Hostile engagement (25 page)

She had to go, and go now. Jud could call sex by any name he chose, though she couldn't help the let-down feeling that he could resort to use the words 'physical love'—she had thought he would be more honest than that. If she stayed with him another second she knew she would be accepting whatever relationship he had in mind—but when it was over, when he had tired of her, what then? She

couldn't understand the very stillness of him, though she thought it might be because Jud would never beg any woman, and having asked her once to stay, he would not ask her again. She reached the door. Jud hadn't moved, and she knew her surmise was correct, he wouldn't ask her again, but pride demanded she had the last word, for all she didn't think her pride would last very long once she got through that door.

`No, thanks, Jud. What you have in mind isn't for me,' She felt the cold round porcelain knob of the door beneath her fingers and thought there was nothing more he could say that would have her answering, but when his words hit her ears, instead of turning the door knob and making her escape, she found herself clinging on to it as though it was a lifeline giving her support.

`Marry me, Lucy.'

The voice that hit her ears had a strangled, almost despairing note to it and for a dizzying second she thought someone else had come into the room, so unlike Jud's voice did it sound. Then the world righted itself and beads of sweat broke out on her forehead, because she so wanted to marry him, but not for the reasons he was asking.

`Marry you, Jud?' she scoffed, and only she knew how much it hurt to inject that tone into her voice as tears she was unaware of shedding rolled silently down her face. `Why? Because you can't get me any other way?'

`No, damn you!' If she was feeling hurt, Jud sounded as though what she had said as much as the way she had said it had mortally wounded him. 'I asked you to marry me because I love you.' The cold note she was familiar with had taken possession again, and if she had ever dreamed of a man she loved telling her he loved her, it had never been with those freezing tones as though he hated her, but while her control was rapidly going to pieces, Jud's control was coming to ice him over as he added cuttingly, 'I have your answer—now get out.'

When Lucy turned round he had his back to her and she knew while her heart sang and tears rained down her face that his action of turning away from her was the action of a man who suspected she might turn once before leaving and who wasn't going to let her see his pain. Oh, how she loved him—and to think he had said he loved her ! She still couldn't take it in, but wanted so badly to believe it, she just had to stay in the hope he would say it again. She saw his hands were clenched tightly at his sides, and realised he was waiting to hear the sound of the door opening and closing to know she had gone before he relaxed the stern control he was exercising.

He confirmed it by grating, 'Get the hell out of here, Lucy—I won't be responsible for ...'

`I love you, Jud,' Lucy broke in as a wave of impulsive courage shot through her.

Slowly Jud turned, the sight of her tear-wet face not moving him. His face was marble-cold except for his eyes that pierced through her, telling her that if she was lying heaven help her. 'Repeat that statement,' he said, his hands still clenched, not moving.

`I ... I said-I .. love you, Jud.'

She barely got his name out when he moved and she was in his aims, the salt of her tears being blotted by his lips and face as he kissed her and hugged her to him, first laying his cheek against hers, then hungry for her lips and eagerly claiming them, then kissing her eyes.

`Oh, Lucy, Lucy girl, what a hell of a time you've given me!'

`And you me—Oh, Jud, if you knew how unhappy I've been !'

Jud's kisses drugged away all unhappiness as with broken endearments they clung to each other.

`Oh, Jud, I feel I could faint, I'm so happy,' Lucy confessed at last.

`Believe it or not, my knees aren't feeling all that strong

either,' Jud told her, for all she didn't believe him, though he did guide her to the settee where they sat down, and with his arm around her, her head against his chest, though she did have to keep lifting her head every now and then to look at him to make sure it was really Jud who held her, she asked him why he had never given her the smallest sign he cared.

`I was afraid to,' said the man Lucy had thought was afraid of nothing. She raised her head questioningly. 'It's true,' Jud told her, reading her look. 'The first time I saw you I desired you.' Lucy remembered the look she thought she had seen that morning at the village hall. 'I thought I'd caught your eye-thought, I must admit,' he confessed, `that you knew the rules, but when I went to follow through you'd looked away and I realised you weren't playing.'

`We hadn't even been introduced,' Lucy protested, and a light laugh broke from Jud, because they both knew it would have made no difference with or without an introduction.

Jud hugged her to him and continued, 'You're beautiful, Lucy, but at that time I thought I knew of several other women who could match your beauty, but I was conscious of you the whole time, and when you chose to look through me—well, to tell the truth, it was a pretty new experience for me and, if you'll forgive me saying so, I made up my mind to have you.'

Lucy blushed and Jud's arm tightened about her. 'You didn't look as if you'd even seen me,' she said softly. 'I remember thinking I'd read that first look-I ... I'd seen it before, but ...'

B
ut affairs weren't in your line-I learned that very quickly,' Jud said, giving her a chaste kiss before going on. `I found out who you were, thought then you must know I was the man who had bought the ring from Rupert and—I'm sorry, darling, but I thought you were peeved because you hadn't wanted him to sell it.'

