Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1) (18 page)

When I finished, we both stayed quiet for a moment. I brought the now-not-so-warm mug to my mouth. It was chamomile tea, one of my favorites.

Amanda looked at me expectantly. “How do you feel about all of this?”

I took a deep breath. “Well, for starters, I can’t stop thinking about him,” I admitted, discouraged as Amanda smiled. “But I’m not sure how he feels. I mean, he can be the sweetest guy, but he also has an awful temper. He’s impulsive and has definite anger-management issues.”

“He’s clearly jealous,” she cut in, amused.

“Mmmh,” I murmured, not convinced at all.

Her hazel eyes stared at me for a moment. “Is it so hard to admit he’s into you?”

I stayed quiet. I just didn’t get it.
Why would anyone would want to be with me?

I’m a mess. I have an awful memory. I’m definitely not a good friend. I’m unobservant.
The list could go on and on…

Amanda sighed. She left her notepad on the table and walked to me. Taking a seat next to me, she took my hands in hers, and gazed at me. “You’re an amazing girl, Cassie. You need to start believing in yourself. You deserve to be happy, and you will be when you let yourself.” My eyes brimmed with tears. “You’ve made a mistake, like everyone else. Yet, you’re here, talking to me, and you have shown so much kindness, especially to your father.” She added a moment later, “Love yourself. Be kind to yourself and forgive your mistakes. It’s because of them that we are better each day.”

I averted my eyes. Every time she talked to me like that, it made me uncomfortable. “What about Nathan?”

“What about him?”

“He’s so closed up. I really don’t know him.”

She snorted. “I think you’re the one who knows him best, don’t you?” She raised an eyebrow while freeing my hands. I shrugged. “Give him time. He’s got a lot on his mind, but there’s something there,
trust me
.” A reassuring smile played on her face as she stepped to her couch.

I finished my tea as her words played in my mind. I wasn’t sure if I was worthy of someone like him, though.

Chapter Seventeen

The fine lines blurred, creating a shadow as I passed my hand over them. I loved how easy it was to create different shapes and textures by using graphite pencils. Dad had bought me a new set after we had dinner yesterday, and I had been drawing most of the morning.

Pausing for a moment, I pulled back to see my drawing. For some strange reason, I’d started to draw a horse running. It was still half done since I’d begun with the background—different blurred lines in the shapes of trees.

“Honey? Someone’s at the door for you.” Dad’s head peeked around the doorframe.

My heart flipped. “Who?”
Is it a gray-eyed boy?

Dad’s eyes sparkled mischievously as his lips tugged up. “A girl.”
Ugh.
He scrunched his nose, thinking it over. “Farah?”

“Oh! She’s my best friend! Remember I told you about her?”

He nodded. “What have you been up to all morning, by the way?”

I showed him my drawing pad, though I’d already closed it. I was very protective of my drawings, and I would never show them to anyone incomplete. Sometimes I wouldn’t even when they were finished.

He smiled. “I’m glad you liked the pencils. Hopefully, you’ll show your drawings to me?”

I passed him. “Only if they’re good, Dad.”

“I’m sure they are,” he shouted as I opened the front door for my best friend.

“Hey!” She looked pretty in green army cargos and a white top. Her wavy, blonde hair was loose and cascading over her shoulders.

“Hi! Come in.” She grinned and passed me, hitching her glasses. “What’s up?”

She shrugged. “I was bored back at home, and I kind of wanted to see why you haven’t answered any of my calls or texts.”

Frowning, I led the way to the kitchen. “I didn’t hear anything.” Opening the fridge, I offered her a bottle of water. She gladly took it and immediately opened it and gulped it down.

“Did you walk?”

She had almost finished it before she paused to nod. “I really don’t know how you enjoy running!” She wiped away the trail of sweat on her forehead with the back of her hand.

“It’s calming.” I leaned on the counter as she sat on one of the stools.

She finished her water. I offered another bottle, but she declined. “Do you want to hang out today?”

I blinked at her. “Did you walk all the way from your house to ask me that?”

She beamed at me. “Well, it’s not just
us
hanging out!”

Warily, I shifted my feet as I traced the fine lines between the tiles on the counter. “Do they know you’ve invited me to tag along?”

“Obviously,” she said in a
duh
tone.

I glanced at her for a moment. Scrunching my nose, I fought the urge to ask her to explain herself.

