Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1) (6 page)

Softly, she shook her head. “I’m sure he isn’t.”

“He’s not.”

“I know.” She beamed at me. “So, since you’re so grumpy this morning, due to
nothing important
—” I rolled my eyes as she kept on, “—let me tell you what happened yesterday!” Her voice was soft, but her blue eyes sparkled excitedly as she grinned wider.

Thankful for the change of subject, I breathed out and listened intently as she kept on, “I didn’t know that Chris is actually my neighbor! He drove me home yesterday, and it turns out his house is on the same street as mine, just a few houses away. He’s such a gentleman.” Her eyes were dreamy and her tone was barely a whisper as she added, “And he kissed me.”

I blinked at her as Mrs. Clearwater trotted in, already giving instructions for the next hour. Farah turned away, but I could tell she thought she and Chris were now seeing each other. I wouldn’t be so sure, though.

It was just going all too fast for my taste. Sure, I’d fallen into the whole “friends with benefits” thing with Tom pretty fast too, but at least I knew that. I kept quiet, though. I didn’t feel like I could intrude in her life, anyway.

Nonetheless, I was worried about her.

As we walked out of class, I heard Marissa’s distinctive high-pitched voice telling someone off. I was going to pass by as I always did when she got like this, but I felt bad for the girl she was being mean to. A trembling voice answered Marissa, who laughed at her. I recognized that voice—it belonged to Anne. Frowning, I touched Farah’s arm to stop her before walking down the corridor myself to see what was going on.

Anne was slumped on the floor with her books and notebooks scattered around her as Marissa and her minions made fun of her and called her horrible names. My blood started to boil, and I pushed some girl away before stepping in front of Anne. “Leave her alone, Marissa.”

“Who’s going to stop me?
You?
” Marissa sneered, raising an eyebrow defiantly.

“Just go.”

She stepped closer and towered over me. With all her strength, she pushed me in the chest, and I crashed back into Anne. Marissa’s eyes were wild. “I’m going to make your life a living hell!” She pointed at me as I swallowed hard. I could handle her, but I couldn’t let her bully Anne.

As I stood up, I leveled my gaze with hers. “I’m not scared,” I said in a serious tone.

Marissa took a step closer. “You should be.”

My mouth felt dry as I added, “If you have a problem with me, that’s fine. Deal with me. Don’t bring anyone else into it.”

She laughed. “Oh, I have a problem with you.” She shook her head with a sneer.

“Then you have a problem with me too!” Farah stepped next to me, and I internally cringed. This was exactly the kind of situation I wanted to keep her out of. She was extremely nice, and I didn’t want to bring her into my troubles. Especially since she didn’t really know about them.

Marissa’s eyes were trained on me. “She doesn’t know what a backstabbing bitch you are, does she?”

Her words cut me deep. My chest tightened.
No, she doesn’t.

My lips were set in a straight line when a rough voice shouted from behind us, “Farah, babe, where have you been? I’ve been looking for you!” All eyes were on Chris at the sound of his voice. He watched us warily. “Is there something wrong?”

We must have looked odd standing there. Anne was picking up her books as Marissa towered over me and Farah. My friend looked ready to punch Marissa, and Marissa’s minions were sending daggers our way.

“Nope,” Farah answered without taking her eyes off Marissa. “We’re just making new friends, right?” At that, Marissa glanced at Farah, her eyes full of loathing.

Damn.
My stomach clenched, but I didn’t move an inch. I didn’t want to be the one backing away. Even if all I wanted to do was run the other way. However, I wasn’t giving up on my friends. Not again.

Marissa glared at me before she bobbed her head toward her minions. They walked away. Farah and I followed her with our eyes as she disappeared down the hallway. A relived breath left my lips.
Thank God she left.

Chris stepped closer to us, and I noticed he wasn’t alone. Nathan was right behind him. They were both carrying their backpacks, probably on their way to class when they saw us.

Someone pushed me from behind, and Farah grabbed my arm to prevent me from falling. Frowning, I turned around to see who had shoved me. Anne was right behind me, her jaw quivering and her eyes blazing. “Fuck you, Cassandra! I don’t need your help! You are so much worse than her! You’re a hypocrite and a liar!” Her hands were trembling and her eyes were scorching as she added, “
And I hate you!
”

Each word felt like a blow to my stomach. She walked away as my eyes dropped to the floor, brimming with tears as my breath hitched and all the fear, darkness, and self-hate inside me intensified.

I heard Farah ask if I was okay, but I was already running away from them.

Tears were falling freely as I sprinted out of school. My chest felt so tight that I couldn’t keep running. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I held on to the railing of the staircase with both hands as my breathing came out ragged.

She’s right.
I’m the worst person in the world.
I abandoned her, even though I knew she was my friend, and I never once stood up for her when someone called her names. Not once.

I’m such a hypocrite.

A moment later, strong arms encased me. I tried to struggle away, but they held me tighter. “It’s okay, Cassie. It’s okay,” Nathan whispered as he rocked me.

Tired of pulling away, I clenched his shirt as his grip tightened. In that moment, I felt like the whole world was crashing in on me again. I lost it. I sobbed out of despair, anger, fear, but mostly because I felt hopeless.

We stayed like that for the longest time. At some point, I realized I was sitting on his lap and leaning on his chest, hugging him hard as he rubbed his hands on my back. I loosened my grip and slowly pulled away while rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand.

His gray eyes pierced me as his warm breath caressed my skin. He cupped my chin as my lips parted. His thumb brushed one tear away as I studied the blue flecks in his eyes. “She was mad, Cassie. She didn’t mean those things.”

I closed my eyes and swallowed hard. Pulling away from him, I looked to the side before standing up. “She did. She’s right too.” My voice sounded as broken as I felt.