Lucy latched on to his line of thinking. 'You thought I was some gold-digging harpy and that I objected to Rupert selling what you thought was his because I wanted it?'

`Yes, I did,' Jud told her. 'But I was still determined to get to know you. I had my mother and Carol staying with me at the time, but even so I would have contacted you the next day under some pretext or other. Then wham, there you were at my front door without me having to move a muscle.'

`You were so cold, so unfeeling,' Lucy told him, and was held close and kissed almost senseless for a few minutes.

`Any complaints?' Jud teased, and she knew he was trying to get them both on an even keel before things got out of hand.

`None,' she said huskily, then with a teasing note of her own, 'My first—no, second impression of you has undergone a drastic change.'

`As mine did of you,' Jud told her gently. 'Inside a very few moments I knew you were a woman totally outside my experience. I had to make sure we would have a point of contact, so I wasted no time in getting engaged to you.'

But that was to try and get Carol to fall out of love with you, wasn't it?'

Jud laughed quietly as he denied it. 'A ruse, my love,' he told her. 'Carol is fond of me, but only in a sisterly way. Your thinking she was my fiancée gave me the ideal opportunity to keep you believing she was in love with me and so invent a reason for you and me to be engaged.'

B
ut Carol said, that day at the village hall, that she hoped to live here.'

`She did?' Jud queried, and Lucy went on to explain about Carol crossing her fingers when she had said she didn't come from Priors Channing

Jud grinned when Lucy had finished. 'That's Carol,' he said. 'She can be a bit of a pest at times, and I can only

imagine that since prior to my meeting a certain dark-eyed, beautiful Lucy Carey, I was a confirmed bachelor, Carol not knowing you—you could have been the village chatterbox for all she knew-let you believe she was hoping to move into the Hall to stimulate village gossip. Actually Carol did me a favour, because after you'd gone the night we became engaged I told her to be a sport and disappear for three months.'

`You didn't?' Lucy challenged, though believing him. `And she went just like that?'

`Well, not without wanting to know why, but since she'd got fish of her own to fry, namely some young man lounging around in Tenerife, she didn't press too hard to find out.'

They were silent for some moments, Lucy being heartily glad Carol wasn't in love with Jud. She had liked the girl from the start and was looking forward to getting to know her.

`When did you know you loved me?' she asked. 'I didn't know I loved you until I came here to return your ring.'

Jud remembered the occasion and his arms tightened hard about her. 'I've got a pig of a temper, haven't I?' he said regretfully. 'But believe it or not, just lately the only person who's made me lose control of it has been you. You intrigued me from the start, but it wasn't until you had gone that night that I stopped to think why was it I had so little control of my temper when you were around-that same night I knew I was in love with you. I wanted to come over to Brook House as soon as I knew and insist that you kept the ring, but I felt so sick with the way I'd frightened you half to death I had to hold back. Then when I did come to see you we seemed to bring out the worst in each other.' Lucy recalled that dreadful slap she had served him with, and her arms gripped tightly round his waist. 'Well, after that I could see we both needed a cooling off period, so I

decided to keep away from you for as long as I could-but after six weeks I'd had it, and knowing you would refuse any invitation I issued, I arranged a dinner party making sure you would be there.'

`You mean that bit about Rupert letting the side down was all made up ...'

`Forgive me?' Jud asked, and knew himself forgiven when Lucy reached up and kissed him. 'That evening didn't end up as I had planned either,' he went on. 'Then I had to go abroad on business, with my mind never less on business, I can tell you—every day I wanted to telephone you, wanted to hear your voice, and it was then I decided I'd had it. I had to have something settled one way or the other. I was going to come over and see you this afternoon.'

`But I came here instead.'

`And I'm so glad you did, my darling.'

They were content in each other's arms for a while, then Lucy said softly, 'And all this started from my mother's ring ..

`That ring has caused more trouble than enough between us, sweetheart,' said Jud, kissing her gently, then putting his hand into his trouser pocket withdrew the square box she knew so well. 'Will you accept it now, Lucy, with my love?'

Lucy felt tears spurt to the back of her eyes. 'Are-are we engaged?' she asked uncertainly

`I'm going to marry you, Lucy,' Jud told her, his face serious, then with a touch of aggression, 'You're not thinking of backing out, are you?.'

`Oh no, Jud—I love you.'

`Good,' said Jud, promptly kissing her. 'In that case, Lucy my darling, we definitely are engaged—though if you wouldn't mind I would like us both to choose the ring you're to wear as mine—your mother's ring I return to you.'

`Oh, Jud,' Lucy said helplessly. Then looking at him with

all the love she felt for him showing in her beautiful face, `Will you give me this ring on our wedding day?'

Jud looked back at her, his face showing warmth, love and understanding. His Lucy was no gold-digger. 'You won't have long to wait, my dearest love,' he told her.