went down the stairs together with the
rest of the group. I reached for her hand and held it. I didn't want
her to fall.

She
sighed and tolerated it. She used to like it when I held her hand.