Did Nathan send her? Does he wants to see me?
Ugh. Stop being so pathetic, Cassie.

“I have to ask Dad.”

“Well, hurry up!” She shooed me with both hands. “The guys are already waiting for us at the mall!”
My brows furrowed as I looked at her. She narrowed her eyes and in a businesslike tone she demanded, “Just go.”

Rolling my eyes, I walked out of the kitchen toward my father’s studio. It was his favorite room in the house. It was also the smallest. Yet, it was filled with shelves jam-packed with books. He was sitting in front of his computer preparing a lecture for his next class.

He was more than pleased to let me go out with Farah. He was probably grateful I’d made a new friend. He gave me money and walked downstairs with me to officially introduce himself to her.

The sun was bright as we waited at the bus stop. I stared at my reflection over one of the glass panels, wondering if I looked presentable at least. I had only washed my hands and brushed my hair before going out.

“You look nice,” Farah blurt out innocently after watching me squinting at the glass. “Besides, Nathan should be the one worrying over you. Not the other way around.” She raised an eyebrow.

The bus pulled up, and we hopped in, taking a seat at the back. I bit my lip nervously. I had no idea what Nate’s mood would be today.
The guy is definitely hard to read.

As the bus stopped at a red light, I wondered if Mom would have had some kind of advice. She probably would. Talking about boys was definitely not something I’d imagined doing with my father. Or Marie. That was completely out of the question.

“Are you okay?” Farah asked with broody eyes. I nodded, as she added unconvinced, “We’re meeting at the Starbucks near the movie theater.” We were silent as the bus neared our stop. Before standing up, she looked at me. “Your Dad’s cool.”

I gave her a small smile. “He is.”
Wish you’d known Mom, though.

We got off the bus, and Farah grabbed my arm. “I’m going to ask you this one more time—” her blue eyes looked at me sternly, “—and I expect an honest answer. Are you okay? Do you actually want to see Nate?”

“Those are two questions.” My lips twitched.

She rolled her eyes. “
Seriously
.”

Her gaze was concerned. Sighing, I looked after the bus. It was already driving away. “I miss Mom every day. There are just times I’d like to be able to talk to her, you know? And now there’s Nate, and I sort of feel guilty for thinking about him and not her.” I shook my head. “It’s confusing and messed up.”

A knowing smile played on her lips. “Well, I think it’s cute.” I grimaced. Farah’s lips tightened in a straight line for a moment. “I wish I could do something to help you out with that, though. You seem to be going through so much,” she murmured softly as her forehead creased.

“You are.” My eyes softened as a warm feeling ran through me. “You’re my friend, despite everything.”
Despite me.
I was about to tear up, so I squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. “Let’s go meet the boys, shall we?”

Hesitantly, she added, “Do you want to see Nathan, though?”

Scrunching my nose, I nodded. “Isn’t that a bit pathetic?”

Farah chuckled. “Come on, I’m sure he’s even more desperate than you!” I took a deep breath.
I hope so.
Ugh.
I was definitely not liking how desperate I felt.

The Starbucks was packed. There were no empty seats, and the people’s chatter was even louder than the music. We couldn’t see Chris or Nathan. Farah took out her cell phone as I studied the menu. I’d always treated myself with the vanilla cappuccino, but I wanted to try something new.

“What’s so interesting?” a deep voice whispered by my ear, startling me.

My heart skipped a beat. “You’re an idiot, Rivers,” I deadpanned before turning away from him. Inside, I was screaming and dancing because he was here. My stomach was already in full fluttering mode. He was looking good in that white shirt paired with a black leather jacket.

He chuckled. “Sorry. It’s just that you seemed completely immersed in the menu.”

“I was.”

“What are you having, then?” His gray eyes watched me in amusement.

“Uhmm…” I squinted to look at the menu again, since my brain had shut down completely. “I’m getting a caramel macchiato, as a matter of fact,” I murmured smugly, glancing at him.

He raised an eyebrow. “And that was really hard to figure out?”

“It was,” I huffed as I crossed my arms.

“Tsk. It’s a shame you’ll have to wait to order that,” he whispered by my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

Frowning, I looked at him. He smiled smugly as he gestured to Chris and Farah. They were waiting for us with movie tickets in their hands.

“What are we watching?” I asked as we left the coffee shop.

“
Interstellar
.” He shrugged, “Chris picked it.”