I’m the worst person ever.

He pushed himself up. “Do you want me to take you home?” He sounded concerned.

Lost in my thoughts, I shook my head and started to walk away. Heavy footsteps followed me. His hand encased my wrist, and I felt as if my stomach plopped to the ground. Panic swelled over me. I was completely frozen as my heart thumped loudly inside my rib cage. Even though I was wearing bracelets, I knew he could feel the bumpy scar on my wrist.

He turned it around as my heart felt tight. His thumb dabbed my scar while his eyes bored into me. My breath heaved as his other hand grabbed my left wrist. He trailed a finger across my other scar without breaking eye contact. All I could think was that I was broken and he would know. I expected him to pull away disgusted or even shocked; but there wasn’t pity or shock in his eyes, just sadness and…guilt?

His hand softly trailed up my arm before pulling me to him. His arms encircled me, and I could feel his heart pounding as fast as mine as I leaned on his chest once again. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I swallowed hard. Nathan didn’t say anything. He just held me tight.

When I calmed down, he grabbed my hand and led me to his car. I was thankful he wasn’t asking questions I didn’t want to answer. He was silent as we got in; but his jaw was clenched and he gripped the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles were white.

Knowing very well that the school was keeping a close eye on me, I texted Dad to let him know I was fine, but I was skipping for the rest of the day. Not even a minute later my cell phone rang. Grimacing and with a heavy heart, I answered the call. “Hi, Dad.”

“Are you okay? Why are you skipping? I have a meeting with the dean, and I can’t miss it.” He sounded as stressed out as he probably was.

“I just need some space.” Although my whole face was turned to the side, I was acutely aware of the boy beside me.

“What happened? You sound troubled.”

Sighing, I explained to him that I had stood up for Anne but she wasn’t happy about it. I swallowed a lump down my throat. “She hates me.” I closed my eyes as I started to tear up once more.

Dad stayed quiet for a moment. “I’ll call the school, and I’m also going to ring Marie. I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

“I’m not!” I said, panicked. I didn’t want to see her. It was just too confusing. “A friend is with me.” I frowned as the words left my mouth.

“Huh.” Dad sounded troubled himself. After a second he murmured, “I still think it would be better if I called her.”

“Dad, I really don’t want to see her.” My tone was soft but serious.

He sighed, and I could picture him rubbing a palm down his face. “I’ll try to get out early. I’ll pick you up at Pierce’s, okay?”

Thankful that he dropped the subject, I nodded. “Yes.”

“Is your friend staying with you for a while?” he asked, sounding hopeful as my stomach plummeted. I hated to hear Dad so worried. I hated that it was all because of me. I gazed at Nathan for a moment, and he was still looking at the road, but I could tell he was listening intently to every word I said.

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “If he does, you won’t call her, right?”

“
He?
” my dad shrieked.

“
Dad.
”

Beaten, he took a deep breath. “Okay. Just be careful.”

“Yes. I’ll text you.” Relief laced my tone. I really didn’t want to see Mom’s friend.

“I love you, Cassie.”

“Me too.”

As I put my phone away in the front pocket of my backpack, I looked up and was surprised to see we were already parked in front of my house. I never gave him directions.
Stalker much?

Nathan hopped out of the car and waited for me to get out as well. We walked to the front door in silence. Before I opened it, I turned to him. “Thank you for bringing me home.”
Good-bye, I’ll see at school
, my tone pretty much implied.

He gazed at me and raised an eyebrow. “I’d like a sandwich, thank you.”

“Huh?” I frowned.

“I’m famished, woman. I brought you home, now I want to eat.” He forced a smile, trying to sound nonchalant. “Please.” Even though he was trying not to show it, his eyes were soft and concerned. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be alone right now.

The image of Mom’s cold body lying in bed was still fresh on my mind. Gnawing my lip, I moved to let him walk in.

As I stepped inside my house, a heavy feeling
washed over me, just like it did every time. I was hoping it would fade eventually. Everything looked the same as when Mom was alive, so it felt like she was around; but she wasn’t, and every time I entered the house I got a sinking feeling knowing I wouldn’t see her.

I swallowed hard and walked to the fridge. There were some leftovers from yesterday’s dinner, but I wasn’t in the mood for anything Marie-related. I searched through the fridge as I heard Nathan take a seat on the kitchen counter.

“There’s really not much, sorry,” I murmured apologetically as I grabbed two apples from the bottom drawer. I washed them and threw one at him. He had good reflexes, because he caught it without a blink.

The room was filled with crunching noises as we both munched on the fruit. He sat on the counter while I leaned against the wall across from him with the whole kitchen between us. When he was finished, he pushed away from the counter and washed his hands. “I’m still hungry.” He patted his belly with a small smirk.

I eyed him warily. “Don’t you have to go back to school?”

“What? And leave all the fun to you?” He raised an eyebrow. “Not happening, Taylor. Come on, I know a place.”

Biting my lip, I stared at him. His gray eyes were stormy, yet determined at the same time. He was sad, but not for me. It was like he had this darkness swelling inside him. I could tell he wasn’t judging me; it felt like he understood me in a way. Plus, he wasn’t asking any questions. Even though I knew he probably had many.

Still with a heavy heart, I slowly pushed myself off the wall. “What kind of place?”

A lopsided smile flashed across his lips. “A great place. They make the best sandwiches ever.”

Apprehension made my stomach clench.
I’m not a good person.
I failed my friends and my family.
Why would he want to spend time with me?

“Nathan.” He stopped as we reached the front door. “I’m not fun to hang out with.” He glanced at me with serious eyes. “I go to therapy,” I said as I raised my hands, hoping that would explain why I was so fucked up.

His lips twitched, and his right hand gestured from him to me. “We share the therapist, remember?”