We joined our friends. “I’ve been pinning after it for the last two months!” Chris explained in mock offense. He was wearing a black Daft Punk t-shirt and a denim jacket.

Farah shook her head. “My boyfriend is in reality a complete nerd.”

“I am not!” Chris placed a palm on his chest. “And that hurts, baby!”

I chuckled at them. We’d reached the theater’s entrance by now, and one of the employees was tearing our tickets. Farah asked Chris for popcorn, so the boys left for provisions.

“Is Nathan being nice to you?” she asked immediately after they walked away, and we headed for our theater.

I laughed at her. “Did you talk to him?”

She shrugged as we reached our seats. The lights were still on. “I did tell him what an ass he was being.”

I blinked at her. “Are you for real?” I slumped in my chair with wide eyes.

“You are my best friend, Cassie.” Her eyes were warm as a soft smile played on her lips.

My pulse accelerated. “What did he say to that?”

She sighed. “Nothing, to be honest. He did, however, insist I try to get you to go out with us.” She cupped her chin, looking thoughtful. “He’s really cryptic. I don’t know how you keep up with him.”

I smiled at that. “Gosh, I know.”

Chris and Nate arrived with their hands full of popcorn, Cokes, and different candies.
Each
. “I hope you guys are hungry,” Chris exclaimed as he took a seat next to Farah. She smiled at him and grabbed a handful of popcorn.

Nate sat next to me and took a bag of mini marshmallows from his jacket pocket. “I brought you this,” he murmured absentmindedly as he looked at the screen. They were already dimming the lights, and the previews had started.

“Thanks,” I whispered as my heart fluttered. It felt kind of like a peace offering.

“No problem.” He gazed at me for a moment with a shy smile on his face.

The movie was good, but I didn’t really pay too much attention to it. I was acutely aware of the boy next to me. Especially when our hands brushed as we both reached for popcorn. I’d pulled my hand away, but my skin still tingled where he’d touched me.

Not to mention my heart was racing too fast and probably too loud as well.

The lights came on as I was biting my lip nervously. Farah was all smiles as we stood up. I was happy for her, and I envied her because Chris seemed like a nice, uncomplicated guy.

Unlike the boy walking next to me.

“Where to?” Chris asked.

“How does pizza sound?” Nathan’s question was directed at me. His tone was deep and that crooked smile curved his lips.

Oh God.
That smile with that tone of voice would be the death of me.

An Italian pizza place was just around the corner. We sat on a small terrace that overlooked the street. The steel rail was covered with different herbs in colorful ceramic pots. It was nice.

They ordered a four-cheese pizza and a salad. We ate talking about everything and nothing at all. Chris admitted he was a sci-fi nerd and threatened to tickle us to death if we ever told anyone, and Nate teased him all evening. All in all, we had a great time.

After we got the check, Nate leaned in to me. “Can I take you home?”
My heart skipped a beat from having him so close. I nodded.

We said good-bye to Farah and Chris, who were more than happy to leave by themselves. Nate’s car was parked a couple blocks away. As we passed the mall’s entrance, he grabbed my hand. “Do you still want that coffee?” His gray eyes bored into mine.

I shook my head at the same time butterflies fluttered in my stomach. “I’m full. Thank you.”

“Are you sure?” His eyes darkened. “That coffee choice seemed pretty important.”

A small smile played on my lips. “No, that’s okay. Really.”

His eyes roamed all over my face. My mouth went dry. He nodded but didn’t let go of my hand. In fact, he intertwined my fingers with his.

I bit my lip as we reached his car. Reluctantly, he let go of my hand to open the door for me. Soft music played from the radio as he drove me home. I noticed he drove slowly. Like too slowly.

We talked about the different bands each of us liked. Turns out we had more or less the same taste in music. We reached my house; he parked in front.

I really didn’t want to leave the car just yet. I glanced at my house and saw that all lights were off. Dad was probably out. Nate noticed the same thing. “Do you want me to stay for a while?” he asked, sounding concerned.

I didn’t have a problem with being alone in my house. I did, however, want to spend more time with him. I nodded shyly. He smiled at that.

We stepped out of the car and crossed the yard in silence. When we reached the front door, he stood behind me as I unlocked it. “Do you want a Coke or something?” I asked as soon as we walked inside.

“Water is fine.”

He followed me to the kitchen and leaned on the counter as I took two water bottles from the fridge. I uncapped mine as he took a large sip of his.